Going cold turkey breastfeeding a dairy free baby

[whatsthescoregeorgedoors]

I don't want to breastfeed any more. Please do not try to persuade me to do this.

My son has CMPA and probably multiple allergies or intolerances. I have cut everything g I can think of out of my diet, he is on omeprazole. After a period of time in which he was settled and we were getting somewhere with sleep etc I ate something that disagreed with him again and we are having more shit feeding, waking through the night, screaming, failure to nap.

And I am starting to hate him. I don't want to feed him to calm him down any more, I just want him to be on formula that agrees with his tummy and to be able to parent both him and my older child effectively. I want my DH to be able to help me with my high needs baby and to be able to spend time with my DD.

My milk supply keeps going lower due to stress, I have put on half a stone but am still struggling for milk supply despite pumping (breastfeeding teas also upset my son), he is scraping by in terms of weight gain (very stressful, about to drop another centile on top of the 2 already) and I have psoriasis all over my body. I need to stop
Worrying about how much he is getting.

I need to stop. He is 3.5 months old and wonMr take a bottle easily - he will take a bit of Alfamino/neocate mixed with Nesquik or breastmilk when hungry, but not enough.

Can I just go cold turkey (happy to pump to prevent mastitis)? Will he switch if I just make breastfeeding unavailable, or go away for the weekend (DH is encouraging me to take DD away so that he can battle it out)?

What bottles can I use that might make his reflux less bad?

I have previously got him to take 100ml of breastmilk, he took 40 today. But it will take me ages to get him to take a bottle at one feed. And I am really starting to hate every moment of motherhood.

I only breastfed because I did for my DD and I thought it would be portable and convenient. I am starting to find it physically repulsive now.

Google paced feeding for making bottle feeding more similar to breastfeeding. Getting the right position will help too.
I don't think only offering bottles will necessarily means baby takes to them Im afraid. Have you called your health visitor? Finding the right teat is trial and error really.

I don't mean to sound judgey and I hear that you are desperate, but I'm not sure nesquick is really safe for such a young baby. You could try pure vanilla extract if it's the flavour that's a problem?

Alternatively contact the human milk bank and ask for donor milk?

I think BFing is brilliant but not when it's to the detriment of the mothers mental health. If stopping is right for you that's just fine! I do think cold Turkey will be more stressful for both of you though. Good luck ❤️

P.s. breastfeeding aversion is very real, but also these feelings could be PND so j would urge you to speak to your GP about how you're feeling.

Is your baby under a dietician? How many different allergy friendly formulas have you trialled?

Donor milk would not work - donor would have to be dairy, soy, egg and nut free

Nesquick was advised by a dietitian - use to mask the taste of the formula (small amount) and then wean off again. Vanilla does not work. I have tried mixing with breastmilk, but it is very difficult because my breastmilk goes cheesy after about 10 minutes once warmed, so it tastes disgusting.

I wish I could go back and not breastfeed. It is so miserable

I have tried neocate and alfamino - others are unsuitable as contain small amounts of dairy and soy.

I probably do have PND, but because of the feeding rather than the other way around. Until you have breastfed a baby in these circumstances, you just cannot possibly understand.

If his reflux is as a result of allergies then no bottle with make it better.

Bf a baby with allergies is so difficult. As you on the Facebook CMPA pages? It might be a good place to ask for help.

Ignore this is you are definitely sure you want to stop bf. What makes you think your supply is dropping? Are you exclusively pumping?

Oh and I have spoken to my GP. She has referred for PNA and am awaiting counselling, will see her for another weigh in this week and will tell her how I feel. She will be hugely sympathetic as she has seen how awful the struggle has been for me and has told me that despite bf her own kids to over 1 she feels that it would be better for us both for me to be able to give a bottle.

@Fitforforty

I can just tell. Waking up a lot at night - not simply a growth spurt as he basically never gains weight. Breasts that look and feel empty, not being able to feel much let down. Baby screaming at the breast in frustration.

He has dropped from 60th to below 9th centile. GP just says wean early but he looks fine in the fundamentals so isn't concerned. I am convinced that he would not scream and refuse to feed if on non dairy hypoallergenic formula.

I do try to pump to increase supply after feeds, but I have another child to look after. I really cannot do this any more. I am stretched too thin.

That sounds massively tough OP. I had a colicky/tongue tied baby who screamed all the time too and it was absolutely awful. I don’t think going cold turkey on such a small baby will work unfortunately.
Can you leave the house for day time feedings for a day or two instead maybe, and have someone else take over? BF babies can definitely smell if you are nearby! I hope you figure out what works for you, but sometimes switching to formula doesn’t make nap times/sleeping any easier (as was the case here).

And btw I have done everything. Had tongue tie snipped, cut everything out of my diet, pumped around the clock, fed more often, fed less often, burped, everything. I have seen a paediatrician, a nutritionist, my GP. I just want to know if anyone went properly cold turkey and got their baby to bottle feed fully

@LongWinterNights

I know if isn't always magic, I just want to know what he is getting. Until you have a baby who falls down and down weight wise you just cannot understand the anxiety.

I left my DH for a feed at the weekend and came back to a screaming mess. He does take a bottle better from me. So maybe I could just offer a bottle every 3 hours?

I didn't go cold turkey as we were mixed feeding but I did stop BF around 3.5 months I just felt I couldn't do it any more (had even seen a lactation consultant) and whilst I still wish (on occasion) I could have carried on I know it was the right decision for me at the time. Ds is now 9 and no different to his purely bf peers. We used Dr Brown bottles. Good luck it sounds as though it is definitely the right decision for you.

You poor thing.

I'd speak with your health visitor ASAP.

I would actually go cold turkey and just use bottles of formula. Switching formula/ breast would be ideal but I'm not sure if baby would be confused.
Also I wouldn't mix formula with b milk as it may not have the desired affect in taste or on his tummy.

I would actually take it as a positive if he's not having massive amounts to begin with as his tummy can get used to smaller amounts first.

Maybe get one of each type of the bottles and see which he likes rather than spending loads on one make? My bf baby liked mam, nuby and nuk teats the best, found them most like the boob!

I'd also take dd away as dh offered to give you a much needed rest and time to focus on you and dd- you'll find you'll miss ds loads and it might be the start of a new beginning.

I think you need to stop bf ASAP it's not doing you any good.

I went cold turkey with DD1 at around 8 weeks. Just kept giving the bottle, nothing else. It wasn't nice, she hated it at first and it almost felt like I was forcing her. But she got it within a couple days. I had to do it for my mental health, and DD will never know or remember. Sorry you are having such an awful time.

Gosh OP things sound so rough, I just wanted to say that you've got this, and please please do what feels best to you.

Going cold turkey, for you there's the risk of mastitis etc, but use all the tricks in the book to reduce your milk- cabbage leaves, various teas etc.

If your DH is willing to battle it out please let him! You do you, take a mental health break and do something joyful with your DD. If you're worried about how DH will get on, maybe go 'away' that isn't too far away?

Good luck! Don't forget that whatever you decide, it's the right thing!

It doesn't matter whether anyone else has managed it because they weren't you and they didn't have your baby.

It will be very hard to just switch like that but it sounds like it's very hard already.

I've had breastfeeding aversion and it's awful so I do sympathise with you.

I'd suggest that if you make a plan to do a speed up form of gentle weaning: so day 1= 90% feeds are breast, day 2=80%, day 3 =70% etc

Hope whatever you do that it works out for you

Shit OP this does sound awful and unsustainable. You’ve done so well to get this far with bf.

Please ask on the Facebook CMPA too. There is a main one and one specifically for bf. There are some really knowledgeable people on there.

I’m assumed you have tried lots of different bottle including the cheap traditional ones?

Also pls see your GP about your PND. Even it it’s situationally they can help.

I have tried mam and NUK bottles. I have some dr browns ones to try next. Will keep trying more brands. Thanks for understanding all, it is just such hard work

It is really awful having a Velcro baby with allergies. My firstborn was like this and he totally broke me. I couldn’t ever get him to take formula at all, and did end up going down the early weaning route which did help actually.

Sometimes for cmpa babies the formula causes more issues than it solves, it’s not a magic bullet.

But I do know how utterly exhausted and broken you feel right now. I think 3.5 months is the absolute worst time.

My Velcro baby is now 7 and a lovely little boy. He’s still pretty high needs but he’s very rewarding and the trauma of his first weeks is a distant memory.

Oh really? In what way is the formula worse?

OMG it's a nightmare isn't it.
I'm diary, egg and soya free and have a reflux baby. I also had supply problems though it wasn't too big a weight decline with my second. I also have a toddler. I can completely relate to the stress, anxiety and guilt you're talking about. It's dreadful.

I think you're right to stop trying to boost your supply by pumping. I don't know how you are managing to do it. I couldn't pump with my second due to no time and tiredness.

If the reflux is keeping your baby up and therefore you addressing this will help you to address the feeding. Though I know how tricky reflux is to treat.

There are a few things that helped me:, in particular.

• referral from my health visitor to specialist infant feeding team so I could see a lactation consultant - they can help with combine feeding and I assume weaning.
• referral from my GP to paediatrics who then recommended to GP that they prescribe liquid omprezale. This was far more effective than the tablets at the young age.

In terms of getting the baby to take the bottle then it could be worth trying a short breast feed then the bottle. As apparently this helps take the initial hunger away and the baby may take the bottle. I hope this might work for you, but it might not unfortunately.

Early weaning is definitely worth trying and you should have a dietician to help. This will hopefully take away the weight gain stress and might help a little with the reflux.

I would say that if you can preserve with the breastfeeding until early weaning then it might make things easier in the long run in terms of not having to make formula. As dairy free formula doesn't come ready made as far as I know.

I'm here with you OP, my 4.5 month old has got CMPA and soya allergy. She's gone from 75th to 4th centile and it was causing me no end of stress. It's so bloody tough isn't it, especially when you have other children so you can't just dote solely on one. I'd definitely recommend the CMPA fb pages I've found them really useful. I haven't managed to get mine to take a bottle so I can't help there but I'm here if you want to chat to someone who is going through a similar thing.

As my response was so long I thought I'd post it before finishing so I didn't loose it. So to continue...

Your relationship with your baby will be fine and recover. It's just an impossible situation that you're in. But it won't last and then you will be able to bond wonderfully with your baby.

If giving up breastfeeding helps improve your situation then it's definitely the right thing to do.

I think given how tough things are for you that getting professional help is important. So do ask a few lactation consultants if they can advise on weaning

My second used breastfeeding to help her reflux and the screaming at the breast can also be due to the reflux as well as supply.

Hang on in there, at 4.5 months you can wean and that will really help. I understand how hard it is and you're doing so well reaching out for support. I hope things improve for you soon.

Thanks very much. I have asked the doctor to see if she could test my thyroid, as I am concerned that maybe that is why my milk production is too low. But really I think it is time to stop if I can, as it is just too hard. I have realised today that I have two teeth that are decaying, probably as a result of eating carbs through the night to try to keep up supply. Hopefully I have caught it early enough, but I really am a total mess.

My son wants to breastfeed to sleep at bedtime and the idea that we could be doing this at a year fills me with dread. Maybe better to rip off the plaster now, whilst he is still young. I just feel so trapped.