whats the longest anyone has bf for? anyone still doing it with lo's at school?

[prettylovebird]

ok i know dd is only 7 months,but, i want to bf her forever, and just wondering what it will be like when shes at school or preschool

maximummummy that wasn't intended to be aimed at you, I didn't actually remember that post of yours. It's just a common argument.

And I agree, if that was what you felt was right for you then it was right for you!

We all have our cut off points. THe trick is not to be insulting about other peoples and perhaps try to understand and be open to why someone might have a different cut off point to you.

ok - it feels creepy to me because of the way this society views b/feeding maybe? social conditioning? because it just does that's how i feel

people doing it for their own reasons -
to feel needed/invaluble/indispensible

My DS 'asked' for milk when he was a couple of moths old, he used to grab at my top.

When a baby is first born they can 'ask' for milk, by crying, or by breastcrawl.

Okay so where is your evidence for people needing to feel valued etc?

Corrie dale, I feel like you, too. Why do I feel uncomfortable??? I never usually give a monkeys about what other people think - I think it is society's conditioning.( Lots of people tell me that BF 'is totally' natural - so is having a poo but I don't feel 'comfortable' watching someone else do it so that cant be the answer! (and I'm not comparing BF to pooing before anyone else goes off on one!!!)).

right i've had enough of this discussion with you hercules1 - i have said what i think and how i feel as i'm entitled to - i'm now going to play with my kids

That's fine. But it wasn't really a discussion as you clearly don't want to discuss it.

lol at "creepy" - makes me think of the man that was interviewed in the C4 extended bf programme who said women shouldn't be allowed to bf in public "because it might give paedofiddlers funny ideas". It's bananas.

I have to admit that before I had dd, I was suspicious of women who bf'd beyond 3 years or so, thinking that they must be unwilling to let go in some way, or reluctant to let the natural process of separation between mother and child take place.

I now realise that this betrayed a complete lack of understanding of the breastfeeding relationship. I doubt there are many mothers who have to actively encourage their toddler to feed. It is simply a matter of responding to the child's needs. To stop breastfeeding before the child is ready requires the mother to enforce a separation on the child which will inevitably be distressing for both, and is no more natural than taking away their favourite teddy bear because you feel they should have outgrown it.

And as for the mother getting more out of it than the child...I don't even know where to start with this. Yes it can be lovely, but it can also be a fecking pain in the norks too!

I don't mind admitting that one of the many reasons that DS2 is still feeding at age 3 is because I like it. Yes, folks - I get something out of it. It makes my life easier, I like the hormonal release, I like the closeness of my relationship with him. Bite me

i know i said i'd finished on this thread but kids have gone to a party and i've 5 mins before a training course and i'm finding it really interesting . . . .

wonky, I would still be doing it now ds is nearly 5 if he hadn't decided it was time for him to stop. I loved bfing an older child - all of the benefits and none of the drawbacks (except for being called weird and creepy, of course ). All those wonderful breastfeeding hormones - breastfeeding any child relaxes you and releases those fab loved up chemicals, so helps you to be more responsive and nurturing towards your child. Which is ruddy hard work sometimes and should be aided by any means possible IMO

However once your child decides they want to stop, that is it. Are you honestly suggesting that extended breastfeeders are forcing their children to feed against their will? This is really a BIG accusation to make, saying "it is only for the mother".

Breastfeeding my son was certainly brilliant for me, but the suggestion that it was only for me is ludicrous. My ds still remembers it very fondly and sometimes says he wishes he could have it again. I just told him that some people thought breastmilk should only be for babies and not anyone older than that, and he said "PPFFFFFFT! Mummy, that's SILLY."

when you are in the process of feeding - i mean when you started at day one and now suddenly it's year 3 of course it feels normal and natural - that is a theme that keeps recurring "before having kids i found b./f older children "wierd" now i doing it i realise it's society's problem not mine"

plus i personally got the feeling when ds was an "older" breastfeeder everyone thought i was a freak - even though i did it only at home - it felt like my "dirty little secret" when people said "what? YOUr STILL B/FEEDING " followed jaws dropping to ground . . . .he was only 2yrs

they usually recovered quickly and said "eerm - wwell done - good for you"

Franny, I remember you posting once that bf-ing has so many remarkable benefits for the child that, if it were possible to do it, you would consider feeding your DS even if he didn't particularly want to do it. I think you drew a comparison with making a child eat healthy food or brush his teeth. It gave me a little transgressive frissant when I read it (in a good way).

What's so wrong with a mother doing something for her own benefit, given that it benefits the child as well? There are many things that I do for my own benefit that don't benefit my children - whacking on the TV when I should be playing with them, feeding them high-sugar, high-fat foods to keep them quiet while we go round the shops, dragging them to play-dates that they're not very enthusiastic about because I want to see my friends... these are the sorts of things I feel guilty about, not bf-ing.

(This isn't directed at you IB, just at the sturdy anti-bfers further down the thread. Although I personally don't mind people voicing anti-bf opinions - I feel pretty bullet-proof about my own decisions and I don't mind finding out what other people think.)

Yup

I think I said it to a poster who was feeling guilty as her youngish child seemed to be moving towards self-weaning, and she didn't particularly want to stop yet. She felt guilty for encouraging the breastfeeding to continue, and I am sure this was linked in with the 'creepy', 'only doing it for yourself' attitudes that we often hear on here and in RL. I drew the comparison with eating your greens, I think - nothing wrong with encouraging something that is good for the child

That's an interesting way of looking at it F&Z. I've heard of relatively young babies self weaning at 9-10 months for example - if this happened to me, I think I would really encourage the bfing to continue.

I'm reminded about when I went back to work when dd1 was 9 months old. A collegue - a new father - was proudly telling everyone about his wife who was still bfing her baby at four months, despite all of her friends stopping far earlier.

I mentioned that I was bfing 9 month old dd1 - and his jaw practically hit the ground in amazement - you're still bfing? he asked

To go back to a discussion further down the thread: IMO a lot of the language people who feel uncomfortable with bf (particularly of the public or 'extended variety) use is tinged with the sexual. Bf detractors emphasise the mother 'getting her boobs out', the child 'pulling up the mother's top', the 'creepiness' of the child asking for the feed etc. IMO this is because we as a culture have so comprehensively sexualised breasts that bf, especially in public or beyond the age where it is sole nutrition, is almost seen as a misappropriation of breasts and indeed of women. Very very

As I think I said further down, I'm finding feeding ds1 a struggle atm and so cannot agree I'm doing it for my 'own benefit'. But up until very late in my pg with ds2 I was dreading ds1 self-weaning - I really really wanted to carry on - so probably would have encouraged it if he'd shown signs of self-weaning. And bf, for me, has always been about me as well as about dses. I had to WOTH with ds1 and really didn't want to. I managed to organise my job/workload so that I still had lots of time at home with him and excl bf until 6.5 months (I went back physically at 5 months, worked almost exclusively from home from about 3 1/2 months ). Bf played an enormous part in comforting me and assuaging the sadness and guilt I felt about WOTH. It's such a central part of who I am as a mother. I think all this is one of the reasons I'm so committed to self-weaning, however long it takes.

agree about sexualisation of breasts

I think it is worth putting some thought into how you refer to breastfeeding, and your breasts, to your child, as well - going back to an earlier post, I would also feel 'creepy' about a child asking for 'tittie' - because to me it is an adult, sexual word, and a bit crude to boot

my god, some of you are so far up yourselves, its ridiculous. and im glad a few people have challenged you, although may i say your answers to there challenges have been pretty lame imo. plus hercules you still seem to feel threatened by anyone who disagrees with you, in any shape or form, maybe im wrong but isnt that what a debate is all about??????

and the comment about children would self wean at around 6 is stupid, perhaps in a country where food is limited, or in tribal communities, but in our modern world???? i really doubt it. someone mentioned happy hormone stimulation, and feelings of closeness as to reasons shy one would extend breastfeeding, and whilst there is nothing wrong with this, it seems to be imo for the benefit of the mother.
ok, i will ge ta coffee and wait for the onslaught!!!!

why

There are relaxing chemicals in the breastmilk for the child as well, matilda. That's why babies usually go to sleep after a feed. I would say the benefits of closeness and a more relaxed mother are there for both the child and parent (and in fact the rest of the family too?). Formula feeders often say "happy mum, happy baby" to justify their choice. Does this not extend to breastfeeders, then?

You don't seem to know a great deal about how breastfeeding works, or how self-weaning happens. Would you like me to point you at some websites so that you can read some more about it, as it's obviously a subject that interests you - you chose this thread to read, and you keep popping up to post, so I presume you would like to learn more about the subject?

By the way, you have one of the rudest posting styles I have ever come across! I don't know if you are aware of how you come across, but it seems you're not able to post without an insult or putdown coming out. You've been treated very politely on this thread, considering the way you've spoken to people.

Agree with F&Z about the use of the word "titties" - makes me a little uncomfortable.

My friend was the first person I knew to EBF - she was tandem feeding her 2 year old and a new born. She was finding it really difficult because her older child was using BF as a bit of a weapon - was very jealous of the baby and seemed to feed more often than it did. She definitely wasn't doing it for her benefit, at the time she hated it but she knew that it was important to her son, particularly at a time when he was feeling insecure. She put up with it and gradually introduced some ground rules. She finally weaned him when she was pregnant with no 3 and he was 4 - she had to give him a very gentle push. At the time I felt uncomfortable with it, mainly I think because she didn't really seem to be enjoying it at all, and thought it probably wasn't for me (dd1 self-weaned at 18 months). Then I had dd2 and thought I'd probably go to 18 months again, then 2, then 3 - actually she's not quite 3 and appears to be almost weaned.

So comments like " people doing it for their own reasons -
to feel needed/invaluble/indispensible " are just rot IMO. So many EBFers I know go through stages of feeling very fed up with it but they continue because they know it's important to their child emotionally.

You know, I joined Mumsnet on the back of a EBF bashing thread and it's sad to see so many of the same old comments trotted out.

With regards to the "bitty" comments - it always strikes me that the people who trot that out have the emotional/intellectual maturity of a 14 year old boy.