Please can someone help - breastfeeding is going so badly and I feel awful!

[lavenderchocolate]

Hi, apologies for rather desperate post on Christmas night but hoping someone might be around who can help.

I had my baby nine days ago by emergency section and breastfeeding has never really happened. Various midwives tried to help in hospital but I could only get him latched on with a lot of help and then he couldn’t maintain it. We were discharged 6 days ago and then when the midwife came to visit when he was 4 days he had dropped 12% of his birth weight and a feeding plan was decided on.

He now has a new feeding plan as he just isn’t gaining but I’m really concerned. This plan involves me trying to breastfeed him. Then giving him whatever I’ve managed to express. Then OH gives him whatever I haven’t given him in expressed breast milk in formula, so if he’s had 30 ml breast milk he has 60 ml formula.

It’s exhausting for all of us. This morning baby was beyond exhausted and wouldn’t latch on to my breast at all. I feel like I’m never going to produce milk at this rate and I’m being pushed towards formula feeding and it isn’t what I want. He can breastfeed but only with nipple shields which aren’t ideal. He’s had a tongue tie cut and as I’ve said I’m expressing milk and using nipple shields ... I honestly don’t know what else to do or where we go from here.

Thanks - Sorry for that ridiculously emotional message last night. I just feel so horrible when he cries when I try to feed him. He isn’t a crier really: he’s a lovely content little soul except when he can’t feed.

I just wish someone had suggested nipple shields in the first night in the hospital. He is now expecting a bottle, he’s just not used to having to ‘work’ for it.

He’s just had a breastfeed and is curled up on my chest, I’ll express some milk for him in a couple of minutes.

Its so tough but sounds like you're doing a fab job. I remember on day 5 calling the midwife led unit at 2am because I didn't know why my baby was so hysterical at 2am after being fed constantly, she was cluster feeding. Crying at the breast is hard for you but isn't necessarily a bad thing at this age, he might just be putting an order in for more milk later on. If he isn't feeding regularly its important to express to up your supply, a plentiful supply will help feeding through a poor latch. Im still feeding at 7m and have never had a perfect latch but have been lucky with a good milk supply.
A pp said they dumped the expressed milk but you could always combine it all and give a breastmilk bottle as a top up once a day and do formula top ups for the rest?
To keep the cleaning to a minimum you don't need to sterilise the pump after each session, keep it in the fridge and clean after morning, afternoon and night session. Good luck op!

I’d love to say he is breastfed with formula top ups but really it’s formula fed with breastfeed top ups. It is getting better but it makes me so sad when he cries when he should be in his happy place if you like.

I also found feeding and trying to pump on the other side at the same time got much more expressed. I also had issues keeping the nipple sheilds on when she was grumpy, but NUK were pretty good at staying on if wetted and I used to put my thumb on the edge at the start of a feed to keep them in place.

You must be better at it than me. It takes all my concentration to keep him latched on.

If took a bit of practice, but definitely got better around 3-4 weeks when she was bit stronger. I ended up lying her on a pillow on my knee and feeding in bed

You’re feeding at the most important time in the night and some always fuss before getting on with feeding.
I used a Hakka on the otherside to collect the let down.
If you can just settle down in bed or on the sofa for a few days constant skin to skin. Get all your food and drink brought to you. Watch some box sets and snuggle and feed. You might be able be to stay for a week! Enjoy the rest and the bonding with your baby. Tits out constantly as the joke goes in our house! It probably will work but if it doesn’t you’ve had a lovely time concentrating on your baby.

Hi op, I have been in exactly the same position twice, both times following a section, I can remember the distress and exhaustion of it all. I was so determined to breast feed dd1. Like you I tried everything, including breast shields but nothing worked. She ended up getting dehydrated on day 3 and being re-admitted to hospital. On arrival she was given a bottle and was so settled. I felt awful for months after that trying to preserve with breast feeding had caused her distress.
DD 2 was just the same, and I didn't want her to go through the same experience, so after a day of trying I gave her a bottle and expressed milk too. My supply was very low so she was mainly having formula. I managed this for 6 weeks, until the combination of expressing/sterilising got a bit much. Please be kind to yourself, although it does feel like it at the time bottle feeding isn't the end of the world. I have 2 very healthy dc.

Really feel for you op, I had flat nipples and had to use nipple shields (unsuccessfully). I found it incredibly exhausting and made the decision to go to formula after a 5 day struggle. I was incredibly upset and was getting mastitis, and my baby was really upset. It’s totally up to you what you do, but the relief I felt when I finally decided was amazing despite crying an awful lot. I talked it through at length with a midwife who was lovely. A fed baby is a happy baby, and your mental health incredibly important. You have not failed if you chose to formula feed. Big hugs 🤗

Also your baby has already had loads of colostrum and milk, all the good stuff. It’s a great start