Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To knock breastfeeding on the head?

95 replies

DarkRoomDarren · 03/04/2018 11:22

I have a 10 week old baby. We have been doing a mixture of bfing and feeding expressed milk from a bottle (due to poor latch / baby completely refusing to latch quite early on). Occasionally, (usually every few days), we have to use formula, as we run out of breast milk and he’s still hungry after breastfeeds. He hasn’t settled for longer than about 20 minutes after a breastfeed and, usually, it’s even sooner than that when he is hungry again.

I’ve noticed that, the more I bf him, the more we need formula; I was making a concerted effort to bf more this weekend. This meant I got less milk when I pumped and we ended up using more formula.

Aibu to think this is stupid and I should just continue pumping and forget about bfing? I had wanted to ebf, but he just doesn’t settle after I feed him.

Dh thinks I should go the other way now and stop pumping, just bf and accept that he’ll have to have formula after every feed, but I don’t really see the merit in that.

Currently, I have to be in the house to pump, as I use a big, hospital grade, double pump. I do this three times a day, plus one in the night. I think dh thinks I’ll be able to get out and about more if I stop pumping, but bfing, followed by a formula top up every feed isn’t exactly easy on the hoof either.

Any thoughts? Many TIA.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 03/04/2018 11:45

I'd just keep putting him back on the breast if he's unsatisfied. 30 mins on one side then if still not satisfied 30 mins on the other. This might increase your supply for him. They do have cluster feed times every so often.

If it's not working then switch to bottles. It would effect my mental health more to not be able to get out of the house regularly then to give a bottle of formula.

Bf is brilliant if it's working for you. But please don't let it ruin the early months with your child. There is so much more to being a mother then breast feeding. Good luck.

LynseyLou1982 · 03/04/2018 11:45

My son is 5 weeks old and I'm in a similar situation. He did have TT which he had snipped but he still won't latch properly and get a really angry and frustrated on the boob. We do formula top upsvtoo and it's so much more relevant stress free to feed him. Like you he doesn't settle too well after boob feeding either but he's gaining weight an has plenty of wet/Dirty nappies. I'll get flamed for this probably but I really don't enjoy breast feeding and idcstop if I could but my OH wants me to stick it out. Formula isn't poison though if you do decide to stop. You need to do what you think is best for you and your baby.

LynseyLou1982 · 03/04/2018 11:46

Sorry for the bad typing. Doing it one handed on the bus with the pram

nutbrownhare15 · 03/04/2018 11:48

Cluster feeding is normal at that age, i pretty much spent all my time on the sofa. So while its normal, its also hard. Formula is harder to digest hence baby may seem 'settled' for longer afterwards. If you really want to bf I'd work slowly towards doing that, slowly reduce the formula and pumping. Go back to bf support group for support and reassurance that your baby is normal too. Also post on facebook bf support groups which are great for giving this too.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/04/2018 11:48

@LynseyLou1982 it's your body, not your DHs to control. If you want to stop then stop. You don't need to continue to do it just to please your DH.

JaneyEJones · 03/04/2018 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntNun · 03/04/2018 11:53

It sounds like your bf drop-in wasn't much use and you need proper help from an expert. I breastfed my four children and every one of them had a different issue that needed professional help to resolve. I'd start with La Leche League (as suggested by a previous poster) to see if they can help you.

As an aside, have you tried using nipple shields to bf? My first baby just would not latch on at all but I managed to feed him using nipple shields.

MumofBoysx2 · 03/04/2018 11:53

Can you find a bf counsellor? Your local NCT group, or ask for recommendations? If you're enjoying it it would be such a shame to stop. Maybe you could get help improving the latch and then decrease the bottle? I wouldn't stop if you feel that you'd rather carry on.

PasstheStarmix · 03/04/2018 11:55

@LynseyLou1982 tell your dh once he’s happy to be milked like a diary cow night and day then and only then can he judge. What is it with people like that? It’s not his body. If you don’t like it and you’re not happy don’t do it. It’s not your husbands decision to make.

username7979 · 03/04/2018 11:55

by being on the breast all the time your baby is triggering a higher supply. I used to breastfeed and pump and give one bottle of formula when I was going to bed, so I could have a bit of a longer sleep. It worked well as I had to stop breastfeeding due to antibiotics abruptly and it wasn't traumatic for the baby to go onto formula.

tinkanman · 03/04/2018 11:56

In your position I'd formula feed Smile

Viviennemary · 03/04/2018 11:57

I'd just give up the b/f. You've given it a good try. What's the point of a stressed out Mum and unsettled baby. But do what you think best for you and baby.

Original poster
DarkRoomDarren · 03/04/2018 12:01

Thanks again all.

I’ve asked for this to be moved to infant feeding.

Problem with the latch is that he doesn’t open his mouth wide enough. I have not very prominent nipples too, especially on the left hand side, which he struggles with. We’ve tried nipple shields, but they are an absolute faff for me and he doesn’t get anywhere near emptying the breast when I use them.

Re being more settled after formula because it’s less easily digested; he seems to settle equally well after a bottle of breast milk. I think it’s purely down to volume in our case, but obviously don’t know.

OP posts:
Original poster
DarkRoomDarren · 03/04/2018 12:05

And YY, I really didn’t find the drop in very useful at all sadly.

I’ve tried to pay consultants to come and help us, but have either had no reply from them, or they say won’t travel to our area. I have an older child at nursery, so it’s tricky for us to travel anywhere much. Plus, I’ve not long since passed my driving test, so I’m a nervous driver at the best of times. When I’m in a rush to get back to pick us dc1 and I’ve been separated from my precious breast pump Wink, I will definitely not be able to manage a longish drive to a new place Blush.

I might contact the NCT to see if they can recommend anyone. The woman who rented me my breast pump is from NCT actually.

OP posts:
Original poster
DarkRoomDarren · 03/04/2018 12:07

Ugh typos sorry^^.

Pick up*
Precious breast pump*

OP posts:
Laserbird16 · 03/04/2018 12:07

First of all getting baby fed is best so go with that and what keeps you sane.

A great resource is the website of the Australian breastfeeding Association www.breastfeeding.asn.au/

It seems like the services you've accessed have focused on tongue tie and great there doesn't seem to be any at this stage but I feel for you, pumping is hard work. By pumping you'll be increasing your supply which could be contributing to the engorgement you are experiencing. Instead of going cold turkey could you pump just enough to take the edge off? Also feeding from a bottle can be easier for the baby as the quicker flow - so your child could having a little appetiser at the boob and then getting his main from the bottle. Perhaps by offering less in the bottle he might come back to the boob and save you some work?

Finally, I found 10 weeks there was a lot on, cluster feeds seemed relentless and never ending and my veiny frankenboobs were crazy as DD and I found our rhythm. You are doing great and whether you persevere or try something different you'll find your rhythm too.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 03/04/2018 12:13

I would switch to formula feeding. Particularly since you mention an older sibling at nursery. It sounds like you're having a hellish time and it's taking over everything and leaving you miserable.

There comes a time when you have to consider your well being and the rest of the family's needs. You've given your baby a great start with 10 weeks of breast feeding.

You haven't failed in anyway. Don't make your decision based on misplaced guilt. It doesn't matter if you don't continue breast feeding.

Original poster
DarkRoomDarren · 03/04/2018 12:17

I’m honestly feeling ok with pumping. It is tiring, but it’s bearable. Maybe I’m getting too carried away with it though, as dh seems to think I should stop too. Dc1 is my worry. We don’t get to do as much at the moment and watch far too many Disney movies Blush. But wouldn’t that be the case if I wasn’t pumping too? Doesn’t staying in more just go with the territory of having a little baby?

OP posts:
EspressoPatronum · 03/04/2018 12:17

Sounds like he does actually need the tt cutting. Unfortunately it can be a bit of a postcode lottery as to whether the NHS are willing to do it. Can you afford to pay privately? We did, and it saved our breastfeeding relationship.

DrWhy · 03/04/2018 12:20

Pumping is hellish, I think if you want to BF then you might have to really reduce the bottles as bottles are easier so they can develop a preference (I wouldn’t give them up totally though or you might end up with a complete bottle refuser like I did!). Otherwise gradually decrease the pumping and go to formula.
I recorded my DSfeeds until he was about 9 weeks and at that point they looked a bit like the screenshot below - although the days varied somewhat. He always spent around an hour in the evening cluster feeding exactly when I wanted to be eating dinner - I ate a lot of one handed meals and DH cut up my food for me! So the being hungry within a few moments of coming off is pretty normal, swop sides and go again! Oh and don’t always start with the same side like I did, I was trying to even up wonky boobs! Blush

To knock breastfeeding on the head?
Original poster
DarkRoomDarren · 03/04/2018 12:20

Yes, we could afford to have TT snipped privately. How did you find your practitioner if you don’t mind me asking? I’ve seen a website with lists of TT practitioner, but it says on there they may not be qualified etc and to check out anyone’s qualifications before you use them.

My thought was to go to a private ENT who deals with TT, but they don’t seem to exist outside London!

OP posts:
MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 03/04/2018 12:21

Hi there,
We've moved this to Infant Feeding as requested, and we would seek to formally remind you that there can never be too many Disney movies. Wink Good luck, whatever you decide, and congratulations on your new baby!

SilverBirchTree · 03/04/2018 12:22

Well done for sticking with it this far and sounding so cheerful- it sounds bloody hard!

That’s all! Good luck OP Smile

Original poster
DarkRoomDarren · 03/04/2018 12:23

Thanks Helen Smile!

OP posts:
TheGruffalosArse · 03/04/2018 12:23

I had the exact same situation with DS. Everyone kept telling me there was no problem with the latch but he would rarely latch on and I knew he wasn't getting much when he was latched. Pumping was the only thing keeping my milk going but I couldn't keep up with it enough to keep my supply up so I gave up at 8 weeks and formula fed. I felt a great sense of relief when I made that decision and like I had got my life back. Looking back I am annoyed that no one bothered to help me find out what the problem was even though I did ask.