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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

bf someone else's baby

107 replies

DimpledThighs · 07/03/2007 10:04

I don't know if this is the right place to put this but I really have to tell someone this as I NEVER tell anyone.

When my daughter was 6months old my sister had her daughter. She had real problem establishing bfing and they were going to go over to bottles on teh advice of a HV.

I went down to see her with my DD and we decided we would try to get bf establishing. I showed her exactly how I fed my daughter but I have different kinds of breasts and my sister was having trouble latching her daughter on and had been told by her HV that her daughter was unable to 'learn' how to feed and to try a bottle.

So - I fed my sister's baby. It was to help her learn how to feed and to give my sister the confidence that they coyuld do it. They were still manly giving her my sister's expressed milk and that was great but then she tried again and eventually they ended up breast feeding.

The problem is I find this very enmbarassing to admit to. I have not told anyone apart from close family and part of me feels that it was in some way wrong to do this.

Was going to name change for this but decided tht mumsnet will be gentle (please!)

OP posts:
suedonim · 07/03/2007 10:54

Fantastic! What a loving thing to do, DT. I think it would make motherhood a little bit easier if we knew there was someone willing to shoulder some of the load occaisonally.

Piffle, your experience is amazing - did the baby have any problems latching on, as she was used to bottles?

whitechocolate · 07/03/2007 11:04

I think it's a wonderful thing to do and it's certainly not a new thing. It's no different from giving blood although I guess some poeple might be 'icky' about them feeding straight from the source rather than drinking from a bottle

Original poster
DimpledThighs · 07/03/2007 11:05

thanks again - wow! almost 100% postive - I did not expect that!

OP posts:
shonaspurtle · 07/03/2007 11:06

KL - apparently once you've produced breast milk you can "relactate" with some effort pretty much whenever you need to. I think it's particularly easy if you've been feeding for a long while.

Presumably as well in countries with very large families the grandmother might also be still feeding one of her own children.

It is possible for women to bf adopted babies as well.

DT - I think it's says a lot about how bf is seen in our society that your story might cause a negative reaction in some people. Is breast milk disgusting? No. Are breasts disgusting? No. So what's the problem?

MadameSleepsLessAndLess · 07/03/2007 11:19

DT I think this is a wonderful story. Please don't be embarassed, its so nice that you & your sister are so close that you could share this with your children EHM

divorcee · 07/03/2007 11:28

I think It's lovely!

My sister and I had babies 3 weeks apart and although I never fed my niece, I can remember thinking to myself that the if she needed feeding it would be no big deal

You did a good thing

belgo · 07/03/2007 11:35

Well done - you did a very helpful thing, and i'm glad it all worked out ok.

But I have to admit,I'm not sure if I would ever bf someone else's baby and really wouldn't like someone else to bf mine - I find it an incredibly special relationship between me and my baby and would feel that anyone else bfing my baby would somehow spoil that relationship.

My grandmother was a wet nurse during the 1940s.

Tatties · 07/03/2007 11:44

DimpledThighs you did a wonderful thing! Don't be ashamed to admit it. How great that your sister ended up being able to bf because of what you did

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 11:50

Good on you (and Piffle, too). I couldn't do it because I'm a buttoned-up, anal, old bat and found bf-ing my own LOs difficult enough, but I really admire anyone who can give any child, theirs or anothers, such a good start in life. I really don't think you should be embarassed about it DT - you did a good thing and don't let anyone say otherwise!

rosylonginglily · 07/03/2007 12:08

Years ago when my sister had her second baby my milk came in, I hadn't been breast feeding for two years. I just thought it was funny! I do think you need to be very generous of spirit to feed someone elses baby though. I get drained enough from feeding my own!

MummyPossum · 07/03/2007 13:19

Message withdrawn

Original poster
DimpledThighs · 07/03/2007 13:23

MummyPossum - thank you so much for that - sounds quite simliar to me. Do you think you would be reluctant to talk about it in later years like me?

OP posts:
dejags · 07/03/2007 13:24

What a lovely thing to do.

twelveyeargap · 07/03/2007 13:27

I think it's a lovely thing to do. As belgo pointed out, it's not that long since women paid wet-nurses (strangers) to bf their babies.

Don't be ashamed.

A neighbour of mine was so good at expressing when her baby was in special care that she "donated" breastmilk to the other special care babies whose mother's weren't so able to express. The only difference is how hte babies received the milk.

Good for you.

lucy5 · 07/03/2007 13:29

I think it is lovely. it is not something I could do or would want my baby to do, only for very selfish reasons.

mamama · 07/03/2007 13:44

Nothing to be embarrassed about, I think it was a lovely thing to do. Well done.

MummyPossum · 07/03/2007 13:47

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 07/03/2007 13:50

Good for you, DT!

Bobalina · 07/03/2007 13:50

How lovely. It is in no way wrong. You did a wonderful thing for a member of your family

Eulalia · 07/03/2007 13:52

Brilliant! Thanks for sharing this with us. So glad it worked outo fine for everyone in the end.

Kif · 07/03/2007 14:01

eh? absolutely nothing wrong with, it. You did the right thing.

The only reason I'd ever feel awkward with that arrangement is with an idea of hygiene - but presumably you and your sister know each other not to have any communicable diseases.

Thing is, bf is not sex - even if boobs have a second function.

sockmonkey · 07/03/2007 14:22

I think it's a lovely thing to have done too!
My mum BF one of my male fiends as a baby when his mum was a bridesmaid & couldn't get out of her dress to do it. It still makes us chuckle now to think of it.

yellowrose · 07/03/2007 14:36

Dimpled - I admire you for being so committed in helping your sister and little niece.

The only reason you are feeling embarrassed is because we live in a society that thinks bf is strange, let alone bf another woman's child.

Wet nursing and bf between sisters, cousins, etc has been going on since humanity began. That is how orphaned babies were saved. It is how the rich fed their babies. Too posh to bf, so they got a poor woman whom they paid to do it.

My mother was very sick once (ages before I was born) and so my aunt bf my brother on several occassions.

I think it is lovely and if the opportunity had come my way, I would have gladly done it for a family member or friend.

KathyMCMLXXII · 07/03/2007 14:47

Hey, good for you, Dimpledthighs.
I actually find it really interesting reading about the situation in which you ended up doing it, because it's an example of how the breastfeeding support network that presumably used to exist would have worked.

I wonder if, say 20 years from now, this sort of thing might be more common again and if so, whether you'd feel able to talk about it more freely in RL then.

Spidermama · 07/03/2007 14:49

Dimpled it was lovely and generous of you. It was also perfectly natural.

I 9once babysat my sister's little boy. He was about three months old and fully bfed. She went out for a few ddrinks as he's faillen asleep and Then he woke. I coldn't get her on the phone so I fed him. It was fine. Lovely. He went straight back to sleep and my sister was really grateful and glad of a little time off.

Ironically no-one would look askance if you'd given your sister's baby a bottle and yet what you did was far better so ignore the uptight people and be proud of yourself.

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