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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

bf someone else's baby

107 replies

DimpledThighs · 07/03/2007 10:04

I don't know if this is the right place to put this but I really have to tell someone this as I NEVER tell anyone.

When my daughter was 6months old my sister had her daughter. She had real problem establishing bfing and they were going to go over to bottles on teh advice of a HV.

I went down to see her with my DD and we decided we would try to get bf establishing. I showed her exactly how I fed my daughter but I have different kinds of breasts and my sister was having trouble latching her daughter on and had been told by her HV that her daughter was unable to 'learn' how to feed and to try a bottle.

So - I fed my sister's baby. It was to help her learn how to feed and to give my sister the confidence that they coyuld do it. They were still manly giving her my sister's expressed milk and that was great but then she tried again and eventually they ended up breast feeding.

The problem is I find this very enmbarassing to admit to. I have not told anyone apart from close family and part of me feels that it was in some way wrong to do this.

Was going to name change for this but decided tht mumsnet will be gentle (please!)

OP posts:
Biglips · 07/03/2007 10:05

im sorry but i feel !!

scatterbrain · 07/03/2007 10:07

Well done you !!!

Blimey - don't feel embarassed - she is your sister's child after all and you did it with your sister's agreement to help get her established !!! Which can only be a GOOD THING !!

It's a whole lot different to bfing a stranger's child without their say so - and I do know someone who has done that on more than one occassion !!

Good for you !

Browny · 07/03/2007 10:08

I think that was an amazing thing to do for your neice and your sister, I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about and you should give yourself a massive pat on the back! xx

fennel · 07/03/2007 10:08

I think it's totally normal. In many countries, all over the world.

My dsis did feed my baby once or twice, when we were both Bf. I never fed hers - didn't want to - but had no problem with her feeding mine.

hana · 07/03/2007 10:08

i don't see a problem with that - you were trying to help her, it's not like you did it all the time or carried on. I wouldn't worry about the opinions of others, people are too quick to judge and what right to they have to do so?
good for you for helping your sister

Piffle · 07/03/2007 10:08

I b/f my friends baby for 48 hrs as well as my ds after she was in a hit and run at a zebra crossing.
Her dd was formula fed but on goats due to allergy - friend had popped out to get a haircut was only going to be gone 1/2 an hour, as her dd was 6 mths she left her with me with no bottles or anything - I fully b/f ds and had no clue about making up bottles nor no way of getting 2 babies to the shops nor any way of paying or getting her dd's prescription formula.

So I fed her myself after checking with GP

It felt weird, won't lie, but also felt absolutely right and when friend recovered she was ab fine with it...

Cappuccino · 07/03/2007 10:09

I think that's lovely

will beat up anyone who comes on here and even wonders slightly about it being inappropriate

what a kind and loving sister you are

cannot think of any reason at all that it might be 'wrong'

in other cultures women share bfeeding; also historically we used wetnurses to feed our children

scatterbrain · 07/03/2007 10:10

Ahh Piffle - that was lovely of you !!! Thank goodness you could or I wonder what would have happened to the poor baby !

SturdyAngel · 07/03/2007 10:12

Well done! I think that was a lovely thing for you to do for your sister and niece.

What a lovely relationship you must have with your sister.

kittylette · 07/03/2007 10:13

i think thats really lovely, that you would want to help your sister so much.

i dont think its weird at all, and i would do the same, i also wouldnt mind anyone else feeding my sons (obviously not anyone i mean my sis , best friend ect)

it wasnt wrong at all, it was alovely gesture, and i would be proud!

littlelapin · 07/03/2007 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amidaiwish · 07/03/2007 10:16

that's a great thing to do - and now your sister can bf you have given your niece a fantastic start in life, something she wouldn't have had... and her future children too as now she is more likely to give it a go next time too.

and as others say, it used to be very common to have "wet nurses" amongst wealthy families.

my mum's friend offered to bf me as my mum couldn't but my mum wouldn't let her! who knows, i could have been taller, prettier, cleverer

tibsy · 07/03/2007 10:16

i think it was fantastic that you were able to offer the support and means to enable your sister to bf.
its something i've really struggled with, but with perserverance and great support am still bfing 6 months on, and i love it!
well done dt

Notquitegrownup · 07/03/2007 10:16

Well done to you DT!! There was a really good article in the Guardian a couple of months ago about or co-feeding, which is apparently becoming more popular (partly because of American celebrities, who are employing 'wet-nannies', but partly because some mums just want to avoid formula and are willing to try it).

When my ds was tiny I met someone whose friend was feeding her daughter whilst she was very ill, and like Biglips, I was really shocked.

A few years on, a bit more wrinkly, and I feel quite different. The Guardian described two friends who both worked part-time, and had decided to share the childcare and share the feeding between them when they went back to work. It's not for everyone (and most people are aware that HIV can be passed through breast milk, so it does require a strong degree of trust) but I now think that it is a lovely thing to do for someone.

Hundreds of years ago, it was the norm for wealthy families to employ a wet nurse. In some parts of the world, it is still normal for a grandmother to take over the feeding of the little ones. It's not the norm in our society, so I can understand you feeling embarassed, but - as the Guardian showed - you are not alone, but part of a growing (very trendy) group of caring mums who have decided that this is the way for them to do it.

HTH

TrinityRhino · 07/03/2007 10:17

I think thats perfectly normal, I would do the same and would feel fine about being helped in that way too

sis · 07/03/2007 10:17

I don't think it is weird at all - it is a lovely thing that you (and Piffle) did.

Notquitegrownup · 07/03/2007 10:18

Ooh, sorry for the long post. Lots of other people got in there, whilst I was typing!

Piffle, were you featured in that article? There was a family quoted who had done exactly as you did, following a road accident?

kittylette · 07/03/2007 10:19

ummm, how can grandmothers feed the babies??

Original poster
DimpledThighs · 07/03/2007 10:19

thank you everyone. I came back after only the first comment had been posted and really regretted putting this on at all but everyone has been so supported (no offence biglips - your comment is helpful too in it's own way as it confirms I am right to suspect that people may have a problem with this.)

Piffle - thank you so much for your comment - this was heartening.

OP posts:
J20BABY · 07/03/2007 10:28

that was a lovely thing to do, it makes me so when people have issus with this kind of thing, well done x

schneebly · 07/03/2007 10:39

I dont think that is weird at all! It was a lovely gesture and you shouldn't be embarrased - you should be proud that you helped.

Jillyadoodledoo · 07/03/2007 10:40

Dimpled - I think what you did was a supportive and kind act of a sister.

There are plenty of people out there who donate their bm to scbu babies, so I can't see how people can look down on giving your milk to a different child.

In fact in the guardian article mentioned earlier, there was a woman hurt in an accident, her DP asked the local BF group to donate milk as he knew that's what she would want. When one of them turned up to express milk to be put into a bottle for the baby, she pointed out that it would be much easier to cut out the middle man. And why not?

I know those circumstances are different from yours, but they are all women helping other women and babies, which is exactly what you were doing.

Jillyadoodledoo · 07/03/2007 10:40

and well done for posting under your own name

terramum · 07/03/2007 10:43

You have nothing to feel embarassed about - such a lovely thing to do - you should feel proud.

IdreamofClooney · 07/03/2007 10:43

I can see how it would make some people feel uncomfortable, but then some people are uncomfortable with BF full stop!

I think that it is a wonderful thing to do. If I was in a position like that I would like to think that I would be able to do it,

Well done!