MNHQ here: what you told us about breastfeeding... and why some of you stopped

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

It's World Breastfeeding Week this week, and as part of our campaign for Better Postnatal Care we ran a survey with just over 1000 MNers with children under 5 asking them about their experiences of infant feeding. Many thanks to all who took part (it was a bit of a whopper).

We've got lots of really interesting information from you about breast and bottle feeding and your experiences of it, which we will use to inform our campaign - but for today we're focusing on the difficulties women encounter when they want to breastfeed (which 87% of respondents said they had wanted to do).

You can see the results here and our page about what we think the most common breastfeeding barriers are (based on the survey results) here.

In summary:

Among women who had wanted to breastfeed but had stopped within the first 24 hours, their reasons for stopping included:

The baby could not latch well: 41%
I felt I didn’t know what I was doing: 27%
I needed more help/support: 23%
It just felt incredibly difficult: 22%
Too physically painful: 15%

Among women who had initiated breastfeeding but had stopped by six weeks, their reasons for stopping included:

The baby wasn’t latching on properly: 56%
Worried I wasn’t producing enough milk: 42%
Breastfeeding was painful: 39%
I was overwhelmed/exhausted and something had to give: 34%
I found it difficult to express milk: 32%
I was worried the baby wasn’t gaining enough weight: 24%

Just ahead of the birth:

33% said they felt a lot of pressure to breastfeed;
47% were worried they would not be able to breastfeed; and
36% said they felt anxious about breastfeeding.

74% of respondents agreed with the statement: ‘There is too much emphasis on telling women why they should breastfeed, and not enough on supporting them to breastfeed.’

Among those who were still breastfeeding at six weeks, face-to-face support from healthcare professionals or breastfeeding counsellors was rated the most effective intervention, with 71% saying it contributed to their success. Partners' support was rated the best, with 81% saying their partners/spouses' support was excellent or good.

Many women found breastfeeding painful at first. Even among those who were still breastfeeding at 6 weeks, 31% agreed that ‘breastfeeding hurts/is uncomfortable’. Concerns about poor latch and milk supply also run throughout the survey results.

Among those who had stopped breastfeeding by six weeks, 34% agreed ‘I was overwhelmed/exhausted and something had to give’, and 22% agreed that ‘breastfeeding felt relentless’. Among all those who breastfed at any stage, 45% reported finding it difficult during ‘periods when the baby breastfed constantly or very frequently’.

Perhaps not surprisingly, women who had breastfed before were significantly more positive and relaxed about breastfeeding subsequent children. When compared with first-time mums, veteran breastfeeders were more likely to want to breastfeed (92% vs 87%), less likely to feel pressured to breastfeed (21% vs 39%), and felt much more confident directly before the birth about breastfeeding (54% vs 30%).

Have a look at our breastfeeding barriers page and tell us what you think - do our findings echo your experience? What can be done to really support women when they need it? What sorts of interventions did you have that helped you - or what would you have liked that you didn't get?

We will use these findings to work with health organisations to see if we can get better, more useful support for women who want to breastfeed.

Thanks
MNHQ

I echo some of the pps here.. Much sounds like my experience.

Trigger warning again.

I had such a traumatic birth and both lost a huge amount of blood (not correctly documented so it was massively underreported until my dh insisted on bloods being done) and broke my coccyx on delivery (told I was complaining too much between contractions when the baby's head had in fact broken a bone!!). I was then handed my son and expected to know what to do with him.

I persisted for 24 hours, asking for lots of help. Crying in pain as my "barracuda style feeder" according to the MW tried to get anything from me. I wasn't producing milk at all and with hindsight its easy to see why.

After 36 hours of no sleep, constant pain and huge blood loss (borderline transfusion in the end) and a screaming starving baby I asked for one bottle to give him something, anything to feed and let me sleep to try and gain strength to go again. Was told no that was me on bottles now and bf was stroked off the feeding chart.

I didn't have the mental strength to fight it. Only years later (my son is now 10, two subsequent dcs) did I realise I ended up with pnd. It all started that horrific experience in hospital.

I wanted, indeed expected, to feed for months. Instead I was berated, humiliated and left with pamphlets telling me breast is best. No support whatsoever. It still makes me so upset.

mumsnet I can't emphasise enough how important this campaign is.

Luna your experience feels so similar to mine. I truly believe that this all women can bf and the genuine rate of failure being a few % is utter rubbish.

I'm still not liking the definitions in this survey I didn't stop because I didn't THINK I was producing enough my starving child was evidence of this there was no thinking about it. I understand it's there because lots of women do stop for that reason when there's no evidence of this so I guess it's me being defensive and my own issues.

I BF exclusively until about 4 months and mix fed until 6.

I honestly hated it by the end and it certainly contributed to my PND. DS was particular shall we say- would only BF in one position that absolutely killed my back and hips (I have sciatica and developed SPD in pregnancy) and wanted to big feeds in quick succession and then a few hours break. Funnily enough, he was disappointed as I stopped producing enough altogether and he started losing more and more weight.

Interestingly, the women in my family have all struggled with BF, particularly around the 5-6 month mark and all of us had issues around giving birth. I didn't have issues at birth as I chose to have an ELCS, but my placenta was virtually crumbling even though I didn't go over my due date.

I wonder if there is a genetic element to it.

DS wanted two big feeds obviously.

The 'support' from midwives and health visitors in this country is a joke. I know there are staffing problems in my area, but with both my children I tried my hardest to breastfeed and both times I was let down by lack of support despite asking and asking some more.

Baby#1 had tongue tie and despite attempting to feed him constantly we ended up in hospital a week after birth for 'failure to thrive' and then jaundice, which made me feel like I had failed my baby as I just wasn't producing any milk and he was starving. Looking back I beat myself up about it so much that I think I had PND and really struggled to bond with him for quite a long time.

Second time round I was determined not to fail at breastfeeding again and was going to get it right this time. I even started harvesting colostrum before the baby was born to help my milk production and prove I could do it. Suffice to say my milk didn't come in and baby #2 also had tongue tie. Despite topping up with formula, as I was petrified of having a starving baby again, we ended up in hospital with jaundice where I was told to 'stuff him with formula'. I still battled on trying to express and every feed time was '20 mins breast, formula top up, express' which was exhausting.

I asked five different professionals for a tongue tie referral and was repeatedly fobbed off, by the time someone took me seriously three weeks later I was told by the midwife that snipped the tongue tie that I'd left it a bit too late (I had asked from birth as it was an issue with my previous baby), by that point the tiny amount of milk I had was dwindling and I gave up breastfeeding yet again although with much less guilt this time.

It's such a shame that there is so much pressure to breastfeed but this isn't backed up with support, which is vital. I was also made to feel like a nuisance when I was asking for help, one of the midwives I called even sighed and said 'What? Do you want me to come round then?' when I said that I thought my baby had jaundice and I needed help with feeding. Then she told me he didn't have jaundice, good job I didn't listen as he needed 48 hours of phototherapy in the end . Not good enough.

Sorry for the essay, but I just wanted to add my experience.

It's so emotional though @figgygal isn't it? Even 2 years later and having made it through the fog of PND and PTSD I still find it triggering to discuss...

I think for me it feels that the support I received, wasn't the support I needed.

Whenever I raise this anywhere I always get flamed by the 5%ers who get defensive and accuse me of not seeing the value in breastfeeding / being guilty about my feeding 'choices' (like it was ever a choice for me.) but here's what I think, fwiw.

I feel like the support I received was for breastfeeding itself rather than for the woman breastfeeding.

I did all the of the classes, read all of the stuff, looked at videos on YouTube, spoke to the national breastfeeding helpline, the nct helpline and spent hundreds of pounds on various lactation consultants and on breast pumps. I ate oats, took fenugreek and squeezed by boobs until I had bruises trying to get a tiny drop of colostrum or milk.

Hearing about how only 5% of women experience lactation failure while I was sobbing about how it wasn't working didn't help me.

Hearing that I was stretching my baby's tummy with formula and would make him fat was bullshit, and also didn't help me.

Being told that if I had no choice and if formula hadn't been invented I would be able to breastfeed my baby didn't help me.

Being told when I went to a breastfeeding support group when combined feeding that "This is a support group for breastfeeding mothers" didn't help me.

What would have helped me was a bit of acknowledgement and compassion. I'm sure there is some excellent support out there but it seems like you have to really search for it.

Also, I think women should be asked how they feel about BF, particularly if they've been flagged up as having PND. Nobody bothered asking me if I felt ok continuing to BF, not even the counselor I saw. All I got was praise and encouragement to keep going, but the fact it was flooring me didn't interest anyone.

The only exception was a paediatric nurse who basically said there's a miriad of ways to a happy, healthy baby and mum and that I should stop beating myself up. I'd love to see her again and thank her actually.

Cheshire couldn't agree more, spot on.

I felt confident in BFing DD when I was at the hospital, but once I got home, I was struggling. When DD wanted food, she wanted it NOW and I really found it so stressful listening to her cry and trying to latch, plus she would be so exhausted she just wanted to sleep. She would suck for a minute then fall asleep and all the midwife did to help was suggest I spent an hour tickling her every time she fell asleep.

I decided to mix feed DD and instead of positivity about continuing to do what BF I felt able to do, I only got negativity about adding bottle feeding. The midwives even told me there was no point in trying to express milk to give to her because I wouldn't be able to express anyway. There should be more support for doing what's right for the mother and baby, not just "it's either breast or formula!"

Also, DD is 5 and still BF so, clearly you can't mix feed a baby at all .

@itsonlysubterfuge and this is actually what breaks my heart a little about my experience. I asked for 1 bottle 36 hours in to try and give both of us time to recover and was told that's it, you're a bottle feeder and made to feel worthless.

Three babies on I would have fought more. I would have called them out on their behaviour. I would have quoted mixed feeding stats at them. At 27 and with severe blood loss, broken bones from delivery and undiagnosed pnd I had no fight in me. And now ptsd.

It is awful. I really wanted to BF my twins because I am lazy and couldn't face the hassle of washing bottles. One fed beautifully, no problems at all. The other....didn't. She just wouldn't. I couldn't express anything at all and I watched her, over 3 days in hospital, get weaker and weaker, jittery and miserable. The midwives allowed me to cup feed her but she was too weak. In the end I rang my husband in tears at 2am and said I thought something was really wrong with her. He rang the chief midwife on the ward and said if she didn't get a doctor to see the baby he would come in ring them himself. The doctor came...her blood sugar was dangerously low, she was dehydrated. She suggested a bottle of formula, which I happily gave her and within about 2 hours she was a different baby - calm, cuddly, not jittery and shrivelled. I self discharged in the morning and took us all home, where I established breastfeeding very nicely for both of them with the help of the community midwives, who were great.

Second time round my baby wouldn't feed, again. I mentioned this and was told that his latch looked fine, that I had forgotten how to feed a newborn, that there was nothing wrong. At his new baby check the doctor spotted a 95% tongue tie. The midwife tried to cup feed him (despite me asking her not to) when I was in the shower and admitted that she had had to pour it down his throat as he spluttered. I self-discharged again, got the tie cut and BF v happily.

My take home message is....post natal care in hospital is bleak (we all know this) but in my opinion, the midwives I encountered made things a thousand times worse. If they have no interest or empathy they should just butt out of the whole thing. I would rather be told when i asked for help "sorry, it's a bit gross and I don't have any experience or education in it, and I'm too busy/don't care/don't like women" then at least we would all know where we stand!

I breastfed my first baby for 3 months. The main reasons I gave up were a lack of support and knowledge. I was young (21) and didn't understand the benefits of breastfeeding as there was much less emphasis on breastfeeding back then from health professionals and I also felt there was quite a lot of stigma against breastfeeding in public back then (15 years ago).
Fast forward to 2 years ago when my third baby was born and I was much better informed about breastfeeding benefits and feel the stigma about feeding in public is less (or maybe now I am older I don't care as much what other people think) and I breastfed my baby for a year. I only gave up breastfeeding him because my milk dried up when I got pregnant again. During that year Breastfeeding I had to be totally dairy free due to my child's allergies but had no other pain or health issues.
I am now ebf my youngest child.
I think virtually every breastfeeding mum worries about supply issues and I think we need better advice around that and less rush to encourage mums to top up with formula unless baby is obviously not getting enough milk as topping up just creates a cycle of supply issues.

I breastfed DC1 for 6 weeks. Apparently my latch was fine, and I was doing very well, baby was thriving.. But the pain was horrendous. My nipples blistered and I couldn't bear to put a bra on. Every feed was awful. Toe curling. Lots of tears. I used to dread them wanting to feed. Feeding out of the house was out of the question.

Expressing produced 1oz in an hour so I couldn't even try that.

Friends who found BF a breeze couldn't understand it at all. That hurt too.

I was getting no sleep, I was in pain and exhausted and fed up, heading for PND. This was not a blissful first few weeks with a newborn. I was going back to work after 9 months too. I didn't want any more HCPs and experts giving me any advice I wanted to put my breasts away and let them heal.

So for the sake of my sanity and with the support of my HV I swapped to FF. DH gave the first bottle and I sobbed upstairs. But I look back and know that it was absolutely the right decision for me and my family.

I did 2 weeks with DC2. Just in case it was different. it wasn't. But I had the confidence second time around to quit and not worry about it.

I had an extremely painful time trying to nurse my child and everyone convinced me it was a latch issue when it wasn't. I was subjected to boob grabbing and stuffing in baby's mouth as well. I eventually discovered that pumping was less painful and helped increase supply as well. I did supplement in the first few days and have no issues with it. I eventually breastfed to the age of 1 and pumped along side as I was going to restart work. I stopped pumping because there was no suitable place at work to pump apart from my car which was cold and open for the world to see.
It would be awesome if mother's were offered breast pumps and an area to express milk at work.

BF my first was a huge struggle for the first six months (poor latch/painful/poor bany weight gain etc).

The BEST thing that helped me were the LATCHING VIDEOS and solid advice by DR JACK NEWMAN a Canadian BF expert. Look on google for his YOUTUBE videos. I strongly believe that information about those videos should be given to every mum to be.
(Wierd captials for tired, scrolling, struggling BF mums)

I breastfed dd once soon after she was born.
I didn't want to continue to breastfeed for several reasons including past sexual trauma (I hate my boobs being touched by anyone and an ex tried to touch me there without realising and I had to really try to stop myself reacting violently I ended up running out of the room sobbing).
Ironic but the pressure put upon me for me to breastfeed made me not want to even try.
I felt it would be seen as a failure if for the above reason or a different reason even I'd not been able to continue longer, rather than just saying "I decided not to breastfeed"
I do not feel guilty or sad about my decision whatsoever I know DD has everything she needed and I know studies have been done that hint at two children having the same upbringing being fed different ways having minimal or no differences between them, so while anyone else is free to make their own decision I don't personally see a difference between dd being breastfed or formula fed. She is perfectly healthy, hasn't been ill yet (1yr old) is developing and hitting milestones if not fine then in advance.
I'm glad I made the right decision for me, but perhaps If the "breast is best AT ALL COSTS" attitude was scaled back and more support available for those who are unable to breastfeed due to past trauma then I may have made a different decision.

Interesting article by Sarah Vine today about how some women just don't want to BF, or if they do not for long. I very much wanted to with DS1 and tried everything - had NCT and private breastfeeding advisors in and paid for a private telephone BF counsellor too. After 4 weeks of pain, bleeding nipples, numerous visits to GP and with little milk and a baby who was losing weight I gave up. The relief was enormous. I hardly tried with DS2, just a few days to ensure it wasn't going to go any differently. With DS2 I didn't care what support might have been available, I wouldn't countenance doing it again.
Whilst there are health benefits both my boys turned out fit and active and extremely intelligent straight A* types, so I'm not concerned about that.

It's the hardest thing I have ever done. It's not 'easy and natural' - it's difficult and a learned skill.

Bloody well done to every single one of us who tries it.

I am not English and I have breastfed three babies here in the UK. My first two I had in my early twenties and I didn't do any research in advance. I just went into automatic pilot and did it without thinking. With the first I had amazing aftercare and was in hospital for three days which I do think helped. My mum breastfed her three children too, so to me it was normal and natural and I didn't know of anybody who had bottle fed. Perhaps that is why it did not seem like an option to me. I do remember one friend at the time who thought it was revolting to feed in a restaurant - which I was bemused by.

I had a huge gap between my first two and my last and with age comes more reading and research. I think this in itself can cause stress and anxiety. My baby is now 11 months and I am still feeding him. I consider myself very lucky that I have had no issues with it and feel very sad that it is so difficult for so many women.

The only way to increase breastfeeding rates is to normalise it in society and be caring and supportive to mums with post natal care. Educate all mums on techniques after birth, not just grab a boob and shove it in the baby's mouth. Mandatory checking for tongue ties. My third had one and I knew instinctively that he was not latching on properly, so he had the snip within the first 12 hours. Again, if he was my first and the tongue tie was not diagnosed quickly it would have been a disaster feeding wise.

I'm lucky enough to live somewhere that provides good levels of support - I've had an advisor visit me at home and been to a breastfeeding clinic - and I'm still finding it hard going at times.

I totally agree with a pp - there's too much emphasis on telling us why we should breastfeed, not enough helping us to actually do it.

HCPs should be more honest with pregnant women and talk about problems that might arise. Midwives are always saying breastfeeding shouldn't hurt - great, I'm sure ideally it shouldn't, but everyone I know who's done it has experienced some level of pain.

Googling DMER now... With dd1 I remember weeping on her a lot when feeding - I would tell DH it was because it was all so lovely but it bloody wasn't.

DC1 - got to about 6/7 weeks, sucky baby who was never very bothered with milk of any kind (still isn't). Found feeding in public AWFUL. Found life easier with formula.

DC2 - exclusively fed until just under 9 months. No sleep, weight gain, my one attempt at being a stay at home mum. Not my happiest months by any stretch. Life improved massively when I stopped bf-ing to be more than frank.

DC3 - returned to work early so had always planned to use a bottle from early doors, he was bad at latching on so I pumped for him for 8/9 weeks (not quite 100% but fairly close) then moved to formula. \

Being has given me guilt and rage through the baby days. I would say it was one of the downsides of having a baby to be honest.

However this thread has made me realise that now with the youngest being 3 I don't think about it at all! Hooray !

Being = Bf ing

I had my first in the late 70s and always intended to breastfeed - at least partly because it was so much less faff. Nobody had told me it might be difficult, and I hadn't read much about it - no internet then! - so I didn't expect it to be at all difficult, and it wasn't - I dare say I was just lucky.

In those days we were told to feed every 4 hours, which worked fine with my first - 2nd wanted every 2 hours for the first 2-3 weeks.

I fed them both for about 6 months, after which they didn't seem to be getting enough, no matter how often I fed them. By then I was finding the very frequent feeding exhausting, not to mention the stress of worrying that they weren't getting enough, so put them on to bottles - not easy at first. Have never had regrets, and still remember the relief when they finally decided to take the bottle and drank the whole lot straight off.

I do think it's a shame that mothers who find it very difficult are made by the Breastapo to feel so bad and guilty. In this country, thank God, at least there is a safe and very easily available alternative for those who find it very painful/exhausting/worrying/all of these.

Simply an unsupportive GP. I had low prolactin levels. I was prescribed domperidone, which worked but after 3 prescriptions the Dr refused to prescribe me anymore, he said my supply should be able to maintain itself by that point it wasn't despite constant pumping and feeding & said if it wasn't I obviously just wasn't meant to breastfeed & that I should be grateful for formula. Ultimately I had managed to pump enough by this point for a reasonable freezer stash & dc4 had mainly bottles of bm until 12 months but it would have been much easier for him to get it from source.

Reading this survey and thread have helped me feel like I'm not quite so alone and weird.

I knew all the breastfeeding theory. I didn't go into it blind. But when it came to, my baby wouldn't latch. He'd either sleep, or more often arch his back and scream and push back. I had plenty of milk, every midwife and HV said my technique was great, I had no problem expressing with an electric pump, I just had a baby who would not latch. Could have been the long, induced labour, could have been the diamorphine which they insisted was out of his system, but it was still causing me to puke hours later so I doubt it, could have been the emergency c-section, could have been he was just awkward. I don't know. But no-one could get him to latch (and many tried) for the 3 days we were in hospital post birth.

So from about day 2 or 3, I pumped exclusively. It wasn't painful, but it was long. I had a big baby with a big appetite, and was probably pumping about 6-8 hours a day, just to keep up with him. Then I still needed to get the milk into him, which took more time. It would take me 40 minutes to pump both breasts uninterrupted, but when I was alone with him I would never be uninterrupted, and sometimes it took 1.5 hours. And he wanted feeding every 2 hours. And I rather needed some sleep. So you can imagine, this wasn't sustainable. Plus there was the emotional side of it. I can't explain how awful it feels to feel rejected by your baby every 2-3 hours, every day, for weeks. It's heart breaking. That was actually the worst part. I know he wasn't actually rejecting me, but that is how it felt at the time.

And everyone was telling me I was doing everything right, and to just persevere. I had NHS lactation consultants come to my home, who were very nice, but ultimately useless. They would tell me they were coming today, but not what time. Most of the time, they'd arrive when he'd just fed or was asleep. They'd only stay for 10 minutes, so either no feeding would happen, or I would make him feed when he wasn't ready, which was very unhelpful. I don't know what the solution is other than to chuck more time and money at the system, which is unlikely to happen.

After 3 weeks I stopped trying to get him to latch because it was too upsetting. After 6 weeks I stopped pumping because it was evident we were never going to leave the house and I was starting to get very down. Apart from the guilt of could I have tried harder, ff instantly made me feel better. Overnight, it freed up about 42 hours a week, which meant I could actually enjoy some time with my baby.

I'm pregnant with my second. If breastfeeding doesn't happen, I will pump again, although I've no idea how I will manage this with a toddler as well as a newborn. Hopefully I won't feel so, so crappy about it this time. But I'm pretty sure I will.

Oops, that was long!