Considering giving up b'fing 4 and a half week old - please help!!

[exhaustedmumof2]

Really struggling with b'fing 4 and a half week old dd2. I am absolutely exhausted and feel I really have no other option as I have had 6 hours sleep in the past 2 days and really need a break! DD2 seems to want to sleep most of the day (wakes for feeds more or less 3 1/2 - 4 hourly) however seems to want to be awake most of the night. I can't go to sleep once she is fed if she is awake as she is prone to projectile vomiting (has stuff from gp for thrush but I don't have it so am doubting wether that is the actual cause). DP has given her an expressed bottle for every second feed today(was already in the freezer). On top of the exhaustion I am really not enjoying feeding her and feel that I am not enjoying dd2 as much as I enjoyed the early days with dd1 (bf for 3 days then onto bottle - I still feel guilty about this but she is perfectly healthy and happy).
Please help me as I am at my wits end!

It is SOOOOO tiring once you have two. I found that I was holding my dd2 upside down whilst asleep one night. The tiredness does get better. My dd2 is almost 14 weeks and it's got much better. I had a few times where I thought I would give up b/f but now it's suddenly fallen into place and I am much more content, so are my 2 girls

I am sorry, I couldn't give any practical advice. But just to let you know that it will get better

Thanks. Your dd's are ages with mine (checked your profile). Glad to hear from someone in same circs that its worked out for. Even if i could get one full night;s sleep I think I would cope a lot better.

Youve answered your own question when you said you fed your DD1 and shes happy and healthy. I bf my ds whos nearly 3 for 5 weeks and had to give it up cause I had appendicitis. Ive never felt so guilty in my life.Hes extremely healthy,happy and inteligent little boy. I now have a 4month old ds and bf him for roughly 5 weeks then gave up and gave him the bottle and havnt looked back. I know exactly how you feel. Totaly and utterly knackered but keep telling yourself its good for baby. My mw told me we dont live in a 3rd world country and the formula milk is just so advanced these days there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding. You have to do whats right for you. Your baby can feel your tension which isnt doing your milk supply any good either. Take a deep breath,dry your eyes and make the decision. Youll feel much better for it Good luck xxx

Do you want to continue bf or not? It will get easier if you do, but you have to accept that it will never be as flexible as ff (though it's great that you don't have to get up in the night to make up bottles!).

As far as the day vs night sleep goes, I'd recommend waking her for a feed every 3 hours during the day at this stage, and try to keep her awake for half an hour or so after each feed, before you let her sleep again.

It is still very early days though, and she will quite naturally still be trying to work out day from night.

Im sorry margo, I am laughing terribly inappropriately at you holding your DD upside down

Exhausted, It really is bloody tiring going from one to two. Then of course there is the growth spurt between 4-6 weeks old that we all forget about.

If you really think that changing to formula is going to benefit your family life, then go for it. 4 and a half weeks is pretty good going by any standards. But, if you can stick with it for a couple of weeks, I think b/feeding will work out just fine.

It is very tiring with a new baby, always. They dont understand the difference between night and day, and it can take them quite a while to sort this.

poor you em2. the projectile vomiting sounds pretty bad on top of all your other things. why did gp say thrush? might it be easier to just feed her rather than expressing etc?

gingerme: formula is not at good as breastmilk. fact.

I do want to continue but I am worried that I am not enjoying it or enjoying dd2 as much as I should be. I dont feel the same bond as with dd1 and I know it should be stronger because I am b'fing. I feel that its because I am so exhausted.

Sorry, gingeme - thats not quite correct. Stress doesnt affect milk production.

Have you thought that you may be suffering mild PND? Might be worth a trip to the HV or GP?

Yes thanks fishie I know that. It was shoved down my throat enough when I gave it up from my sister,mother,health visitor,mumsnet........

You also have to bear in mind, exhausted, that it is TOTALLY different with two children. You just dont have the same time to just 'be' with a new baby that you do with a first born. That is just how it is. But, it does take getting used to the fact, and they are none the worse for it, i can assure you. Dont be so hard on yourself.

VVVQV - I only realised when I was patting her feet! She slept for about 2 hours like that

Only you can decide exhausted,but you do need a few facts at your fingertips to help your make a decision that is right for you.

It is hard work at the beginnig (esp. if another child on the scene but if you can ride through this then it suddenly will become a lot easier and a lot more flexible.You can go anyway at a moment's notice with a nappy in your pocket,have a hand free to snuggle and play with/read to your other child and be free of the hassle and expense of formula.

Contrary to what Ginge's MW told her,there are many quite worrying implications associated with bottle feeding which you are probably not even aware of.

My advice would be too go with the flow,sleep when the baby sleeps (whenever that is) and enlist help with everything else.

A chat with a breastfeeding counsellor may help too.Try the lovely people at Association for Breastfeeding Mothers

0870 401 7711

I speak as one who had every problem under the sun,but with good support and proper knowledge I pulled through,even when I was completely alone three weeks after ds's birth and moving house (my dh had to go back abroad to work).My dd was 3 at the time.

There really was light at the end of the tunnel and a few weeks in with both I was razzing around the world with my dh-something that would have been impossible with bottle feeding.

It is easier to feed than express but been giving expressed milk that was already in the freezer as an alternative to giving her formula while I decide wether to give up or not. Have been arguing with myself about it for days now. DP has been giving the ebm today to give me a bit of a rest.

I know that breast is best but is it really best when mum is knackered and really not enjoying it. I know it is much easier than sterilising bottles and making them up and heating them etc and of course all the benefits of breastfeeding.

Gingeme, IIRC, Mumsnet was pretty supportive of your whole transition at the time. I think thats a bit unfair.

Margo, thats just so funny - sorry! Reminds me of the time I nearly dropped DS and caught him by his ankle

"I can't go to sleep once she is fed if she is awake as she is prone to projectile vomiting"

I don't know much about this exhaustedmum but am I right in thinking that you're scared to go to sleep if she is awake, in case she vomits and chokes? Is she more likely to do this when she is awake? And wouldn't you wake up anyway if she was near you and in distress?

Apologies if I am up the wrong tree here, but I didn't like to think of you keeping yourself awake when you could be having some rest.

I really feel for you and have some recollection of how overwhelming it wass at this age (I have only one ds so can't imagine the extra tiredness with 2 dc)

Is there much guarantee that she would sleep better if on formula? It seems so hit and miss....I agree with VVV that in a couple of weeks you may have cracked it - and then, IMO, breastfeeding comes into its own as you have always got a supply of it, on tap, wherever you go

Yeah ok I apologise. Just tyring to give my opinion and get it chucked back at me straight away. Ok ok Ill go. Sorry had a rough day didnt mean to blast. Better go and get the bottles of that horrid milk for my poor little baby ready. Night. Good luck exhaustedmumof2. Im sure your lo will grow up beautiful and thankful whatever you decide

Actually Exhausted, I just read your bit about "not enjoying it".

One of the girls at work was telling me that she only b/f her dd1 for 6 week but her dd2 for 8 months until she got teeth, she said that she really enjoyed it with her 2nd.

Well, for about 8 weeks I was cursing her. I was wondering how on earth did she enjoy it? I was knackered, short tempered and trying to give my eldest love and attention, even though she could be a little terror. And I told my colleague that the last time I saw her, as she asked me about how the b/f was going.

But truly, it has become something which I enjoy, now it doesn't hurt, the cluster feeds are not needed and she sleeps for longer stretches.

I am not in a routine though. I feed her either when she cries or when my boobs feel too uncomfortable.

I do hope you start feeling human again soon

Although noone can feel human with a month old baby,whether it is being fed breastmilk,formula or Pina Coladas.

THsnks every1 for all your advice so far.

Easy to say sleep when she sleeps but with 3yo dd1 this is very difficult - infact impossible.
I am frightened to go to sleep when she is awake due to vomiting but I know I would waken anyway. Though she is a bit of a grunter so I am a bit paranoid till I know she is properly asleep (you know ehn their breathing goes from very fast and loud to softer and slower).

God yes, not enjoying it

I felt so cheated the first few weeks of breastfeeding as it was not pleasant or easy at all, and I was expecting this delightful bonding experience

it did happen, around the 6 to 8 week mark IIRC

from then on it was worth every moment of discomfort and difficulty I had spent on getting it established

I think I was spoiled with dd1 as she slept from 11.30pm til 6.30/7am from a week old. Fed four hourly (her doing not mine) and was always really contended (apart fromthe first 3 days when she wanted to feed every 20 mins or so).

Exhausted,can someone take your 3 year old for a while in the day,to help you catch up?
Often one really good stretch of sleep makes all the difference.

My dd was horrendously colicky (as well as all b/feeding problems) The thing i was most grateful for was going to my parents house on New Year's Even when she was about 6 weeks old.I fed her,then went to bed (at about 3:00 pm ) while they drove around town with her for about 31/2 hours so i really wasn't disturbed.

I nearly wept with gratitude.

i suspect that was her angelic personality and not the formula!!

agree with everyone, its much more tiring when you have a toddler as well

my Ds1 had reflux and threw up a lot. I have never heard of thsi being caused by thrush?/ ( not that I am an expert). and surely you woudl have symptoms too?

If you move to formula he MAY throw up even more as its not so easily digested as milk. have they given you infant gaviscon or something to help him? No wonder he is feeding a lot if he is losing so much of it. Though they do feed all the time anyway at this age.....