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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Arghh, nearly got chucked out of the breastfeeding support group for.....

73 replies

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 17:54

...talking about breastfeeding !!!

I have previously mentioned my local 'unsupportive' breastfeeding support group, run by a HCA with no experience at breastfeeding herself and who wants all babies mixed feeding and on baby rice by 16 weeks. She actually tells you this is what you must do etc, even if you don't ask a question, you get samples of baby rice shoved into your hand.

I have spoken to her boss about her past behavior and she will be getting further training shortly (hopefully sooner rather than later) but in the meantime she just keeps talking crap to be honest.

I got some advice off some breastfeeding counselor expert/trainees on how to tactfully introduce the correct information without upsetting the lady...it didn't go well.

The HCA had already earlier in the meeting told several mothers stupid and inaccurate things but I was working hard on trying to phrase things tactfully and hence I just listened and said nothing as I was trying to work out the best way to get the correct information across in a positive non-judgmental way.

Then a mum, who I know really wants to breastfeed and said so to the HCA but she isn't getting much sleep and asked for suggestions about getting more sleep whilst breastfeeding. HCA standard answer was 'wean them dear, give them more food and then they will sleep or you could try CIO'...the baby is only 4 months old

I suggested that maybe she could consider bringing the cot back into her bedroom (she had only just moved the baby out) and hence find it easier for night feeds, as I found having my daughter close at night helped me get more sleep.

The lady snapped at me that it was not recommended and that babies should be in their own rooms. I said that I had heard the risk of SIDS was lower when the baby had a cot in their parents room for the first 6 months, had I got that wrong ?

The lady shouted at me and told me I was wrong and if I wanted to give advice I need to set my own group up and not come to HER group and HER ladies to talk here. Bit of an over reaction I think, it shocked everyone as I had made such an effort to be reasonable and had only asked her a question.

I followed her out of the room a little later and explained that I had no intention of upsetting her, I just thought that this group was an appropriate place to share breastfeeding information and to discuss our experiences as nursing mothers.

She calmed down and said that if I didn?t talk, she would allow me to come to the next group meeting !!! But I'm a breastfeeding mum, going to a free access group run by the NHS, how can she even think she can ban me for asking her a poxy question.

How can the group support breastfeeding when the women are not allowed to talk about our own experiences or any research/facts which go against her opinions, or ask a question she doesn't like !!!

So back to the meeting where one brave mum stated she intended to BF exclusively to 6 months, the lady spend 10 minutes saying in a very negative way, that if she really felt that she could cope, gosh you look tired, isn't your baby sleeping though, he needs baby rice have you thought about weaning.

When it was my friends turn and she stated that she was happy to get to 6 months exclusive feeding (Despite this HCA telling her she had to wean every week for the last 6 weeks plus she sent a weaning woman around to my friends home, as a bit of a hint)

The HCA turned around and said we shouldn't be bragging as it is not fair on those who bottle feed...FFS...it is a BREAST FEEDING support group.....ARGGHH

My friend and I were smiling and friendly at the club but underneath I can not get over how stupid this woman is.

I feel like noting every inaccurate point she makes and pass it back to her boss as training issues, but I am starting to think that all the training in the world won't help her.

My friend suggested that we should spilt up and sit with different mums every week and try and help them by listening to what they are saying and perhaps passing on the real BF help lines numbers to those mums who want to keep on feeding.

I like the idea but reckon we'll be chucked out in the next few weeks. She doesn't believe in feeding babies over 4 months and always questions, my friend and mine attendance. but as I point out I'll need her 'help' when I decide to stop BF.

I will still keep attending, it is harder for her to tell mums that they have to stop BF at 6 months when I am sat there with a nursing 14 month old and the other mums are interested in us still feeding and ask if her teeth affect her nursing and why we still do it and is it beneficial for my daughter and of course I gave brief positive answers.

RANT over...just wanted to get that information out and on paper as such.

OP posts:
TigerFeet · 07/11/2007 19:33

I think you are being too nice about her to her boss tbh. She is giving incorrect advice against current guidelines. She really shouldn't be running the group at all.

Amberjee · 07/11/2007 19:55

i'm in shock, but also have seen this kind of thing before
i'd love it if zillions of BFing MNers turned up, esp with older LOs!

Pruners · 07/11/2007 20:02

Message withdrawn

Pruners · 07/11/2007 20:02

Message withdrawn

Wisteria · 07/11/2007 20:06

I have knuckledusters but my norks no longer work

Lulumama · 07/11/2007 20:11

if you don;lt get any joy, and she slings you out, then go to local paper.

morningpaper · 07/11/2007 20:19

I don't know if anyone's suggested this

Make a formal complaint for PALS (patient liason service)

With a bit of luck, they will ensure she is supervised in future

ScottishMummy · 07/11/2007 20:29

PALS are not responsible for clinical supervision of staff, only the RM practitioner is responsible and accountable as she delegates the task but remains responsible to her professional body even for action of untrained staff

tissy · 07/11/2007 20:32

can you find out if the unit she is attached to has, or is aiming for Unicef Baby-Friendly status? If so, they should be monitoring everything that the trust do regarding infant feeding, and it may be possible to tip them the wink, and get someone to sit in on the group and take notes.

LittleBella · 07/11/2007 20:34

Oh she is in the wrong job

I think you must make a complaint because if you don't, she will be free to sabotage other women.

LittleBella · 07/11/2007 20:34

When she's got rid of you I mean

VictorianSqualor · 07/11/2007 20:37

babyfriendly staus tissy was talking about

kerala · 07/11/2007 20:41

As wisteria said - are you sure shes not Claire Verity in disguise?

Think you are honour bound to act on this (as you are doing). Mothers will be going to that group in good faith and many won't question her advice just take it as read that a health "professional" has the right answers.

Makes me realise how lucky we are here. The local bf counseller who attended the HV sessions is also the local NCT teacher. The HVs would refer bf questions straight to her and she was on hand to deal with them.

ScottishMummy · 07/11/2007 20:45

VictorianSqualor- v informative link
"[[last link v informative
"baby friendly status information] more baby friendly status"

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 20:46

Wow, just finished tea...lots of positive comments.

I have previously rung the PCT PALS line but they couldn't/wouldn't even help me find the right person to complain to. They were completely uninterested.

As for getting chucked out of the group, I suppose in one sense it doesn't matter but it does matter to me.

I'm in a new area, I have been very ill and feel isolated and I have met a couple of nice friends via this group and even though the HCA is a bit unstable I enjoy getting out of the house and more importantly I would prefer to help the situation not make it worse...if I get kicked out that will be the end of any chance of helping the other mums.

OP posts:
madamy · 07/11/2007 20:46

PALS will forward the complaint to the appropriate person though (I was a ward sister and often got feedback through PALS rather than directly). The other option is to formally complain to the Chief Exec of the PCT who employ her. She's obviously not being correctly supervised by a healthcare professional (HV/MW), and this person is going against their professional accountablilty by 'ignoring' her behaviour.

madamy · 07/11/2007 20:48

x-posted! Sorry if that sounded a bit disjointed, but as a registered healthcare professional it really gets my back up when unregistered staff are put in a position in which they are clearly not competent.

ScottishMummy · 07/11/2007 20:51

clinical governance they have to audit and have to report incident reports and complaints -try them

kerala · 07/11/2007 20:53

Yes do understand BE I found the local bf support group a good way of getting out of the house with a tiny baby.

Although maybe suggest going for coffee/meeting up with one or two of the other likeminded mums there - then you have made the link so if the group does not work out for you you have at least made those connections. I met my best mum friend at the grim local clinic when we were getting the babies 6 week hearing tests done. We were only in there half an hour but swapped numbers and still meet up over a year later.

callmeovercautious · 07/11/2007 20:59

I don't know what else to add but the fact that I am disgusted by this! Our support group was fantastic - so much so I am going to train as an ABM counsellor and volunteer to help so more frequent groups can be run.

Definately complain to anyone who may be able to help. A HCA is not qualified to run these classes/support groups so make sure you also write to the local PCT and point out the lack of qualified support. It would cost less than £50 to get her trained!

BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 20:59

kerala, Thanks for your kind words however LOL, my baby is not tiny she is 14 months old, I have just recently moved locations and that is why I am a bit isolated.

I'm going to read all the links have another chat to her boss, attend next week with a notebook and pen for interesting advice given and I'll report back then.

Wish me luck

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 07/11/2007 21:02

Thanks to everyone who has posted on this thread, every piece of advice has been valuable and I will be printing this thread out to refer to the information people have kindly posted

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 07/11/2007 21:48

Be interesting to see how she stopped you attending. Physically? Security? The police?

LOL at MD's Uzi, Pruners!

pastilla · 07/11/2007 22:08

she is a twunt and you are marvellous persisting with her

policywonk · 07/11/2007 22:16

Gosh, yes, your attitude is amazingly calm and constructive. I'd have been wrestling on the floor with her within seconds.