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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

"Extended" breast feeders, please help me to stop?!!

14 replies

LauraPashley · 09/07/2014 20:31

Please back away if so called extended breastfeeding upsets you, I need help not judgement .
Dc1 stopped feeding while I was pg with no.2, at around 2.5yrs, which I was very happy with as she did it of her own accord and wasn't sad about it or anything.
Dc2 is now just over 3 and shows no signs of stopping, and quite frankly I've had enough!! I am still doing a night feed, still getting woken up at 6am for a feed, I am all "touched out" and am sure I am branded as the local weirdo! (Don't care about that last one, but everything else is starting to grate)
I know the mantra is never offer, never refuse, but I NEVER offer and she is always at me! I try very hard to distract, esp during the day, resorting most often to out and out bribery, with sweeties normally....
So can anyone offer any advice? She is very verbal and I tried having a reasonable chat with her about being a big girl now etc, but she just very calmly explained how very sad she would be and that she wouldn't like to stop at all, no thank you
Help!

OP posts:

FatalCabbage · 09/07/2014 20:34

Could you engineer a getaway? You could then claim to have dried up.

You have my sympathy - I was so glad when each DC responded to "don't offer, don't refuse" during the next one's gestation.

Hedgehogging · 09/07/2014 20:47

I read on here of a poster who stuck a plaster on each boob and said something along the lines of "boobies sore/broken, no more milk". I thought that was a master stroke. She had quite a sympathetic LO though IIRC!

ElephantsNeverForgive · 09/07/2014 20:53

Don't ask me, DD2 said she'd give up when she started school.

She did for a few days and then she decided weekends and holidays didn't count.

But then, I never found BFing a chore once DD was older. She only fed when she'd have wanted a cuddle anyway.

leedy · 10/07/2014 13:04

Sympathies, DS1 only weaned fully when I was five months pregnant with DS2, so I've no idea how DS2 is going to stop. At the moment it's not bothering me, but unsure what I'll do if it does.

Could you try the Dr Jay Gordon magic for getting rid of the night feed(s) and/or the 6am one if you don't normally get up at 6am? Worked v well for DS1:
drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

She's also probably old enough to understand a Gro Clock (also a godsend when DS1 went through an early waking spell), so you could add to the little story that comes with it something about how the little pig not only needed all his rest but didn't have mama milk until Mr Sun came up or similar?

Not sure about the day feeds other than distraction (even before I was pregnant DS1 was kind of losing interest in anything except first thing in the morning and bedtime so I never had to encourage him to drop feeds), but at least if you're getting more sleep you'll be in better form for dealing with whatever happens! Oh, and if you're ok with just morning and evening for a while you could institute a "no milk except in pyjamas" and try to work from there?

BornOfFrustration · 10/07/2014 14:11

I told 2.5 year old DD that she had drunk it all, like the tiger who came to tea. She still asked and got a bit upset once but I'm surprised how easy it was for her. Good luck with stopping.

DoYouThinkSheSawUs · 10/07/2014 14:19

I am gently weaning my 3yo as I am fed up of tandem feeding (also have 8mo)
I started by setting specific times to feed, eg after breakfast, lunch, quiet time and bedtime. So I refuse other than these times with a "yes, after breakfast" for eg.

I am then gradually dropping each feed by keeping her distracted around that time - so currently dropping the quiet time one.

Original poster

LauraPashley · 10/07/2014 17:54

Thank you so much all!
The only regular/predictable feeds at the moment are bedtime (happy to keep that one tbh), normally once at night, then what seems like endless back and forth in the very early morning. No nap times or anything like that, but if she is tired/hungry/upset she can get very whingey, grabbing at my top etc; these are the ones I could really do without! (And end up saying ridiculous things like would you like an ice cream cone instead!)
I like the pajamas only rule actually!
Tried keeping a bottle of milk by the bed for morning but it went down very badly!

OP posts:

DoYouThinkSheSawUs · 10/07/2014 19:46

We didn't have predictable feeds which was why I found it difficult at first. But setting those times has really helped me set boundaries and actually feel a lot better about it
I did do it gradually though - first was just a quick morning feed then I got up out of bed and refused more until after breakfast - just kept moving! A lot of it depended on me not sitting down until those set times.
I then dropped the before lunch and before dinner feeds quite quickly. Have been weaning for about 2 months now down from a gazillion feeds to 4/5 a day. Sometimes 3!

catkind · 10/07/2014 19:56

I think the first thing is to establish that you can have rules about when you will feed. Here DS was just allowed morning, when I got home from work and bedtime. But whatever works for your family. You may find that once you're a bit more in control you don't need to stop yet and you're both happy.

Otherwise got any holidays planned this summer? I stopped feeding DS after christmas because he forgot in the excitement. Took a bit of putting my foot down afterwards but as we had a couple of clear days it was easier to call a halt than just saying no from one day to the next. He also had a "no more milk" cake with pink icing, very happy boy

Original poster

LauraPashley · 10/07/2014 20:09

Oh I am off work just now so had totally forgotten the "home from work feed" - that will probably be the hardest one to break!
Did any of you involve dp/dh, if you have one? Dh has no opinion on me still feeding really, but I think is getting fed up with me being knackered and moaning about it! I didn't know if him going through when she wakes in the night might help?

OP posts:

DoYouThinkSheSawUs · 10/07/2014 20:35

I involved DP for the night weaning - but more out of necessity as I had a newborn who woke to feed, her feeding noisily woke the toddler (cosleeping) who would then scream to feed as well, so DP started getting her to sleep with him in his room. (We have separate rooms as dd1 never bloody slept, it's a miracle we have dd2!)

Now she is night weaned, she is mostly back in my bed but sleeps through. If I don't wNt the 6am feed I have to get up early though. So I just keep it short - count of 5 on each side with the promise of more after breakfast.

scoobydooagain · 10/07/2014 20:39

I just told my 3yr 4mth ds that breastfeeding was stopping (also started wearing tops to bed as we co-slept), I was firm and it worked (I was rather surprised). I played up the fact that he was a big boy and he accepted it.

Original poster

LauraPashley · 11/07/2014 00:03

I am such a softie, she was so heartbroken the last time I brought it up I felt terrible!

OP posts:

leedy · 11/07/2014 14:28

DP was absolutely invaluable for night weaning DS1, he did a lot of the cuddling and settling back without milk.

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