HELP! Really struggling with breast feeding.

[missbumpy]

My baby is 3 days old and at first she wasn't that interested in feeding (she'd sort of latch on and then doze off). Now she's more interested and she's got a strong sucking action and I'm in total agony The community midwife said that it should only hurt for the first 30 seconds or something but I find it painful throughout. It sort of feels like she's biting down on my nipple with teeth (even though she obviously doesn't actually have teeth).

My milk has come in today and my breasts are very engorged and sore anyway. To make matters worse, I think I've got a cracked nipple (not sure if she was sucking too hard or if it's due to a bad latch on).

I'm starting to feel like a bad mother because I can't feed my baby properly. I just feel so exhausted and I'm still so sore from labour and I don't know if I'm ever going to get the hang of this.

Can anyone offer me any advice or encouragement?

Having breast-fed three babies I think day 10 is when it stops hurting and your nipples toughen up. So hang in there - you'll soon be pulling trucks along by your nipples!

ooooh 'toughen up'! I would say that you actually improved what you were doing SW3 - 'tough' things crack, soft and supple things are 'flexible' - we don't really toughen nipples these days.

I HATE HP's who say that a position is PERFECT - did she have an ultrasound machine so that she could see what is going on inside the babes mouth?! Didn't think so.

Did she have a look at the shape of the nipple after the baby had finished feeding? (it should be the same shape as it was when it went into the babies mouth) - If it was longer, pushed to one side, wedged shaped like a new lipstick or had a crease down it - then the position wasn't PERFECT.

Were you told to hold the babies head? you should never hold a babies head, it doesn't allow him to tip his head back, open his moputh wide enough for a good mouthfull of breast, or swallow properly.

As for the 'sitting down' stitches, don't sit on them, ALWAYS (except when you want to feed in a different position sit on the bottom of your back i.e. you lean back reclining a bit in the chair and have your knees higher than your thighs - that way your stitches bit aren't being sat on and you are in a great position to start feeding.

Call a BF counsellor - you don't need to be a member of any of them to call. The ABM is 08444 122 949 (I'm with the ABM)

Lol - when I was pg with dd, my granny advised me to 'toughen up' my nipples with a little scrub of the nail brush every day .

NOTE TO NEW MUMS OR PROSPECTIVE BREASTFEEDERS: Do not do this!

Hmm, my nipple does look a bit wedge shaped when she's finished feeding. And the midwife did advise me to hold her head...is that wrong then?

at the thought of scrubbing nipples with a nail brush!!

SIL brought round some nipple shields (actually, they're Boots own brand and they're called nursing teats but I'm guessing it's all the same thing?) and some lanisoh. I tried feeding her with the teat and it did hurt less (although it still hurt) and I could see that milk was going through it so it definitely worked but she wasn't sucking as much so I took it off after a while and let her latch on to my nipple. It really hurt but I didn't cry so I suppose that's an improvement!

I might try just using the nipple shield on the cracked nipple when she first latches on just to get me through the first 10 mins of vigorous sucking and then take it off.

Oh, I can hear her crying. Better go and grit my teeth and see what happens...it's the cracked nipple's turn this time

hello!

Glad to find this thread. Am in a similar situation myself - baby is 10 days now. Over the weekend it did start to feel better but then I had a really rough night last night where he tried to feed constantly on and off for about 5 hours and now my nips are v sore again. He isn't latching on correctly - or he comes off a bit during the feed (its as though he's just sucking really hard after he's had the milk)Aye - nips are looking like old lipsticks

Also - sometimes I can hear him gulping loudly yet most of the time I can barely hear him swallow (though I can see his cheeks going and his neck looks like it is swallowing) Is this normal? Or is he spending lots of time on titty sucking but not getting much milk (does seem to be weeing and pooing ok though)

Am going to a group on friday morning. So just going to stick it out until then. Hope things get better for you missbumpy

thanks ejb (were you born in 76? me too). hope things get better for you too. i might look into going to a b/f group too.

cracked nipple still hurts like hell but other one is doing a bit better. I recommend the nipple shields if you've got cracked nips and I've found feeding lying down much easier.

I would definitely get the latch checked by a bf counsellor. If you are having cracked nipples it really sounds as if the latch is slightly ill-positioned. It's amazing the difference it makes when you are shown how to do it properly. I went from agony and tears at every feed to comfort and joy almost immediately.

First of all - don't give up! I hated it for the first couple of months, then totally loved it and had lovely, intimate feeding sessions with my baby for nearly a year and was soooo glad I hadn't packed it in.

Engorgement is horrific - if you are so engorged your baby can't get a latch, get a handpump or try and massage 15ml of milk out first, that might give your baby a less flat nipple to get a latch on. You can pour that milk into her mouth with a teaspoon if you don't want to waste it.

Secondly, I don't know anyone who had it cracked in 3 days. Eventually it does become less painful, but it took me weeks to get to that stage, so I think that your community MW might be misleading you by suggesting that you're only going to have 30secs of pain at this stage. You might want to read up on things like thrush and cracked nipples, just so you are able to spot these problems should they occur.

Keep your feet up and rest as much as possible. You might have to sit back and let the world float by for the first month - which is sooo frustrating and difficult if this is your first baby and you are used to "achieving" loads every day at work - but getting the hang of breastfeeding, and getting your milk supply up are full time jobs in themselves, and housework, cooking etc. can wait. Get your DP and/or other family members & friends to prepare meals for you and do not move from your sofa or bed apart from "comfort breaks".

You are trying to give your baby a good start, and it will get easier and even pleasurable. That is hard to believe right now, but it is really true. I feel for you as I found the whole birth/boobfeeding so overwhelming at first, but it was so worth it in the end.

Let us know how you get on.
PS www.kellymom.com is an invaluable US breastfeeding website and a mine of information. Also the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers and the La Leche League are UK based organisations, with websites, who can offer information & support.

I so know what you are going through at the moment missbumpy. My ds2 is 7 days old now and I have had sore cracked nipples and plenty of pain this week. I have been taking painkillers not for my CS scar but for the pain of trying to latch properly!

I too have been told by numerous professionals that my latch is perfect but my nipple also comes out wedge shaped and, although the feeds are generally a bit less painful, there is always a sensation of discomfort. Yesterday though I had 2 feeds where I felt no pain and it was heaven! Frustratingly, I cannot see that the position is any different to when it hurts and last night I was back to feeling pain. I am reluctant to keep relatching because he is slurping away and he has jaundice and is very sleepy and almost went back into hospital yesterday for treatment so don't want to deny him.

My MW keeps telling me to relax my shoulders and try not to fear the pain and I have found that helps. I am going to a baby cafe tomorrow so fingers crossed. I also posted on here and just reading comments about how people have been through this has really helped. I wish I had found this site with ds1 as I assumed I had blown it after 3 days with him, gave up and felt very guilty for a long time -still do in fact despite 3 months of expressing for him. I really feel that I have to crack it this time.

Best of luck with it!!!

Also, a good piece of advice was to take one day at a time which is really helping me feel like I am in control.

Thanks everyone. Pinquino, it sounds like you're having exactly the same problem as me except I imagine your CS scar is much more painful than my episiotomy scar so you have my sympathy

I thought things were getting a bit better last night. I actually managed to have a relatively pain free feed on my breast which isn't cracked...both me and DD dozed off which I thought was a good sign that the pain was easing off and that she was getting enough food.

But it's back to square one today. She fed so hard on the cracked nipple that, even with the nipple shield, she managed to draw a bit of blood. I'm now petrified of trying to feed her on that breast again but I know I have to keep on using it or it will mess up the milk supply.

I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do. I've just managed to sterilise some bottles and the pump so when I've managed to have some breakfast I'm going to try to pump some milk from the breast with the cracked nipple. I'm scared because I find the breast pump quite painful too but it's got to be better than her little gums clamping down.

I tried calling La Leche League and I got through to a nice volunteer but she was busy and asked if I could call back later or try the main line again to be put through to another volunteer.

I just feel like such a mess at the moment. It doesn't help that I'm on my own most of the time during the day as DP is at college. I've been up all morning but I've only just managed to go to the toilet and have a cup of tea. Washing hair and getting dressed will have to wait until tonight.

Anyway, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who finds it this hard.

PS. I'd always thought I'd be a natural at childbirth and breast feeding since I've got "child bearing hips" and I'm not exactly flat chested. LOL...just goes to show how wrong you can be!

MissB, don't stress. Everyone finds it hard at the beginning. Like the other poster says, take it one day at a time, and it will get easier. No-one has a baby and continues with their life as before, and it takes a while to adjust. You are still in shock and probably loads of discomfort, but in a few months time you'll feel that you are getting in the swing of things.

RE. expressing with a pump, don't get too worried if you only manage to get out an ounce from each boob at first. The best thing is to try and watch some mindless tv at the same time, to take your mind off the whole procedure and stop the pressure on yourself. I hated the breastpump at first, and could barely squeeze out a drop,but when I had to go away overnight without the baby 6 months later, I was filling the bottle with one tit. You just have to give yourself time to adapt and get used to it all, it's really early days yet.

Have you got anyone who can pop in to make you a cuppa, or can you face getting out for a 10mn walk with your LO? It might feel like climbing Everest at first, but it will get better, promise.

BIG HUG!!

So sorry to hear you are having a bad day. It feels neverending!

I am expressing off both sides at the moment just for piece of mind as I am not sure how efficiently he is sucking. I am then trying to top up using a little plastic syringe (from midwife) as I am scared that he may get used to a bottle if I introduce one now and make latching even harder (not sure if this is true but I convinced myself that this was the problem with ds1.) Only problem is that he is very sleepy at times still and tends to bring back up most of the supplemental milk.

I have been using lansinoh and also Kamillosan for after feeds as my MW said Kamillosan was better for healing cracked nipples. All I know is that it is really cool and soothing when it is applied. This along with painkillers is helping me face each feed!

Am looking forward to baby cafe tomorrow as hopefully they can see my latch and advise (unless he is asleep like ds1 was when I went for him!)

Take care.

I've been expressing from the cracked side this afternoon and hardly anything comes out. The midwife came and she wasn't too worried about the amount but it's not enough to keep DD happy. The midwife said something about how the other nipple would 'deteriorate' if I kept on feeding DD just on the good side . I feel like I'm literally falling to pieces and no one seems that bothered!

I ordered some of those silverette things off a website earlier. I don't know how long delivery takes but hopefully they'll arrive soon and be of some use.

will try and get online later. toddler crawling all over the place!

MissB - can't add anything more than everyone else here, but just want to confirm that it also took me a few weeks to get sorted.

I had cracked nips at the beginning and my nip was wedge shaped, but basically I think she learned and I learned how to do it better. Also - tiny babies hardly eat that much, so don't worry about the amounts. As long as she's doing wet and dirty nappies, things are probably fine. My comm midwife also said that if babies are dehydrated, their front fontanelle (SP?) is really indented (it's normally a bit indented so don't panic!).

It's now 14 weeks on and I can't believe we have got this far.

Take care of yourself and keep doing what you're doing. Congratulations on the birth of your baby - you're doing great!

Hi MissB
Just wanted to say that if it helps to keep posting, there are few MN-ers out here reading and wishing you well.

It is so stressful when you first start bf-ing: the pain, the wondering whether you baby is getting enough grub, the fatigue. But thousands of babies are breastfed successfully in this country, despite the bottle culture, and worldwide, millions. You will do it successfully because your heart is in it. I think lots of people underestimate how difficult it is to get started because either we see no images of breastfeeding mums in the media/culture, or else we only see idealised ones, e.g. Virgin Mary spurting milk at Baby Jesus. You will get to that stage, but Rome wasn't built in a day & all that.

Keep trying to access some local help - is there a lactation consultant at your local surgery or hospital? Can your MW call in each morning?

If it helps to know, my DS lost over 20oz (he was a big boy to start with), which was more than the 10% that you expect to see them drop, in the first 6 days. I was at the stage where the MW suggested that formula feeding would need to start - and then magically, overnight on day 6/7, he gained 3 precious ounces. It was not plain sailing from thereon, but it did eventually become a pleasure - and if you really want to do it, you can.

Sending you a virtual hug and hoping you get an early night so you feel more able to cope with all your emotions & tiredness tomorrow.

Hi MissB
Just wanted to say that if it helps to keep posting, there are few MN-ers out here reading and wishing you well.

It is so stressful when you first start bf-ing: the pain, the wondering whether you baby is getting enough grub, the fatigue. But thousands of babies are breastfed successfully in this country, despite the bottle culture, and worldwide, millions. You will do it successfully because your heart is in it. I think lots of people underestimate how difficult it is to get started because either we see no images of breastfeeding mums in the media/culture, or else we only see idealised ones, e.g. Virgin Mary spurting milk at Baby Jesus. You will get to that stage, but Rome wasn't built in a day & all that.

Keep trying to access some local help - is there a lactation consultant at your local surgery or hospital? Can your MW call in each morning?

If it helps to know, my DS lost over 20oz (he was a big boy to start with), which was more than the 10% that you expect to see them drop, in the first 6 days. I was at the stage where the MW suggested that formula feeding would need to start - and then magically, overnight on day 6/7, he gained 3 precious ounces. It was not plain sailing from thereon, but it did eventually become a pleasure - and if you really want to do it, you can.

Sending you a virtual hug and hoping you get an early night so you feel more able to cope with all your emotions & tiredness tomorrow.

oops! sorry for the repetition

Thank you anonymama and cyee. My DD dropped below the 10% mark too but she's put it back on in the last day or two so she must be getting what she needs.

DP and mum have both suggested that I go onto formula. Mainly because I think they can't bear seeing me in lots of pain, tired, and crying all the time. I really want to get through this and b/f rather than formula feed. Not that I've got a problem with formula or a strong moral stance on it...I just feel that I want to b/f my lovely baby. When it works and I manage to do it without crying in pain, it's so lovely seeing her peaceful, slurping little face I just need to get over this cracked nipple. The non-cracked one is doing much better now and I feel like I can manage feeding on that one. It's still painful but it's manageable. It's the cracked on that's the problem. I need to go and try to express some milk now actually before she wakes up.

Thanks so much for the support. I don't know where I'd be without mumsnet

Hi Missbumpy

Hope today has gone better for you. Its good you are having some feeds which are less painful. It is great that your lo is gaining weight - a really positive sign I think.

I have found that the bearable feeds have encouraged me to think that this will get better. At the moment, my ds is really fussing at the breast and crying and is taking ages to latch on - I would almost prefer painful feeds to this! He is still really sleepy so won't take extra in a syringe which is so frustrating. I can't wait for this sleepy stage to pass! Went to cafe today for advice and surprise surprise he was totally unwakeable!!

Anyway, I second mumsnet as being a great source of support at the moment. I can so easily see why people give up at this stage but I don't want to regret not perservering.

Take care.

Hi missbumpy.

Your messages have brought back so many memories for me.

I had a cracked right nipple within 3 days as well. I had at least 4 mdwives in hospital tell me that my latch was fine, as well as 2 at home, and my midwife.

It obviously wasn't. My nipple was always wedge shaped when dd had finished feeding. I cried all the way through every feed on that side, and ended up dreading her waking up because I knew it meant I would have to feed her.

I ended up with an infection in the nipple and then mastitis. Because I was so engorged with the mastitis, dd started to nipple suck and I ended up with blisters all over my nipple.

Anyway - enough of the horror stories.

I was always so sure that I would breastfeed dd for ever. In the end, I stopped after 3 and a half weeks.

I will always, always, always regret that decision.

I think that I was just so tired, sore, defeated, disappointed and embarrassed. Too embarrased to ask for help.

If I'd known how guilty I would feel, and still feel, I would have moved heaven and earth to get the right help.

Please, please, please, please phone every number you can find, go to every breastfeeding group you can if you feel that breastfeeding is right for you and your baby.

To quote you "I just feel that I want to b/f my lovely baby. When it works and I manage to do it without crying in pain, it's so lovely seeing her peaceful, slurping little face". You're absolutely right. It's magical.

I so hope you get the support you need.

Also, I would totally agree with whoever said "take it one day at a time". In fact, take it one feed at a time. I got myself in a complete state because I couldn't imagine being in pain for 6 months while I fed her.

One feed at a time...
One feed at a time...
One feed at a time...

Littlefish - just had to respond to your post. I feel exactly the same about ds1 except I gave up in the first week due to being in so much pain from CS and very little support at the start which totally undermined my confidence. I so wish I had persisted as I still feel guilty for him even though he is a very healthy 2 year old. That is why I feel that I have to get it right this time as I so regret not asking for help. I suppose I felt a real failure - if only I had found this website then!

oh miss bumpy,

your doing so well. You should be getting yourself a nice cuppa tea/bar of choc and a warm hug to reward yourself.

This horrid start will pass, it won't be long. When it does get better you will be thinking im sssooooo glad i stuck with it as it is the best thing ever.

IF you are still sore. I would strongly consider getting yourself a pair of Silverette They are amazing and will have you completely healed within 2 days. I have framed mine!!