The difference between being passionate and being militant

[hunkermunker]

I am passionate about women who want to being supported to breastfeed by healthcare professionals (and the wider community).

But I am not militant. Militant suggests having no sensitivity to personal circumstance, no understanding that it's not "the same" for everyone and that women aren't to blame for the failings of those who are meant to be supporting them.

So, just because I want more women to have the support to breastfeed and for the wider community to understand that it is an acceptable thing to see every day, it doesn't mean I'm inconsiderate, or wanting women to feel guilty if they don't breastfeed. I just want women who feel awful about stopping breastfeeding (and there are thousands of them) to have the help to continue.

Isn't that pretty reasonable, really?

You want to support women who are breastfed by health care professionals?

Freak....

But, yes, it is very reasonable.

I think some folk are far too quick to jump on the defensive, for fear that they may have been sleighted, instead of seeing the bigger picture.

i think so but people are often rather defensive aren't they, and afraid to look 'wrong' by admitting they have doubts about their own decisions....
i am always shocked that anyone could consider it unacceptable to bf in public.

That's the point though, it's SO often NOT a decision, it's not a choice not to breastfeed - it's FORCED on women by the lack of support and information they receive.

and sometimes its not a decision or choice for other reasons, I really wanted to BF but fell ill and was unable to continue and my wee one was formula fed while i recovered. I had some nasty experiences with BF militants who assumed i'd just plugged him with a bottle cos i couldn't be bothered or wasn't "tough" enough to keep going with BF when actually i desperately wanted to and was very very upset when I couldn't. Women in my position need support too!!! to be made to feel its ok if the decision has been taken out of your hands/boobs!

HCS, yes, agree totally - and that's where passion and militance part ways again - no compassion or understanding of personal circumstance.

And you absolutely should NOT feel guilty.

yes everyone should really just be supported in what they want to do, with a preference for breastfeeding if it is possible. i know loads of people who just sort of gave up after a few days, not realising that those few days are the worst - noone told us that it got better!

oh but i sounded like i didn;t sympathise hotchocscot... sorry i meant to add that noone should be judged, just encouraged circumstances permitting

Very reasonable hunker.

I'd say passionate is where you really care for the baby and the mum and want them both to have the best. Militant is where the baby and mum could go to hell as long as they do what you want them to.

One is good and admirable, one is very very bad!!

The thing is, no-one thinks bf militants are doing good, no-one thinks that bullying women or making nasty comments is helpful in any way.

So militants are being militants entirely off their own bat, it's a personality problem, it doesn't come from anywhere official. They're just rude people and no doubt they're rude about all sorts of other things too.

I get frustrated when bf militants are criticised for being pro-bf instead of for being nasty which is a far worse crime in my book.

Part of the difficulty with the "line" between passion and militance is that, I believe, women often read what they want to read or hear what they want to hear and if they're not comfortable with their "decision" (and who would be, if it wasn't their choice?), the defence is to say "stop bullying me, you bf mafia type", so shutting down all debate, because it's too painful.

I understand why that is. I do, truly. It is NOT nice to read things that are going to upset you and if you had, as Tiktok says, bought a ticket for the breastfeeding bus, and you have been unceremoniously booted off it, you may well feel a bit like the women still on it are laughing at you and you may very well not want to have any conversation about the subject at all.

WK007 and Welliemum, YES, exactly!

I think one of the problems is that sometimes people say I couldn't bf because....and some people answer BUT with the right support you could have.

And that's not necessarily true.

I actually think that it's possible to be militant and passionate about something without being insensitive. I wouldn't use "militant" to describe someone who has lost sight of what is important in their fanaticism - maybe fanatical is a better word.

I'm saying this as someone who really cares about the issues of breastfeeding but am so far not succeeding at doing so very well at all, and may well have to face up to having missed the time to establish it. Long story.

I think "fanatical" is a better word - but "militant" is the one that people use when complaining.

Not just militant, but "nazi" and "mafia" too, all words which imply an organisation rather than random mad individuals.

Interesting.

Militant is the wrong word, for me, because it is too angry. I am not angry at the women who don't breastfeed, for whatever reason. Not at all. That would be mad.

Cammelia, you are right, better support wouldn't help in all cases.

It would in a great many, but not all.

I've heard LOTS of women say they couldn't bf because they didn't have enough milk, which is usually because of a fundamental lack of understanding about how establishing breastfeeding works (not always, I do understand that, before anyone reads me wrong). It is down to healthcare professionals to inform women about the usual course of breastfeeding and to encourage women to do some reading for themselves.

However, I am also conscious that there are women for whom the idea of a baby at the end of pregnancy is too much of a fragile hope for them to risk jinxing it with reading about anything baby-related while pregnant. I know for me, it felt very much like an academic exercise, reading about bfing before DS1 was born, because I didn't really believe I was going to have a baby.

I think that it is possibly more about the tone of what you say than what you stand for. From the other side of the screen it does sometimes appear that you are spoiling for a fight, and if you can't fight the formula manufacturers then you'll definitely stand your ground on here to the bitter end. I guess if I compare and contrast yours and say Franny's posts on bfing, then her style tends to be softer which will be more persuasive to some people. I do think that you give realistic and practical advice, but sometimes it is also accompanied by a downer/rant either on health professionals, or something else. Better health professionals will not just make every problem go away (though they will help some), and whilst I believe that you know this, you do sometimes accept it grudgingly. Even with a very positive bfing experience behind me I sometimes come away from your threads feeling bruised - not because I feel that there was anything wrong with my experience, but because you have clearly judged it and found it wanting. I think that you could be far more persuasive if you made your point without trying to refute everyone elses.

You are clearly an exceptional and passionate woman and i belive that you could lead a movement to trigger a step change in support levels. But if that is your ambition than you need to look at winning people rather than just winning.

I think I might be militant.
the current situation makes me genuinely angry.
It makes me genuinely angry that there is so much apathy and downright antipathy about bf given the crucial, lifelong significant effect it has on babies health.
I want that to change.
I think in order to make things change, if some people get pissed off, that is a small price to pay.
but of course I care very much about individual women and their circumstances, so much so that I have been training for the past three years to help women.
blmey I am a militant.

I take what you say on board, Ladymuck - thank you.

I do sometimes get carried away, it's true.

I find it hard not to say "yes, but..." when faced with someone who is misunderstanding me, sometimes wilfully.

I appreciate your confidence in me, in the last paragraph of your post and I hope I can be deserving of it.

Can I just ask though - the bit where you say I have judged your experience and found it wanting - am I reading that right? Where did I do that?

I think it is interesting that women who are passionate abut bf are viewed as a "body" threatening the status quo, that they are fanatical and smug.
whereas, ime (and I know a LOT of bf loons ) they are almost without exception dedicated women who want to help women and babies because they care about women and babies.
they certainly aren't doing it for the money or the glory or even the free sex and fast cars

oh joolstoo, you know full well it is perfectly fine to call me and hunker for that matter any rude name you like.
women who look after bf women, they have no feelings at all. once you have lactated for six weeks, they take out your heart.

And replace it with a pebble called Walter.

actually mine is called Nigel, I paid for the upgrade, with all the ££££ I get showing women how to use breast pumps.