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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Why can't I just accept and give up?

82 replies

PrettyCandles · 04/03/2007 20:28

Why is bfing so important to me? Why can't I just accept that I'm one of those who can't do it? Why do I feel so threatened by formula? I've tried so hard to feed my LOs. Each one was a struggle. I've done my best. Why can't I just accept my limitations and move on?

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2007 21:11

dd did the thrashing thing, i was absolutely covered in enormous, deep scratches all over my breasts. i can't advise about the bfing side of things but i can say that sometimes you've just got to give yourself permission to say 'enough, I have done well' and let it go.

Original poster
PrettyCandles · 04/03/2007 21:11

It's not a growth spurt. It's been going on for over a month and his weight gain is sliowing. Not that it was ever very fast, but I do not fret over that.

OP posts:
thunk · 04/03/2007 21:12

x posts

the flailing about sounds natural to me. its been a while but i can remember my dd behaving like this when she was impatient for a letdown. i remember walking around the room bouncing her and shushing. have you tried in a darkend room too? they are v. distractible at this age.

also, the 5am thing never seems to go away. it is natural and not your bf. read the sleep threads and see the many 'AAAAGH, awake at 5 am' whinges. it is a way to make us pay for our sins i reckon.

also lots of developmental things happen around this age. growth spurt, teething, learning new skills, which seems to wake them up at night, and i should think sophisticated brain development which may be scary to the little blighters. a human baby only has 25% of the brain capacity of an adult. the most immature brain of all mammals.

thunk · 04/03/2007 21:12

and that is why i think they wake up. not because you should pack in bf.

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2007 21:13

it was a long time before i could buy the tubs. i felt like that signalled me being an ffer. i swear the tub DH bought actually glowed...

it is emotional, you will grieve, you will be okay and so, more importantly, will the baby...

Original poster
PrettyCandles · 04/03/2007 21:14

I have wondered that at times, VVV.But those times have generally been when I've missed a feed or had a good rest. Then my breasts feel fuller than at any other time.

My breasts also only ever feelfull in one place on each breast, I never get the feeling of fullness throughout the breast.

OP posts:
fishie · 04/03/2007 21:16

i felt like that about formula too and also cannot say that it was rational. but i don't think it is uncommon or wrong - you have a powerful urge and desire to breastfeed your baby. whether this is possible or not is the main thing. a bf counsellor should hep you to find out what is going on and how best to proceed. i used to cry in the evenings too but was madly stubborn about the whole thing, wish i'd got more help now.

thunk · 04/03/2007 21:17

i know how you feel about the formula looming. i felt the same way.

oh, they all slow down in weight gain at this time despite growth spurt. you can see it on the kellymom website. aand they poo a lot less too as their intestines are now more developed and digest everything in the bm. dd used to poo every 6 days

Original poster
PrettyCandles · 04/03/2007 21:17

Aitch - thanks, I'm not nuts after all.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/03/2007 21:20

PC, I think you ought to see about contacting a b/feeding counsellor to reassure you.

All womens breasts are different, and they come in all shapes and sizes. Some are slightly better designed for b/feeding, but, they are mostly all capable of doing the job. Sounds to me like you have done well.

Your DS has gained weight for 4.5 months. It may be slowing down - but he has been gaining, so they must be working pretty well.

Your focusing on this issue and the adequacy of your body is making me really believe you have PND.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/03/2007 21:20

And having PND doesnt mean you are nuts either

Jimjams2 · 04/03/2007 21:23

Sounds like ds3. Fed ds1 for 13 months, ds2 for over 2 years, ds3 - no milk, zilch- well very little, It happpens. Rest (ha ha) and building up milk supply was not an option. I think you've done well to get to 4.5 months. How would you feel about mixed feeding, - start on breat and top up with bottle. I had to do that for a bit with ds2, until he started on solids then went back to breast only for milk.

Original poster
PrettyCandles · 04/03/2007 21:24

How do I say this withou sounding rude and ungrateful? Please, please don't take offence, I appreciate your posting and I'm not trying to brush you off, but I don't want to be made to feel better about giving up. I want to go on bfing. I don't know how to improve my bfing and I don't know how to explain my feelings, neither to myself nor to dh.

I have to leave MN for a while now as ds2 has finally fallen aslleep in my arms and I have totry to get him upstairs and into bed wiothout waking him. (This is not our nornal routine!) But I will return as soon as I can.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrettyCandles · 04/03/2007 21:27

^hat wasn't aimed at you, JJ, it's a general statement.

Transfer failed immediately. ds2 back on boob. At least he's sleep-feeding and therefore not thrashing.

OP posts:
Pannacotta · 04/03/2007 21:27

I had a similar situation with my DS for the first few months, prob around 4-5 months, but things did get much easier after after 6 months. He used to flail around and bounce on and off the breast, not v nice and pretty stressful. One midwife suggested my letdown was slow. But I realised after a while it was actually quite fast and he was choking/spluttering (another post said the same). My breasts didnt change size at all during pregnancy or bfeeding and never really felt v full either. If I expressed a bit first it was easier to feed him. It might be this prob for you too, or it might be your letdown is slow, but either way it might be worth expressing before you start the feed, either to get your letdown going or just to help prevent the choking. I agree that contacting a bf counsellor might be helpful, La Leche league are really helpful and is loads of info/support on their website too. I found bfeeding got much much easier after 6 months, after my DS really settled into it and I fed him until he was 2 in the end and enjoyed it much more. I also found I got less anxious about it as time went on which helped too.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/03/2007 21:30

Have a crack at what I suggested. See how it goes. Contact a BF counsellor.

Pannacotta · 04/03/2007 21:31

Had another thought, if your DS feeds well from a bottle and you prefer him to have breast milk, you could express some milk and ask your DH to feed him the EBM in a bottle at night. This might help with the letdown issue/swallowing air and would give you a breather too...

thunk · 04/03/2007 21:32

PC: was wondering if you have read any of my posts.

Pannacotta · 04/03/2007 21:35

Thunk, yes I did read them and wanted to say I had similar experiences, thought that it might be helpful to hear more than one person having similar experience/suggestions

Pannacotta · 04/03/2007 21:37

sorry thunk thought you meant me realised you didnt...

Original poster
PrettyCandles · 04/03/2007 21:38

VVV if I didn't b;lame my body's inadequacy at breastfeeding I would have only myself to blame. That I didn't try hrd enough etc etc. That would be desoerately guilt-inducing. At least my biology/gentics are something I have no control over no resoponsibility for.

What is really getting me dowmn is that, because of ds2's feeding-to-sleep association, we have no routine, he doesn't nap enough and is desperately tired during the day. Bless the sweetheart he is such a cheerful smiling friendly baby, but he needs to be held most of the time else he screams in miserable tiredness. And with 2 other LOs I can't take an hour to settle him for a nap (which opnly lasts 30mins if we're lucky). Everything is a mess wrt feeding and sleeping. That's what's getting me down - the bm/f issue is jst the icing on the cake.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrettyCandles · 04/03/2007 21:40

Yes, thumk, I have. Some of what you have said is very helpful.

OP posts:
ib · 04/03/2007 21:55

Have you tried some herbal supplements? I took some to help me re lactate (I had big problems establishing my milk supply) and now whenever I feel my body isn't up to it I take one and it really helps. Probably just a placebo effect (dh calls them my psychological milk pills) but whatever, bf is mostly a confidence game anyway so I'll use anything that works...

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2007 21:57

well, that's progress of sorts. cos you OP says 'why can't i just accept an give up?'
so you don't wnat to give up, that's great. how expert is the bfing help you've accessed?

maximummummy · 04/03/2007 22:11

do you have a local breastfeeding group? having support from other mums with lots of different experiences can help a lot i would also try & see a lactation consultant or health visitor with modern br.feeding training if at all possible you are doing really well try & stick it out