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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Please help - want to formula feed but feel too guilty to stop breastfeeding.

67 replies

damnedifidont · 07/02/2008 16:37

I am exclusively breastfeeding my 6 week old.

He is doing really well and thriving but I am not enjoying it.

I want to swop to formula but feel incapable of making that decision because I know breast is best.

I feel damned if i do and damned if i dont

feel wrugn out by the breastfeeding but also very sure of how good it is for her

worried im getting pnd because feel miserable about it - not even sure why i do to be honest

at this stage would there be anyway to do night feeds as breast and day feeds as formula?

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 07/02/2008 16:48

Why do you want to formula feed?
Yes, breast is best, but there comes a point when each of us has to choose which method we wish to use to feed our baby and if you think the pro's of formula feeding outweigh breastfeeding then that is your decision to make.
FWIW, at 6 weeks with DS I wanted to throw him out of the window to be brought up by bears, it is extremely tiring and it does get better, but if you want to FF, then it is a decision you must make.
Mix feeding is a possibility, yes, I don't know too much about it and if it's something you are considering doing I think you'd still have to express for a while longer to keep up your milk supply, which can be just as tiring as feeding itself!
Have you any help at home? Maybe you could express some milk and get someone else to do a feed a day for you for now and see if it eases anything?
Is it just the breastfeeding that you think is an issue? Tiredness and baby blues are normal for mothers of a six week old baby and sometimes the idea of giving a bottle is different to the reality of it, to bottle feed you have to make up feeds, each time you want to feed baby and sterilise bottles etc so if it's a bit of time and space you need then it might be worth tryign to get some help in another form before you start mixed feeding.
Congratulations on your new baby and doing it so far.

Original poster
damnedifidont · 07/02/2008 16:51

my entire day is dominated by feeds

which is fine but i have 2 other kids and my house is becoming minging more by the day

OP posts:
fransmom · 07/02/2008 16:57

hi diid (((((((((((((()))))))))))))
fwiw it's a matter of personal choice. most hvs/mws will promote bf as best but what they don't tell you is that it also matters how the mother feels whilst feeding. feeding your baby is supposed to be one of the best times for bonding and if you would feel more comfortable bottle feeding then good on you for making a decision that is right for you and your family. is your hv sympathetic to you and your wishes? maybe you could talk to her about how to proceed? but bear in mind most hvs will talk about policies which aren't necessarily the best thing for anyone. i bf my dd for two weeks and once i finished, i did feel a bit guilty about having stopped but i started feeling more like me and less like a feeder. i bought a steam steriliser as i found it quicker and much easier than a traditional one but again that is personal choice. good luck xxx

karen999 · 07/02/2008 16:59

Whatever you decide to do, please dont feel guilty. You are doing the best you can and that is all you can do. I bf for 12 weeks and then mixed fed for another couple of months, because this was what suited me. It is hard especially when you have other children. Well done you for going this long...

Original poster
damnedifidont · 07/02/2008 17:00

i cant articulate it

i WANT to breastfeed happily but its not making me happy

but dont understand why

im scared the guilt of stopping will plague me

OP posts:
bluejelly · 07/02/2008 17:01

Can you afford a cleaner? Might make you feel more on top of things.
And prob cheaper than buying formula/bottles/sterilisers etc

karen999 · 07/02/2008 17:01

Can you pinpoint which part of it thats not making you happy at all?

bluejelly · 07/02/2008 17:03

Maybe it's not the breastfeeding that's making you feel unhappy?

terramum · 07/02/2008 17:04

damnedifidont - what would you like to change about the current situation? If you want to carry on bfing maybe we can give you some tips or info to make things a bit easier on you.

Original poster
damnedifidont · 07/02/2008 17:05

i feel like ive been rooted to same spot feeding since i left hospital and life is moving on without me

any gaps i get i have to try and sort everything out then its feed time again, he doesnt settle well between feeds either and at the moment isnt sleeping. he hasnt slept for an hour in total since 7 this morning

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 07/02/2008 17:06

I think if you realy want to bf, which is something you are saying loud and clear, then you need to work on a way round the problems of it rather than stopping altogether.
If you don't want to bf it's a different matter totally, so that is something you need to try and work out.
I totally undertsnad about how hard ti can be with other children, and no matter how much you get told not to worry about housework, it's pretty darn impossible not to.
Do you have a sling? That way you could feed baby and get on with whatever else you want/need to do.
Have you been getting out of the house? Sometimes staying in feeding can make us feel as stale as a loaf of old bread! There may be some breastfeeding support groups nearby that could get you out, and there would be no worry of feeding there because everyone else would eb doing it too. (Don't know if feeding in public is an issue for you or not, sorry!).
Did you breast or bottle feed the other two?

Original poster
damnedifidont · 07/02/2008 17:09

i dont mind feeding in public - amuses me when i offend someone

i do want to - but when does that turn into not wanting to? how can you tell if you want to or not? arghghgh i feel like im borderline crazy today

i have a sling and had such high hopes for it - i thought this would be what made having 3 workable but he hates the hotslings pouch and hugabub.

OP posts:
terramum · 07/02/2008 17:11

Echo the suggestion of a sling to help settle your baby & still get on with stuff. www.slingmeet.co.uk/

How old are your other 2?

terramum · 07/02/2008 17:14

I think the fact that you don't seem to want to ff is an indication that you do still want to bf ....but you do sound a little touched out. How much "me" time have you had lately? Is there someone who can watch your LOs for a while while you pop down to the shops or take a loooong bath or take a nap? Even an hour or 2 can make a big difference imo.

VictorianSqualor · 07/02/2008 17:15

Maybe you could try a different sling? Someone on the swpas board may be happy to swap so you could try a different one?

I think slings are very much individual to the baby and how secure they feel in them.

Are the otehr two in any childcare/school? Do you have a partners support?

FioFio · 07/02/2008 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

carmenelectra · 07/02/2008 17:21

Hello there,

I think i understand what you are saying. It is a difficult decision.
I also, really wanted to stop bf (even thou i did quite enjoy it to be honest and didnt find it difficult!)but i kept putting off stopping(which was probably a good thing!)and even when i did stop, i carried on feeling guilty for a while.

That does go though, but you will think about it from time to time. I do. Its not the end of the world

Do you know what i think? Once you have bf, you will always wish youd continued for longer, even if you have bf for 2 yrs!

If you want to carry on, there is help available and it will get easier so dont stop for that reason. I think its really hard for someone to advise you really!

I can see where you are coming from with the other children and the housework. In the early days, bf is hard with those other committments and that was one of the reasons that swayed me to be honest.

Make sure you speak to your HV reagrding the worry about PND.

VictorianSqualor · 07/02/2008 17:23

Me too Fio, I had no-one giving me any advice on anything tbh, all I knew was that my MIL had fed all four of her children to between 3-5 years, so thought I was just being over-sensitive
I did persevere though and ended up feeding DS until he started to bite and I went back to work at around 9 months. Was gutted when he was ill at 12 months though and I just wanted to feed him

pelafina · 07/02/2008 17:25

Message withdrawn

LIZS · 07/02/2008 17:28

If you think you might have pnd, get that discussed before you make any rash decisions about feeding. Otherwise you may feel more guilty long term.

hunkermunker · 07/02/2008 17:36

Oh, sweetheart

I don't have time to write much now, but I do understand. I felt like an empty husk about this far in with DS2.

I'll have a think and write more later or first thing tomorrow.

Don't do anything hasty though - and do try to get some sort of break. DH sent me out for dinner by myself when DS2 was a bit older than yours so I could relax without being on edge for next nork duty.

Thinking of you xxx

Original poster
damnedifidont · 07/02/2008 18:16

I think i would benefit from getting my normal hormonal balance back

just looked at him though and would feel awful taking his booby away from him, he holds on to my top when i feed him as if to say dont put me down, im loving this!

i would say that im breastfeeding entirely for the benefits to him - the comfort it provides and the best nutrition for him, but not getting much out of it myself.

i bottlefed my first, and breastfed my second until 3 months then mix fed then formula fed

they were both much more content (trying hard not to make any links in my head about formula = more settled)

he has cluster fed all day today, im thinking maybe growth spurt but then i keep blaming erverthing on growth spurts - he has had about 8 in his short life bless him "must be a growth spurt" is my usual exclamation !

do formula fed babies cluster feed ? i cant remember

i woudl love to know how i could successfully mix feed so i could have best of both. but everthing i ready condemns it as dooming your supply.

how would i know if it was pnd?

OP posts:
Caz10 · 07/02/2008 18:54

damnedifidont are you me?! I constantly wish someone would come along and give me a valid reason (excuse!) to stop...dd is 8 weeks and due to various things I just really do not LIKE Bf-ing at all at the moment. It's getting me down and only the thought that it's best for her is keeping me going...or to be totally honest, only the fact that I think the guilt will overwhelm me if I stop is keeping me going.

Some of the things you say I identify with SO much

  • i WANT to breastfeed happily but its not making me happy
  • im scared the guilt of stopping will plague me
  • i would say that im breastfeeding entirely for the benefits to him

I know we do it for THEM but surely not to the point of it being negative for us? And I only have the one, wow, I really admire you doing it with other LO's.

Do you think mix feeding your second meant you stopped BF earlier than you would have liked to? I also really like the idea of mix feeding but not sure how to do it successfully.

Sorry, that doesn't help you in the slightest but I really appreciate where you are coming from.

BumperliciousIsOneHotMother · 07/02/2008 19:21

Damnedifido, and caz, I'm sure lots of people will give you great advice about mix feeding, but just wanted to let you know that I didn't really enjoy bfing till dd was about 4 months or so. it was a constant battle till then, plus it felt like such a bind and like you my life revolved around feeds.

now at 7.5 months i am so glad I kept at it, I enjoy it (nearly) all the time now.

for some people mix feeding gives them the space to continue bfing for longer, but i wonder if it can be more hassle sometimes?

please don't feel guilty if you do decide to stop. I hope you come to the right decision for yourself, and i know whatever you decide to do there are plenty of people here who can help you make it work.

you are a great mum for wanting what's best for your children.

Sycamoretree · 07/02/2008 20:04

Damned - your right not to link FF to settled baby. My first was entirely formula fed ( that's a sob story for another link) and a very contented baby. DS (now 5 months) was BF'd for 4 months and then I switched to formula. He was/is a much more fractious baby, but switching the feeding didn't make a darned bit of difference - he just pukes more now . I had lots of reasons for stopping when I did (older child, terminally ill father) but I echo what Carmenelectra said - you will always wish you'd done it longer, no matter when you stop. I wanted to tear my hair out at weeks - feeding was stressful - older DD sulky and demanding attention - could NEVER get of the house and do the fun stuff I did on my first maternity leave - always someone to be fed, nappy changed or whatever. You feel routed to the sofa with Peppa Pig on loop....but it DOES get better, and it sounds like you just need a bit of moral support to get you through this bad patch, so keep posting, and we'll all keep cheerleading you, for as long as that is what YOU want.

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