Things I learned in the first 6 weeks of breastfeeding

[jessplussomeonenew]

I'd thought I was well prepared for breastfeeding (reading, classes, watching friends etc) but there were some things I never heard beforehand which would have been really useful to know. I claim no expertise beyond my own experience of getting through the first six weeks of feeding :) but thought I'd share - and encourage others to do likewise - practical hints that I wished I'd known:

That "nose to nipple" is a good way to work out how far across your body the baby should be, but the chin should actually be closer to the breast than the nose when latching on.

That a good latch involves a mouth that's open wider than looks physically possible for a tiny baby's mouth!

That trying to visually check the latch during a feed a) tends to pull the nipple out and make the latch worse and b) can miss problems; how it feels is a far better guide to how it's going.

That for cradle/cross-cradle it's good to hold the baby's tummy in tightly to my body to help them feel secure - it also helps to tuck the lower arm out of the way below the body before bringing the baby in.

How to do sandwich and flipple/extended latch techniques.

That getting the baby's body into the right position before attempting to latch is more than half the battle - having help from another pair of hands can really help as you work this out!

That once the baby's in position you need to wait for a good gape and then move quickly to get the nipple in before it closes again.

That you shouldn't hold the back of the head or press the head against the nipple but instead bring the head close by supporting the side of the head (cradle) or neck (cross-cradle).

Hope this is helpful to someone!

All good stuff, jess :)

I'm a breastfeeding counsellor and I find it a continual challenge to know what to share with parents antenatally.

A lot of breastfeeding is learning on the job - with the actual baby actually there, getting more 'skilled' together with you, over a period of days and weeks. You learn together as you get to know each other. For example, it wouldn't help everyone to have another pair of hands helping the baby get positioned, though it helped you (it helps some people sometimes....not everyone all the time :) )

It's an ongoing question, how much mothers can be prepared for bf. You cannot know everything in advance, you cannot remember everything in advance, and no one ever needs to know everything....individual mother-baby pairs are individual, anyway. Knowing a whole lot of stuff may not help you breastfeed at all. You found that yourself - reading, classes, observing only got you so far. The best learning you did came from experience.

If there was one thing you wished you had known before, what would it have been?

I learnt that the cross body hold didn't work for me as I have very large breasts (L cup when pregnant and feeding)

The rugby ball hold saved us all and I went on to feed for 3 years. I only discovered this at 6 weeks in and was at the end of my tether

Hmm, good question Tiktok. I think probably the importance of getting the body to body position right before you even think about latching... it's so easy to focus obsessively on mouth and nipple, when actually you're not getting in a position to get them together well in the first place.

Of the bits of advice I did get, "nose to nipple" caused me most confusion as I kept ending up with the chin miles away from the breast.

For me it was getting the chin tucked in as pp said - chin needs to be closer than the nose. When this penny dropped we were cooking on gas! A lovely bf councillor at the well baby clinic helped me with this at 10 weeks.

Almost 7 months in now :)

Thanks, jess. Actually, getting the position 'right' before attaching the baby is not essential for many mothers and babies. Baby-led attachment, self-attachment, laid-back breastfeeding, biological nurturing....none need much fussing or precision with positioning first, 'cos the baby does 50 per cent of the positioning :)

I agree about nose to nipple - it's not accurate at all, personally never use the phrase because I have seen too many mothers get into a pickle with it. 'Chin leading' is a better phrase.

my NCT course talked about "tummy to mummy" and "nose to nipple".
What I wished I'd known is that a newborn is squirmy and wriggly and their neck and head bobs around and they try to cram their fists in their mouth while you're trying to latch them on...

nose to nipple my arse..

Also, DS NEVER gaped. I bfed him for 18months and he never once gaped. He just sort of hoovered my nipple in through a small little opening. Worked for us though ;)

Exactly why precise rules given antenatally are not v helpful, flip. Many parents ask for them though.

Defiantly rugby ball hold for bigger boobs here too!

Also no one said that in the couple days before my milk came in, the night times could be constant feeding with the occasional 10 minute break!

We learnt everything together as there is pretty much NO help where I live (was told antenatally that there was lots of help and groups!! My arse!). I'm so grateful we are 5 months in with no problems and great weight gain. But I dread to think what would happened if I actually needed help!

So I'd also say seek out the bf support numbers/groups etc local to you beforehand so you have them ready

It's very hard to understand bf antenatally. I was given the dvd and a demonstration with a plastic baby and a knitted boob! I think help needs to be focused when you have your wriggly baby there, your post baby boobs etc.
One piece of advice that would have really helped me?? Tongue ties can and do affect bf. Maybe not for anyone else though!
Or ...bf takes practice for both you and baby- your baby is unlikely to starve whilst you're trying to crack it(constant fear for me).

I wish someone had told me about cluster feeding. I spent the evenings of the first week wondering why my baby was crying, thinking he couldn't possibly be hungry as I'd just fed him.

The midwives had sent us away with the instruction to feed every 3 hrs. Does any bf baby feed on that schedule?

Another one here who was wrongly informed about how often baby would feed! I remember those early days when baby would be crying in the night non-stop and I was convinced it was colic/wind/reflux when actually she just wanted more. I was told she'd want feeding every 2 hours so didn't think she was hungry!

The best advice I got was of my breastfeeding consultant when I rang in desperation after one of these nights and she said 'if in doubt get em out!' Haha! Seems to have worked for us since!

Still not managed to wean off the nipple shields though....

DS1 is 6 wks old and we've been breastfeeding no problems since Day 1 but I did struggle for the first few feeds in hospital. I had a different mw helping every time and most of then just grabbed him by the neck and face planted him into my rather large and heavy boobs. I was getting a bit distraught until a young mw watched me feed him and said 'well of course he isn't happy, he can barely breathe. You need to see his nostril.' That one piece of simple advice solved our problem and he has feed fine since:-)

I would agree with pp. I had so much ante natal advice about tummy to mummy and nose to nipple and wide mouths. I have been feeding for over five years now and none of my children do those things. With DD1 they faffed about unlatching her dozens of times to get a wide mouth. I finally realised that she went in with a little rosebud mouth, sucked to check, and then opened wide. Her sister was the same.

So I think there could be more emphasis on quiet observation before intervening and less on manhandling people instantly.

Well I only did 6 weeks but gave up due to hating it and exhaustion rather than DS not feeding very well. I just had the mantra of tummy to mummy, nose to nipple (repeat, repeat, repeat).

I didn't know that it would make me get really bad BO. Not a side effect for all but I stank!

That it just so hard to learn. I've bf two babies now and it is just so hard. It's a skill to be learned like driving which takes a long to learn.

The emphasis in the class I went was that bf was easier than ff. It really isn't. It's less hassle, particularly out of the house, but it sure as hell isn't easier. I learned how to ff in an hour. Six weeks in with DD2 and we still haven't mastered it.

I thought I was prepared this time than with DD1. I turned out to just be prepared for the problems I had with DD1 (ptt, high arched palette, shredded nipples, infective mastitis, blood poisoning, allergy to IV Flucloxicillan) and following that how to relactate.

DD2 has had a great latch from the very beginning so no engorgement, no nipple damage but the problems have been forceful letdown, oversupply, block nursing leading to blocked ducts and a mastitis scare. All this exacerbated by an inability to do laid back nursing as it caused me pain due to a bulging lumbar disc and SPD.

Breastfeeding has been and is THE most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life. If I can manage to avoid formula with DD2, I think I'll throw a party. I am stunned at how difficult it is and perplexed as to how we evolved to be like this.

That a newborn feeds ALL THE TIME! I regularly thought "oh, he can't need feeding again". He did.

A packed lunch in the fridge everyday when DH went back to work was essential.

That bf in the first weeks IS a full time job.

That it seemed endless and exhausting for a few weeks to begin with and again at 4 months, but actually passed really quickly.

That bfing 8 months old DS at night, before and after work is wonderful and I intend to carry on as long as he wants to, and boobs magically adapt to this.

I wish I'd known that a lot of the well-meaning advice you get from friends and family (and even from doctors, midwives and HVs, sigh) is bad advice, often based on trying to apply ff norms to a bf baby.

DD wanting to feed alllllll the time in the early weeks? OK, dealable with. But, DD wanting to feed allllll the time and my family saying "oh she can't possibly be hungry again!" and "why don't you try distracting her instead, you shouldn't be feeding her all the time" and "are you sure she's getting enough, she shouldn't be this hungry, maybe a bottle would fill her up?", and the midwife saying "you need to get her to go longer between feeds, she should be going three hours at this point, she's snacking" and the health visitor saying "you're probably taking her off before she's finished, if she's not doing flutter sucks she's not finished"... that wasn't helpful.

OK, going off on a bit of a rant there. But really, I wish someone had warned me that a lot of people don't know how breastfeeding works, even people who think they do.

Several things. From someone who only managed 10 days of exclusive bf with dc1.

First and most importantly, midwives, GPs and HVs most likely know next to nothing about bf and are often positively undermining.

Secondly, antenatal bf training should focus on what it looks like when a baby is actually drinking milk as opposed to just latching on.

Thirdly, that the support you think is available might not be in practice. If you don't want to end up forking out for a year's supply of formula it may be better to fork out for a lactation consultant straightaway. (I signed up with the NCT on GP's advice which turned out to be completely useless as their bf expert was not available when I needed help. Could perhaps have tried LLL but had no idea what they were.)

Probably other things but I think these are the key ones!

I think the main thing new mothers need to know is that new babies will need feeding sometimes every 20-30 minutes. They may only feed for 2 minutes and then come off but may want feeding again 20 minutes later and that is NORMAL! I think it's easier if you can learn to feed standing up and walking around. It's easy with a newborn as you only need one hand to cradle them and the have your other free to make a cup of tea!

I wish someone had warned me that a lot of people don't know how breastfeeding works, even people who think they do.

This. First time around I failed miserably, as I just blindly took the bad advice given to me by GP / MWs. With my second baby I've been a lot more selective in where I seek help.

BadPenny - puzzled about NCT not being available.

One individual volunteer breastfeeding counsellor might be ill/on holiday/moving house/otherwise not around, but why would you rely on one person being instantly on call? :)

The NCT breastfeeding line is open literally every day, 14 hours; the other breastfeeding lines are also easily available.

Not sure about the other helplines, but I expect they work like NCT's, and able to put you in touch with someone local if it turns out you need more than phone/email support.

You make a good point about knowing what to look for when the baby is actually feeding - mothers should know babies can be deceptive and can look like they are drinking, when they are not.

Phew ... my 12 day old doesn't gape but latch once on seems normal. Ie feed doesn't hurt and she is hydrated and pooed. Thanks to those of you reassuring that it's normal!

That effective latching and positioning are different for every mother and baby - each pair have their weird and wonderful way.

That you can't spoil your baby by bfing 'excessively' even if it is every ten minutes. S/he asks to be bfed to meet so many different needs.

That - other than bursting boobs - you may have the urge to bf your baby when s/he isn't giving cues.

That you may need a network of expert advice. When DS2 went on a prolonged nursing strike (8 weeks!) after tongue tie division, I was on to the lactation consultant and three lovely and very experienced bf counsellors. They calmed me down (I thought the world was ending - tears and snot down the phone and everything) and got us through an awful time. Now DS is bfing brilliantly and I am eternally grateful to them.

Oh but one thing I am finding discouraging is when it all (often online) it becomes scary and scientific with what can go wrong. It makes me SO anxious - I obsess over soiled nappies and whether she's really eating.
Old hands say just look at the poo and take care of yourself. But it unnerves me.