MNHQ here: what you told us about breastfeeding... and why some of you stopped

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

It's World Breastfeeding Week this week, and as part of our campaign for Better Postnatal Care we ran a survey with just over 1000 MNers with children under 5 asking them about their experiences of infant feeding. Many thanks to all who took part (it was a bit of a whopper).

We've got lots of really interesting information from you about breast and bottle feeding and your experiences of it, which we will use to inform our campaign - but for today we're focusing on the difficulties women encounter when they want to breastfeed (which 87% of respondents said they had wanted to do).

You can see the results here and our page about what we think the most common breastfeeding barriers are (based on the survey results) here.

In summary:

Among women who had wanted to breastfeed but had stopped within the first 24 hours, their reasons for stopping included:

The baby could not latch well: 41%
I felt I didn’t know what I was doing: 27%
I needed more help/support: 23%
It just felt incredibly difficult: 22%
Too physically painful: 15%

Among women who had initiated breastfeeding but had stopped by six weeks, their reasons for stopping included:

The baby wasn’t latching on properly: 56%
Worried I wasn’t producing enough milk: 42%
Breastfeeding was painful: 39%
I was overwhelmed/exhausted and something had to give: 34%
I found it difficult to express milk: 32%
I was worried the baby wasn’t gaining enough weight: 24%

Just ahead of the birth:

33% said they felt a lot of pressure to breastfeed;
47% were worried they would not be able to breastfeed; and
36% said they felt anxious about breastfeeding.

74% of respondents agreed with the statement: ‘There is too much emphasis on telling women why they should breastfeed, and not enough on supporting them to breastfeed.’

Among those who were still breastfeeding at six weeks, face-to-face support from healthcare professionals or breastfeeding counsellors was rated the most effective intervention, with 71% saying it contributed to their success. Partners' support was rated the best, with 81% saying their partners/spouses' support was excellent or good.

Many women found breastfeeding painful at first. Even among those who were still breastfeeding at 6 weeks, 31% agreed that ‘breastfeeding hurts/is uncomfortable’. Concerns about poor latch and milk supply also run throughout the survey results.

Among those who had stopped breastfeeding by six weeks, 34% agreed ‘I was overwhelmed/exhausted and something had to give’, and 22% agreed that ‘breastfeeding felt relentless’. Among all those who breastfed at any stage, 45% reported finding it difficult during ‘periods when the baby breastfed constantly or very frequently’.

Perhaps not surprisingly, women who had breastfed before were significantly more positive and relaxed about breastfeeding subsequent children. When compared with first-time mums, veteran breastfeeders were more likely to want to breastfeed (92% vs 87%), less likely to feel pressured to breastfeed (21% vs 39%), and felt much more confident directly before the birth about breastfeeding (54% vs 30%).

Have a look at our breastfeeding barriers page and tell us what you think - do our findings echo your experience? What can be done to really support women when they need it? What sorts of interventions did you have that helped you - or what would you have liked that you didn't get?

We will use these findings to work with health organisations to see if we can get better, more useful support for women who want to breastfeed.

Thanks
MNHQ

I felt very let down when feeding my first. I had breasfeeding support workers, midwives and health visitors at my home daily. I felt trapped in the house waiting for them to come. Then I developed mastitis when the baby was 3 weeks old. I showed the breastfeeding support worker my red, inflamed increasingly hard breast and she told me to latch baby on again and it would pass. The next day I showed the health visitor and she told me to latch baby on and it would pass. The next day I insisted on a doctor's appointment. I saw a locum who told me to stop feeding from that breast alltogether and it would pass. Of course this led to even further engorgement and a breast like a burning rock. Overnight my temperature raised so high I was hallucinating and tried to sit on my baby, couldn't feed him, was screaming and crying for hours. My husband thought I was having a breakdown. The next day I was admitted to hospital for a week, on IV fluids and antibiotics, a breast full of green pus and ultimately a huge abscess that required bi-weekly aspiration for 2 months, followed by surgery under general anaesthetic, and a wound which took a further 4 months to properly heal. I felt under so much pressure to feed my baby, yet even when I was trying so hard, the so called 'experts' let me down. now, nearly 7 years later I still am reduced to tears thinking about it. It delayed our TTC DC2 as I was so terrified of what would happen, and it robbed me of the first 6 months bonding with my beautiful baby. I am angry to this day about their incompetence as I will never get that time back.

More support for actual breastfeeding and much much less banging on about 'breast is best' would be so much better.

More advice about what to expect so that people had a realistic idea of what happens instead of this mystical bonding experience it's promoted as at the moment.

More/better training for midwives and other HCP- one midwife patronisingly dismissed my concerns about lack of wet nappies - this led to a seriously ill baby by the following day and readmittance to hospital where she had to be tube fed formula (my milk didn't come in for another seven weeks). Too many HCP seem to getting a basic BF training and then spouting the 'just keep trying' advice, which damages women's mental health.

• more support available from people who know what they're doing. I was given a list of local BF support groups but none were in my town, and I felt it would be dangerous to drive myself (non-driving husband) to one because I was so sleep-deprived from cluster feeding. All the support groups closed down for two weeks over Xmas which meant I couldn't have accessed them when I needed them anyway.
• making advice available - I was given three copies of the NHS BF booklet, as all midwives and HV seemed to be handing it out. No one wanted to give advice about safe formula feeding despite me having to mix feed. I was given contradictory advice about sterilising safely. I gave birth in a 'baby friendly initiaitive' hospital so they wouldn't even talk about safe formula feeding despite our admittance to SCBU. Promotion of BF has got in the way of making sure advice is available on feeding babies safely.

Also, support for mix feeding would be great, all I ever heard was that offering formula reduced your own supply but I successfully mix fed for a year and still BF 20mo now. I've encouraged others to try it as they've seen me do it successfully but there is little advice about it and HCP seem unaware.

My milk didn't come in until DD was eight weeks old so she had several weeks of being almost exclusively formula fed. Didn't stop my milk suddenly kicking in with a vengeance at 8 weeks!

I absolutely agree with @figgygal who said

"I'm still not liking the definitions in this survey I didn't stop because I didn't THINK I was producing enough my starving child was evidence of this there was no thinking about it"

My breastfeeding experiences were the first time I ever understood what "gas lighting" meant. It seems there is a determination to make women disbelieve their own experience, make them doubt what their own eyes and ears are telling them, make them go stir crazy because it could never be the breastfeeding that was at fault. It is dangerous and plain wrong. Women are told everything is all natural and instinctive and they must room-in with a newborn infant 24-hours a day to learn their feeding cues -never mind how traumatic the birth or how exhausted the mother - and yet when these same instincts tell mothers that their crying, weak, baby is not getting enough food, we are told it is all in our heads, that we only think we don't have enough milk because we saw an ad for formula once and that virtually all women can breastfeed - just look at Norway or Cambodia or somewhere else with an obscure language so we can't easily peruse their versions of Mumsnet to see for ourselves.

And the exaggeration of benefits is obscenely unethical coming from HCPs, as is the refusal to give clear guidance on safe formula preparation. It harms women and it harms babies.

My boobs didn't grow in either of my pregnancies. There was no engorgement or feeling of letdown. With my first, I BF and supplement fed her. It was exhausting, but from the beginning, it was clear that I didn't have enough milk. It was only after I had my twins that a different midwife looked at my boobs and realized that they were the wrong shape for someone who had just had twins. Turns out that it is very common for women whose mothers smoked heavily when pregnant lack milk ducts. Normal boobs have 16-32 per boob. I had four in one boob and one in the other. Every photo of my mum in the 70's has a cigarette in her hand or her mouth.

Justilou, sorry you had a poor experience.

I have never heard that smoking in pregnancy affects the development of milk ducts in a female fetus - though it's well known that smoking does affect overall growth.

Who told you this? And how did they count your milk ducts? Milk is not made in or by the ducts, anyway. I am not doubting your experience and there is a condition whereby the mammary glands may be insufficient. But I am doubtful of evidence showing maternal heavy smoking in pg is a major factor. Willing to have my mind opened, even so

I begged for help in hospital - I was sent "the midwife who's good at it" (their words, not mine). I'd had a long, traumatic birth, I hadn't slept in nearly 48 hours, or eaten in 24hours, but I was left alone on a ward in the wee hours of the morning with a screaming baby who didn't want to latch.

I carried on begging for help and was handed bottles of formula.

Once I consented to formula (despite handexpressing colostrum and feeding with a syringe after trying him at both breasts), I was quickly discharged into the care of my AMAZING community midwife. She cried with me when we heard my son swallow my breastmilk for the first time when my milk came in Day 5 (delayed due to dehydration and significant blood loss - none of which was explained to me in hospital). We still had to top up as he refused to stay at my breast for long, but I was managing to express with a pump. He still had an awful latch, and feeding was agony. Midwife said she's never seen a baby try to suckle the way he did! With nipple shields he was succeeding though!

I quickly developed a post natal infection, and my GP refused to give me breastfeeding friendly drugs. Battling no sleep, baby blues and my husband going back to work while the antibiotics drained me stopped us in our tracks. I didn't have the energy to pump and dump, as well as clean bottles, make formula, and feed myself. Once the course of antibiotics was over, my milk supply was fading and my son was more reluctant than ever before.

I suggested that maybe I could go along to a breastfeeding support group, but was put off by people I asked - they said I wouldn't be welcome as I was currently bottle feeding. My son was 3 weeks old at this point, and I still had milk.

My heart broke, as did my spirit. And I resigned myself to formula. There's nothing wrong with formula - I was formula fed myself, as were my brother and sister. But it wasn't what I'd planned to do.

I WISH I'd had better support from the hospital. I wish I'd had access to my community midwife for longer. I wish I'd had a Health Visitor with an ounce of compassion rather than "Oh you're bottle feeding..."

I have social anxiety. Leaving the house with a newborn while I was struggling was IMPOSSIBLE.

Things will be different next time round. I hope.

I'm really pleased to see this thread where women can put down their experiences without being judged and leapt upon. So I wanted to share my own experience and thoughts.

I was the typical first time mum-to-be. Of course I was going to breastfeed. It would be wonderful and I really wanted to do it for at least a year. Never even occurred to me that it might be a problem.

Well, the reality was that I got gestational diabetes in my last 10 weeks of pregnancy. DS was born early by c-section as they were worried about my sugar levels. He had low blood sugar when he was born and had to be fed through the nose feed and was in scbu for a couple of days. He didn't latch on, so had to be formula fed in hospital.

When we got home, he did eventually latch on, but he seemed so uncomfortable after a breast feed. He seemed to have terrible wind and colic and really in pain - sometimes doubled-up in pain. If I gave him a bottle, he was absolutely content and gulped it down and settled straight away. I persevered for 6 weeks (mixed feeding) and then thought, why am I putting us both through this, and went to full formula feeding.

My so called 'failure' then got me thinking.....they always say 'breast is best' and push it on you. And I do appreciate that there are a lot of medical studies that prove this to be the case. But surely this depends on what the mother is eating? I was to tired at that stage that I wasn't eating a particularly healthy diet - anything that you could eat quickly. Also, I convinced myself that ds would be an ill/stupid/unhealthy child because he wasn't 'properly' breastfed. Well, you know what, he is one of the healthiest, smartest and brightest kids I know. He is the only one in his Reception class this year that had 100% attendance (because he never got ill), he was one of the last of my NCT group (who all breastfed) to get chickenpox, and even then it was so mild it didn't even bother him. He's never been a snotty/coldy kind of kid etc etc.

Sorry - this post isn't meant to be a brag about my son, just to make the point that all this stuff about breastfeeding making your child healthy/a genius/better than formula fed kids is absolute nonsense as far as I'm concerned, and I just wished I hadn't spent so much time beating myself up about giving up at 6 weeks.

I had an abundance of milk, plenty of highly trained and sympathetic support, very positive attitude from family and friends, total commitment to breastfeeding- and a daughter with undiagnosed Ehlers Danlos. Nearly drove us both into an early grave insisting that she had to be able to do the things that other babies were able to do.

It wasn't about my "thinking" she wasn't getting enough; it was about my insisting she had to be getting enough because I was breast-feeding on demand, never mind that her ribs were sticking out.

So would be nice if you could also pass on something about brief mention of possibility of undiagnosed SN/underlying health condition causing trouble.

The way these things are dealt with in first-parents' books, one is often given the impression that all forms of SN are diagnosed by birth by a knowledgeable doctor and after that you know. And that if you haven't been told then there can be nothing wrong. Very far from lived experience of many parents.

@sycamore54321

My breastfeeding experiences were the first time I ever understood what "gas lighting" meant. It seems there is a determination to make women disbelieve their own experience, make them doubt what their own eyes and ears are telling them, make them go stir crazy because it could never be the breastfeeding that was at fault.

It is dangerous and plain wrong. Women are told everything is all natural and instinctive and they must room-in with a newborn infant 24-hours a day to learn their feeding cues -never mind how traumatic the birth or how exhausted the mother - and yet when these same instincts tell mothers that their crying, weak, baby is not getting enough food, we are told it is all in our heads, that we only think we don't have enough milk because we saw an ad for formula once and that virtually all women can breastfeed - just look at Norway or Cambodia or somewhere else with an obscure language so we can't easily peruse their versions of Mumsnet to see for ourselves.

THIS

Sorry - posted before I was done. Oops!

I absolutely agree with this... Absolutely how I felt /feel. Sometimes I can't believe after the experience I had and some of the conversations I have had since that I am even considering trying to breastfeed again.

@tiktok

I have never heard that smoking in pregnancy affects the development of milk ducts in a female fetus - though it's well known that smoking does affect overall growth.

Who told you this? And how did they count your milk ducts? Milk is not made in or by the ducts, anyway. I am not doubting your experience and there is a condition whereby the mammary glands may be insufficient. But I am doubtful of evidence showing maternal heavy smoking in pg is a major factor. Willing to have my mind opened, even so

I have never been able to get hold of a medical paper / journal (rather than information produced by breastfeeding support groups with their own bias and without citations) which quotes the rate of lactation failure as 5%, even though I have requested it many times.

Do you believe this? Who told you this? How were the women selected and do you have any information about the women who were included in the sample?

When I have pressed for this information, most of the time it comes out gradually in subsequent conversation that this 2% or 5% is only a guess based on Norway etc, as there are too many other factors to be able to tease out who has actual lactation failure and how many of these women are affected by other social factors. Yet still it is used regularly and presented as fact.

I would be grateful for any source you have that quantifies this 2 - 5% as I am doubtful of the evidence I have seen that this is the case so far. I am willing to have my mind opened, even so.

It would be helpful if breastfeeding clinics/cafes could be rebadged as 'baby feeding support' - then it's clear that mix feeders are welcome. I was treated abysmally by some unpleasant EBFers when I eventually made it to a BF cafe with my mix fed baby. It took real guts to walk in there with my baby and I walked out again in tears after the way I was treated.

Also, tongue tie should be checked for at birth and dealt with. I knew about it (because of a friend's bad experience) and pushed and pushed to get my daughter's diagnosed and dealt with before we left hospital on day three (that was still too late for it not to have affected my milk coming in). But my area will only snip tongue ties for EBF babies, so many families have to struggle on with a mix fed baby with colic because of tongue tie.

bexley, itsgood and cory* - three different and highly revealing experiences, there - revealing of just how poor the support can be.

'Support' does not mean cheerleading, or meaningless praise or encouragement.....'support' means knowledgable, effective help that enables a mother to overcome challenges, that spots when things are not working well before a crisis develops, and which allows a mother to feel capable and in control.

Undiagnosed special needs absolutely affect early breastfeeding - if a baby appears to be breastfeeding well and does not thrive, then something is happening/not happening. It is crazy for mothers to be told 'just persevere' in the hope that something magic happens. It is not just crazy, it is massively risky, because babies can deteriorate fast. I have a number of personal stories which exemplify this.

I have seen it happen in mothers where there is some sort of denial going on - either on the part of the mother or the hcps or both, and you get a skinny baby who then feeds less and less well. Babies should never be skinny. Even when the parents are small and thin. Even when the parents are from an ethnic group where people are small. The babies should not be skinny.

Anyone who tells a mother their problems are all in their heads is not supporting breastfeeding, either.

It takes skilled and sensitive and informed people to help bf mothers. Because sometimes mothers do think there is something wrong if their baby feeds round the clock and does not settle well except on the breast - and the skilled, sensitive and informed person can work out if this is normal behaviour, or indicative of an underlying problem with feeding.

*luna not sure what you are asking me.

I would always make it clear that any numbers which talk about women who are unable to breastfeed would be based on observations of breastfeeding in various settings - how else could you possibly do it?

I don't understand your point!

I had my babies over 30 years ago but can still remember the suprise that it hurt when my DD latched on. No one had ever mentioned that or the sore nipples! The hospital, which was very busy and provided poor care for the mothers, did employ nursery nurses specifically to sit with nursing mums and help them with the latching on and prizing them off the breast when finished the feed.I was only in hospital for a couple of nights but I think this was a brilliant help and wish this was done today. I suppose it would be too expensive.
I was horrified by the lack of support my poor daughter had with her first baby resulting in her giving up after 8 weeks. So many upsetting horror stories and pressure at a time which should be happy.

support for mix feeding would be great, all I ever heard was that offering formula reduced your own supply but I successfully mix fed for a year and still BF 20mo now

THIS. Mw's and Hv's give the impression that as soon as you give a bottle of formula that's it...very much either or.

Ds3 is 3 months now and I've been mixed feeding since day 3. We had a horrendous day on day 3 as my milk was coming in, my breast was a different shape and he wouldn't latch...so we gave a bottle of formula after ten hours straight of screaming.

He's on 2 x 5oz bottles of formula a day and the rest breastfed. We could probably drop the formula now but to be perfectly honest, it keeps me sane sometimes, to have a break twice a day for at least 2 hours when my boobs are my own! Mixed feeding has really helped me to continue breastfeeding this long rather than hinder.

I had a nightmarish time trying to establish breastfeeding with my son - he was very slow to latch at first and lost weight quickly, we were readmitted to hospital when he was 3 days old because he was very jaundiced and had lost 12% of his birth weight. We eventually got some help from the Islington peer supporters and he started to latch when he was 5 days old after 2 days of top-ups. This was the start of him feeding every 45 minutes until he was 3 months old. The intervals between feeds only got marginally longer after that and he was diagnosed at last with a tongue tie at 20 weeks after 8 blocked ducts and 2 bouts of mastitis in 6 weeks. We were seen for the tongue tie at 24 weeks and nothing was done as he had cut his first tooth the day before the appointment!

I've just stopped breastfeeding at 16 months. I'm 12 weeks pregnant with #2 and my milk was completely gone around 10 weeks, my supply dropped like a stone and his latch was agony by the end.

I can't do this again with another kid. I can't be stuck on the couch all the time with an energetic 2 year old to chase and I'm fucked if I'm putting up with that much pain again. I'm considering mixed feeding from the start to try give a good start but most likely exclusively on bottles by 3-4 months.

My own experience was a nightmare. I had a traumatic birth, lots of abdominal pain after a ventouse, broke my toe a few days after giving birth, was off my head on cocodimol for the pain, hadn't slept, back in hospital when baby was deeply jaundiced and then tried to breast feed a baby who had been exposed to antibiotics, pethdine and formula to flush out the toxins. And I really, really wanted to breadtfeed. My boobs are enormous and breastfeeding involed cushions, rolled up rags under the breast etc, swamping my poor baby's head with boob and despite trying for two weeks and keeping up the formula to hold back his jaundice it became impossible and he was only sucking not swallowing the breast milk. And yes I did have face to face help with a trained professional. It drives me made the pressure to breast feed. I really wanted to do it.

I am so pleased/relieved to read these results, as they do mirror my experience of breastfeeding, and I am glad I'm not alone, as bad as that sounds.

DS is still breastfeeding, so we did come through the other side, but by God, those first 8 weeks were an unthinkable hell of pain, pressure, judgemental unhelpful Health Visitor, misinformation and propaganda and, bar the wonderful community midwives (thank you Yorkhill maternity), absolutely no support.

My own experience has mirrored that of many on here. I'm not going to re-hash it as I've shared it a few times on here. My observations overall are:

1. Better, more rigorous training for BF peer supporters. Some of the statistics and 'facts' trotted out are version of the truth (actual research findings) that have been put through a heavily biased filter of 'breast is best'. I imagine the point is to try to persuade/ guilt people into BF. These cliches, trotted out continually are incredibly damaging.

My own experience of BF support was incredibly bad- highly judgmental, inflexible and very, very damaging to my MH and the health of my daughter.

The thing is: word of mouth is a powerful thing. I wouldn't ever recommend any of the BF supporters, Health visitor or Lactation consultant I encountered to anyone.

Maybe if they'd been a bit less judgemental, smug and inflexible I (and many of the mothers I've encountered in my area) wouldn't be so disillusioned and angry with BF support and the pressure to BF.

As an adendum to this I might say that all the midwives I encountered were brilliant. They were compassionate and understanding and much less biased. More encouraging but also really supported of whatever I wanted.

I must say I didn't feel pressure to bf, but didn't think help was great.

Also I know it's bloody expensive but if breast feeding rates are to go up, early pain needs to be acknowledged. Give everyone a tube of nipple cream and som breast shells.

I felt hugely pressured to breastfeed. Horribly so.

My reasons are as follows :

1-
I had emergency c section and my milk came in late.
I wasn't allowed to be discharged because his blood sugars dropped too much and was forced to formula feed him in hospital before I left.
I had PCOS and was worried this might affect my milk production

2-
I suspected he had tongue tie an asked in hospital for them to check. They said they don't do that there.
I waited two weeks to get it snipped after it being confirmed. By that point my nipples were torn to shreds and baby was miserable

3-
I attempted to get a lactation consultant to help post tongue tie as he wouldn't latch properly still after the procedure.
I couldn't get anyone to visit for 3 weeks

4-
By this point I was exclusively express feeding. Midwives told me I must pump for 8 times a day for 30 minutes on each side
I did that.
Within 2 weeks I was so terribly engorged and in pain. My nipples never healed.
I couldn't leave the house as I was in a constant state of expressing and feeding. I never slept.

5-
I went to the doctors multiple times to try and sort my painful nipples as I would get severe shooting pains when expressing and the pain lasted for ages after too. I could hardly wear clothes let alone pick up or cuddle my baby.
I was prescribed anti fungals on an extremely high dose thinking it was ductal thrush.
I ended up having an allergic reaction to it.
Found out I had raynauds of the nipple.

By this point baby was 6 weeks old.
I had been in tears for every day since his birth and I didn't want to give up due to the pressure I felt.
I had to do something though and bought the first tub of formula.
I'm still trying to sort out my boobs, and only express twice a day now and the rest of the time we are on formula.
I am actually feeling quite angry about my experience, what with the pressure, the lack of help, the misdiagnosis, and the constant bottle bashing

tiba That is awful. Unfortunately, you aren't the only one who has had experienced like that.

My health visitor told me, when DD was 12 weeks old and still not gaining significant weight (having lost 12%) after birth, that the reason was I was going out too often and putting my needs over DD's. I should be at home BFing all hours of the day.

I should point out that I would go out for walks with DH or NCT friends a couple of hours a day max probably three days a week. But she didn't know that because she made a fucking assumption about me.