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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

bf someone else's baby

107 replies

DimpledThighs · 07/03/2007 10:04

I don't know if this is the right place to put this but I really have to tell someone this as I NEVER tell anyone.

When my daughter was 6months old my sister had her daughter. She had real problem establishing bfing and they were going to go over to bottles on teh advice of a HV.

I went down to see her with my DD and we decided we would try to get bf establishing. I showed her exactly how I fed my daughter but I have different kinds of breasts and my sister was having trouble latching her daughter on and had been told by her HV that her daughter was unable to 'learn' how to feed and to try a bottle.

So - I fed my sister's baby. It was to help her learn how to feed and to give my sister the confidence that they coyuld do it. They were still manly giving her my sister's expressed milk and that was great but then she tried again and eventually they ended up breast feeding.

The problem is I find this very enmbarassing to admit to. I have not told anyone apart from close family and part of me feels that it was in some way wrong to do this.

Was going to name change for this but decided tht mumsnet will be gentle (please!)

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 07/03/2007 20:37

Wow, you're fantastic!!

Well done. It should happen more often IMO!

maisym · 07/03/2007 20:39

DT - fabulous thing to do - plus you helped your sister & her baby to get going with bf.

Chloe55 · 07/03/2007 20:40

Well I can't see the problem. She's your sis, she needed help, you helped and managed to get bf in place, I would feel proud, not embarrassed. It would only be wrong if your sis didn't know.

At the end of the day this happens in nature all the time. You haven't done any harm, in fact only good. I guess it's not something you need to tell people because it's none of their business but if you choose to tell people then I'm sure the majority would understand your reasoning behind it.

FrannyandZooey · 07/03/2007 20:44

DimpledThighs it's wonderful that you didn't let cultural hang ups get in the way of doing this very lovely and loving thing.

Hats off to you

CorrieDale · 07/03/2007 20:44

Well, I think it's lovely DT! And so does DH!!

FrannyandZooey · 07/03/2007 20:48

and can I just point out that BigLips only said that she felt

which could be anything from surprise, or amazement, to open mouth admiration

I think there can be a difference between shock and disapproval. Perhaps when Biglips has got over her she will feel that what you did was quite understandable.

Lizzer · 07/03/2007 21:15

Feel the need to add positive comment I agree that the initial thought is of a quizzical nature, more from your sis being a new mum and obviously quite 'precious'about her bundle as we all were....

However from personal experience and all this talk of wetnurses, I was so close to my mum when I had dd. She was at the birth,a former mw, a massive support to b/feeding probs. I was living with my parents, and my sis was only 6 when I had dd and my mum had only stopped feeding my sis 2 yrs before, and I would've felt comfortable for my mum to feed dd, really I would. It's amazing dimpledthighs, you helped a life thrive. Good work!!!!!!!

to HV - 'wrong shaped boobs-avert to bottle' theory.

Also, speaking of my mum, she always said there are so many health profs who hate b/feeding. I mean, fancy a child slipping off the 'chart' of bottle fed 1950's babies, think about it, how exactly are they meant to get a pay rise if these bloody women insist of putting baby on't breast instead of lining their saggy skins with a good dose of processed cow fat?? Will they think of someone other than their NHS babies? How ungrateful...

maximummummy · 08/03/2007 00:32

i think its really lovely thing that you did and a completely natural reaction to your sister/niece's distress. . . . .however i know for a fact i couldn't have done it myself ; my cousins last baby was failing to thrive but she was absolutely desperate to br.feed she was seeing h.v. & br.feed clinic and i've never known anyone try so hard ; over the phone she had asked if i was still feeding because i could feed hers too it was said jokey but she meant it & i seriously considered it & i really wanted to help BUT when i saw baby for 1st time he looked the spitting image of his dad & i just couldn't have done it. . . i know that sounds really daft . . if baby had looked like cousin or our side of family i think i could've done it . . . oh god that sounds so awful reading it back

Monkeytrousers · 08/03/2007 00:56

Nothing shocking about it! What a good sister!

yellowrose · 08/03/2007 07:55

kama - I suspect the reason LLL say that, and I would agree, is to discourage wet nursing as a financial activity.

I have heard that in some countries it is coming back "into fashion" - I think Xenia mentioned that it is now popular in China where rich Chinese women (too posh) ? are paying poor women to do bf for them. In situations like this where it is UNNECESSARY I would agree that it is not beneficial to either of the mothers or babies. In particular the baby belonging to the poor wet nurse would suffer, be left behind with a relative and given formula, while the mother would spend all her time, energy and bm on the rich baby. I actually think it is morally wrong to EMPLOY a wet nurse in such circumstances.

I would only agree to it in a situation such as Dimpled, in order to train mother and baby, or to save a baby's life.

yellowrose · 08/03/2007 08:57

\link{http://www.jrn.columbia.edu/studentwork/cns/2004-03-15/525.asp}

yellowrose · 08/03/2007 08:58

Sorry, I rubbish at doing links:

My last post is an article about wet nursing.

BandofMothers · 08/03/2007 09:07

I think it's great.
My sister had dniece 10 weeks afterdd2 was born. She fed her rugby ball style/ under the arm. But really wanted to feed the other way. I had that trouble with dd1 so dd2 was always fed normal front way. Her dd was having trouble latching the other way and my sister never gave her long enough to try and do it properly. Stating" she can't do it, look she just can't" after about 10 seconds. I said, of course she can if you give her a chance. Then without even thinking I offered to feed her that way so she'd see she could and to teach her to.
She declined but I would have, though I think it would've been strange to bf a baby that wasn't dd2, I would have to help her and dn.
She's still struggling to feed underarm and is ff ing too.

mytwopenceworth · 08/03/2007 09:15

it's all been said, but you really are a lovely woman and a good sister. you did a very valuable thing.

Aloha · 08/03/2007 16:15

I think you are wasting your time frankly. There are no 'wet nurses'. I don't even believe they exist in the US, I think that bloke is making it up.
Certainly you cannot hire one in the UK. Friends or sisters might informally feed each other's babies and you can donate to a hospital milk bank but that's all.

Aloha · 08/03/2007 16:18

Sorry - that post was supposed to be a journalist on another thread!

kittypants · 08/03/2007 16:20

i think op did a brilliant thing.what a great sister/mum/auntie you are!

Boco · 08/03/2007 16:32

Glad you posted that under your own name - it's great and should be something to be proud of. I can understand how you'd feel embarrassed though - not that you should! I feel embarrassed sometimes about still feeding my 2yr 2month old as i've had so many comments.

My american neighbour was telling me the other day that in the 70s she was part of a breastfeeding babysitting circle, and they'd feed each others babies so that they could take it in turns to have a night out. I was quite suprised - can't imagine my babysitting circle being ok with that - shows a very different attitude.

yellowrose · 08/03/2007 16:38

Ah, the 70's - would have been long-haired make babies not war hippies

yellowrose · 08/03/2007 16:40

Really, Aloha, is it true that there are no wets nurses ? I thought they still existed in many developing countries. I may be wrong though.

ledodgyDave · 08/03/2007 16:42

I think it's brilliant too and would have done the same for my sister (if I had one) or best friend if she had asked me. Nothing to feel ashamed about at all!

yellowrose · 08/03/2007 16:45

have a look atthis

Xenia had mentioned wet nursing in China on another thread, I found this in the Torygraph.

StifflersMom · 08/03/2007 16:48

That was a lovely thing to have done DT and with a lovely happy outcome! My best friend and I have discussed this and thought that had the necessity arisen, neither of us would have minded each other breastfeeding our babies, and that's not even my sister.. although she may as well be.

Boco · 08/03/2007 17:29

ledodgy dave i just assumed you were a man ...now having confusing images...

julen · 08/03/2007 17:37

I've done the same with my sister's youngest; he woke up when I was babysitting him, was frantic, and it just seemed natural to comfort him by feeding him... Can't see anything wrong or weird with it, really! (I do remember being curious though, if he would notice any difference or react in any way to it being me and not his mum. He didn't. At all.)

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