hi,
im still happily bfing my 9mth baby but i nearly gave up many, many times in the beginning. it really hurt, it was like being tortured 10 times a day. luckily i had a really good midwife who is a breastfeeding counsellor and runs the babycafe near me, and she helped me with positioning, let me bawl my eyes out on her shoulder, and generally supported me. it took 6 weeks to get the hang of it, but i would have to totally prepare myself beforehand, would be sobbing through some of it, and it was a very difficult time. sometimes i hated my baby because it was so painful, i actually feared him being awake cos of his demand for my breast, and i often wondered if we would have had an easier start to his life if i had put him on formula.
i think i found comfort in the fact other people had such a difficult time, and i think now that its better not to have such a rosy glow on breastfeeding. i wasn't at all like those smiling mothers, breastfeeding seemed to interfere with our bonding rather than help it. at the babycafes i found other women who found it difficult and painful and had carried on, and it was this, rather than the easy stories, that helped me carry on. suddenly too, other members of my family were telling me: oh god, yes, its agony isn't it?!
i don't think it should be a secret that it can be tricky for lots and lots of women. my midwife said, in her experience, about 90% of women had trouble bfing in the beginning, but, by 6 weeks, it turns a corner. and that helped reassure me.
so despite storming out the house screaming "give him formula!" and leaving my crying baby in my partners arms
i carried on and its been great! i perservered partly as a longterm investment. because whilst it was more difficult in those early days, i knew that he had so much less chance of allergies, that his immune system was getting really strong and good, and that i might be up half the night now but hopefully i would get pay back when he is a healthy child.
btw, i am a bit shy about bfing in public which is odd cos im quite gobby generally! a horrible old woman complained about me on a bus to all the other passengers and although i stood up for myself at the time, i have been shy ever since. you just don't want conflict when youve got your tits out! it feels really vulnerable!
oh, and this autumn im training as a peer supporter for other breastfeeding women.