HELP! Really struggling with breast feeding.

[missbumpy]

My baby is 3 days old and at first she wasn't that interested in feeding (she'd sort of latch on and then doze off). Now she's more interested and she's got a strong sucking action and I'm in total agony The community midwife said that it should only hurt for the first 30 seconds or something but I find it painful throughout. It sort of feels like she's biting down on my nipple with teeth (even though she obviously doesn't actually have teeth).

My milk has come in today and my breasts are very engorged and sore anyway. To make matters worse, I think I've got a cracked nipple (not sure if she was sucking too hard or if it's due to a bad latch on).

I'm starting to feel like a bad mother because I can't feed my baby properly. I just feel so exhausted and I'm still so sore from labour and I don't know if I'm ever going to get the hang of this.

Can anyone offer me any advice or encouragement?

One of the mn experts will be along in a minute. It's very early days yet - don't feel like a bad mother, breastfeeding is something both mum and baby have to learn how to do together. Feeding my DD was much more painful than feeding my DS - in fact I had to give up at three-and-a-half weeks with her which is still a great source of regret for me. We later found out she was tongue-tied and that can make feeding painful for mums and difficult for babies so it would be worth having that checked out just in case.

Just a quick one
Get some Jalonet from your chemist asap tomorrow morning, cut into little squares and place on nipples (will help heal cracked/bleeding nipple.

Look up La Leche League and NCT breastfeeding helplines and see if there is a breastfeeding support group you can get to tomorrow.

I am sure more help is on the way.

Don't despair and congrats.

Hi Bumpy
It's so tough at first,when yuo are feeling bruised and battered anyway.

Things that might help

1.) Rugby ball hold (legs of baby sort of behind your back)
2.) Lansinoh nipple cream
3.) Silverette breast pads (considered to be capable of miracles here on MN)
4.) A chat with the lovely folk on the breastfeeding helplines. I'm a member of Assoc. for breastfeeding Women 08444 122 949

My DD was tongue-tied too and I had the same symptoms you describe. I agree with flaming toaster about getting it checked out asap.

Missbumpy you have all my sympathy. You are going through probably the toughest period with a new born but it will get better

It will get better, honestly. Just hold on in there. I had such a struggle with my DD at first and it slowly got better and better. I got help from my NCT breastfeeding counseller and an NHS breastfeeding counseller. I ended up feeding like a pro!! Only stopped at 15 months cos wanted to get pregnant! You can do it!

Same thing happened to me-- and I had midwives and heatlh vistors telling me my latch was fine, until i got sorer and sorer and starting bleeding...
It wasn't till I got my latch checked by a lady from the La Leche League that I found out that I was slightly in the wrong position when feeding.
I adjusted and bingo, it didn't hurt any more and I was able to feed
my dd with pleasure (no pain!)
Don't suffer in silence, get some help from a bf counsellor. They truly are miracle workers.

And absolutely do not feel like a bad mother!

I had exactly the same thing miss bumpy. The best advice I can give you is take one feed at a time. It WILL get better.

Lansinoh worked for me too.

missbumpy - I second all the suggestions to call someone, and you can also ask the comm midwife for help. It is such early days, and there is plenty of time for this to turn round, which it may do very soon.

Try allowing your baby to self-attach - look up breast crawl in the mumsnet archives or biological nurturing which is a similar thing.

Thanks everybody. I'm just finding this all so hard. We had to go back to hospital yesterday because DD has a bit of jaundice. I thought they were going to keep us in over night and I was in floods of tears at the prospect. I started to think maybe the jaundice is my fault for not feeding her properly.

The community midwife came again today and made me feed in front of her (I hate having to perform for everyone!). She said that the latch was perfect but it hurt me so much it made me cry and the pain doesn't ease up as the feed goes on.

The midwife suggested I try nipple shields so I've asked SIL to get me some today. Has anyone had any success with these?

She also told me off for putting on nipple cream before feeding (which my SIL had recommended) as she said it can give the baby thrush. Is this true? I feel like everyone's telling me different things.

It does help that my episotomy stitches are really painful too so I can't get comfortable sitting down. I can only really stand or lie so it's hard to find a good position to feed in.

So which bf organisation should I call? Do I need to be an NCT member to call their helpline? Does a counsellor come out to see me or will they just talk it through on the phone? And if they come to see me, do I have to pay or is it a free service?

PS. What does it mean if a baby's tongue tied? I've never heard of that before

Sorry you're finding things so hard missbumpy. Know how you feel about the jaundice, I was readmitted when DS was 5 days old, had to stay in overnight and felt so GUILTY, even tho all the staff were reassuring me. Hormones all over the place don't help either!

You don't have to be a member of NCT to phone the helpline. They are staffed by volunteers and will talk to anyone who needs advice about feeding. If lying down is more comfortable for you, maybe you could try to feed lying down (sorry if you have already tried this).

Keep asking for help until it gets better (sounds like your midwife wasn't that helpful). You will come out of the other side

MissBumpy - I really really feel for you. Getting the hang of breatfeeding can been so painful and demoralising. I remember it well - you are definitely not alone in finding it a challenge.

The main thing is that you are NOT a bad mother. You are already giving your LO the best start in life by BFing this far, and your determination to continue with it is brilliant.

It sounds to me (not an expert) that your latch needs a bit of adjustment. I lost count of the number of people who told me my latch was fine while I sat there weeping and feeling like I was passing shards of glass through my nipples at every feed. In the end it was the smallest change that made all the difference (in my case, I just had to shove dd's head towards my boob quicker to get more nipple in, and stop being so nervous and gentle about her latching on).

I have never heard of nipple cream giving the baby thrush. Can't comment.

I found that Lansinoh was a godsend for sorting out cracked nipples. I also used to take a paracetamol 20 minutes before a feed if I was having a particularly agonising day. (Not sure that everyone would approve of that, but it got me through).

If you're finding sitting painful, have you tried feeding lying down? Can find a link to advice on that if you'd find it useful.

Is there a Baby Cafe in your area? I found my local one very helpful.

You're doing so well. It really really really does get better, and it's so worth persevering.

Tongue-tie is when the bit of tissue that connects the tongue to the floor of the mouth is tight, restricting it's movement.

It's worth getting this checked by your GP or bf counsellor of they haven't already. My son had this and it was visible as a heart shape (looks slightly forked) when he cried or tried to stick his tongue out. I've found feeding is so much easier since we had it corrected, I'm still bfing at 9 months.

Here's some info on tongue-ties,
www.babyfriendly.org.uk/page.asp?page=151

(There's links to info for parents and a section about dividing the tongue-tie on the right of the page.)

Links:

Baby Cafe

Various breastfeeding positions including rugby ball and lying down

I should also add that the tongue doesn't always look heart shaped or unusual to you with tongue-tie. It's probably easiest to have your GP or breastfeeding counsellor to check it for you.

just wanted to add my support, really. it's tough in the beginning, when you're both getting the hang of things. get someone round, they'll help.
and you know in france they start babies off bfing lying down? god the french are so laissez-faire...

Couldn't get my head round feeding lying down at first, kept worrying that I was going to smother the poor boy (went up to a J cup when my milk came in ), but I found it worked best if I lay down in bed and let him find his way and latch on himself rather than trying to put him on.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things but community midwives aren't the best for bfing info in my experience. Keep posting to check you're happy with advice given. It would be good if you can talk to NCT/LLL or someone for more ideas on how to improve latch, you might need an expert to see it to get it right.

I found it helpful to put Lansinoh on before a feed when very sore as it's more painful when your skin is dry (Helps to do before shower too when really bad). I found rubbing some breastmilk into the nipple after a feed, letting that dry then Lansinoh on top works well.

This is the really hard bit, it gets so much easier once past the early stages. You're doing great.

Get plenty of rest and pamper yourself. I found it helpful to just stay in bed with the baby for a day or two at a time and sleep whenever the baby did (brought food back to bed with me!). Helped me to get past the tricky days. Also, I found the pain seemed worse if I had no distractions so reading was good or TV etc.

Hang in there. It often hurts at first. My theory, one that has been much discussed on MN, is that nipples can take a little while to "toughen up". They certainly did in my case. I remember ds2 latching on and me spitting "oh f oh f oh f*" through gritted teeth.

3 days is very very early. Paracetamol, lansinoh and call LLL. Good luck!