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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

yadee ya, the usual bloody discussion about me STILL breastfeeding.

57 replies

Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 00:12

Met up with girl friends last night - one has dd the same age as my dd but didn't breastfeed. My dd is 22 months and does still breastfeed.

As usual - as it was last time I saw her at xmas, I had the usual questions.

"so are you still feeding dd?"
"do you think you'll ever stop?"
"what if she's still doing at 15?"
"I just find it weird and creepy".
"oh but she only feeds at night though doesn't she?"

It's like a bloody interrogation and I am sick of it - since when did my personal life become public property? It's bigotted and offensive.

Change the conversation to this and see if it's acceptable:
"so are you still gay?"
"do you think you'll ever stop?"
"I just find it's weird and creepy"

It would be homophobic and unacceptable and I think that all the breastfeeding-bashing out there is akin to homophobia. My lifestyle choice - no-one elses so bugger off and let me enjoy the most precious gift that parenting has given me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 10:24

lol at the idea of the virgin Mary with a tub of cow&gate!

OP posts:
dal21 · 04/02/2008 10:31

I would second the posters - maybe your friend is curious and that spills into insensitive comments. If you have an issue with how/ what she is saying - then point it out to her. I know my friends (none of them have bubs) - ask questions about bfeeding and it all stems from curiousity.

I honestly think she doesnt realise how offensive you find the comments - bfeeding is a very personal and emotive thing and a comment like 'i find it weird and creepy' comes across as an attack on you and your bub.

For example - if you had just had your belly button pierced and a friend commented that they would find that whole experience weird and creepy - it would get laughed off.

I hope what I am saying makes sense; there are times between friends that a comment like that wouldnt cause offence and maybe she simply doesnt understand that directing it at bfeeding causes immense offence.

at the not christian comment tho. what an idiot!

pixiella · 04/02/2008 10:31

haha LOL at trolley dolley - nice one
that guy does sound like a moron!

jenkywoo - just wondering (as i am not yet a parent myself)I know about all the health benefits for the child but why do you feel that breastfeeding is the best thing about parenting for you?

(not judging you in any way im just curious and would like to learn about your experience for when i come to decide).

p.s your friends sounds very rude!

MadamePlatypus · 04/02/2008 10:43

just to show loads of people don't find extended breastfeeding creepy, a post from my favourite blog soulemama.typepad.com/soulemama/2008/01/30-days-12.html#comments

Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 10:43

ok, I'm sure the others will have loads of ideas too but here are some of the reasons why breastfeeding is the most enjoyable part of parenting for me.

  • it's an oasis of calm - a chance to sit or lie down and re-connect with dd when most of our day is busy and can be frantic (I also have a 3 year old). There is something about watching that little jaw go up and down that calms all ills.
  • It is better then calpol sometimes! (and more natural) - great for soothing banged noses, and generally perking up ill children
  • They look cute with milk dribbling down their chin.
  • They lie right next to your heart and you can almost forget where you start and they begin.
  • I much prefer bringing dd into my bed and falling asleep whilst feeding her than getting up in the night and making a bottle.

For me breastfeeding is enjoyable when if I'm totally honest quite a lot of what I do isn't! I don't relish the thought of meal-times, or tidying up all of the toys, or getting coats and shoes on for the school run. I don't particularly enjoy all the physio and other medical stuff I have to do with dd - but I do like breastfeeding. But I happily accept that not all mums feel the same way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 10:45

Madame Platypus - thank you. What a lovely site. - perhaps I will email the link to my friend.

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pixiella · 04/02/2008 10:58

That sounds lovely jenkeywoo! thanks for sharing that with me, im sure your friends just don't understand because they havn't breastfed.

i really agree with all the suggestions other people have made on what you should say to your friends next time they make comments like that - eg turning it back around on them.

i dont mean to be harsh but they really should be made to feel stupid after such rude, ignorant and judgemental comments, esp. saying it's weird and creepy!

MadamePlatypus · 04/02/2008 12:33

another cool soulemama extended breastfeeding post

Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 14:41

thanks, soulemama is lovely.

OP posts:
Trolleydolly71 · 04/02/2008 18:12

Message withdrawn

TinkerbellesMum · 04/02/2008 19:34

trishpops my daughter cuts cheese with a kitchen knife, she's 18 months and still breastfed.

Children are capable of breastfeeding up till they are 7 and whilst some people may not like the idea, there are proven benefits. Usually an older child won't nurse daily, they feed once in awhile when they think about it and there are rules between mother and child about what is and isn't appropriate (such as not opening Mummy's shirt when you feel like it in public). It is the same as any treat food.

Before anyone bats me, she is supervised and whilst she would put her food knife in her mouth (I have no problem with that, it's not sharp and I'll teach her manners later) she wouldn't put a sharp knife in her mouth, she knows it goes back down afterwards.

I'm not saying I could go to 7, but then I never said I'd be able to go to 18 months, we'll take it day by day and see where it leads.

NorthernLurker · 04/02/2008 19:50

That's really interesting about not nursing daily - so your body keeps its lactating capacity in reserve, as it were, for a bit? Aren't our bodies amazing! Jenkeywoo - I love b/feeding too - dd3 (9 months) is still very keen on the whole thing as well!

policywonk · 04/02/2008 20:00

MP, what a lovely site (is this your crafty side?)

Good luck with it Jenkey - hope you can get your friend to stop hassling you.

policywonk · 04/02/2008 20:02

Oh, and as for this 'it's for the mother's benefit' stuff - my response to that is to be quite upfront (they are NEVER expecting you to agree with them ) - 'Yes, I do enjoy it. It makes me feel happy and relaxed, and it enhances my relationship with my child. And your problem with that is?'

honey2theb · 04/02/2008 21:31

this is a really interesting thread. My dd is 5 months now, and im breastfeeding. Ive never known anyone in my family etc to breastfeed, but for me it was the natural thing to do. People around me seem quite shocked that im still feeding her ( at only 5 months!!!) but my friends have just been interested, which i think is fab as im one of the first to have a baby (im 23)! hopefully they'll see how good ive found it and do the same! I had questions like 'does it hurt?' 'what does it feel like?' etc, and ive just answered positively. i saw a friend at the supermarket today who is 5 months pg. she asked how dd sleeps, and i told her as im feeding her myself, i dont really notice her waking as i co sleep and she goes back off to sleep, and i dont hae to warm bottles etc.
if one of my friends was as rude as th op's i would tell them where to go!

trishpops · 04/02/2008 23:02

for every one that had a pop at me read my first message again - i was actually being supportive. in MY OPINION when a child can prepare it's own meals breast feeding has gone on too long, i certainly think it's fine for a 22 month old as i stated previously. the last comment was intended as a joke, i would have though quite obviously. tsk. obviously it's a touchy subject.

Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 04/02/2008 23:39

Here's a link to a great article by Dr. Jack Newman which pretty well sums up how I feel about the emotional side of breastfeeding a toddler: (particularly the 'what else?' bit).
www.bflrc.com/newman/breastfeeding/toddler.htm

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 04/02/2008 23:41

trishpops, you said that bf is weird and creepy if the child is - in your arbitrary opinion - "too old"
in what parallel universe is describing something as "weird and creepy" "supportive"??
I am bf my 26 month old dd, thanks for letting me know that you think this is weird and creepy

FlyHappy · 05/02/2008 01:27

I remember when I was bf my first. I came from a family that bf. My mother, grandmothers, greatgrandmothers and aunts all bf (to about 6-9months). I wasn't expecting my in-laws and old school friends to take issue with me bf my baby. My father-in-law would freak out when I bf in restaurants or even in his living room. I guess it hadn't occurred to me that people would have an issue with it and was upset when I got the third degree. I was 23 years old and it was the one parenting aspect I could get right. Otherwise I had a colicky baby that screamed at me when she wasn't bfing. She bf to 17 months (we stopped shortly after I was pg with #2) and I heard the same questions. I guess it wouldn't have been so upsetting if I'd at least been expecting people to have a problem with it. But it hadn't been on my radar.

TinkerbellesMum · 05/02/2008 09:27

"weird and creepy should never be applied to breast feeding UNLESS the child in question is old enough to cut up their own food"

That is not stated as opinion, it is stated as fact. I challenged you on it being a fact. "UNLESS" is certainly emphasising the point that this is fact and not opinion.

"then i do think it is more about mother's unwillingness to give up than benefit to child."

Again, this is stated as fact, there is nothing in either of those statements that suggest opinion. Again, I (and others) challenged you on the idea that it is for a mothers benefit. In fact in some hospitals elderly patients are given breastmilk.

The rest is opinion and not worthy of comment really.

TinkerbellesMum · 05/02/2008 09:39

And going back to my original message, Tink can feed herself and use a knife at 18 months, so that blows that theory out the water.

Trolley, I don't think I could have been polite!

(finish later, taxi here)

Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 05/02/2008 09:49

I have to say I find it a bit 'weird and creepy' when people are ok with some extended breastfeeding but have a strange internal cut-off point of acceptability - eg "it's ok as long as they're not walking" "as long as they're not cutting up their own food" - again, why does it bother you?

I've been debating sending my friend an email with a link to something about extended breastfeeding but I really don't want to upset her. I want her to understand and stop hassling me but I think she would be quite perplexed if she thought she had upset me. I think the whole Little Britain Bitty crap has made it acceptable to laugh at breastfeeding generally. I wonder if those silly boys realise what a diservice they have done to mums and babies.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenkeywoo · 05/02/2008 09:51

Forgot to add - way to go TinkerbellesMum - your dd sounds like a very wise little girly.

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TinkerbellesMum · 05/02/2008 13:15

Bitty has become a word in our family, but I've made it my own and turned it around and I laugh about "yeah, so what if she does".

The other programme that hit extended breastfeeding was the documentary (I can't remember what it was called now) about it. With the 8 year old (who actually was 7, like adding a year makes it worse somehow) who was still feeding and had started naturally weaning (they lose the ability around that age). There was also an adoptive mother trying to push this 18 month old into breastfeeding - I did think that was wrong and she was hoping, not because it wasn't her biological child, all power to adoptive mothers who can do it, but the fact she was so old for starting.

Jenkeywoo, one thing I got from that horrid Bringing Up Baby was an affinity to CC, I wish I had heard about it sooner as Tink would be a CC baby now! I am with them on the idea of allowing them to try things and find out for themselves - I use the example from when I was around 2.

Mum had just finished the ironing and told me not to touch it was hot. I put my hand flat on the plate it hurt, I can remember to this day, I had round marks on my hand from the vent holes (I must have been older than 2, my brother told me that bit and he would have been 6 months then). I never deliberately touched the plate again. As long as she's not going to kill herself, I would rather she knew why she doesn't do something than just "Mummy will shout".

She is a very clever kid though, she picks things up very easily and is very independent, so my parenting style really suits her personality.

StealthPolarBear · 05/02/2008 13:27

Thanks for the link to the Dr Jack Newman site, DH has a few issues about me hoping to feed DS over the age of about 18 months so I'll show him that!