Arghh, nearly got chucked out of the breastfeeding support group for.....

[BabiesEverywhere]

...talking about breastfeeding !!!

I have previously mentioned my local 'unsupportive' breastfeeding support group, run by a HCA with no experience at breastfeeding herself and who wants all babies mixed feeding and on baby rice by 16 weeks. She actually tells you this is what you must do etc, even if you don't ask a question, you get samples of baby rice shoved into your hand.

I have spoken to her boss about her past behavior and she will be getting further training shortly (hopefully sooner rather than later) but in the meantime she just keeps talking crap to be honest.

I got some advice off some breastfeeding counselor expert/trainees on how to tactfully introduce the correct information without upsetting the lady...it didn't go well.

The HCA had already earlier in the meeting told several mothers stupid and inaccurate things but I was working hard on trying to phrase things tactfully and hence I just listened and said nothing as I was trying to work out the best way to get the correct information across in a positive non-judgmental way.

Then a mum, who I know really wants to breastfeed and said so to the HCA but she isn't getting much sleep and asked for suggestions about getting more sleep whilst breastfeeding. HCA standard answer was 'wean them dear, give them more food and then they will sleep or you could try CIO'...the baby is only 4 months old

I suggested that maybe she could consider bringing the cot back into her bedroom (she had only just moved the baby out) and hence find it easier for night feeds, as I found having my daughter close at night helped me get more sleep.

The lady snapped at me that it was not recommended and that babies should be in their own rooms. I said that I had heard the risk of SIDS was lower when the baby had a cot in their parents room for the first 6 months, had I got that wrong ?

The lady shouted at me and told me I was wrong and if I wanted to give advice I need to set my own group up and not come to HER group and HER ladies to talk here. Bit of an over reaction I think, it shocked everyone as I had made such an effort to be reasonable and had only asked her a question.

I followed her out of the room a little later and explained that I had no intention of upsetting her, I just thought that this group was an appropriate place to share breastfeeding information and to discuss our experiences as nursing mothers.

She calmed down and said that if I didn?t talk, she would allow me to come to the next group meeting !!! But I'm a breastfeeding mum, going to a free access group run by the NHS, how can she even think she can ban me for asking her a poxy question.

How can the group support breastfeeding when the women are not allowed to talk about our own experiences or any research/facts which go against her opinions, or ask a question she doesn't like !!!

So back to the meeting where one brave mum stated she intended to BF exclusively to 6 months, the lady spend 10 minutes saying in a very negative way, that if she really felt that she could cope, gosh you look tired, isn't your baby sleeping though, he needs baby rice have you thought about weaning.

When it was my friends turn and she stated that she was happy to get to 6 months exclusive feeding (Despite this HCA telling her she had to wean every week for the last 6 weeks plus she sent a weaning woman around to my friends home, as a bit of a hint)

The HCA turned around and said we shouldn't be bragging as it is not fair on those who bottle feed...FFS...it is a BREAST FEEDING support group.....ARGGHH

My friend and I were smiling and friendly at the club but underneath I can not get over how stupid this woman is.

I feel like noting every inaccurate point she makes and pass it back to her boss as training issues, but I am starting to think that all the training in the world won't help her.

My friend suggested that we should spilt up and sit with different mums every week and try and help them by listening to what they are saying and perhaps passing on the real BF help lines numbers to those mums who want to keep on feeding.

I like the idea but reckon we'll be chucked out in the next few weeks. She doesn't believe in feeding babies over 4 months and always questions, my friend and mine attendance. but as I point out I'll need her 'help' when I decide to stop BF.

I will still keep attending, it is harder for her to tell mums that they have to stop BF at 6 months when I am sat there with a nursing 14 month old and the other mums are interested in us still feeding and ask if her teeth affect her nursing and why we still do it and is it beneficial for my daughter and of course I gave brief positive answers.

RANT over...just wanted to get that information out and on paper as such.

QUOTE your attitude is amazingly calm and constructive UNQUOTE

LOL, Thanks I must confess, I did have a small daydream of forcefeeding her a copy of the WHO breastfeeding guidelines, this morning whilst she shouted at me.

yeah - lets do it

Every time I read a thread like this I feel so depressed. And also thank my lucky stars that my health visitors, midwives, GP - in fact everyone I came across post ds - were so pro-exclusive breast feeding to 6 months.

bloody hell!

Take them with you - please !!! Then, next time you ask a 'reasonable' question and she bites your head off/gives a completely innaccurate/innappropriate answer - you have the official line, in print, that you can bring out if necessary - at least this proves to all other mums there that you know what you're talking about and that she doesn't.

Best of luck - really difficult situation this puts you in. I bfd to 22 months - ended up with just 2 feeds per day, but earlier we were certainly doing more than that.

Good for you and baby.

Hope it goes well - let us know.

BE - I don't think this has been mentioned, so I'll mention it now

Many PCTs have a local breastfeeding policy, or strategy, or set of guidelines. Sometimes they are gathering dust somewhere, but they may still exist.

Is it possible to ask for a copy of your own local policy and if they say there isn't one, express surprise, as you know that adjoining PCTs have one (you'll need to check that)? If there really isn't a PCT one, there is bound to be a maternity unit policy and it will (I hope) say things like excl bf to 6 mths, bf for as long as mother wants, so if nothing else, the HCA is saying something different from what mums are told antenatally and in hospital.

In addition, all mothers will get the Birth to 5 book and last time I looked, its bf stuff was ok - again, you can 'get' her on the fact she is confusing mothers (this will apply to the room sharing/SIDS stuff, too).

The reasoning behind this is that it is not Mrs BabiesEverywhere's opinion that you're coming up with (even though you are correct in all you say!), but the local policy....and there is no point in local policies if people meant to be following them confuse mothers. Complain and quote the policy in contrast to what you hear at the group. (The manager sounds a total wimp, BTW).

Worth a try?

Ah, good point Tiktok - I should've thought of that, really

My gosh, who is this woman? She sounds awful and totally ill-informed. I'd definitely complain to her boss/es.

Thanks TikTok, I'll ring the PCT (again) tomorrow and ask for that information. Luckily I moved into this area recently, so I can say my previous PCT had one.

Although I will speak to the boss again, I agree that she is too soft to DO anything.

I googled for it and found their Breastfeeding policy and the author is ...her flipping boss

Good quotes though...

To enable health care staff to create an environment where more women choose to breastfeed their babies, and where more women are given sufficient information and support to enable them to breastfeed exclusively for six months, and then as part of their infant's diet beyond the first year. (2)

It is mandatory that all staff adhere to this policy to avoid conflicting advice.

6.1 For the first 6 months, breastfed babies should receive no water or artificial feed except in cases of medical indication or fully informed parental choice. In hospital, no water or artificial feed should be given to a breastfed baby unless prescribed by a midwife or paediatrician who has been appropriately trained. Once home, no water or artificial feed is to be recommended for a breastfed baby by a member of staff unless s/he is trained in lactation management.

8.2 Mothers should be encouraged to continue to practise baby-led feeding throughout the time they are breastfeeding. The importance of night time feeding for milk production should be explained to mothers.

Perhaps you could ask this woman for a copy of it? Then ram it up her ill-informed nose.

Message withdrawn

HM, It is VERY tempting.

Actually I have found a link between her boss and a lady I have spoken to in my local NCT branch. Might be able to get some more information / a proper introduction.

The NW Breastfeeding group they both belong too has this as one of their aims...

QUOTE To prevent feelings of isolation and frustration by individual members. UNQUOTE

Well, I am an individual member and I am feeling isolated and frustrated...hopefully they will be able to help.

I wonder if there's a committee somewhere you can join as a user rep. That's what I've done - a bf subgroup of the Maternity Liaison Services Committee.

Good idea, I'll have a look and see what I can do/join etc

Are there any NCT coffee morning groups in your area - you don't need to be a NCT member to join in. The one that I am involved in is in different houses each week within a broad geographical area, most people's houses are accessible by public transport. I found this particularly helpful at the beginning, but still love to go now whenever I get the chance.

I think that there should be a list of the groups and a contact number on the local NCT webpage.

I hope that there is a group like this in your area that you might be able to join so that you can meet some more, hopefully more supportive people in your area!

mistlethrush, I have joined my local NCT group and I have started to go to their coffee mornings. Yes, they are nice women, one gave me a big bag of lovely clothes for my DD.

Though the only other breastfeeding mum goes to the unsupportive group I go to, though she seems quite happy with mixed feeding / early weaning and happily believes the crap the HCA spouts.

I have met a few extending feeders though the peer to peer training I am doing and via the local sling ladies group.

Believe me I am going to loads of groups etc now I am well enough to leave the house

oy, BE

BE - can't add anything to the other posts except to say well done for challenging this ridiculous woman and, if you get her removed or her advice updated (by a few decades), you'll have done an enormous service to many, many women and babies.

BE - glad to hear it. At least with that sort of group no one tends to consider you as 'odd' that you want to continue bf.

With ds I did find that bf when out got quite difficult as he was always too interested in what might be happening elsewhere. When he had a good number of teeth and got distracted, this was somewhat at times!

Good luck with the bf group.