Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Reasons why women don't breastfeed

330 replies

ohthegoats · 18/03/2015 15:14

Today's breastfeeding 'news' from Brazil. I finally heard a sensible comment on the story at about lunchtime today - a woman saying that there shouldn't be surveys on whether or not it's a good thing to breastfeed, because everyone knows it is. The research should be into why so many women don't do it, or don't stick with it.

Here are my reasons why I don't like breastfeeding - has anyone got any to add? Or ideas to mitigate the issues?

After being so out of control of your body during pregnancy, being poked and prodded and 'nanny stated' out of your mind, you want control back.

Little help available when you have problems - I know this isn't true for all people.

Having to wear such unflattering underwear in order to be able to get your boobs out easily. Why hasn't this been sorted out? Why so few underwired options that actually work without causing duct blockages? Why so expensive to get even a crappy underwired one?

Having to wear clothes that are mostly unflattering too. I have one reasonable breastfeeding top out of the 10 I have bought - H&M for a tenner in the sale, not been able to find it again. They are all either too plain coloured, too low necked, horrible material, too tight in other places etc etc.

Getting stared at in public for doing it.

Being confined to the sofa for days on end.

Waking up covered in yoghurt for reasons you don't understand.

Boobs squirting milk during sex.

Think that's my starter list.

I'm 5 and a half months into ebf with my baby... plan to start moving away from it at 6 months. I've done it because it's the 'right' thing, but I've mostly hated it.

OP posts:
karinmaria · 18/03/2015 18:39

DS wouldn't latch. Got mega stressed each time and lost loads of weight. Didn't help I was in a lot of pain mentally as my mum had died when I was 7 months pregnant, and also physically from an episiotomy and resulting infection. Later discovered he had lip tie, which NO ONE, including the sodding lactation 'specialist' who visited after we went home, picked up on till well after my milk had dried up Sad

karinmaria · 18/03/2015 18:39

DS wouldn't latch. Got mega stressed each time and lost loads of weight. Didn't help I was in a lot of pain mentally as my mum had died when I was 7 months pregnant, and also physically from an episiotomy and resulting infection. Later discovered he had lip tie, which NO ONE, including the sodding lactation 'specialist' who visited after we went home, picked up on till well after my milk had dried up Sad

Cherrypi · 18/03/2015 19:09

To put into categories:
1 they dont want to
2 they can't breastfeed
3 they want to but poor support pushes them into the one of the first two categories.

I think if you don't want to breastfeed nothing can persuade you to do it long term.

ToffeeLatteplease · 18/03/2015 19:10

Costs a fucking fortune worth it to get my body back as mine
Faff of sterilisation.- easier than the faff of round the clock feeding, Breat pain, nipple cream
The screaming whilst making up/warming bottles for a hungry baby. Especially at night. When it's cold. And you don't want to get out of bed. DD slept through most of the night, DS feeding became managable
Washing all those dribbly bibs. a puking babby will puke Hmm
Weight loss Since proven as bollocks as BF mummies often put is straight back on when they stop BF
Less excuse to not leave your baby opportunity for a night or two off
The greater chance of ear infections, gastrointestinal problems, obesity etc - and the numerous trips to the doctor that entails. many of these studies don't take into account access to quality sterilising equipment.
The lack of immediately available baby soothing equipment. Always had a spare bottle I could whip out anyway without worrying about whether I had any item of clothing that needed removing. Great out in the snow
Have found bf helps with ear equalisation in aircraft, teething pain, sleep inducement etc. so does sucking on a bottle Confused Hmm
All that extra stuff to carry around. Have nappy pouch and spare vest, off we go. never worried about finding a quiet private space to feed, we fed wherever we were
The stench of ff baby poo. All babies smell. utter breastfeeding propaganda tosh!!

ToffeeLatteplease · 18/03/2015 19:17

I think my point is that nothing you have mentioned in your list of breastfeeding benefits is overly groundbreaking and none of it addresses why women don't

JassyRadlett · 18/03/2015 19:17

Tiktok - sorry if you felt I was having a go at you. I know how hugely supportive you are of breastfeeding. I was trying to articulate why I found your post problematic and alienating - you weren't just not affirming/sympathising, you were pretty dismissive of her experience, and I've set out examples of why I thought that.

You clearly don't think so, so let's agree to disagree.

WrappedInABlankie · 18/03/2015 19:18

toffee

Exactly!

JassyRadlett · 18/03/2015 19:21

Christ, I wish it was true that breastfeeding helps weight loss. My body stubbornly held on to weight until I stopped BFing. When I stopped, I dropped a dress size in a couple of weeks.

Hoping that this time around, the opposite is true.

tiktok · 18/03/2015 19:21

OK, Jassy :)

SignoraStronza · 18/03/2015 19:26

ToffeeLattePlease Just offering 'mitigation' as requested by the op. Relevant to my experience. Never worried about having a quiet, private space to feed, however I was doing it, so that's one thing we have in common. Smile
Still, as long as the parents' lives are disrupted as minimally as possible (because this, essentially, is what seems to be of number one importance here) it's all good.

WrappedInABlankie · 18/03/2015 19:30

Still, as long as the parents' lives are disrupted as minimally as possible (because this, essentially, is what seems to be of number one importance here)

Hmm What seems to be the number one importance to anyone on here is that our babies are happy, healthy and content. I'm pretty sure nobody here thought "who gives a damn about my baby losing weight/in hospital/tongue tie etc as long as s/he's not disrupting my life to much"

JackShit · 18/03/2015 19:33

"I want my body back" and "I don't like the thought of a baby sucking on my boob" are lame excuses.

Why have a baby if such things are an inconvenience ? Confused

JassyRadlett · 18/03/2015 19:33

Stronza, that's a whackingly horrible thing to say, with previous little basis for saying it.

JassyRadlett · 18/03/2015 19:35

And perhaps I'm a bit sensitive about it because I've got friends who still beat themselves up 3 years later because they 'failed' their babies because breastfeeding just didn't work out for them, for a variety of reasons.

Can't think why they feel that way.

JassyRadlett · 18/03/2015 19:35

*precious, not previous.

GraysAnalogy · 18/03/2015 19:38

It annoys me that women have to have reasons. How about - they just don't want to?

CultureSucksDownWords · 18/03/2015 19:40

What is the point of arguing over reasons not to breastfeed/reasons to breastfeed, and judging whether the reasons are "good" enough?

The reasons why women don't initiate breastfeeding, and why the majority who do, stop breastfeeding within weeks or months are relatively well known, I thought? Would it not be more helpful to discuss ways that infant feeding can be supported across the board in a way that helps every mother feed how they want. Ways to make breastfeeding more visible and normalised without it seeming like formula feeding is being attacked. What can be done to persuade the powers that be to standardise and improve post natal feeding support?

WrappedInABlankie · 18/03/2015 19:44

Jackshit

It's not an excuse it's how i felt and it's perfectly valid and still do feel about it, I'll be doing the same with DS2.

Did my child go hungry? No, Did he still get breast milk, yes, Was he happy, Yes. That is the only thing that matters. I bonded with my baby beautiful, i could look down at his face instead of just staring at the top of my boob. I felt comfortable.

None of that is an inconvenience, i still got up with him during the night, I still changed a nappy, I never once used the excuse to not leave my baby, the first time i ever left him let alone over night was when i was taken into hospital and he was a month shy of being one, I didn't drink/smoke/go out.

He was and never has been an inconvenience, I did what was right and best for my child. End of really, having an uncomfortable mother, in pain trying to feed a baby wasn't what was best.

ToffeeLatteplease · 18/03/2015 19:50

JackShit being pregnant with my second child had (unexpectedly, carried DD easily) ripped my body to shit.

I had had multiple infections that couldn't be treated effectively because of the danger to the child. It was reassuring to know that I was doing the right thing for my child but I was at times little more than a very ill incubator

By the end of 9 months getting my body back to myself didn't seem lame at all

AGirlCalledBoB · 18/03/2015 19:55

Mine would be lack of support. My son would not latch on and there was zero support, zilch. So I expressed for a while. He started losing weight, we switched to formula and I don't regret it.

If I was to have a second child, I would be more prepared so I hopefully breastfeeding would be more successful.

byhec · 18/03/2015 19:56

Wow this thread is depressing! I agree we should look into reasons why women don't bf but maybe we should also look into reasons why people do to balance things out a bit?

trying29 · 18/03/2015 20:01

I've logged in just to comment on this - I've been exclusively expressing for 9 weeks and it's absolutely exhausting. The pressure to breastfeed is immense, I had a c section after a very long and traumatic labour and found there was no understanding if this when trying to learn to breastfeed. On top of that The guilt I feel for giving my ds a bottle of my milk is immense! Even though it's breast milk. For me the invisible pressure to breastfeed Which I am unable to do has definitely soured the first few weeks of my sons life.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 18/03/2015 20:05

tiktok and jassie jassie worded everything i felt about your post, so very sorry if that wasn't what you meant but 2 people read your post the same way, so glad it wasn't just me.

ToffeeLatteplease · 18/03/2015 20:10

"maybe we should also look into reasons why people do to balance things out a bit?"

maybe this is the balance. the benefits of Breastfeeding are eulogised about everyway. It is not uncommon to see/hear the phrase "why would any intelligent woman who wants the best for their child want to do anything else".

All to often the voices of women who haven't breastfed aren't listened to. We won't increase breastfeeding rate unless they are

SignoraStronza · 18/03/2015 20:12

Why is that such a horrible thing to say? Those who choose to ff say that they ff least disruptive for them those who choose to bf say that they find bf least disruptive for them. Everyone offers their own rationale.
As for what is best for the baby's
health (and low bf rates in the UK as a public health issue) well, we can't have that discussion on MN can we, for fear of causing offence ams the bun fights that ensue. Heaven forbid anyone dare discuss the negatives of choosing not to breastfeed either.