The difference between being passionate and being militant

[hunkermunker]

I am passionate about women who want to being supported to breastfeed by healthcare professionals (and the wider community).

But I am not militant. Militant suggests having no sensitivity to personal circumstance, no understanding that it's not "the same" for everyone and that women aren't to blame for the failings of those who are meant to be supporting them.

So, just because I want more women to have the support to breastfeed and for the wider community to understand that it is an acceptable thing to see every day, it doesn't mean I'm inconsiderate, or wanting women to feel guilty if they don't breastfeed. I just want women who feel awful about stopping breastfeeding (and there are thousands of them) to have the help to continue.

Isn't that pretty reasonable, really?

I think being 'militant' or 'passionate' is in the eye of the receiver really. I've got a friend who felt she was being bullied into bf (she was having big probs with feeding) just because there was a noticeboard on her ward dedicated to bf whereas another woman would probably just have thought it was helpful. I remember starting a thread on here asking why people formula fed and a few people predicted it would deteriorate just because no matter how tactfully you phrase it, a bfer asking why people use formula is seen as a bit suspect or militant when I was just really interested (it was around that 'building the brand' time). Just mentioning breastfeeding to some people stirs up such pain that attack becomes the best form of defence.

So after all that rambling Hunker, I think that some people will ALWAYS interpret what you, Tiktok, Mears etc say as militant but must of us think you're wonderful and we are not fit to lick your boots, polish your breast pump, dust your norks, wash your breast pads etc....

macnic - step away from my norks with your duster, woman

You are right about people's sensitivity. There was at least one thread on here when someone said about all the mothers and mums and toddlers criticising her bottle feeding, and when it came down to it, it was a few looks, and when it came down even further, it was not even that....it's what she felt they might be thinking. If they looked at her and she happened to be bottle feeding, she felt they were looking at her critically, and just felt uncomfortable. No one had actually said a dicky bird to her....but she felt so sad and terrible about it all, she imagined all sorts in her head.

If people feel that way when nothing is said, then I do understand when they come on here and read about breastfeeding.

But this does not mean everyone should stay silent!

Yes....no one should feel awful, and most people are doing their best

I have read this thread with great interest. When my ds was 10 wks I was just about still feeding him, but the formula top ups were creeping up, I was convinced I 'didn't have enough milk' and I had pretty much decided that I was going to give up. Then I came on Mumsnet and read though loads of archive threads, esp the ff/bf ones. To begin with the pro bf made me feel very defensive about my decision to stop (I felt guilty), but as I read on I changed my perspective totally. My ds is now five months, I have managed to restrict formula to one feed only a day, and I hope to continue bf for at least a year.

This is all due to reading good advice from people like hunker, and tiktok, and mears - and loads of others. Thank you forstating your case so persuasively. You changed my mind totally, and my son is being bf as a direct result of your words.

awww lizyjane, that just gave me goosebumps.

How lovely

I think that sometimes there is the problem that when someone who is struggling posts and what they really want is to stop BF and they are looking for someone to say "oh give him a bottle, don't worry about it, happy Mum happy baby" etc and then someone else posts who tries to give advice in the vein of "yes you can do it - you just need the right support - have you tried this, rung this person...." etc.

The OP then becomes a bit defensive and it turns into a "you are BF Nazis" type debate where a FF will post that it's just as good and a BF will say, actually it isn't......and then war breaks out.

I think that the passionate/helpful BFers are quite often misunderstood because of these types of threads - knowing how many Mums feel about the premature end of the BF relationship (for whatever reason) they try and help where ever they can but sometimes that help isn't really wanted although I don't know how you work that out before it all kicks off.

Sorry, very rambly - but I think that HM, Tiktok and F&Z come across as genuinely caring rather than militant. As has been said, I'm sure you've helped more people than you've pissed off.

Lizyjane, that's fab, really lovely - thank you