9% weight loss, nipples shredded, won't wake to feed. Can't do this again.

[wineapotamus]

I had a terrible time bfeeding my son. Now it's happening again with my 5 day old daughter. I just want to stop. Why can't I manage this? Midwife is coming again to weigh her on Monday but I can hardly wake her to feed and am so exhausted I'm worried I'm going to fall asleep feeding her tonight. She was up for 6 hours last night. I feel like I'm giving in to the panic. Oh god I need her to feed every 2 hours and sleep in between tonight.

Thanks everyone. She took it at the second go and has now worked up an appetite by going for a walk round the block with her brother pushing the pushchair (first one!) so is having a lovely old boobfeed. It is a nice sunny day, the mw saw her today and had no concerns about her wellness, we are going to give formula top ups after her breast feeds. I am feeling physically really well after c section which was only a week ago. I need to focus on the positives and try not to let anxiety get the better of me. Sorry I'm so up and down. I really appreciate all your support.

That's great! Good luck with the breastfeeding and top ups. Hope you can start to get some sleep and she puts on weight. Sorry if I unnecessarily worried you!

I'm surprised the midwife was concerned enough to tell you to give formula top ups solely on the weight. What was the weight she was expecting? It's very difficult to be accurate with weight - babies' behaviour, weeks and poos and feeding frequency is part of the picture too. Is she expecting you to top up every feed?

Just wake every 3 hours and feed... if she sleeps the undress her, tickle her feet or scratch her scalp!

It's hard about everyone needs to remember that 12 weeks everything changes!

She advised to top up at all feeds because she needs to put weight on faster. She's gained 40g in 2 days but says she wanted to see more like 100g. Well, the demon formula has been given now so that's that. Will go to breastfeeding group tomorrow and talk to someone IRL who can help me get this gorgeous smelling squishy cheeked totally beautiful girlie Back on the boob.thanks again X

Ok - it would be hard for a baby to gain 100g in two days but it does appear catch up weight is needed. Hope all gets back on track 😀

When my MW came out she noted that different areas of the country expect different amounts of weight gain per day. Our area was X amount and 10 miles down the road was Y amount. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take your MW seriously but what I am saying is try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

I went through the same with both babies. The pressure that I put on myself to bf was immense. I ended up mixed feeding with my first (with some long periods of elf) and then mostly ff with my second. I just couldn't get it to work. This was followed by months of expressing. It was soul destroying.

Try to relax. LLL are also very good and you can phone them for a chat and advice.

Yes I think they go for 100-200g a week

She is gorgeous! Lovely colour in her cheeks. Enjoy your newborn cuddles. Sounds like you are getting it sorted.

I have 3 aged 4 and under and this is giving me nightmare flashbacks.

All 3 were severely tongue tied. My DH is a dentist and thought this might be the case. We were told by various midwives and doctors that the first two weren't. Accepted this and entered into a nightmare scenario where I ended up exclusively expressing for the first two for over a year (there's 13 months between them) as the earliest TT NHS appointments we could get were when they were 6 weeks old.

My DH decided to look into matters and found out that the vast majority of doctors have no idea what they are talking about. They confuse a suck reflex with efficienct feeding. A lot of midwives have knowledge gained on the job but no formal training but posterior tongue ties particularly can be very hard to spot - particularly in a new born - and many NHS clinics refuse to separate them anyway.

The long and short of it is that he has trained as a tongue tie practitioner and now has his own clinic. He diagnosed and separated our third baby's TT when she was 3 days old. Total different scenario

I would really advise getting a TT consultation with a trained practitioner (ask the midwife or doctor giving advice where they trained - there are only 2 universities in the U.K. offering the course and ask if they are members of the association of tongue tie Practitioners. You can search the register online. If they are not formally trained - get a consultation with someone who is). Then check that the practitioner is confident in diagnosing and separating posterior tongue ties too.

Thanks all. Went to breastfeeding group today and had a great helpful chat with a lactation consultant who is also a midwife. She helped me with the latch which she agreed was shallow and has given me some videos to watch on YouTube to help. She also said she felt the baby had good colour and didn't look jaundiced, and that the fact the scales used to weigh her weren't the same so not an accurate reflection. She also checked her for tt and didn't think there was anything. I fed her when I got home (as well as when we were out) and felt horrible giving her the top up, not because I object to giving her formula-whatever works, works, but I didn't think she needed it, I had to pretty much force it into her sleeping mouth. Then she was epically sick everywhere! Please please keep fingers crossed weight is ok tomorrow!

Have just read this whole thread back. You've all been so kind and helpful sharing your advice and experience. Just wanted to say a big big thank you x

Sorry! Help needed again. Day 9. Still at 9% loss from birthweight, so now 3180g. Lost 20g from Monday (but some discussion as to the accuracy of community midwife scales as opposed to those in clinic). But even with that its 20g on from clinic on Saturday. Mw again helped with latch but couldn't see anything hugely wrong. Baby still pooing and peeing fine. She has alert happy periods but still sleeps quite a lot. If she hasn't gained weight by Saturday we are being referred to hospital. Any further ideas/tips? What will happen at hospital?

Is this with the formula top ups?

Yes but she hasn't really wanted any and threw up when we made her have it. We will be trying harder with them!

As ridiculous as it sounds, I would try really hard not to get stressed about it. I know it seems like you've got a sword of Damocles hanging over you, but the midwives and hospital are there to help if there is an underlying problem.

Keep feeding as often as you can, offer formula top ups but I wouldn't try and persist with it if she doesn't want it. Just offer the formula each feed and see if she'll take it.

If she's latching and feeding ok and not really wanting the formula top ups then I would say the failure to gain weight/weight loss isn't a feeding issue but there's something else going on.

She just fed for 20 minutes or so then wouldn't have the formula at all from me. DH got 20ml into her. It's stressful!

Just keeping feeding when you can and topping up. You can't do anything more.

If the formula makes her sick I'd stop giving it tbh, surely that will make her lose the milk too.

How are things now op?

Hmm bit better but not great.

Plus side
Nipples healing well and much much less pain when latching
Didn't have to be referred back to hospital when we went for weigh in yesterday
She took a bottle yesterday and didn't bring it up
All hcp are happy with her colour, tone alertness, wellbeing
They don't want to see her again til next Saturday at weigh in clinic

On the other hand
She's only gained a tiny amount so is at 7% birth weight loss at day 13
She will only take a tiny bit of formula most of the time and then is often in distress afterwards with sore tummy
She's settling less well between feeds and wants to be on the boob all the time (tbh I'm happy about this because it's good for my supply but it makes me worry she's not getting enough to gain weight by next week)

I'm trying hard not to panic but I just want her to be packing it on. Is there such a thing as skimmed breast milk?!! I think that's what I make! X

Has anyone suggested/investigated her for reflux?

if you are offering her formula it really isn't a feeding problem

I would say get her investigated for reflux, gastro problems and also have someone listen to her heart and check blood pressure on all 4 limbs if possible.

You keep blaming yourself and your breastmilk/feeding texhnique. Stop with the mummy guilt! This isn't something you are causing - you are offering her loads of milk in various forms.

Are you feeding lots at night? This will increase your supply if you're still worried about that.