BF advice - had bad experience, really want this time to work

[MotherofZ]

Hello everyone,
Just looking for some advice really - am 4 mths pregger at the mo, and the idea of BF is really stressing me out. I REALLY want to do it, but I had such a bad experience with my DD that I gave up after 3 weeks and expressed and bottle fed her instead for the first 3 mths and then switch to just bottle feeding.

Anyway, my problem back then was everytime she latched on - the first sucks was immensly painful. I told the M/W and H/V about this and they said 'oh it will go', but after 3 weeks, I used to dread picking up DD to feed her and just gave up. Plus I got mastitis 3 times and my boob felt like they were on fire constantly

I really am worried that I am going to go through the same again.

Anyone else who was in the same position or who can offer advice? I REALLY REALLY want to make a success of it this time. I did contact various BF organisations, but as it was Xmas time, there was limited support available.

Plus when my DD was a newborn she was BF ever 2 hrs. Is this normal?

Association of Breatfeeding Mothers

BfN

Yes it's normal that they bf every 2 hours at the beginning. It might help if you were to think about how often you eat and drink in a 24 hour period and, excluding nights when you sleep, what's the longest you go between putting something in your mouth. That might help the 2 hourly bf not seem so daunting.

I think that the best thing you can do is get your research done now and whatever support you can in place. Of course right here is a good place. There's also Kellymom (sorry don't know the web address).

Just because you weren't as successful as you wanted to be first time doesn't mean you won't be this time. I'm sorry your HVs were pants.

sorry didn't complete the link. BfN

I was really sore with my first (but it did go). For my 2nd:

Make sure you unlatch properly at the end (need to break suction - I used my little finger, not just pull (wasn't told this with my first)

Make sure you buy cloth breast pads & use them straight away (they wash easily & are much more comfortable & effective than the disposable ones) - it is vital that nothing rubs you in the first days - makes soreness lots worse.

Use your milk to rub on - seems to work.

Also HV recommended some cream (can't remember what).

lanisoh

bump - anyone else

This may be of use www.biologicalnurturing.com/Pages/howtodoit.html. A lot of the stuff on the site is really uselful and honest. It doesn't sugar-coat breastfeeding, but gives straight forward advice. Good luck

I've found it easiest to follow my instinct both times (bf dd til1 18 mnths and still feeding ds at 23mnths). With both it was very painful (toe curling hold away fom body painful) for about the first three weeks. They both fed on demand as and when needed, but it did lead to soreness which I soothed with something a bit like thiswww.boots.com/shop/product_details.jsp?productid=1002037&classificationid=1048045 and lanisnoh( a godsend). If you feed your baby when they need it (they can even sleep feed which is great and leads to a really contented baby and stress free mum) rather than setting a time limit, you'll find it becomes much easier much quicker, and you'll notice that baby creates there own "schedule".

Message withdrawn

I had such a hard time and she still nipple sucks but the breast do toughen up. At the beginning I was giving her formula and expressed milk to give my breasts a break and to feed her (she was/is very greedy). When the milk came through it got better and at 3 months plus I'm just breastfeeding (no more bottle). Most of the pain went away and she really enjoys her breast milk (and hate the sight of the bottle). Go day by day. I put myself a deadline at one month, three months and now I have one at six months, but I'm still going on. I believe she keeps healthier and she is happier and less colicky (formula gave her bad wind). Just go day by day and see what happens! You can get support through the nct, even if you're not a member.

hi motherofz, one of my friends has only just found out that her 6 week old has tongue tie, which has been really really hurting her every time he latches on, and means he hasn't been feeding effectively, is really gassy and cries a lot. She's very annoyed that her mw and hv just didn't pick it up and, like you, she was told that the pain would pass. Anyway she's having the tongue tie cut next week and we have our fingers crossed that it will mean an end to painful breastfeeding. My neighbour had a similar experience with her second child but her wonderful midwife realised it within a couple of days.

So although it does hurt initially, if it carries on hurting for weeks, there might be a real problem and I don't think the midwives and health vistors should dismiss it without investigating further or at the very least trying to check if the baby is latched on properly. I really admire you for wanting to do it all again if this is what you had to go through. I think the key is to make sure that the information you have and the people supporting you are deserving of your belief and trust.

There's some more information about tongue tie here under 'initial problems' and if you search on mumsnet you will find other mums discussing their experiences of tongue tie - I just wonder if it might fit with your experiences?

Kellymom is a great site and I wish it had been around before my ds1 was born as it dispels quite a few myths about breastfeeding, how often to feed them, how milk is made etc. I would also suggest finding a La Leche League group near you and trying to go to a meeting before your next one is born if at all possible. Their meetings run in a cycle and one is about support during breastfeeding and it might really help to talk about your experience with your dd. Plus you will get to know the people there and when your next little one is born you can take them along and the leaders can actually see you breastfeeding and offer advice on the spot. I think having advice from properly trained people who can watch the latching etc is far superior to advice from hvs or mws who might not have had any training in breastfeeding counselling.

There are also 'Baby Cafes' you can go to specially for breastfeeding mums, and that's where my friend found out about her son's tongue tie, but I am a little wary of these as our nearest one just has the same old health visitors giving out the same old bad advice to mums who visit, so I give it a wide berth now.

hope that helps, and good luck

In my post below I meant to say that one of the LLL meetings is about support during the early days (all of them are essentially about support during breastfeeding )

motherofZ, i bf my ds 5 years ago for 5.5 weeks and gave up cos i was inconstant pain due to him not latching properly and vasospasm. i used to dread every feed and we would both get really frustrated and life was not good at all.

i was really anxious about feeding my (now) 5.5 week old DD, but wanted to try bf for all the right reasons. i decided when pg to give it a fair go, but to swap to FF if things weren't going well

the experience this time couldn't have been any better....she took to it reaaly well, and we only had about a week from my milk voming in to sorting out my latch so the pain wen away. we are having a small problem with fast letdown and her breaking suction, but other than that i'm loving it...even at 3:00am.

i hope things work for you this time around!

PS...the only support I had last time was my sis who was also BF (and no matter how much I very desperately tried to bribe her she wouldn't wet nurse him )
This time I got great support in hospital (for four days after c-section), from my MW, who was instrumental in bringing baby cafes to Leeds, and from said baby cafes.

Support is key I think if you want to succeed.

Good Luck

hi there
Congrats on your pg. I had v similar situation with ds1. Didn't latch on well, mixed fed 5wks to 3m and then ff. I too was v anxious about it with ds2, but decided to give it a go and try to avoid all the guilt if it didn't work. Anyway, as soon as he latched on I realised it was going to be different - he just seemed to know what to do. 6m later he's still going strong, turns his nose up at the very idea of a bottle, thank you very much. So, first thing I wanted to say is, they're all different and it can work after not working before. A couple of other things - it does hurt for a while. Get lansinoh cream and grit your teeth.

And mine still feeds every 2 hours (at least), especially at night , so that is something you might have to learn to live with, but remember that in the scheme of things it's only for a short time. Before you know it, lo will be a toddler refusing to eat anything...

Hi MotherofZ
I gave up BF my DS1 after 2 wks so I was determined this time with my DS2. It really helps if you have support. My MW was fab and really had the patience to sit with me until I got it right. You have to ask and ask and ask for help from the MW. Thats what they are they for. I was so determined and thanks to them it worked. The lanisoh is fab just keep applying it every time you fed and dont be afraid to break babes latch if it feels wrong ie. just on nipple. Get the latch right and its less sore. (That was one of my probs with DS1) The position you use is real important too. Sit upright, bum right back against bed, chair and it helps to use a V cushion. I got a better latch on with baby lying around my side ie. feet tucked under left armpit and fed from left breast whilst holding babys head in your left hand. I found this position a lot easier than laying the baby across my tummy.
My DS2 is now three months and I'm still going strong. Good luck.

Thanks everyone for your help. Have printed out some of the information given on the websites and your comments have meant a lot. Really want it to work for next time.

Message withdrawn

this is so irrelevant and I'm sure not useful but just to say that the first time somebody showed me a PICTURE of what 'nose to nipple' actually looked like, I realised that my idea of what 'nose to nipple' was was completely wrong. I was actually holding my nose to ds's nipple (sorry, that's a bad joke). I was going for completely the wrong angle though.

Not much help really but just to say that the right bit of help, at the right moment, may make a completely different experience for you. Hope so.

I really struggled at first and very, very nearly gave up but a good (actually an excellent) bf counsellor was the key. She got me to get the latch right and took him off and made me relatch him over and over again. Eventually I got to the point where I knew what it felt like when he was properly latched on and from then on it got much, much easier. I just wish it hadn't taken me until DS was 5 weeks old before I went to see her - would have saved my nipple and the dread of having to bite down on a silicone dummy every time I fed! I just couldn't figure out how to do it from the photos - I had to actually have someone shoving my nipple into DS's mouth for me to understand how it should be.

Lansinoh is great - before and after every feed.

Also a friend of mine had real trouble with her first baby and an absolute breeze with her second - there's two of you in this remember so it might go right from the off.

Good luck.