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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Arghh, nearly got chucked out of the breastfeeding support group for.....

73 replies

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 17:54

...talking about breastfeeding !!!

I have previously mentioned my local 'unsupportive' breastfeeding support group, run by a HCA with no experience at breastfeeding herself and who wants all babies mixed feeding and on baby rice by 16 weeks. She actually tells you this is what you must do etc, even if you don't ask a question, you get samples of baby rice shoved into your hand.

I have spoken to her boss about her past behavior and she will be getting further training shortly (hopefully sooner rather than later) but in the meantime she just keeps talking crap to be honest.

I got some advice off some breastfeeding counselor expert/trainees on how to tactfully introduce the correct information without upsetting the lady...it didn't go well.

The HCA had already earlier in the meeting told several mothers stupid and inaccurate things but I was working hard on trying to phrase things tactfully and hence I just listened and said nothing as I was trying to work out the best way to get the correct information across in a positive non-judgmental way.

Then a mum, who I know really wants to breastfeed and said so to the HCA but she isn't getting much sleep and asked for suggestions about getting more sleep whilst breastfeeding. HCA standard answer was 'wean them dear, give them more food and then they will sleep or you could try CIO'...the baby is only 4 months old

I suggested that maybe she could consider bringing the cot back into her bedroom (she had only just moved the baby out) and hence find it easier for night feeds, as I found having my daughter close at night helped me get more sleep.

The lady snapped at me that it was not recommended and that babies should be in their own rooms. I said that I had heard the risk of SIDS was lower when the baby had a cot in their parents room for the first 6 months, had I got that wrong ?

The lady shouted at me and told me I was wrong and if I wanted to give advice I need to set my own group up and not come to HER group and HER ladies to talk here. Bit of an over reaction I think, it shocked everyone as I had made such an effort to be reasonable and had only asked her a question.

I followed her out of the room a little later and explained that I had no intention of upsetting her, I just thought that this group was an appropriate place to share breastfeeding information and to discuss our experiences as nursing mothers.

She calmed down and said that if I didn?t talk, she would allow me to come to the next group meeting !!! But I'm a breastfeeding mum, going to a free access group run by the NHS, how can she even think she can ban me for asking her a poxy question.

How can the group support breastfeeding when the women are not allowed to talk about our own experiences or any research/facts which go against her opinions, or ask a question she doesn't like !!!

So back to the meeting where one brave mum stated she intended to BF exclusively to 6 months, the lady spend 10 minutes saying in a very negative way, that if she really felt that she could cope, gosh you look tired, isn't your baby sleeping though, he needs baby rice have you thought about weaning.

When it was my friends turn and she stated that she was happy to get to 6 months exclusive feeding (Despite this HCA telling her she had to wean every week for the last 6 weeks plus she sent a weaning woman around to my friends home, as a bit of a hint)

The HCA turned around and said we shouldn't be bragging as it is not fair on those who bottle feed...FFS...it is a BREAST FEEDING support group.....ARGGHH

My friend and I were smiling and friendly at the club but underneath I can not get over how stupid this woman is.

I feel like noting every inaccurate point she makes and pass it back to her boss as training issues, but I am starting to think that all the training in the world won't help her.

My friend suggested that we should spilt up and sit with different mums every week and try and help them by listening to what they are saying and perhaps passing on the real BF help lines numbers to those mums who want to keep on feeding.

I like the idea but reckon we'll be chucked out in the next few weeks. She doesn't believe in feeding babies over 4 months and always questions, my friend and mine attendance. but as I point out I'll need her 'help' when I decide to stop BF.

I will still keep attending, it is harder for her to tell mums that they have to stop BF at 6 months when I am sat there with a nursing 14 month old and the other mums are interested in us still feeding and ask if her teeth affect her nursing and why we still do it and is it beneficial for my daughter and of course I gave brief positive answers.

RANT over...just wanted to get that information out and on paper as such.

OP posts:
meemar · 07/11/2007 17:57

words fail me honestly.

hunkermunker · 07/11/2007 17:57

WTF is she doing running a bf support group when she clearly has such issues with bf?!!

Are you anywhere near London, BE? I'd love to come to a meeting...

hunkermunker · 07/11/2007 17:58

I would be noting all the inaccurate points she makes to feed back to her boss.

FrannyandZooey · 07/11/2007 17:58

Oh lord, I am glad that your have persisted, please don't let this go, I feel so sad and so angry for those women

JARM · 07/11/2007 17:59

this is what scares me about BF

negativity and bollocks advice from so-called proffessionals.

thank god for MN

Wisteria · 07/11/2007 18:01

Sounds like she's been to the Clare Verity school of childcare to me

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 18:04

Sadly we are NW.

She is totally in the wrong job

But her reaction today was very unstable, I honestly made such an effort to speak respectfully and nicely, asking my question as a genuine 'Am I wrong' way

She sent me home in tears the first time I met her telling me my 4 month old baby was dangerously underweight and must be weaned that day...bollocks she was dead average to the gram.

OP posts:
fullmoonfiend · 07/11/2007 18:04

what is HCA? (scuse my ignorance)

This group sounds about as supportive as a jelly bra FFS!

You keep at it m'dear. Who does she answer to this 'professional?'

If you are chucked out, report, report report!

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 18:07

Health Care Assistant

Her only qualification, is attending a college level course in child care. No specfic BF information.

OP posts:
Niecie · 07/11/2007 18:07

Why would anybody want to run a breastfeeding support group when they don't actually support breastfeeding themselves. I wonder if she was forced into the job and doesn't even want to be there.

The woman is a menace though. Tell her bosses about her inaccuracies and get others to complain as well.

fullmoonfiend · 07/11/2007 18:09

deffo complain.

StaryNightSky · 07/11/2007 18:10

BEW

If your still about there is new mum posting who has had some realy crap advse from a HV!

Think the thread is title urgent help in active conv.

Sounds like you know what you are talking about and I think she needs a bit of support.

Sorry for the High jack

edam · 07/11/2007 18:11

Blimey, this HCA is both ignorant (doesn't know what she's talking about) and stupid (refuses to listen to valid points raised).

WTF have they got a ruddy HCA running the group anyway? I doubt very much she has any qualifications - she wouldn't be spouting such rubbish if she did.

Complain, complain, complain with specific examples of her bad advice and rudeness.

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 18:12

She reports to a lovely Health Visitor who is known locally as being really positive about breastfeeding.

When I spoke to the boss on the phone. I was tactful and started with the good points, which is that the HCA is a very caring, friendly person who really aims to help mums breastfeeding, sadly the information is often inaccurate and out of date and perhaps she could benefit from more training. I explained that I did not want to get anyone into trouble but I was concerned at the very poor level of support the mums were getting.

When I mentioned the name, it was clear that she knew this lady well but as a friend or a crap HCA I don't know.

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 07/11/2007 18:15

where in NW. can you do a call out for as many bf mners to go down to the next meeting?

charliegal · 07/11/2007 18:24

This is terrible, sounds like you have been trying your best to give out positive information. How frustrating, no wonder this country's bf rates are so poor.

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 18:26

Though it is tempting to turn up on mass, I don't think that would change this HCA attitude. I am hopeing when she is retrained that she will keep her zest and energy and funnel this in a more productive and less interfering way but I am not holding my breath.

On the bright side I have been reading an Introduction to Counseling book just for kicks and she is the perfect example of what not to do

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 07/11/2007 18:27

i suggest written letter to the team manager. detailing your concerns very specifically and factually with dates etc
eg on 07/11/07 HCA said XYZ advice, however DoH and NICE guidelines clearly state BF is preferred option and no solids introduced before 6month

keep it factual and unemotive - so that it is emphasised it is a concern about poor practice

the HCA is untrained but will be supervised by trained practitioner RM, who is responsible for the HCA training needs/ensuing good
accurate advice given

some links
"BBC webpage role of support worker in midwifery"

"DoH BF info",
"DoH more BF info"

good Luck

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 18:32

Thanks SM, I'll check out those links

OP posts:
uberalice · 07/11/2007 18:53

Sounds rather like the BF support group I no longer go to. The HCAs were nicer than yours, but just as ill-informed and they made me feel like a freak with two heads when I told them I was holding off weaning until 6 months.
I'd say complain too, but I wouldn't be surprised if her boss came from the same school of early weaning.

VictorianSqualor · 07/11/2007 19:14

Ypu obviously know what you're talking about, the SIDS risk you mentioned is correct, and as for weaning at 4 months being standard

My advice is the next session you go to you take notes, come back here and ask some of the MNers who know tons about breastfeeding (there are quite a few) and go back to her group the next time with proof, i.e real information from places like LLL and NCT websites, I'm sure someone can tell you where to find more, confront her with these findings and hopefully make sure the women at your group realise she is talking nonsense.

Get as many people to complain about her as possible. She should not be allowed to run this group when obviously knows little about the subject.

I don't know what you need to do to have a breastfeeding support group, but if you go there every session anyway is there some way you and your friend could start up your own???

morningpaper · 07/11/2007 19:21
Shock
llareggub · 07/11/2007 19:25

TBH it sounds more like a disciplinary/capability issue than a training issue. What is it with the bloody NHS and post-natal support? I got a public bollocking at my breastfeeding support group for co-sleeping and daring to feed beyond 6 months.

I didn't go back and certainly would never ask the HV for anything.

Walnutshell · 07/11/2007 19:25

You must do something even if to help one or two mothers who will otherwise start early weaning or give up bf'ing sooner than they would have done. Pass out leaflet with helplines, websites etc to members and suggest alternative support group! If you're going to get kicked out, go with a bang.

Much complaining needed - she is not providing the stated service.

RGPargy · 07/11/2007 19:30

!!!

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