Please help - want to formula feed but feel too guilty to stop breastfeeding.

[damnedifidont]

I am exclusively breastfeeding my 6 week old.

He is doing really well and thriving but I am not enjoying it.

I want to swop to formula but feel incapable of making that decision because I know breast is best.

I feel damned if i do and damned if i dont

feel wrugn out by the breastfeeding but also very sure of how good it is for her

worried im getting pnd because feel miserable about it - not even sure why i do to be honest

at this stage would there be anyway to do night feeds as breast and day feeds as formula?

Hi, I just wanted to share my experiences of mix feeding - I have 3 lo's too, and only bf the first for 10 weeks, I gave up bf because she wouldn't take a bottle and I was very young and felt very tied to her, wanted someone else to feed her etc...but once it was done I SO regretted it, and sobbed for weeks about being unable to bf her anymore. I still regret it now !
So, tried harder with dd2, and got her to take a bottle early on, expressed milk, this went fine until she was 3 mo, when she kept screaming every time I tried to bf....felt rather rejcted and slowly switched to formula, as I had no idea what else to do. Bf her at night and monr til 4 mo, then stopped.
With ds, I was determined to get to 6 mo.
I intro bottle at 3 weeks with one ebm a day given by dad, which meant I had time to deal with the dds, housework etc, as ds was an houry feeder for first 3 mo.
At 3 mo I couldn't stand expressing anymore, hated it so much, so intro ff, still one bottle a day.
Slowly increased to 2, then 3 by 6 mo, plus on solids then, so just bf eve, night and morn, until at 7 mo he kept biting, he wasn't full after bf, so stopped at 7 mo.
Was v proud and glad to have got that far, and mix feeding def helped me get further than with the dds, and did not affect my supply at all. On days when I bf more than ff, my supply just coped fine.
All I would say to you is as long as you are still bf'ing, then the milk is there, the option to fully bf again is always there...perhapf mix feeding will help you along this diffiuclt time and later on you can fully ff.
I have to say, I do miss bf no2 ds is nearly 9 mo, and other mums are still bf'ing theirs, and I do feel guilty, so feel like if I have any more kids one day, I'd try to just bf for longer....but at the end of the say you do what makes you happy and sane at the time, and its hard when you have other kids, as they need you too.
Sorry, long ! Good luck !

Thankyou chankins, nice to read your personal experience.

I do definitely think i would regret it if I stopped which is why I think rather than "give up" altogether by making sure I breast feed as much as I can its there as an option.

Im a bit puzzled why I feel calmer and happier - it was only a bottle feed !! And not like I got any freedom while it happened as I gave him the bottle

I think it just take the pressure off abit - if they take it happily, you know the option is there for someone else to feed them, so you can get a much needed break, or even maybe possible go out for the evening !
It can be the best of both worlds if it works out ok.

Hi diid. My dd is 5 moths now, and im mix feeding her.
I started off exclusively bfeeding, but after a few weeks i started giving her one or two bottles of formula day. It meant that dp could do the nights feeds once in a while etc.
Now she has 2 ff in the day, then evening, nighttime ( if she wakes ) and morning i bf her. It works for me! It also means that if i go out ( probs about once a fortnight!) she can stay at my mothers without any probs.
Also i have to go back to work in 3 months, and i want to be able to still feed her, so at least this way she'll be used to it.

Hope everything goes ok for you!
H xxx

honey2theb - how many weeks was she when you introduced the formula?

Do you express to keep up your supply?

Have had a lovely day today, feel so much more calm about things - in part thanks to being able to talk it through on here, so thanks!

Just a thought.

If you can express so much milk, and seem to want to express to maintain supply if you introduce formual, why don't you introduce bottles of EBM?

That way your supply is preserved and your baby still has breastmilk.

Build up a stock in the freezer so that you can just give EBM any time you feel under pressure. If you have no stock, give formula.

You may find that once you have taken the pressure off yourself you will start to enjoy breastfeeding more.

diid. Cant remember exactly, but she wasnt very old.
I dont express now, ( except if she stays at my mothers overnight) and i seem to have enough milk! like i said, i feed her in the evening for bed, if she wakes up at night, and in the morning and after breakfast( she goes back to bed so not a full feed, just for comfort i think). I think my milk must just build itself back up by the evening? not sure really.
I found expressing a bit of a pain really. the time it took, i may aswell have fed her iykwim.

if you want a chat you can email me? Not a bfeeding expert, but i would be happy to have an e-natter

h xx

ddid - I have been having similar issues with bf. My dd is 6 weeks old and I started introducing bottles of ebm very early on. She also gets an occasional ff from her dad, usually late in the evening.

Having the tin of formula on the kitchen shelf has made me feel much calmer. We may not use it every day, but I think that knowing its there, and giving myself permission to use it, has really made me feel in control again. To be honest, I think it has even helped me get more relaxed with bf - that plus the fact that bf does seem to get easier with time.

I am still giving the occasional bottle of ebm but I find the process of expressing difficult as it takes ages and makes me feel a bit like a production line (apologies but that's how I feel, and I'm particularly uncomfortable doing it in front of DH).

Anyway, as others have said, it really is about what works for you. People say that babies pick up on their mum's stress so my feeling is that a relaxed and happy mum is the most important thing.

Agree with the advice about giving EBM and just ff when no EBM in reserve.

I actually mixed fed myself, pretty much from the beginning cos thats what wanted and it worked just fine.My supply did slowly dwindle though(like i expected it to) and i stopped bf when my ds stopped being interested at about 13wks(flow was obviously rubbish compared to a bottle by then. I did wish after id stopped that id persevered and attempted to increase my supply(whichi could quite easily have done) and continued for longer. However, as i said previously, i stillthink i would have fely guilty whenever i did stop, even if id bf for much longer.

My ds is 20 wks now and sometimes i feel like bf him! I can still squeeze a bit of milk out!However it doesnt bother me so much now. It was the right choice at the time and although i think i will bf for longer next time, who knows, eh?

Also, despite whatsome people say i have never found making up formula, sterilising etc a big hassle. With the fast sterilisers, its a doddle. To be fair, in the early days, i found bf much more of a hassle cos i never knew how long the feeds would take or when he would want one and it took up so much time(though to be fair, i didnt know when hed want a bottle either- but itwas slightly quicker!)

I really do think though that once you have tried bf, it so, so hard to stop!

Yesterday he had breastfeeds all day - apart from late night bottle where he had some ebm.

It did feel a bit weird giving a bottle when I was sitting with full boobs. Found myself hand expressing into the sink to get some of it out so I was comfortable and thought "WTF am I doing lol"

But, Im still feeling much happier and actually enjoying the breastfeeding a bit more.

The couple of people who have mentioned the idea of breastfeed when I can, if I want to give a bottle give EBM and formula if not possible - thats what Im going to do!! Makes perfect sense

HOWEVER, what I dont understand about myself is I dont seem to have that much faith in my milk.

In my head I seem to consider EBM as inferior to formula in terms of it satisfying him, settling him and encouraging him to sleep.

Where does this come from? Marketing? Or my experiences with the other children?

Please can you give me a refresher about what is so brilliant about breastmilk?

damned - there's plenty of info elsewhere that will tell you the differences between formula and breastmilk/EBM

Try the kellymom website if you want details.

Basically, breastmilk is milk that's made for the young of the human species. Formula is cows milk, made for calves.

Infant humans grow in a specific way, develop in a specific way and have their own biochemical needs from their early nutrition. Breastmilk supports all of that, and formula doesn't.

Will that do?

damnedifidont - there is something here I really don't understand.

What is the benefit of introducing formula to then express to keep milk supply up? Isn't expressing milk a hassle compared with just breastfeeding? Is expressing quicker for you?

It sounds as though you have a great milk supply?

Is it the actual breastfeeding you don't enjoy?

The next best thing to breastmilk from the breast is breastmilk from the bottle.

If you plan to express when you give formula, why not just express and give EBM thus having all the benefits of exclusive feeding.

At 6 weeks the only way to maintain your supply of milk is to express the missed breastfeeds. Once breastfeeding is moree stablished, mixed feeding can be done without expressing.

I am not criticising your choice, I just want to understand it.

Sorry, I posted my response there thinking it was answering your first post because the thread was flipped!

Sounds as though you just need some faith in your own body. Your milk is the perfect food for your baby.

Babies often go longer after a formula feed because they have a hard time digesting the milk initially. Once their systens get used to it, they process it quicker and can demand frequent feeds again.

You are doing a brilliant job

Hi, I'm new to this and normally just read the threads and don't add anything. However the other week I was looking for exactly this problem! I ended up mix feeding and I don't regret it for a minute. I now feel I have the best of both worlds, a settled baby, more time to get out and about and I really enjoy the BF which I wouldn't have stuick at all if I hadn't started some FF's. One word of warning though, I started with just one FF at 11pm, this has now trned into a FF at 11 and 4 with an optional 2 bottles in the day depending on what we are doing. My DD is 6 weeks today andI went through the mill with the guilt thing. But we are both much happier now and I spend more time interacting with her than before because I don't feel so tied. It's your own difficult choice but I thought I would offer support in a tricky decision!

Remember though that even when formula has been introduced, if you see the amount you are giving is increasing, you can take steps to increase your supply and turn it around if you want to. It does not mean that you need to give more formula.

You can increase supply by feeding more or expressing. If regular bottles of formula are being given you can reduce the amount by an ounce on a regular basis and breastfeed more.

As you say Molly, before you know it you can end up giving more formula than you intended and then breastfeeding stops earlier tyhan intended.

DIID,

You sound like you have loads of milk (12oz expressed is LOTS!)and I echo what other posters have said about your questionning yourself....I had PND (still do 4 years on) and stopped bfing DD1 at 8 months after mix feeding. I regretted it then and still do as I feel like I was just feeling a failure at everything and focussed on the bfing IYSWIM?

Anyway with DD2 I have tried to see things in exactly the oppposite way - I am GOOD at bfing and maybe not so good at other things. Still bfing her at 23 months!!!!

Sorry this is a bit of a meandering post but what I am trying to say is that right now you are tired and emotional, on you own all week with 3 kids. It must be really tough. TBH I reckon bfing is probably the easiest thing you can do but I would say to go and see your GP/bfing support group etc. for some moral support. Also have you talked to your DH about the way you are feeling? It helped me so much when I shared my feelings with DP and my mum.

HTH.

Good luck and keep up the good work if you can.

glad you are feeling a bit happier, damned, i think mears's advice is great. it's mad about the marketing messages of formula, isn't it?