Page 3 | Dont Want To Breast Feed .......

tiktok · 26/11/2004 17:50

I really don't think these boards will be enhanced by another debate on the pros and cons of whatever feeding method, but the misinformation being bandied round as fact on this thread is astonishing!!

I don't have a problem with people who don't want to bf - and I don't judge anyone as a mother in these terms, either. As if.

But if you don't want to bf, why justify it with mis-information about drinking, routines, shape of breasts? People come to MN to find out stuff that informs them in their own decision-making, but they're getting no help here.

And for the record, I don't think it is anything like a baby nibbling at testicles....hope I am allowed a sense of humour bypass on that one

aloha · 26/11/2004 18:07

Yes, my breasts are fine, thanks. Actually they are fertility-totem huge, but that's due to pregnancy, not breastfeeding!

artyjoe · 26/11/2004 20:44

People also come to MN to talk to other likeminded individuals which is who Mosschops was looking for, not for people to sway her in her decision.

There are plenty of threads giving all the complete pros and cons of breast vs bottle on MN if someone wanted to research...I got the impression Mosschops was looking for someone in the same boat as her, not for other mums to give her ideas on a compromise that she clearly doesn't want.

This thread didn't start out as a pros and cons topic and it would be a shame to start that debate up again now.

Original poster

Mosschops30 · 26/11/2004 21:44

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tiktok · 27/11/2004 00:29

I agree - not the thread for pros and cons, and I agree people come here to find support as well.

I am not giving pros and cons.

I am just pointing out some misinformation.

Hope no one takes offence at that.

wobblyknicks · 27/11/2004 07:41

As far as I can see people have mainly talked about their own experiences rather than give hard facts - and there can be no misinformation when you're talking about what you've experienced yourself. Sometimes
what's 'never supposed to happen' is what happens to you - whether its officially 'right' or 'wrong' is irrelevant - its reality!

mosschops - if I was in your shoes I'd express colostrum then bottle feed but I'm not in your shoes. You have to do whatever will make you and your baby happiest and that will be the right thing. No-ones got the right to question that decision unless they're willing to take the whole job off you, which your dh and mw can't do. If you're sure it's what you want then stick to your guns, no matter what.

bloss · 27/11/2004 09:50

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tiktok · 27/11/2004 09:53

Wobbly, I agree, it's been mainly people's pesonal experience and their opinions, and I am not arguing with that. Just pointing out that some of the info has been presented as facts - namely, alcohol, routines and shape of breasts - which are incorrect. Anyone searching MN for information to help them come to a decision needs to know that.

MummyToSteven · 27/11/2004 09:59

Tiktok, as a matter of interest (sorry if thread hijack) could you say what is the best thing to do re;bfing and alcohol?

tiktok · 27/11/2004 11:05

Not here, mummytosteven....start a new thread and I will answer

But I have answered it before as have others - if you search you'll find the info.

MissChief · 27/11/2004 11:32

"all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.."
it seems some views = facts while those of others = misinformation. Sounds quite Orwellian actually!

JoolsToo · 27/11/2004 11:45

quote "genuine question - what is it that makes you feel sick about the idea ? "

how can anyone answer that? its the same thing as saying why are people scared of heights or like the colour blue. Does there have to be a reason? I don't think so - I was very fortunate when I decided not to breastfeed - no-one but no-one asked me 'why' or said 'but this' or 'but that' or 'just give it a try' - they just allowed me to make my own decision and I thank them for showing me that respect.
For some people (and I include myself in this) all the constant nudging towards something you don't want to do has the opposite effect and just makes you dig your heels in more.
Mosschops - stick to your guns girl - be a happy mummy and you'll have a happy baby!

Mirage · 27/11/2004 14:35

Mosschops,I expressed breast milk for dd for 6 wks after she was born.She refused to feed from me so this was the only way I could get it down her.After 6wks,she went onto formula & is a very healthy,happy,bright little girl who has been ill just once in 15 months.Do what feels right for you.

advocateofthedevil · 27/11/2004 14:48

MissChief, you may not realise that TikTok is a trained breastfeeding counsellor so her views probably are fact and she probably knows what counts as misinformation

aloha · 27/11/2004 15:26

I think the thing is, threads aren't private - everyone reads them, and if someone read this thread who was quite keen to breastfeed but undecided, they might be rather horrified to find that they couldn't have a glass of wine, or that they would permanently damage their breasts, or that it would definitely hurt, or that not feeding for two hours would lead to 'agony' or that they had to feed every five minutes, when none of those things are true for everyone (and some are true for nobody). I did say quite specifically that I wasn't trying to persuade Mosschops to do anything she didn't want to do. I'm sure that if breastfeeding is horrible and upsetting for you then it can't be the right decision, but I don't think, given the public nature of an internet forum, and for the benefit of anyone reading this who is - unlike Mosschops - undecided about breastfeeding, that it is so terrible just to say that breastfeeding really, truly doesn't have to be anything like the worst-case scenarios here.

hercules · 27/11/2004 15:31

There are so many misconceptions about bf that does stop some women bf and I for one welcome correct informtion. What you choose to do with that information is your own business but it is important to have the facts.

Sadly lots of health professionals lack the facts and make it harder for many mums who want to bf to do just that.

I am pro bf for me but not for anyone who doesnt want to. I cant imagine anything worse than bf if you dont want to.

Socci · 27/11/2004 16:11

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sweetkitty · 28/11/2004 17:14

Would like to just share my experience of BF. I was prepared to give it a go but wasn't going to get too upset if I couldn't get the hang of it. I bought the little cartons and the bottles just in case. DD was jaundiced at birth and I expressed for her. I kept putting her to the boob and eventually we both got the hang of it. Four months on it's great, I did have times when it was a bit sore and it's time consuming because it's always you that has to do the feeds.

To be honest I find it a lot easier than I thought, I'm far too lazy to make up and sterilise bottles. I go out without DD (I do express for her and have given her one or two bottles a week from birth so she's well used to them), I feed every 3-4 hours during the day and she has slept through the night from 6 weeks. I have the odd few glasses of wine. It's been a lot better than I ever thought it would be.

In saying that if it were me and I felt that strongly about it I wouldn't BF at all. It's your body and you have nothing to feel guilty about at all for not wanting to BF.

Best of luck with the new baby

highlander · 01/12/2004 18:26

I, like a lot of mums on her was born in the late '60's where the majority of babies were bottle fed. It hasn't done me any harm - in fact, I am ridiculously healthy. And that was back when formula really was a pile of crap, unlike modern formula.

Mosschops, you're making an informed decision - go for it. There's A LOT more to being a good mum than what goes in your precious bundle's gob!

BF is best for baby, but it has to be best for mum too! I would say for BF to work you have to be 200% comitted to it and have lots of support if it's your first time. Again, I feel I've been lucky in that respect.

Oops, DS has audibly filled his nappy.........

prettycandles · 01/12/2004 21:48

My mil didn't succeed in breastfeeding my sil, and so decided not try with my dh, but went straight to formula. She couldn't understand my determination to breastfeed my dd after I had had such difficulty with ds and had ended up mix-feeding him. How you choose to feed your baby is entirely up to you, different people feel differently about their bodies and relationships, and you have to feel good with yourself, so ultimately it's your decision.

I admit to being pro-breastfeeding myself, but, having experienced the other side of the coin when it doesn't go well and is distressing, I am also very pro-mum's-choice as well.

I fed both of my children to routines, was never constantly on call to them after the first couple of weeks and never leaked after the first month or so (and even then only a little and only during night-feeds or first thing in the morning). If I needed to be away from the baby over a feed then I left a bottle of formula - I never expressed after the first month or so. It doesn't need to be as horrible as you anticipate. But, ultimately it is your decision and no-body has the right to try to 'force' you into breastfeeding.

We will support you here, whatever you choose to do.

Original poster

Mosschops30 · 02/12/2004 09:31

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aloha · 02/12/2004 09:43

I also mixed fed - after all, ds had a bottle in hospital so I felt, 'oh well'. It is perfectly possible if you don't fancy or feel you can't manage f/t breastfeeding. Didn't stop him throwing a wobbly if I wasn't there in the evening though! When he was tiny he wanted only me - so I knew it wasn't just 'milk love' . So it's not just breastfeeding that 'ties' you to your baby!

braid · 02/12/2004 10:16

I think the guilt thing about not breastfeeding is horrible. Really glad your breastfeeding counsellor was so positive about breast and bottle. I breastfed and it was tough at the beginning and only an excellent counsellor and doula got me through. Also my dh was very clear that I should feel free to stop whenever I wanted. I think the last thing new mums need is pressure when we all tend to feel so much pressure from ourselves to be a good mum anyway. That said once breastfeeding settled down I loved the convenience of it because I could just take the wee one out with a few nappies and nothing else. I got quite annoyed when she went on to solids and I had to bother with pots and jars etc.

prettycandles · 02/12/2004 13:34

The first time I brought a bottle out of my bag at the NCT post-natal group - where everyone else was boobing - I was terrified and embarassed. But no-one batted an eyelid! And over the following months when I got miserable and depressed over my 'failure' others ranted against the establishment that had brainwashed me into believing that I must breastfeed and was therefore the cause of my despair. But no-one made me feel I had to breastfeed and was a worse mother for not doing so - I did that to myself because I had always assumed I would breastfeed, and wanted to, before I ever had children or heard about the pros and cons. No-one condemned me for bottle-feeding - I did that to myself as well.

It's not right for others to put the pressure on to conform to what they think is right. Like I say, I'm probreastfeeding, but I will defend the right of any mother to bottlefeed if that is what she feels best doing.

highlander · 02/12/2004 16:22

mosschops, what I was going to sign off with before DS crapped everywhere, was this analogy.

I chose an elective CS for my birth and came under enormous pressure as it wasn't the 'natural' way. However, I knew it was the right choice for me, and I was right. Since then, any tiny problem with DS ( e.g. crying) and certain people ALWAYS say 'it's because you had a CS'and try to make me out as a selfish cow.

If you know bottle feeding will work for you and your baby then go for it. But please don't let others make you question your decision or make you feel bad, especially your DH.

When are you due?