Can we have an honest discussion about combined feeding

[LavalavalavaLamp]

I am currently breastfeeding my 10 week old with 2 x 100ml formula top ups a day. This was born out of necessity as she wasn't gaining very much weight at all.
I resisted formula for longer than I should have for a few reasons which seem unimportant now:
I was told that the cereals in formula would stretch her stomach, increasing the chance of her being overweight in later life.
I was told that even a small amount of formula would have a negative impact on her gut.
I had in my mind that I wouldn't mixed feed, too much effort, I would do one or the other.
Also all the usual breast is best stuff all medical professionals tell you when you're pregnant.

I am now finding the mix effective in weight gain, sterilising bottles isn't that much effort and I still have the convenience of bfing most of the day and all night. I also now realise that the above is not necessarily accurate.

I am also told (again, I've no idea how accurate this is) that a new study shows no difference in bf or ff children.

I feel that the emphasis is on the benefit of exclusively breastfeeding but I wonder if mixed feeding is actually a much more practical solution for the health of both mother and child. What are your thoughts and experiences?

writer- They aren't sending a mixed message- plenty of people are told to wean early (my Mil did this ....etc) and that given you shouldn't really give solid before 17 weeks they want to discuss it with you before then. At mine the message was clear about when to wean.

I have three old/teen children who I combined fed, bf for most feeds then DH would give a ff to at night. I'd go to bed at ten, he'd give a feed at midnight so I'd be able to get a good a good sleep to the next feed about 5 am (bf). It had so many advantages - I never suffered from lack of sleep through the baby stage, DH had a lovely bonding time from an early age which was not only great for him but brought less stress to us as a couple and therefore the whole family.

My dc's are not overweight, very rarely ill have no allergies and doing brilliantly academically.

The only problems I had was a bit of hip from the hv. I did however get pg very very soon after having dc2, in fact dc2 and 3 were born in the same year so be careful.

My first child was mixed fedbottle fed, my second breastfed for 3 1/2 years and my third I am now attempting to mix feed.

Mixed feeding personally works best for me, though I am finding it very difficult to get DC3 used to the teat. You have the comfort and bonding of the breast, and yet bottle feeding allows you to get some "time off" so to speak. Being chained to DC2 and being a human dummy for so many years was very hard work, and took a lot out of me.

I mix fed my DD from birth, she was around 65/35, mostly FF. However around 6 months when her teeth started coming in, she decided she didn't want formula anymore. She's 2 nearly and we are still BF and I don't think she wants to stop anytime soon.

I would have preferred to only BF, but when my DD was born she had a hard time latching and as soon as she did she would fall asleep, so I had to spend the whole hour of her feeding trying to wake her up. Plus she couldn't always latch. When she was hungry, she wanted her food now and she would get so upset and that made latching much more difficult. In the end I just wanted to feed her and wanted her to stop being so upset. It has worked out well for us, but I understand not everyone would feel the same way.

Sillylass, I am not talking about people who cannot live their lives 40 or 50 years on without being dominated by majorly distressing memories of feeding experiences - clearly, that would be a mental health issue. I am referring to memories that are sad and which cause memories of grief and which still feel real when people think of them.

This is why I challenge any suggestion that of course everyone forgets at how intensely they felt, and laughs at the ridiculousness of it all.

Thanks everyone for your input, I agree with some of the things said specifically that how to feed your child is a personal choice that shouldn't be used to pit mothers against one another.
My personal experience is that in rl I don't feel judged for my choice by other mothers or judge them.
However, I did put an immense amount of pressure on myself to ebf and initially felt that I had failed by having to add in formula. I have been very lucky and had an awful lot if support bfing, from the nhs. However despite both mine and the hcps best efforts I just couldn't sustain my baby on bf alone. This may be down to a fairly late diagnosis of tongue tie and things have improved since this was cut so I may reduce the formula. However if I do I want it to be motivated by facts rather than feelings.
Tiktok, you say that 'the virgin gut' is an unfave phrase, honestly is there any scientific value to that notion?

I totally relate to that Lava - I put so much pressure on myself with DD1 re bf that I'm not sure I could ever have been open to mixed feeding. It's hard when your trying so hard to do it "right" to trust that there is no one right way of doing it.

Can you say more or link to stuff on the virgin gut, Tiktok? You mention it in the list of phrases you would ban and I was under the impression that wasn't a myth.

I don't think it is a myth - well, not entirely. The gut is certainly affected by formula.

But to call it the 'virgin gut' is to over-dramatise it.

sillylass if you read my original post on this aspect I am not talking about anything that needs counselling or mental health interventions. I was merely challenging the notion that 'everyone' who experiences a sad bf experience goes on to laugh about it.

I mix-fed DS. It was brilliant. To my great annoyance DD threw up every time I tried formula with her.

No assumptions from me, sillylass. I don't care for the idea we should let people assume they will laugh about it either. Sounds too close to 'pull yourself together'.

Sillylass, I'm bowing out. I am all for offering people hope, and all for supporting them. I just draw the line at telling people what they will and won't feel, as if I knew.

I know - and I am bowing out of it ! You're allowed to bow out of discussions as well as arguments, you know :)

This sounds like my experience with bf a newborn. Can I ask, how did you deal with the mad head shaking? Did you top up at that point then try and bf later on that day when your baby wasnt as hungry?

Sorry that last comment was meant for itsonlysubterfuge

Museumum That blog post is interesting - it mentions Japan too, where I have heard exactly what they say (I have relatives who've lived there): very high numbers of mums breastfeed for a long time with the odd bottle when out and about - it's no big deal, no judgement - but overall BFing is far more frequent. Interesting.

...also I work with Somali families and have to agree with the blog re the complete 'normalisation' means they don't have the whole "cultural package" which I feel is sold to many white UK women (the NCT 'perfect' BF ideal TikTok was talking about, with patronising comments and the odd bottle seen as bad) and seem to BF comfortably for a long time.

It's really interesting how the polarisation, whilst coming from a pro stance, might actually be affecting some women negatively and giving incorrect information.

Squizita, not sure what you mean by the nct perfect ideal with patronising comments etc.

Nct's position on bf is pretty clear. No judgement. Health outcomes of exclusive bf acknowledged. Practical info on using bottles.

Individual ppl who have been to Nct classes or other events might think or say something different of course.

I agree that there is so much emphasis on exclusive breastfeeding (which actually isn't achievable or desirable for many women) and the "dangers" of using any formula, that the feeling seems to be quite either/or - if you don't exclusively breastfeed then there's pretty much no point and you might as well formula feed.

Maybe more emphasis on any breastfeeding, and more information on mix feeding as a viable option (rather than a slippery slope/beginning of the end) would be more helpful.

Interesting blog post about the very high rates of both breastfeeding and mix feeding in some communities.