I hate breastfeeding

[TooManyAnimals94]

Exactly that. Yet again I have woken up in a stinky milk wet patch because my boobs have let down and soaked the bed. My dressing gown also smells like the posh cheese counter at the deli because I there is only so much laundry I can do and I haven't put it in the machine yet.
I live in fear of getting thrush because I always seem to have saturated breast pads against my skin.
The time when I'm not washing the same three tops AGAIN because I refuse to spend anymore money on nursing clothes, I am fishing said breast pads out of the dog's mouth because she gets them out of the bin and shreds them.
I hate that my fast let down means that instead of serenely nursing my baby to sleep in the evening, the poor child is subjected to having milk sprayed up her nose, I'm her eyes and when she does stop fussing at latch on,she chokes, sputters and cries so I have to calm her and start again.
I have tried using a haaka pump to relieve this and yes it works a bit but it turns the whole thing into even more of a faff.
It isn't 'convenient'! I remember the midwife using this word when she found out I had horses. She said it's so convenient when you're outside because you don't need to worry about hygiene or bottle temp. Yeah, never mind we're heading for winter and I'll soon be fighting through three coats to get my tits out in sub zero temps....so fucking convenient. To then be covered in milk which will make me even colder.
Lastly, I miss my boobs! I never had a great body but I liked my boobs. I liked the way they looked, I liked to have them touched. Now they just look like cow udders to me and I hate the fact I have lost any autonomy over when I get them out. I want to punch my husband if I catch him looking at them. It disgusts me that he could even contemplate them in a sexual way.
I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of this but I thought a rant might make me feel better...it has, a but. I've said I'll keep going until the new year when she'll be three months and I feel like I've 'done my bit plus money is tight and there's no point spending on formula when we don't have to but I'm literally counting down the days.
It's just another thing that NO ONE TELLS YOU! Ladies who have breastfed for the recommended 6 months to a year or even longer, I applaud your resilience. I genuinely don't understand how you do it. Is anyone else a horrible mum like me who resents sharing her body with her child? I did it for nine months! I thought I was done 😂

So...quit!
Seriously.
Luckily we live in a society where ff is a safe option and it's honestly not much of a faff once you get used to it.
I used pre made cartons of formula too so no powder for me:)
Honestly, quite and enjoy your new baby...
After a few months no one will ever ask you again how she's fed.

@Opal8 I'm thinking about just using the premade stuff. Do you need to sterilise bottles for that?
How do you heat it up?

I hear every detail you mention. I HATED it. I was all set to give up at 4 months but then dd developed a milk allergy and i had to go dairy free and keep on feeding her because she wouldn’t take the dairy-free milk. I fed her until she was 14 months old. It NEVER got less painful, i never felt less invaded on sharing my body, I never got less than a massive let down and leaky boobs and smelled of sour cheese. Even thinking of this a year on makes me involuntarily hunch over and wrap my arms around myself. The only bright spot is dd has a lovely start in life and i won’t feel guilty over that, but i am very glad she is DC the Last

@Luckytattie you’ll always heed to have clean sterilised bottles to put the premade stuff into. Room temp is fine, I don’t warm milk.

Should have added that dd1 was bottle fed (due to retained placenta i never made any milk) and it was hardly any faff at all compared - there are other arguments against it, but that isn’t one.

Ah ok thank you @WheelieBinPrincess

You don’t have to do it but that’s your feelings on it, I breast fed all 4 of mine till 2 plus and did love it and found it very convenient, if you don’t like it then stop, it’s not compulsory

If your baby is putting on weight well you could try block feeding to regulate your supply a bit quicker. My DC3 was six weeks when I did it on Christmas Day and it was a game changer.

@TurnUpTurnip many women are they able to easily breastfeed, it is not as simple as they ‘don’t like it’ (sometimes it is which is a perfectly valid choice)

Please don’t shame other women for their choices just because you found breastfeeding easy and convenient- you were lucky.

@SwayingInTime

If your baby is putting on weight well you could try block feeding to regulate your supply a bit quicker. My DC3 was six weeks when I did it on Christmas Day and it was a game changer.

Oh yes, you've just reminded me i did block feeding when I had ten tonnes of milk and my boy only fed for 5 mins at a time.

Still hated it though!

@TurnUpTurnip

You don’t have to do it but that’s your feelings on it, I breast fed all 4 of mine till 2 plus and did love it and found it very convenient, if you don’t like it then stop, it’s not compulsory

I genuinely don't understand how someone can come onto a thread like this ignore the whole concept and use it as an opportunity to simply brag that they found it easy.

Honestly OP it's totally fine to stop. I have several friends who all persevered and still regret making their lives so much harder for no reason other than thinking if they stopped they would have failed.

At the end of the day it's worth remembering that your baby won't suffer by having formula but you will suffer by continuing to do something you hate. Personally if you were my friend I'd be telling you not to keep making yourself endure something when there is an equally valid alternative.

@PinkWaferBiscuit agree!!

What exactly is the point?!

I agree I don't see what is relevant about turnips post

I kept going thinking I was doing the best for DS, his immune system would be fantastic etc.

Er no. He has been ill every other week this year! So have I!
I think BF also caused him to wake more in the night when he was getting a bit older. Formula may have kept him down (I don't know).
But I just hated every feed. I hated my boobs, I hated sitting there watching DH eat his hot meal whilst mine got cold. Or staring at my cup of juice willing it to fly over the room to me so I could take a drink.
Uft It made me sad and I wish I just stopped instead of pressuring myself.

And I don’t know how someone can come on the internet and slate breastfeeding saying how awful it is putting new mums off! Just because you found it awful doesn’t mean everyone does and I think for any new pregnant mums reading this it’s helpful to hear from people that haven’t found it bad at all!

The OP hates it
You do realise she has a brain of her own?

And I’ve told the op to stop, why do something you don’t like, no one is forcing you and no one cares if you ff, it’s the norm in this country so literally no one will care.

It's literally a thread about hating BF and this thread could also help other new mums who felt the same as every single one of us on here. I personally felt no one else would feel like this and OP has said herself she is relieved to know others felt the same

Good for you you found it easy. Is it really so hard to understand some women don't? O persevered for almost two fucking years hating every sodding minute of it.
So go away with your patronising twaddle.

@TurnUpTurnip

And I don’t know how someone can come on the internet and slate breastfeeding saying how awful it is putting new mums off! Just because you found it awful doesn’t mean everyone does and I think for any new pregnant mums reading this it’s helpful to hear from people that haven’t found it bad at all!

So no one who is struggling is ever allowed to ask for advice because that person's reality may put a new mother off breastfeeding?

It's stupid to pretend it's an easy and stress free process and in my opinion this over exaggerated viewpoint of presenting it as always easy and less hassle is why so many new mums struggle when they actually find themselves facing difficulties or challenges because they were never told sometimes it might not be a bed of fucking roses.

@TurnUpTurnip I wish I’d read it six weeks ago before I gave birth, it might have given me a more realistic idea.

Go and start a thread entitled ‘I love breastfeeding’ if you want to discuss the other side of the coin, although I expect you just wanted an excuse to be insufferably smug bash other women that didn’t have the easy experience with it that you did.

Stop if you hate it that much.

You don’t have to BF if you don’t want to but it does get easier. Babies do get better at dealing with a fast letdown. Have you tried reclining during a feed? I think I stopped leaking overnight at around 12 weeks. I know if doesn’t seem like it’s convenient at the moment but I definitely got more sleep than bottle feeding friends who had to get out of bed to heat a bottle. BFing makes you sleepy so you can go back to sleep more easily.

Thanks everyone...didn't mean to a) start a row about bf vs ff but I was naive not to realise that was inevitable or b) try and put anyone off- try it, you may love it!
I don't feel it's as simple as 'just stop'. I suppose it is but I do worry like others have said that bottle feeding is just as much of a hassle and that's what I'm trying to avoid really. Yes I'm pissed off but I wouldn't say I'm suffering mentally or physically (apart from the body image). I just have this stubborn streak in me that wants to persevere because its the 'natural' or the 'right' thing to do, which is totally stupid.
I think a lot of it is tied to giving birth. I did all the NCT and hypnobirthing stuff and felt like an absolute failure for ending up flat on my back on a drip using every pain med available and I was really relieved to find that in comparison, I found breastfeeding easy and my body seemed to cooperate. Deep down I feel like if I give up and switch to formula I've failed again. I KNOW it's irrational but it's how I feel.

@TurnUpTurnip

And I don’t know how someone can come on the internet and slate breastfeeding saying how awful it is putting new mums off! Just because you found it awful doesn’t mean everyone does and I think for any new pregnant mums reading this it’s helpful to hear from people that haven’t found it bad at all!

I think for many new mums to be a bit of reality of some of the difficulties BF presents is actually a good thing.

For some it's plug and go but in my NCT group half of us had feeding issues in the early days. When I challenged NCT on why these aspects weren't covered they said it's to not put women off..... Except this has the opposite effect if you are presented with a ideal situation. It makes you feel like a failure or doing something wrong which adds to stress levels and makes feeding more difficult.

I also ended up extended BF and natural weaning just before 2. It doesn't mean that I don't recognise how tough those early weeks can be especially if there are added elements. It's surely healthier to give proper information of the whole picture of BF to pregnant women rather than just the blissful picture?

For some people this is their experience but for many it's not. It's a good thing to be realistic.

You’re completely entitled to choose how to feed. Your baby, your body, your choice.

If you do want suggestions of some things that might help at least for a little while if you want to continue:

• as others have said, the leaking should settle down but may not do so until 3 months ish.
• reusable breast pads are your friend. Get some lovely soft bamboo ones. They’re more absorbent, less uncomfortable and you can just chuck them in a wash you’re already doing.
• find a breastfeeding support group. They aren’t just for mums who are committed to this as their long term feeding choice. They should be able to help you through a few weeks if that’s your choice. Talking about how difficult it is helps. Lots of groups are still happening online in my area so hopefully you could find one on zoom and give it a try without having to go out. Alternatively is there a telephone service you can ring in your area?
• For fast let down, start the feed leaning back so that gravity is not doing its thing so much. You could also try different holds, like the rugby ball hold to see if that improves things. A breastfeeding support service should be able to advise.
• On Facebook there’s a group called ‘Can I breastfeed in it?’ where you will see women sharing normal, non-nursing clothes that you can feed in. It’s not just good for suggestions of clothes - it’s also about loving your body and getting back to what works for you whilst feeding.
• Keep reminding yourself that this doesn’t last. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter or that you’re not entitled to feel sad and fed up. It just means that you needn’t despair. This will change. The biggest thing I learnt from my first baby was that things change and what seems never-ending really isn’t.

Strength to you!

I've exclusively breastfed both of mine past 6 months but I think there's so much misinformation about how amazing it is in a bid to make more people so it - makes me quite cross actually! I feel like I've been stuck with two horrendous sleepers because breastfed babies sleep so much worse than formula fed ones. I started the second on bottles (expressed) much earlier because waiting 6 weeks so you can establish breastfeeding is playing fast and loose with having a bottle refuser. Again, this isn't shared because everyone is desperate to get breastfeeding rates up. I do find it convenient in the night but having recently swapped onto some formula it is sooo straightforward - and other people can help! Don't understand why people think washing bottles is such a faff.

I completely understand about the soaked sheets and clothes. And it is harder in winter when you are wearing several layers which you need to get off. And the old 'I just wore a vest top underneath' drives me mad! What about all the days in summer when it was swelteringly hot?! I was miserable.

Do what makes you happy OP and what makes life easiest. A mix of both is fine if you don't want to stop completely. Thanks for the thread for allowing my to rant, I feel better for it!