Newborn fed all night. So close to giving up.

[Runningupthathill82]

I feel like such a wreck and such a failure right now.

DD was born on Monday and I've slept for perhaps four hours in total since then, in odd half hour blocks, as she insists on being latched on all night. I mean literally all night, not feeding once an hour and going in her Moses basket in between - all night long with no break.

Last night was the straw that has broken this camel's back. She started feeding at 8pm and hasn't come off me yet for more than the time it takes for two loo trips, three nappy changes and a spectacular vomit over the bedclothes. I dropped off for about 10 mins out of sheer exhaustion, with her on a pillow on my bed. I know this is dangerous and it terrifies me.

The night before, she did this non stop feeding from 9pm to 6am and then I slept from 6 for a little bit. But today she won't be put down at all, more than 12hrs since she went on.

I struggled badly to bf my DS, and ended up exclusively expressing for three months, until he could latch well. He was also readmitted to hospital twice as he lost so much weight. I'm worried the same thing is happening again.

I have two huge flat nipples, one of which is inverted. It is impossible for DD to get a mouthful of areola,and the latch is screamingly painful for me each and every time. With DS I had mastitis four times as my milk just doesn't flow right on the inverted side.

I can't do what I did with DS and express round the clock - I have a toddler and a newborn this time. I'm lost. I'm shattered and feel like I'm going crazy.

Right now I want to walk out of my front door and never go home again. Please help.

Ps I hope the birth went well for you. I recall that you'd had some difficulties last time and I really hope this time was smoother. All best!

How are you doing OP?

I'm doing a bit better thanks. The midwife came and weighed DD and she's only lost 6%, which is reassuring. DS had lost 11% at this stage, and tbh that's what I was steeling myself for.

That tells me that she must be getting milk and, hard as it is, we're doing something right. So I'm going to try and keep it up for now, without formula top ups, and hope that the nights don't completely break me.

Focus - thanks for asking about labour. Very happy to say the birth was amazing this time round. I was very lucky!
Four hours from start to finish and she was born in the birthing pool. It was exactly what i had wanted, and the complete opposite of my first labour. In fact I feel a bit guilty moaning about feeding after the birth went so smoothly. It was bloody painful, but incredible.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Has she been checked for tongue tie?

No, she hasn't - midwife said there was no need as she's got lots of wet and dirty nappies and her weight is ok. Is that not right? I'm no expert!

OP that's bull! She can still have a tongue tie and produce wet and dirty nappies. Your issues bf do suggest a tongue tirv

Nonononono. She could still very well have tongue tie. Can you get a second opinion? LLL? Baby cafe? Tongue tie runs in families; your older child could very well have it also. Posterior tongue tie is much harder to spot but causes all sorts of havoc.

No, did you say that it was painful op?

Definitely get it checked. I've read so many stories now of tongue tie being snipped and the latch so much better.

It's painful but I think that's because of my weird half-inverted nipple. It's difficult to describe without seeing it, but the nipple splits in two when pulled out as half of it is truly inverted and the other half isn't. This means it's very sore.
On the other side it's a bit tender - and I am unfortunately ending up with a lipstick- shaped nipple - but not agonisingly painful.

There's no LLL support group here, but I have found a Monday local authority-run group I can go to.

Tongue ties need to be checked, and even then they are often missed. The HV can't diagnose tongue tie from nappies!

Mine both have tongue tie but the mw said they wouldn't snip it because they were feeding, albeit very painfully for me. Maybe that's why she mentioned the nappies. They only action it if it's a problem for the baby, not for the mother (at least they do where I am anyway)

Lipstick shaped nipple is a classic sign of tongue tie. Do go to the support group and get it checked, if at all possible. Have you checked the Breast Feeding Network website? It shows drop ins close to you - you could also try calling the helpline.

I did mixed feeding as dd lost so much weight in first week or two. It worked for me and I managed to breastfeed alongside giving formula for 6 months!

I've seem too many friends practically kill themselves to breastfeed and they were so happy once they switched to formula. Please don't feel bad if you decide breastfeeding isn't for you.

IBCLC - search by postcode. Find nearest - book appointment - will sort it out at her office then and there is also a tongue tie expert as most IBCLCs are. Will cost you about £130 isn't based of course on where you are

That tongue tie advice was a load of bollocks OP. As others have said, get it checked again by an IBCLC.

That's definitely posterior tongue tie then. No wonder you are sore!

Going private will get your baby seen quickly, but the cost makes me grumble; why should parents have to fork out £££ when the NHS touts all their "breast is best" rot but doesn't actually HELP women to breastfeed? The willful ignorance infuriates me.

I ended up expressing and bottle feeding my dd until her mouth was big enough to feed directly from the breast. It was very very hard work and although I'm glad I persevered, I fully understand why it isn't the right choice for everyone. There's nothing wrong with choosing formula, but when women are denied accurate information and decent support it doesn't seem like a choice anymore.

Thanks for the link. There aren't any lactation consultants anywhere remotely near me, according to that website search (despite living in a major city), so I'll ask re more local help at the bf cafe next week. The other problem is money, I don't have £100 for a consultation unless I get a loan, but we'll cross that bridge later!

I'm so confused and so tired. DD is at it again now; feeding til she drops asleep on the breast, then screaming to be put back on the minute I take her off. There is no gap between "feeds" of more than a minute or so. I just need to sleep now, I'm exhausted.

I don't know what to think, really - some people are saying babies being latched on all night is normal, others are saying it's not.

And the squashed nipples could be down to a shallow latch, tongue tie or my existing nipple issues? It seems crazy that there's no real, accessible, free NHS help and the midwife is just happy to let me blindly carry on as I am.

As I said before, with DS I exclusively expressed for months until he could latch, but I'm less keen to do that this time. It was hard enough with just one child to care for. I can fully see why so many women give up bf so soon.

Hi op, I hope you managed to get a little rest at least.

So sorry you're struggling, unfortunately I haven't got any great advice and I agree it's so frustrating and confusing. I had the same lipstick nipple, very painful. Most of the midwives just shrugged and said latch looks ok. Also the same conflicting advice about how long/often baby should feed.

I imagine there's no right answer really except it's still very early days and it will get easier eventually when the baby gets a bit bigger.

H also, if this is what you want to do, I've seen that there are some lansinoh bottles and medela bottles, they look less likely to cause nipple confusion. Perhaps you can supplement through just part of the night to get a little rest.

If you want to try a bottle, have a look at baby-led bottle feeding techniques. I bottle fed my newborn and she was able to switch back and froth from breast to bottle without any confusion.

Also, try to prop yourself in a slightly reclined position when you feed, so gravity is helping to keep baby at the breast rather than you holding her in position all the time.

The trouble with tongue tie is that there isn't flexibility of the tongue to grab hold of enough breast tissue to feed. The nipple slides forward in baby's mouth, so she is working very hard to maintain a shallow latch, and suckle and coordinate feeding all at once. It's hard work for a newborn! I found feeding much easier in our reclining chair with my feet up and slightly leaning back.

You also need to give yourself a chance to heal. Expressing and bottle feeding can help that. It will also mean baby isn't working quite so hard for every feed and can get that weight back up. My baby went into a negative spiral of weight loss and sleepiness - the more weight she lost, the more she would sleep to conserve energy, the less she was able to feed, the more weight she lost, etc. I ended up expressing around the clock while my four week old slept soundly through the night! (Not a good sign at that age) As I said before, I wouldn't expect anyone else to go to the extremes I did, but it worked and she was fine after a few weeks of mixed bottle and breast.

I do hope you find a solution that works for you.

Oh OP it's awful I know how you feel. My DD was the same and it was bloody exhausting. Still trying to recover a year later Get help from the local breastfeeding group they are wonderful. Also la leche league has a helpline you can call for some advice. I know it may not fix everything but it's worth a call? Sending you hugs those first few weeks are brutal!!!

Midwives are brilliant for a lot of things but mainly terrible at breastfeeding advice. When I was discharged my son was making clicking noises that I now know means he had a rubbish latch due to tongue tie - the midwife told me it was the sound of him swallowing!

Our nct bumps babies and beyond had a lactation consultant at the weekly group, maybe search with them.

Good luck op. It is very hard work.

www.nct.org.uk/branches

Sorry to hear it's still tough going OP. The lipstick shaped nipple after feeding is definitely a sign of tongue tie. And I think you are doing exactly the right thing going to your local cafe. 3 midwives didn't look for missed DD2's tongue tie. In hindsight, I think DD1 had it too but it was never picked up, even with 4 days in hospital after the birth with feeding problems .

It definitely seems to be a gap in the midwives knowledge base. They just give out the details for the local breastfeeding cafés and tell women to go there if they have problems. But I guess some women don't and some can't (I don't drive so had to rely on family to take me). As a pp said, what's the point of the NHS promoting breastfeeding so vigorously, if their support to do so is so poor?