Breastfeeding rates in the UK

[Cash02]

Hi I want to start this by saying, this isn’t a breast is best post etc. I literally have no qualms against formula, wouldn’t dare shame a mother for using formula, this is purely curiosity.

I’ve been breastfeeding for almost 7 months, I’ve had all the shaming, all the weird looks as you can imagine, had people tell me to cover up etc. I find it so odd.

Why do you think that breastfeeding rates are so low? Especially in the uk and young mums, being one myself.

I will say the support I received has been shocking, I had a c-section, breastfed straight away, DD seemed to have a good latch, but I was in agony, bleeding nipples everything, they sent a breastfeeding consultant down, told me ‘the latch was fine so I don’t know’ then left, and I’ve seen the health visitor once. I had an amazing midwife come over after I left hospital who helped me fix my positioning which helped, probably wouldn’t still be breastfeeding if it wasn’t for her, however I was alone from then.

Are there any other reasons that you think, as a formula mum or breastfeeding mum, that discourages women so much?

The silly thing is, once established, breast feeding is a godsend. Painful to begin with but it's free, doesn't involve any faffing with sterilisers or bottles and I got to the point I could feed ds at night without opening my eyes or getting out of bed.

If only mums heard the convenience message more, rather than just breast is best, perhaps more would keep trying a bit longer.

The hardest bit is getting it established. And that's when mums are exhausted and need proper help with the practical stuff, someone to care for them, do dinner, the shopping, run the house.
Not the advice that a bottle will make it easier and a bottle means Dad can help.

TBH I'm v surprised at mothers being judged for breastfeeding. I think that our experiences must vary so much according to where we live, our age and our social circle.

I had quite the opposite experience in that as a 35 year old first time mum I was fully expecting to breastfeed but was given absolutely ZERO advice about moving to bottle feeding by any health professional when I was emotionally on the edge. I had been on middle of the night phone calls to breastfeeding counsellors, been to breastfeeding support groups and the GP several times. None of this changed the fact that I was getting constantly blocked milk ducts, not being able to hold my DD due to the pain and generally feeling like the worst mother in the world.

I genuinely believe that if I hadn't had a sensible DM (a retired nurse) and a very dear friend who had breastfed successfully but was supportive of those who didn't (for whatever reason) then I would have been in a very dark place indeed.

To the pp (a dad) who talked about his wife breastfeeding- it's lovely that you are supportive and that it is working for you and your family- and I mean that wholeheartedly BUT please don't say that this means that the mother child bond is irreplaceable because that's just the sort of language that is deeply upsetting to those of us who "fail" to breastfeed. And I use "fail" because at the time that is just how you are made to feel. My DC are now teenagers but it still hurts to hear that those of us who "failed " are considered to be lesser.

Some women have "easier " pregnancies or more straightforward births than others but this doesn't make them any better or worse mothers.

I seriously believe that the government message that was around when my DC were babies did more harm than good. My abiding memory of that time is me in floods of tears being told by my heath visitor that she couldn't give me any advice on formula feeding because it went against government advice!

@Tollergirl
Thank you for your message
You didn’t fail, you did what was right.
Right now I’m feeding my daughter and she keeps biting me, once established breastfeeding isn’t just straightforward, it’s hard the whole way through, they cut teeth, they grab, pull, don’t get me started on the breastfeeding strikes.
People often see breastfeeding=bond. But it’s important to remember that if you’re upset and stressed, that’ll affect a bond more than any bottle will.
Any woman who bottle feeds in this thread, just know that your DC will love you nonetheless, there won’t be less of a bond. Having a happy mum will help create that bond!
I breastfed from the start and for a little while I didn’t feel connected to my baby, it was a horrible feeling, but it’s the reality for some women, I felt truly connected when she turned 3months. So as you can see breastfeeding has very little affect on any bond and connection you’ll have.
Don’t pressure yourself, do what’s best for you, as mothers were more than just a statistic and how you feel matters!

@Cash02 - thank you very much for that - you're clearly a very wise and compassionate young woman. I really dislike all the divisions that the whole "breast is best " campaign gave rise to. I am sure that the intention wasn't to create feelings of success or failure in mothers but ultimately life is much more than a strap line and feeding your baby is always going to be an emotive topic because a post partum mother is by nature an emotional being. I only hope that one day feeding newborns will carry less judgement from all angles. Let's face it, we all want what's best for our babies.

I hope you carry on feeding your baby in the way that makes you happy and carry on being supportive to others in the same situation

Wont go into the saga of why i ff from a few weeks old - but in my guess next to zero bf support.

@Bikingbear you asked me at the beginning of the thread about the culture in hospital when I had DS in the early 90s.

I had a forceps delivery early hours of Thursday, I was on the postnatal ward until I went home on Saturday. The midwives didn't seem to be rushed off their feet, they had time to sit with me and help me with breastfeeding. The one who spent ages with me right at the start was amazing.

It became apparent that DS was having a bit of difficulty feeding and they thought he might have aspirated some fluid during delivery. He was whisked off and sorted out, I wasn't allowed to go too in case it upset me (!) When he was brought back I again had help with latch and positioning and we were away.

I think it really did help that visitors, including partners, were only allowed on the ward during certain hours. It was nice to have the privacy. It also wasn't busy, four of us in a bay with eight beds. We had our babies with us all the time, but one of the midwives held DS for me while I had a shower as I didn't want to leave him. There was even a little dining room instead of trays at your bed, and the food was surprisingly good.

It was a good experience and a complete contrast to the hospital where I had DS2. Just awful postnatal care, with one particularly nasty midwife, awful food and no support at all with anything. They were busy, over 20 babies born the same day as DS, but no excuse for rudeness. I had him early hours Tuesday and by lunchtime I was on the phone to DH begging him to get me out of there. They at first wouldn't let him in as it wasn't visiting time so he had to be very persistent that he was coming to take me home. It's a good job it was my second baby and I knew what I was doing.

My biggest support in getting breastfeeding going was my DH. He knew how much it meant to me and was just so supportive, even when it was tough going in the first couple of weeks and I was exhausted. The other person who was brilliant was my maternal grandmother, who was nearly 90 and had breastfed all her babies. Unlike my mother, who found it embarrassing and my MIL who clearly thought it was both disgusting and quite unnecessary!

This is a really interesting thread @Cash02, thanks for starting it.

DramaAlpaca
I definitely think men should be limited on the wards, even in private rooms men folk can be intimidating for the MWs trying to help.
Very interesting that your DGran was the one supporting you, in her 90s almost 30 years ago probably means she had her babies pre the governments formula push in the 40s. Where your DMum and MIL were of the formula generation.

I honestly don't think enough attention is paid to the damage that formula push caused.

Yes @Bikingbear my DM was my grandmother's youngest, born in 1936 so before the formula push of the 40s.

DM and MIL had their children in the 1960s so very much of the formula feeding generation. Formula was seen as the modern, timesaving thing to do. Both of them were totally unaware of the benefits of breastfeeding and completely uninterested in hearing about it. They genuinely couldn't understand why I'd want to do it when something easier and more (to them) socially acceptable was available.

I've formula fed from birth, I decided I didn't want to BF before DS was born for many reasons. Mainly after seeing my mum go through BF for 2 years with my little sister who was a bottle refuser and horrendous to wean her off it when she wanted to stop
my step dad didn't help with feeding her at night ever. I knew i wouldn't be able to cope with that situation myself having a condition affecting my coordination which gets worse with less sleep, bottle feeding means that I can split the night with my DH so i manage well with my condition. So i think some mums worry that they won't be able to share feeding much if at all with the BF babies.

Also, in November when DS was born on the postnatal ward due to covid they were very short-staffed, a couple of the women on my bay were having BF difficulties and the midwives just didn't have the time to help them, so that lack of support at the beginning must effect some mums carrying on.

@1990shopefulftm
Oh I remember the horror of the postnatal ward mid COVID.
I was so lucky to have that midwife visit me when I left and came home.
You’re doing amazing

I bf my first for 17 months and am 5 months into bf no 2.

I know the midwives said anecdotally that more people were trying to bf when they left hospital, but I can't help but think that without support post hospital many would've struggled especially woth their first babies.

I had a terrible time with my first. She was early, I had to pump to get my supply in, she had jaundice (she did have formula at this point), and then we had thrush which the NHS prescribe shit medicine for so suffered for weeks with that until a bf network consultant told me of an over the counter medicine that cleared it up in days. I'm still fuming about that. I went to support group after support group in the early days and none of that was avaliable this time round.

I totally agree that expectations need to be set better before the baby arrives I.e. it will be toe curling to latch on for the first few weeks. Expect to be tethered to a bed / sofa by a demanding baby. Get partner or family to do everything house related. You can't cook normal meals or wash clothes or clean the loo. You probably won't have the time or energy. It's beyond knackering at first when you are recovering from birth and still trying to grow another human from the outside. The baby will cluster feed. You won't sleep much for a while. But it is brilliantly convenient and settle the baby like nothing else once established.

I also think that allowing for the possibility of co sleeping would also help raise rates. We are all lectured not to sleep with baby, but it you bf, baby is not premature and you don't smoke or drink (and if possible have the bed to yourself), you can get loads more sleep as a bf Mum.

This was an interesting read!
I agree with all the comments. I grew up and still live in a very middle class area. I was 19 when I had my first DD they put her straight on my chest and said try and get her to latch. I found this great for me but maybe annoying if I did want to BF. They all wernt necessarily pushing BF but they would be talking about it alot.
My friend who lives here now comes from a working class background, we are so close and she is now pregnant. She seems interested in BF but she also seems a bit repulsed by it Haha! She also wants an easier ride and is worried it might be too hard. I said that my eldest DD got her baby doll and started to pretend to feed it 'just like mummy', I thought this was sweet and she thought it was so weird! Haha
I find breastfeeding is easier in a sense because it's free, and theres no faffing with bottles.
My MIL BF both her children, but she even suggested I gave my DD a bottle?! Because she has feeding alot in the first few days and was a big baby. I was like that's what they are supposed to do! But I just nodded and said I would think about it Haha.
It makes me sad people have such a negative view on it because it honestly helped me connect with my babies.

Personal opinion is that it's so others can feed the baby and because it's hard for the first month or two. Many women don't want to have to feed their baby themselves all the time and want to leave them with their partner or someone else and that is the norm.

I doubt rates will improve with people demanding total parental equality. It's biologically impossible to be equal parents to a baby. They are meant to have one primary caregiver. No solution to biology, better to just accept it and then even it out later on.

@InkieNecro that’s a good point. I bf and my children didn’t ever accept bottles of either breast milk or formula (or dummy’s). Not being able to have anyone care for them for longer than a couple of hours at most (especially over night) was the hardest part of parenting a baby for me.

Also the first few weeks and months can be hard. I told myself that if my experience of the first week or so of bf my second was as painful as my first I would transition to formula. Luckily my second time was much easier .

@InkieNecro

Personal opinion is that it's so others can feed the baby and because it's hard for the first month or two. Many women don't want to have to feed their baby themselves all the time and want to leave them with their partner or someone else and that is the norm.

I doubt rates will improve with people demanding total parental equality. It's biologically impossible to be equal parents to a baby. They are meant to have one primary caregiver. No solution to biology, better to just accept it and then even it out later on.

Good points.

Anecdotal, but I bf, BIL's gf didn't. BIL and his gf have a much more equal relationship in terms of baby care/working time, partly because from a v early age the mum did at most half the feeds, they also got the baby used to being left with other people to parents from the start. Sad to say that this also means their baby is favoured by the mutual grandparents, as they could have sole care from a young age. They have never looked after our kids alone even though they are primary school age now and have extrapolated that I am overprotective and express surprise when the other grandparents now babysit - pre covid, anyway! - just because I wanted to stay with them as bf babies.

Bf is very difficult to establish and new mums need support after leaving hospital if they haven't established it. I was lucky and it took a week to establish and help baby feed and put on some weight. However, the engorgement, sore nipples and cluster feedings is hard work. I understand people and never judge as it's a personal choice and preference to ones lifestyle and health reasons. Some mums need to go back to work, btw it's difficult to be super organised for expressed milk as you're in a vicious cycle with feed, burp, change and put back for a nap to establish schedule and in between you need to rest but you also need to get on with other stuff. I still bf my nearly 2 yo and if I ever have another baby, baby no 2 would only be bf until he/she is 8 months. As much as the positives, it's draining and you can't leave baby with someone else and it's all on the mother.

I had a lot of support as a first time mother as my health team were great and DH and family helped out with my home while I spent most of my time on the bf rocking chair feeding ds. Not a lot of women have this support and have other children too take care of. My best friend also gave birth at the same time as me and was ff due to health reasons, while my son was attached to my boob during our day out (point blank refused bottle) my friend place her new born Dd on her 8 yo ds's lap where he fed her a bottle of formula and she was able to enjoy her coffee. I never got this unless baby was asleep and I know second time round things will be different as I won't have that time.

I think there is a real lack of support for breastfeeding mums, in terms of hands on help in the home. That’s just my experience, but the thing that has made all the difference to me is the fact that my absolutely wonderful mother in law, who was a midwife, has come almost every day since my son was born. Between her and my husband they have kept the house running, shopped and cooked, brought me meals, snacks and drinks, taken the baby from me to burp when he had fed, done nappies etc. It has been beyond anything I could rightfully expect, and I am so grateful to them both. It has meant I have been free to focus entirely on establishing breast feeding, with their encouragement and support. It has been hard even so, and there’s absolutely no way I could have done it without them.

I can absolutely see how not having that support would make it much, much harder to breastfeed. So many new mums are isolated or doing most of the work on their own after birth - especially in the current pandemic.

Terracottasaur That sort of practical support is incredible, and the sort of support that was described to me by a "Muslim mama" on another forum.
I hope you dearly love your MIL because she is most definitely putting you and your baby first. The complete opposite of the 'I'll take him for a bit and give you time to do the housework', I declined that offer.

I ff from day one. Had always planned on using formula. Loads of family support if I had decided to bf - both DM and DMil bf.

My plan was for a healthy baby and happy parents - both achieved.