Newborn fed all night. So close to giving up.

[Runningupthathill82]

I feel like such a wreck and such a failure right now.

DD was born on Monday and I've slept for perhaps four hours in total since then, in odd half hour blocks, as she insists on being latched on all night. I mean literally all night, not feeding once an hour and going in her Moses basket in between - all night long with no break.

Last night was the straw that has broken this camel's back. She started feeding at 8pm and hasn't come off me yet for more than the time it takes for two loo trips, three nappy changes and a spectacular vomit over the bedclothes. I dropped off for about 10 mins out of sheer exhaustion, with her on a pillow on my bed. I know this is dangerous and it terrifies me.

The night before, she did this non stop feeding from 9pm to 6am and then I slept from 6 for a little bit. But today she won't be put down at all, more than 12hrs since she went on.

I struggled badly to bf my DS, and ended up exclusively expressing for three months, until he could latch well. He was also readmitted to hospital twice as he lost so much weight. I'm worried the same thing is happening again.

I have two huge flat nipples, one of which is inverted. It is impossible for DD to get a mouthful of areola,and the latch is screamingly painful for me each and every time. With DS I had mastitis four times as my milk just doesn't flow right on the inverted side.

I can't do what I did with DS and express round the clock - I have a toddler and a newborn this time. I'm lost. I'm shattered and feel like I'm going crazy.

Right now I want to walk out of my front door and never go home again. Please help.

mouldy I think Micah is saying 'make peace' as many, many women (and it can be seen from lots of threads and in real life speaking to friends) stop bf during the early, tough days, and really regret it a few months down the line when they're in a 'better' place.

Some people find breast feeding more difficult for various reasons (tongue tie, breast size etc), but, invariably (and however they're fed), life with a newborn is chronically sleep deprived.

I think (and know from friends) that lots of people regret (or feel guilty) that they didn't push through that to continue breastfeeding when, the majority of the time, things do get better for everyone, and so the early 'push' to formula feed is often unnecessary.

Sorry that's all a bit jumbled. But I understand what Micah is saying.

Maybe the Op neeDs sUp port to consider formula as a viable option. Sure she knows of its existence, just as she is likley to knOw of the existence of nipple shields and breastfeeding counsellors given she has had a baby before. I don't think she op is looking for radical ideas nobody has ever heard of, she is looking for practical support.
It is not helpful to flame other posters. People may suggest things you may not personally prefer, do not abuse them for that ladies.

Try a sleepyhead for safe cosleeping. Brilliant things.

Get to a breastfeeding cafe or look up your local IBCLC - I googled mine and got an appointment next day.

Can you try expressing and syringe / cup feeding?

Stay strong, this will pass

Are there any breastfeeding support cafes near you. They probably gave you some info on the local ones when you left hospital. DD2 was exactly the same the first week. It got to the point the lactation specialist told me not to bf for 2 days so my nipples could heal. We used a nipple shield and she was diagnosed with a severe posterior tongue tie.

We started giving a bottle after I had fed from each side to give me a bit of a break and have continued with top ups as, like you, I have a toddler and can't just be stuck feeding all day! However, she is still getting breastmilk. We have mix fed both of our DD's and for me it is the best of both worlds. With DD1 we reduced the formula to twice a day only, and hope to do the same with DD2, but things are very different when there's another child in the mix and I'm trying to accept I have to balance both their needs now, as well as mine! Seek out some help and good luck

I had a similar thing with DS except he would break the latch every 3 seconds and scream.

I switched to formula and it was much easier. I'm sure there'll be lots of bf advice here, I'm just sharing my experience, and letting you know it's okay to stop bf if you want to.

'Make your own peace with the decision', way to make the op feel bad! What ROT! how unsupportive and unhelpful, shame on you saying that to a struggling mum with a newborn, vile behaviour

Yep way more unsupportive saying the op should work through her issues as best she can, and give up if she feels ready. Much more helpful saying "switch to formula", with no advice or support.

Formula is always an option, and I'm sure o/p has thought of it. Which means she's here to work through bf, not to be told to go buy formula.

I meant it as lucky star said. If I'd switched in the early days when everything was overwhelming and I was sleep deprived, I'd have really, really regretted it. Fortunately I had a supportive partner who helped make the early days easier rather than tell me just to give formula. When I did switch to formula it was not without a lot of soul searching. For many people, especially those who end up asking for help on forums, it's not an easy decision.

Micah sometimes you need to hear from someone else it's okay to switch.

Mouldy I will say no more after this, but your comment towards Micah - 'vile' 'shame on you', was a lot more loaded and 'flaming' than hers towards you.

OP good luck. If you continue with bfing, it does (usually) get so much easier, but no one can tell you when that will happen. Of course it's fine to give formula, but if you don't wish to do that, I hope you can find the proper support to continue successfully breastfeeding for as long as you and your beautiful new baby want.

Op, do what works for you, good luck to you and ignore the guilt trippers on here, they have their own issues.

Just seconding the advice already given. Especially nipple shields, I don't think I'd have survived without them. Also feeding while lying down if you can. Co-sleepers are brilliant. Do you have a dummy? Might be worth a try to give your nipples a break. I'd also check for tongue tie it seems to be quite common.
Mix feeding also might be a worth seriously considering. Choosing formula isn't 'giving up' it's making an informed choice about what works best for your family. I personally really wish I could have seen that when mine were babies instead of martyring myself to the breastfeeding cause and being miserable, exhausted and short tempered because of it.

Have you got a sling? Dp used to do shifts with ds in the early days at night so that I could sleep. He would pace around the living room or go out for a walk for a couple of hours

Totally and completely unhelpful to just say "oh switch to formula", argh ffs can people just stop saying that.

Op, can anyone help with your toddler? Seek as much help as possible with the latch.

Also I think perhaps get yourself set up for safe cosleeping. It could save breastfeeding because hopefully you can sleep feeding her.

Bed guard, no pillows or duvet.

And remember if you do end up giving a bottle to get some respite it doesn't mean you have to stop breastfeeding.

YY to getting checked for tongue tie by a lactation consultant - not a midwife. FIVE midwives at the hospital missed DS' 70% thickness posterior tongue tie. Having it snipped has revolutionised our feeding.

Where do you get the baby checked for tongue tie?

Stupid question but I hear it suggested a lot but no midwife ever considered it when I was struggling, where do you go?

Cross post

Pyjama I googled lactation consultants in my area and went for the one with the nicest website and best testimonials (as you do). She was fabulous. Did a PROPER tongue tie examination rather than a quick peek in his gob.

Thanks so much, all. Some really helpful suggestions, and some really comforting words too.
Someone (Hufflepuffle?) suggested getting the nipple pully-out thing. I've got one but it won't work on my "truly" inverted nipple as half of the nipple is attached under the skin. This means that when a baby latches, or I try to pop the nipple out, half comes out and half doesn't, leaving a bloody shred of nipple to be latched to. It's painful! With DS he learned to latch on that side at 3 months when his mouth could get the whole areola in, and I expressed til then. I can't do that this time - it's too much to feed on one side and express the other.

I do have help with DS as DH is around and doing what he can, but DS is being very clingy and difficult as he's not liking the lack of attention. We haven't got any other family nearby to take him out for an hour here and there either.

I'm seeing the midwife later (dreaded weigh-in) and will ask about lactation consultants. I know there's a breastfeeding cafe on a Monday and will go then if we make it that far.

Thanks again, all. It's fucking tough!

Oh, and co-sleeping is an option (can't afford a sleepyhead or anything though, sadly) but I can't yet feed lying down, which takes some of the appeal out. I'm finding it hard enough to latch when I'm upright.

I really didn't think I'd struggle so much this time, as DS fed to a year, but bfing an older baby is a breeze compared to a newborn.

I'm not anti formula top-ups, and I had to mix feed DS for a while after he lost far too much weight, but would rather avoid it so early on - if I possibly can, without cracking up altogether.

Ah ok thanks batmobile.

Op it's so hard when you have an older child too but you're doing brilliantly.

Perhaps try to think that by Summer things will be a lot easier.

This was such a hidious time for me and dd. After trying for ages with IVF to finally have her I struggled with breastfeeding. She was 10lb when born and ate and ate and ate. She also was tongue tied. I lasted three weeks.

Op go to the cafe and see if you can get support there but if it's not working out for YOU go on to formula. Don't beat yourself up about it. My health visitor agreed it was best for us as I was so exhorsted and getting down about it. I also but a medulla swing pump which was really good and they have fab teats to help the switch.

If breast feeding works for you fine it not bottle feed is fine too. There is a lot of stigma attached on this site for you to throw yourself under the bus if your struggling with BF.

Look after yourself so you can look after your babies properly

Apparently it is possible to feed on one side only (and the other will just eventually stop producing). I don't know how easy that is or if you'd mind the wonkiness, but it might be preferable if the other side is unbearable?

And yy to trying a sling. That was my saviour in the early days and weeks. Baby would fall asleep and give me a break!

Oh dear! My DS had a preference for one side and for ages only fed on that one and it was fine, I just had one massive boob and one normal one! Eventually I got him on the other one but you could try just feeding on one side until your baby learns to latch properly? Your body will eventually make enough milk - some people breastfeed twins after all! Or you could supplement to replace the milk from that side.

Also, it doesn't sound like your issue, but it was cranial osteopathy that enabled my son to feed on the "wrong" side - he was a big baby with a long labour followed by ventouse so I think turning his neck that way hurt.

Also, day four and five post birth are prime hormonal days - at the time I get like I was just sad because I was struggling to feed the baby but I realise now that the hormones were playing a part! Take things day by day at the moment, don't try and figure out what you'll be doing when the baby is 3 months old - just ask yourself if you can hack breastfeeding today? Then take tomorrow as it comes and so on.

And as everyone said, there's no shame or harm in formula!

When I look back to 14 weeks ago I can recall that I hand expressed quite often say 30-60 mils at a time 60 being highest and we often offered that to DS in those tiny cups. For me this solved three purposes - it kept me constantly demanding milk from my body if and when he was too sleepy to latch and in the end helped supply, (although a newborns mouth is the best supply generator) it helped fill his Tummy to give him enough oomph to latch on and get it right as we both learnt - and it have me an hour off now and then to lie down so that I could keep at it.

And I did keep at it and it worked out fine :)