how to counteract bad press for BFing?

[sallyrosie]

Sorry in advance for long post:

A good friend of mine is about 32 weeks PG with first baby. I've just had my second child. I am BFing, as I did with first LO and just assumed she would do the same.
However, she is getting a lot of negative comments from others about BF mainly along the 'bottle fed babies sleep through earlier' lines and another friend (of hers not mine) gave up BF after a couple of difficult weeks so lots of negative stuff. Her mum never BF, so no helpful advice there either.
I really think she will be missing out if she doesn't BF not to mention health benefits, but I know how hard it is in those first few weeks. I don't think I'd have got through it if my entire family weren't so supportive, and had all done it themselves so v helpful, and DH totally supportive.
SOOOO.... how can I counter the negative stuff without coming over all preachy/hippy/irritating experienced mum???

Shit, have managed to delete my LOOONG post TWICE just before pressing go, so here is a short version to stop me from going bonkers. BF is free, portable, might help her lose weight, a great feeling when it goes right, and fixable when it doesn't. BF counsellors are fab people who can spot and correct poor positioning or other probs, and at BF support groups she will meet like-minded women to counteract any negative comments from her friends who disagree with her choice (if indeed she does choose to BF).

Show her the many health benefits on websites like this one .

Right, I am pressing GO before I delete this too!

This is a difficult one I agree - despite my not managing to bf for more than 4 weeks I would want to encourage my friends to try bf with their babies - simply because the women I know who did succeed at bf are so happy! But it can come across as irritating (as can advice with other issues).

I think all you can do is talk to her about your positive experiences once all the difficult first few weeks were over - since ff babies don't sleep through earlier (I should know!) point out that making a bottle in the middle of the night is much more of a PITA than bf. Also point out that she only needs to take it one day at a time, but she can't go back once she starts ff (without great difficulty, anyway). Since she has no family support she will need you plus access to a bf counsellor.

I take it she's been telling you about all these negative comments?

If so she's obviously already conscious that you think she should breastfeed and is perhaps trying to let you down gently? if so you need to be a bit careful I think because she's probably already sensitive about it.

I would just try to mention that a)breastfeeding is a lt less clatting about than bottle feeding. and b)there are benefits to breastfeeding even if it's just for one week (in case she's got it into her head that it's best not to bother at all if you can't do it for 6 months)

My advice is invite your friend over and just happen to bf in front of her, and bring up the subject. Let her know that it is hard in the beginning. Be honest. You are experienced and just share your experiences. Don't talk about benefits of bfing v ffing. Both have different benefits for different people. Just let her know that you enjoy it, and you think it's worth it. Let her make her own choices based on her observations of you.

There is a lower risk of cot death with bf babies (cant remember where i read it) but ff babies go into a deeper sleep.
Lower risk of weight problems
free
No getting up in the cold to get a bottle, just snuggle up in bed
Dont have to spend 10 min finding someone to heat up a bottle when you have a baby screaming
no steralising
give baby a taste for fresh food

Will come back if i think of any more.

just give her the facts, maybe tell her any difficults you had and that you would still do it again and why.

Message withdrawn

The reason I wanted to BF was because people shared there wonder experience of it without be zeolist about (well 1 friend was but I'd made my mind up by then). My milk never came in so DD had to be formula fed and I still miss the fact that I couldn't. I think it's important that she knows people who'll be supportive if she wants to BF. I had a friend who told me I could call her at 3am if I needed her. I have to say a friend of mine who had her baby 2 weeks before me chosse to formula feed she told people it was because it was easier because she was going back to work after 4 months. When we talked about it as I felt failure for not being able to BF she told me she'd FF because she'd previously been in an abusive relationship and the thought of BF in front of anyone petrified her. I think it's great to bently encourage people to BF but to remember that people sometimes have reasons they don't want to discuss for FF

• gently encourage

I think breastfeeders have been getting a really bad rap recently and I don't blame her for being put off, all these programes about 'extrodinary breastfeeding' give a bit of a in your face view of bf. I didn't want to be seen as being in the same category as these people, didn't feel like I had anything in common with someone who bfed their child until the age of 12!
I think the fact that you are bf will help your friend come to her own decision, I am sure she will probably give it a try, I was extremely worried that I wouldn't be able to bf and would be embarrassed to tell be I couldn't if I talked it up.
I don't think you really need to tackle the negative points, they are fairly well publicised, just talk about how easy bf is (once you get going). I remember reading that although ff babies tend to sleep through earlier it is only a week or so and the advantages of bf at night are so much more useful, you go back to sleep easier and no preparation required.
Just be there and support her, she will need you!
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