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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

yadee ya, the usual bloody discussion about me STILL breastfeeding.

57 replies

Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 00:12

Met up with girl friends last night - one has dd the same age as my dd but didn't breastfeed. My dd is 22 months and does still breastfeed.

As usual - as it was last time I saw her at xmas, I had the usual questions.

"so are you still feeding dd?"
"do you think you'll ever stop?"
"what if she's still doing at 15?"
"I just find it weird and creepy".
"oh but she only feeds at night though doesn't she?"

It's like a bloody interrogation and I am sick of it - since when did my personal life become public property? It's bigotted and offensive.

Change the conversation to this and see if it's acceptable:
"so are you still gay?"
"do you think you'll ever stop?"
"I just find it's weird and creepy"

It would be homophobic and unacceptable and I think that all the breastfeeding-bashing out there is akin to homophobia. My lifestyle choice - no-one elses so bugger off and let me enjoy the most precious gift that parenting has given me.

OP posts:
NoBiggy · 04/02/2008 00:17

Which is why I pretty much keep it a secret.

justabouttotakeadeepbreath · 04/02/2008 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 00:19

I am pretty discreet these days but if asked outright I don't lie. Anyway, got that off my chest! it's been bugging me since last night so I'm off to bed now. [yawn]

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 00:20

well if you want to pick it apart - of course having dd is precious but the best bit of parenting for me is breastfeeding, without a doubt.

OP posts:
justabouttotakeadeepbreath · 04/02/2008 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey · 04/02/2008 00:35

Ask your friend how she would feel if you said it was "weird and creepy" that she fed her child formula ( you could even clarify by calling it a cow's breastmilk from a fake boob!) Tbh I don't know how much longer I could call someone like that a friend.

Trolleydolly71 · 04/02/2008 00:37

Message withdrawn

justabouttotakeadeepbreath · 04/02/2008 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey · 04/02/2008 01:07

one thing to be curious and ask questions. Saying it's weird and creepy is bang out of order!

justabouttotakeadeepbreath · 04/02/2008 01:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/02/2008 01:12

Next time she starts, just turn it on her, and verbally put her on the psych couch and interrogate her right back....

"why are you asking, you seem really hung up on how I feed my child?"

"Do you feel guilty about how you fed your child?"

"Why do you feel it is weird and creepy - do you have issues with your breasts and how you are viewed? Or were you abused as a child?"

terramum · 04/02/2008 08:26

"so are you still feeding dd?"

Of course! It's such a useful parenting tool to have for the toddler years & it's great knowing I can still provide all that goodness & immunity for my DD & lower my chances of getting cancer! [said with huge grin on your face]

MadamePlatypus · 04/02/2008 08:36

Some questions for her:

"So you didn't breastfeed?"
"How are you coping with the guilt?"
"So you find it weird and creepy - are you getting help with your issues?"

pick any childish trait that her daughter displays e.g. climbing onto her mother's knee and ask

"Have you thought about what will happen if she is still doing that at fifteen?"

I think all the questions apart from question (1) are just plain rude.

trishpops · 04/02/2008 08:54

weird and creepy should never be applied to breast feeding UNLESS the child in question is old enough to cut up their own food, then i do think it is more about mother's unwillingness to give up than benefit to child. i know someone who fed thier child till 5/6 yo. too old in my opinion!
however, 22 months is still a very young child and it sounds like your friend has issues. maybe she wants a go on one of your boobs?

belgo · 04/02/2008 09:00

trishpops:
'weird and creepy should never be applied to breast feeding UNLESS the child in question is old enough to cut up their own food'

what?!!!!

fishie · 04/02/2008 09:02

my friend has had similar issues with my bf ds who is 2.10. we talked about it last week, she asked me many questions about whether i had a cut off date, what would happen if he was "still" doing it at school etc etc all the usual stuff. i told her about normal age for self-weaning, showed her my pretty non-feeding bra and pointed out that he wasn't being infantalised. she is now almost verging on supportive.

ignorance is the issue here. whether you can be bothered to do anything about it is another matter.

SoupDragon · 04/02/2008 09:03

"maybe she wants a go on one of your boobs?" WTF???

hunkermunker · 04/02/2008 09:03

I'm halfway through an article for the blog that you may direct her to when it's done.

Trishpops, it'll challenge your "more for the mother" baloney too.

harpsichordcarrier · 04/02/2008 09:13

very similar to other posters here, I would suggest you say
"do you know it really surprises me that you are so hungup about breastfeeding! I would never have had you down as one of those people - I wonder what it is that makes you so uptight and weird about it?"

or you could just tell them to fuck of and mind their own business

muppetgirl · 04/02/2008 09:13

Fishie - I totally agree with your approach. To the op -Try and educate people about why you do it. We are the first generation for a long time (if ever) that are championing b/f in public, extended b/f, tandem feeding. Lots of people do have guilt issues about how they did/didn't feed their chid for many different reasons. Your 'friend' is being callous rude by saying it's weird and creepy but think of yourself as an ambassador for mums and future mums. You are b/f in fromt of young girls and women who may ask you questions -I was asked by the girl behind the counter at my gym 'don't you feel embarrassed getting them out in public?' I said, calmly, 'At first I did but once I got used to it it was okay.' Hopefully she will see me and think that's it's really okay to see and maybe, when she becomes a mummy herself, she might even give it a try

Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 10:03

Thank you, some good advice here. I think it would help if I did try to explain why I'm breastfeeding dd as perhaps then she would understand. There are so many things about her parenting style that I would not do myself but I don't comment because it is her child and her choice. The thing is I am extremely proud of my breastfeeding - dd was premature and tube fed at first so I went through all of the difficulties of getting her from tube to breast. Also DD has cerebral palsy and tbh her life can be pretty hard, breastfeeding is such a comfort for her and for me. When she's feeding we both forget about her disability and just enjoy each others company. Breastfeeding is a comfort for both of us. I just feel that whatever my reasons for breastfeeding, it still shouldn't be regarded as a bit of curiosity and a joke - since when did feeding your child as nature intended become weird?

OP posts:
belgo · 04/02/2008 10:05

you have every right to feel proud of yourself jenkeywoo, and to enjoy bfing

well done

Trolleydolly71 · 04/02/2008 10:16

Message withdrawn

belgo · 04/02/2008 10:18

did you really call him a moron trolleydolly?

spicemonster · 04/02/2008 10:24

Jenkeywoo - I'm really impressed at you for continuing to bf and for starting in the first place - my friend has a child with CP so I know how hard it can be to get started at the outset. Your last post was very touching and I can totally understand why it's such a big part of your parenting experience.

I think your 'friend' is very insensitive. And rather rude!