Please help - want to formula feed but feel too guilty to stop breastfeeding.

[damnedifidont]

I am exclusively breastfeeding my 6 week old.

He is doing really well and thriving but I am not enjoying it.

I want to swop to formula but feel incapable of making that decision because I know breast is best.

I feel damned if i do and damned if i dont

feel wrugn out by the breastfeeding but also very sure of how good it is for her

worried im getting pnd because feel miserable about it - not even sure why i do to be honest

at this stage would there be anyway to do night feeds as breast and day feeds as formula?

That's ROOTED to the sofa

You are doing so well...6 weeks is really early and I remember feeling like you do. Didn't enjoy it until about 4 months. Now ds is 15 months and I really love bfing. Not saying you will want to keep going til then but I would say it is well worth hanging on for a bit.
Also, just my opinion, but I think bfing later actually makes things easier in terms of being able to settle baby quickly, put them on the boob when you want to do something and be able to get out and about without too much fuss. Add all the health benefits and you are onto a winner. oops, sound a bit evangelical now!

DIID, you could see how you score on the Edinburgh Test?

Have you had your six week check with your GP yet? Talk about how you're feeling - be very honest.

Nobody can give you "permission" to formula feed - people will say don't give yourself a hard time about stopping breastfeeding, etc, but, ultimately, the decision is yours. I know you know this, but it helps to see it in black and white when you're sleep deprived, I think!

What were your plans for feeding when you were pregnant? Just wondering, because if you told yourself you'd breastfeed for the first two months, you're nearly there. But if you'd told yourself you'd breastfeed exclusively for the first six months, that's further away.

However, it doesn't mean it's not now going to be a feasible goal - it's just that you need to break it down into bite-sized chunks to make it more manageable - if this is what you want to do.

Can you give one of the bf organisations a call? Might help to speak to someone? They're trained counsellors, not there to "push" breastfeeding, but to help you explore your feelings and reach a decision that works for you. The numbers are on the right hand side of my blog And keep talking on here.

Also - six weeks is fantastic, you know? Well done for coming this far, especially doing something you're not keen on - you should be very proud of yourself, I think

hi damnedifido i totally understand where you are coming from. i had the same feelings at around 6 weeks (it could be a growth spurt BTW) and i was ready to hand my Dd to a stranger in the street for 5 minutes alone time it is really hard on someone who has just the one DC to worry about so the fact that you have made it to 6weeks is AMAZING!!! it isnt anything to be ashamed of to stop BF exclusively or all together if thats what you want. i think that BF babies more than any other baby can feel what you are feeling and this could be the reason for his unsettlement(sp?) (i dont mean that you are in any way to blame if you get me its just something i read and it rings true for me IME) if you feel in any way like you need to stop for your sake or whatever then you should maybe try to mix feed for a while. i held on until my DD was about 5 months before i mix fed but i was VERY ready to stop by then and i felt it helped the guilt to feel lessened by still doing the BF every other feed. it does get easier but that wont help you for the NOW of the situation iyswim i found that this helped with the weaning off the breast aswell so that was a big plus for me i hope you feel better soon and try and speak to someone IRL about your ?PND feelings as it might not be what you think it is it could just be boredom of the monotony of BF etc (thats how i felt anyway) hope that has helped you in some way
xx ei xx

damnedifidon't, again I don't really have any advice regarding mixed feeding; we only give our 8mo old DD the odd bottle), but I will agree that like others on here it took me a while to get into my stride with it, and I finally had my BF epiphany at around 12 weeks where suddenly eveything just clicked and started to go right.

6 weeks is another typical growth spurt time and the going can get really tough, but you are doing great for keeping up with it and you shouldn't let yourself forget that

Like you, I have older kids (well one, a five year old) and after my DH went back to work when DD was three and a half weeks old, I was basically on my own as he works away through the week. the school run took on a new dimension and my five year old felt the dethronement very keenly and his behaviour was a nightmare. Add to that the school holidays when DD was six weeks old and I was a nervous wreck.

I felt like giving up at every turn, especially when recurrent thrush, blocked ducts and mastitis were added to the mix, but now at eight months I'm glad I kept going. We started to introduce the odd bottle of formula around four months, just so I could get a bit of a break as I've never managed to express very successfully.

Now it all seems so easy. I can't imagine having to make up formula and allow it to cool first thing in the morning, whilst trying to organise my DS for school, with a hungry screaming baby on my arm too. so much easier to latch her on and sit with a cup of tea when DS is eating his breakfast.

However, saying all of that, you have to do what feels right for you and your family, at the moment. you have enough pressures on your life it would seem without the added anxiety that the breastfeeding is causing you. Someone mentioned on another thread that the guilt gene kicks in when you have children, aND IT SOUNDS LIKE IT AFFECTING YOU BIG TIME AT THE MOMENT. (oops, sorry for shouting ). Yes you are feeling guilty about thinking of stopping, but you do have other children to consider in this.

Sorry, I'm a bit long-winded, and not much help on the mixed feeding (although a friend of mine did it successfully, but not sure the ins and outs of when she fed what), but I hope some of that helped. And fwiw, I think that whenever one decides to stop BFing, there will always be that element of guilt, always the thought that one should have done it for longer.

You will get great support on here whatever you decide

thanks so much everyone

i just did the edinburgh test and got

Total Score = 8
Total Score Analysis
The total score is below the typical score for a major depressive episode.

how is that?

hunker, you asked when i was pregnant what my plans were - 6 months exclusive and nothing less! maybe I have heaped too much pressure on myself?

oh i just dont know what to do!!

DIID, I thought I recognised internal pressures at work.

This is why it will matter little what anyone says to you about not feeling guilty for stopping, etc - you have to feel good about your decision.

So, what would help you right now? More sleep? More time with the older children? More time by yourself - either in a long bath, reading a book?

Whereabouts do you live? Do you have family nearby? How old are the other children?
What's your partner like? Would he take the big kids out at the weekend and leave you just with the baby? Or could someone else have the big kids and could he have the baby for everything but feeds whilst you sleep? You needn't even get up then?

It can be bloody tough, this bit. But I do think that the worst bit is coming to an end - this bit where they feed, feed, feed, sleep briefly, feed again, poo all up their back, feed, feed, then sleep briefly again - it's SO hard.

Soon he'll be smiling more, able to focus on his siblings better and be entertained by them - and I bet if you stop now, you'll always wonder what it would've been like to have continued.

But I do recognise that it's tough and I really hope that you don't think I'm being glib.

my dh works away mon-fri so is out of the picture for alot of the time.

when he is home he wil entertain older kids for a bit and push the hoover around but isnt at all hands on with baby. Think he is a bit flummoxed by us both - me because im a weepy, snappy, slightly resentful mess some of the time and the baby because he thinks "he doesnt like me, just wants you for the boob"

sigh! i have a good family who come round and will do holding duty

i just feel i am waiting for life to re-start. it all felt fine in the very early days but by now i feel like the kids have been patient enough, they should have some normality back too.

im thinking that i have the following options

a) introduce some sort of routine to make breastfeeding more manageable and divide my time to the others better (is it even possible)

b) mix feed so that i can aid some sort of structure for above reasons

c) fully formula feed

can anyone tell me how it works to be able to say formula feed during the day and breastfeed at night

is it even possible?

if i aimed for that - i was thinking i could gradually introduce formula feeds over a few weeks and continue breastfeeding at night beyond that. surely by then we would be a good few weeks on and i would feel like id given it a better shot?

im thinking that i have the following options

a) introduce some sort of routine to make breastfeeding more manageable and divide my time to the others better (is it even possible)

b) mix feed so that i can aid some sort of structure for above reasons

c) fully formula feed

can anyone tell me how it works to be able to say formula feed during the day and breastfeed at night

is it even possible?

if i aimed for that - i was thinking i could gradually introduce formula feeds over a few weeks and continue breastfeeding at night beyond that. surely by then we would be a good few weeks on and i would feel like id given it a better shot?

how old are your other two diid? do you get a break from them (ie at nursery or school)

You have my total empathy on the working away thing; it's bloody hard being a part time single parent.

I'm sure someone will have some advice on mixed feeding soon, or maybe start a thread with the request for help to mix feed in the title. I know there are lots of mixed feeders out thre

agree with hunker that this hard hard time is coming to an end.

damnedifidont i think it would be feasable to do the FF in day and BF at night as that is what ends up happening when the baby is weaned onto solids is it not?? i have no experience of this as i did every other feed a BF as i found that was easier for me but i would maybe start by introducing a small FF in the morning and one in the afternoon and see how you go. (that is not from any recognised source of info or anythin just how i would start off iyswim)
xx ei xx

My DD will be 8 weeks on monday and has been exclusively breastfed. I have started dabbling with expressing and bottle training her so DH can feed her whilst I go to weight watchers on a monday evening I really thought I would love breastfeeding, that it would make me go all loved up and mushy. It doesn't. Occasionally I ponder formula feeding but then I think about all the washing up and sterilising (which I've only done a bit of) and think sod that I can't be arsed. Would resent paying for it too. So there I am breastfeeding because I am lazy, nothing to do with being best for baby! DH thinks I am being unfair on myself saying that because I do care that its best for my beautiful daughter (who is sooooo much prettier than all the other baby girls I know). He agrees I am lazy though

DIID, please ring someone who knows about breastfeeding and talk it through with them.

MrsEi, no, that's not necessarily what happens when a baby's weaned onto solids - and when they're weaned onto solid food, the bf supply is more robust and able to withstand longer gaps between feeds. But if you try to do it like this too early, there's a very good chance it'll be the end of bfing.

I am going to get slated but I would say if it is routine you want try aspects of Gina Ford. It worked for me and dd. I had all the feelings you have voiced including the guilt (I did give up at 6 wks though). She gives a fair guide to expressing as well as bf and this might help with sleep pattern. We got into the pattern of dd constant feeding, getting over tired and then not settling, taking less at feeds so then not sleeping and so it went on... GF helped me to get some perspective back. Although I ff from 6wks I will try again to bf this time and just work harder. I had PND for 9mths because I resented the baby so much in the early days of feeding. It took a long time to bond and I felt guilty that she felt my resentment. Hope you speak to the HV about your feelings too. x

sorry hunker i know it sounded as if i was advising there but as i said i have no idea of how you would do this as i have never did it myself. it is a good job there are more people on here with a better expanse of knowledge (such as yourself) than me or i would have everyone depleting their milk supplies...
xx ei xx

I wanted to breast feed my son so much but it just didn't work out for us. When I started expressing I could see why as I was hardly producing anything and he had to work really hard to get anything at all from me. After about a week we started using a mixture of expressed milk and formula and I felt wracked with guilt about it because EVERYTHING you read and are told is breast is best. When DS was two weeks old I dried up so I had no choice but to use formula which lessened the guilt a bit but still felt bad. You have to do what is best for you and your baby, if you are feeding as much as it sounds like, is your baby getting enough at each feed? It doesn't sound like they are so maybe a mixture of breast and bottle - it was a really big help for me when DH could feed DS and it helped them to bond too in the early days. If your not happy doing it then your DS will be picking this up which may not be helping.

blondi, how did things change for ou when you started formula feeding?

Boy reading this brings it back (or really it's still there). I've been having this internal discussion for 6 mths now, I have just one older boy and now DD and she loved BF from the getgo but boy does it hurt (even now) and some days it makes me nauseous to start in the morning. BUT up until 5 mths she refused to take a bottle from anyone so I'd have these long weepy day then "decide" to switch to formula at which point I got a major reality check from DD throwing a hissy fit over a bottle (we finally worked out that she liked her milk hot).

Anyway the one thing that kept me going was the thought that it really isn't for very long - in the grand scheme of things 6 mths is nothing so if I could just manage another day of feeding, despite DSs moods/tantrums at my being glued to the sofa yet again, my being heartily sick of it all, etc, etc AND somehow I've got to 6 mths! We started mixed feeding from 5 mths (one bottle of formula at 10pm to get her thro the night) and this works fine.

I hope you can make a decision you are happy with tho, your sanity is probably the most important thing for your children afterall

im wearng myself thinking about it!

going to bed

thanks so much - will eb back tomorrow

Hi danmedifido, I have a four week old (breast fed) baby and a 2 1/2 year and 4 year old know how you feel. Have you tried making her go longer between feeds? know this is frowned upon but did this with number three as my eldest child fed every two hours day and night for 6 months (ok when its the first not the third one) so this time I made ds wait three hours between feeds he did cry for about 40 to 45 minutes but it only took two days and now he has settled into more of a routine. I also express one feed a day so my husband can help out (don't know your support network) but you could use formula if you don't have time or milk supply to express (it won't affect your milk supply if you do it at the same time everyday, your body will just adjust its self). Good luck with what ever you decide to do but DON'T feel guilty your baby will love you no matter what you decide to do.

Hi damnedifidont.

I breast fed both my boys and got on really well with the first but the second was just constantly hanging off my boob - It got ridiculous and its so much harder when you have more than one because the eldest is wanting attention too and you don't get to sleep when the baby sleeps. Anyway, against the advice of my health visitor (oh, just perservere you'll be fine, etc, etc,) I started mixed feeding at 5 weeks. Started off giving a bottle at bedtime and increased as it suited me. My boobs didn't dry up (despite all the warnings from the HVs) and if I ever felt my milk supply lessening I simply expressed to stimulate production again. Don't beat yourself up - If its getting too much then try mixed and if that doesn't work move to formula - what matters the most is that you're happy and able to cope.

i forgot to mention further up the page that im concerned that ds has acid reflux he seems to regurgitate milk a lot and i have read up on symptoms. how does this impact my decision?

its really selfish but one of the benefits of breastfeeding for me is being able to lie down and do the night feeds so i can snooze but doing this results in him being really sick as i think it is coming back up due to possible reflux, so need to sit him upright for quite a while after feeds.

just think well if i cant lie down and snuggly breastfeed it may as well be coming out of a bottle

Bfing is
You might find this page from kellymom useful re reflux, particularly the section at the bottom: "What can I do to minimize spitting up/reflux?"
www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/reflux.html

My DS was sick a lot, but fell into the 'happy puker' category. It rarely bothered him & it didn't affect his weight at all so we just coped with it & carried a lot of cloths with us. It just created more laundry than anything else! DH was given the job of 'chief burper' & copped a lot of the mess for me in the evenings, nights & weekends . Could your DH help out with the night feeds in a similar way? You are defo not selfish for wanting to feed in the easiest way possible at night - that's what millions of mums have done for centuries!

One other thought...I have heard good things about Cranial Osteopathy for reflux.

Again, thanks for the input

I have booked a cranial osteopath appointment for next monday - fingers crossed!

Well today has been funny!

I went and bought some formula this morning.

So...

todays feeds have been

2 breastfeeds
1 formula feed
breastfeed
1 ebm bottle feed
1 breastfeed

so far!

Im not sure why I kept chopping - I had changed my mind which way I wanted to feed at each feed time.

And its odd but I feel better about it all today - god knows why!!??

I think I would really like to mix feed but I really cant find any information on how to go about this - I know that it risks supply but last night I was ready to stop altogether so surely as long as he is getting breast milk for longer than last night its all a bonus?

Oh, and I have expressed twice today and got 12oz - presumably this is because I became engorged after doing a feed with formula?