Calling all night time feeders - always up feeding when we should be sleeping! Let's keep each other company PART 2!!

[Writerwannabe83]

I think to start the new thread off we should reintroduce ourselves and our babies for the sake of our own memories and also for any newbies who may join

I have a 10 week old DS who is EBF. Has been sleeping through the night for the last week and I'm just waiting patiently for things to go downhill as I'm sure they will

6hr45 really good since he had his injections yesterday! Am feeding now and can hopefully put him back down for a couple hours

Pretty exhausted this morning - got DH up for the second feed and insisted he sit bolt upright in bed so that he properly woke up as he was laying there dropping back off to sleep every 5 minutes. I just got a load of muttered expletives and faulty looks and I didn't bother waking up when we fed at 5:30 or when we got up for the day about half an hour ago.

I should have also said - I was putting DS down in his cot each time instead of in our bed because I've decided it's too hot for the 3 of us to squeeze into our double and I never sleep that well squashed onto my side with my arm up and over so I don't roll in him. It's hard to lift him in to the cot asleep so I've inadvertently started sleep training I guess, because he needed to be settled with a hand in his chest and some shushing each time and it took about 5-7 attempts to get him down with each wake up being about an hour and a half each instead of my usual 20-30 minutes.

I did take DS in with me at 5:30 so we could both doze a bit more. Even though I barely for any sleep last night (certainly nothing longer than 1.5 hours in a stretch) I have woken up less stiff and achy than normal.

DH is still asleep. God knows what will happen when he finally surfaces. I hope grovelling sheepishness, but it could be saltiness and arguments.

I know I did the right thing. I'm on the edge and he needs to help me more - full stop!

Sorry for drip feeding but what also happened last night was DH told me he was popping out to pick up done food after DS and I had fine to bed. At first wake up at 11:40 I went to get him to go through the whole rigmarole again and he wasn't here!

He got in at midnight and said he ended up going out for dinner with his business partner instead of picking up take out. That made me see red that he was supposedly "so tired" abs yet swans off for a late night dinner after spending all afternoon asleep and not offering me any time out.

He really is in cloud cuckoo land at the moment.

OMG Mrsmugoo - what he did regarding going out for a meal is awful! Surely he must see how exhausted you are??!!

DS didn't settle for 45 minutes after his 4am feed, he just kept playing about and cooing in his crib so I didn't get back to sleep until about 5am. Up again at 8 to feed him and now I'm waiting to see if he will go back to sleep. I give him 30 minutes in his Crib and if he isn't asleep within that the frame I will give up waiting and get up for the day with him instead

I just don't think he realises because I generally don't make too much of a fuss about it, I just get on with it.

I really hope this helps him understand. I have my doubts though because he's still snoozing away now and I would really have expected him to spring up and offer to get up with DS seeing as he's been asleep since 4am now so almost 5 hours. So that's 5 hours yesterday afternoon and 5 hours now. That's more sleep in 24 hours than I've had in about 6 months!!

Sometimes I like to imagine how good it would feel - in terms of giving these men a reality check - to have a baby that takes EBM so we could just hand the babies over and say, "Right, here you go. I'm going away for 3 days. Have fun" and just leave them to it.

Has this put you off having more DC?

My DH's lack of input has certainly made me realise I wouldn't have another one with him!

No it hasn't put me off having another but I'll certainly be doing things differently next time - like giving a bottle earlier and insisting DH learns to settle off to sleep.

At the moment he just approaches it all wrong and then when I suggest changing his technique he gets all judgey with me saying things like "well your method isn't exactly working either" (because he thinks DS should be able to self settle and that I'm soft/take the easy option with him)

Time to make a fuss then MrsM! Any chance that you can have a chat with him today and explain how you're feeling and what needs to change?

It really doesn't have to be like this. For example, DH was out with friends last night - got in at midnight. I was up with DD in the night (don't think he woke up at all). However he got up at 6.30 with both the girls, took them downstairs and entertained then until the baby needed a feed at 8. I didn't even realise the baby wasn't in her cot til they woke me at 8.

If you're EBF then some aspects of care will always fall to you - however they is lots that can and should be shared.

Writer and mrsmugoo, you need to knock you DH's heads together! I agree that the men tend to think that we have it easier as supposedly we can go back to sleep in the day! Also, keeping baby happy and alive is hard when you've been up every hour and I think going to work would be a lot easier. He doesn't agree. And I can't sleep in the day if baby won't sleep in his cot...but I have to be honest my husband has turned put to be really good with our son and puts in lots of work to settle him and give me lie ins or early nights where possible. He is very good at settling him, thank goodness. He is really moody about getting up in the muddle of the night though so the nights are usually me.

Well, we had a good night - baby only woke at 1 and 5 and settled very quickly. Even better, he settled himself back to sleep for the first time ever at 6 am

It took me until DD1 was about 8 months to want to have another. I could have imagined having a third at about 8 days with DD2

They beauty of being on baby #2 is knowing that it DOES eventually get easier!

Sometimes I just wish someone would sit him down and explain this to him. I guess it's partly my fault for giving him an easy ride.

Even now he's just got up and jumped into the shower straightaway without offering to see if I want one!

What's your/his relationship with your MiL like? Any chance she could have a word? I appreciate this might not be an option - it would go in one ear and out the other if I tried this approach. However he would listen to his sister if I involved her.

Morning all -- just been trying to catch up with the posts, been lots going on it seems!

mugoo at your DH! No wonder you've got the rage! Well done for trying to make him understand what you go through on a daily (nightly!) basis. It must be that he truly doesn't realise. I can't imagine him being that insensitive otherwise. My DH has plenty of annoying traits, but thank God where DS is concerned he's really good always gets up with him in the morning so I can sleep more and will take his turn settling at bed time if we know hes not hungry. Sorry if that sounds like a bit of a smug-face thing to say it's not meant to be it just reminds me that I'm v lucky in that respect and that I should probably be nicer to DH--

'Twas a momentous night in the Shrew household as Baby Shrew slept in his big boy cot for the first time! He slept really well and seemed to appreciate the extra space. I slept less well as I woke up at 2am and found him sleeping on his tummy Stayed awake for an hour listening for breathing sounds and wondering if I should roll him onto his back. midnight was it you who posted about this earlier? What did you do? In the end I decided that now he can roll and lift his head easily he's probably ok and I can't do anything more than put him down on his back and leave him to it. But I can envisage a few more anxious nights of watching him sleep on his tummy until I get used to the idea

Kate, my baby likes to sleep on his side and I was scared but I spoke to the hv and she said it's ok at this age (4 months). Tbh, I tried rolling him back and all it did was wake him up and he immediatly went back to his side anyway. He learnt to roll to his tummy yesterday () and I am scared about tummy sleeping, but I'm sure that once babies can roll it is ok/ you can't stop them anyway. I'm trying to work on getting him to learn to roll front to back now...

Glad your baby likes his cot my son loves stretching out in it and I find him turned sideways or upside down every morning!

mrsmugoo - I get pissed off too as when my DH comes home from work the first thing he says is, "I'm going to go and grab a shower" and I feel like saying, "Lucky you!!"

I think the reason I'm more lenient with my DH is because although in the week he tends to leave everything to me he is actually very good at the weekend.

On Saturday and Sunday morning he will always take DS downstairs after his early morning feed (to wind him and try and get him to go back to sleep) so I can get another 2-3 hours of interrupted sleep before the next feed is due - and then when I'm doing the next feed DH will bring me toast and tea in bed. He also takes DS out in the day, on both Saturday and Sunday, for a few hours so I can have a chance to catch up with everything I have recorded on Sky+ He also does most of the cooking in the evening and always makes sure I'm fed.

He is lacking in some areas but makes up for it in other ways so he kinds of balances himself out

In relation to that chicken - my dad is one of five and apart from him having two children, all 4 of his siblings only had one. I wonder if it's because they didn't like growing up in a large family?

It's interesting isn't it what leads people to having small or large families

Whoops - wrong thread

Yes twentieth have a good ratio ship with his Mum and sister we're super close. His sister is one of my best friends and has a six month old so we spend a lot of time together with our babies.

She has given him a bit of a pep talk a few times now but it obviously hasn't sunk in. Her husband is brilliant with their DD so I have to be careful not to ever say "oh why can't you do xyz like BIL?"

His mum prefers to stay out of it to be honest but she us fantastically supportive - come visits often bringing home cooked food and will rick him to sleep for me in the day giving me a couple of hours to myself, she's amazing.

Sorry about all the sodding auto corrects!

I've mentioned before how our situation is a little different in that DH is director of his own business (that I also work for) and he works stupidly long hours due to different world time zones and lots of weekends due to it being in the music business. It's not as simple for me to insist he stays up all night with the baby when he has work as it's our livelihood that's he's protecting while I'm off.

But still, I just wish he'd realise that I'm not just having a six month holiday from work and leaving all the hard work to him!

Glad that you've got some support around to give you a bit of a break anyway.

Perhaps you could work on DH just doing a couple of early starts a week with DS after the 5/6ish feed? My DH hasn't been up in the night with DD since she was a couple of weeks old but gets up with both the girls every morning. Even getting an extra hour in bed before he goes to work helps.

I definitely think that men think mat leave is a bit of a jolly though. I've tried telling DH that it was nice to go back to work for a rest after DD1. He definitely didn't believe me though...

Thank god!!!!!!!

I'm having a real Grrrrrrd fucking grrrrrrd moment ATM with DH. we do the same job and I went in to work yesterday it was lovely! I sat and had coffee and a cake with everyone. What does he have to moan about!!!! I do all the feeds in the night and he does the 6:30 so he then goes straight to work. EVERY DAY he tells me how tired he is. I'm biting my tongue so much it will drop off soon. I do everything to help him stay focused for work. He comes home at lunch for a nap, he sleeps after work, he takes a 2 hour nap on a Friday and sleeps at the weekend in the afternoon! Me??? Fuck all! I literally have no time to nap with a newborn trying to establish a routine. I had the common sense to text him today to say I was going for a nap at 1, he then came through the door and went into the bedroom to sleep! No nap for me- oh wait- yes there was, he said I could nap on the sofa with the baby who wakes every 15 minutes! Still having typed all this I don't feel better. How can I tell him maternity isn't a fucking holiday without a row?!? Impossible. Sorry for all expletives.

I need to get out of the house!

Just on 2nd boob of last feed, hopefully can put DS to bed soon. As usual my mum and friend and her little boy are here tomorrow which I always look forward to!

Oh dear johull - it sounds like a nightmare. That's a lot of naps he is taking!! Tell him next time you have no problem sleeping on the sofa but he can take the baby upstairs with him! You have my sympathy, it sounds awful. I wouldn't worry about trying to avoid a row....if you really let him have it he will see how genuinely pissed of you are and that things need to change!

I've had an awful day with DS - he hardly slept at all in the day, maybe 2 bouts of 30minute naps and he was constantly on and off the boob. At 5pm he started screaming and just wouldn't stop so we pointlessly resorted to Calpol and waited for him to stop. He cried, screamed, grizzled for 3 hours before eventually falling asleep at 9pm. I'm not too hopeful that a good night lies ahead.

I need a good sleep though as we have our BF Group early tomorrow morning and then we're off to the HV clinic to get him weighed.

Writer- thanks for your advice.

I also attend a BF group do you find it helpful? I have a baby that's 6 weeks and is never off the boob yet when I go to the group I get the latch checked and she's perfect!
I am sooo sore by the evening that I have no choice but to bottle feed. Dd is brilliant with the bottle gulps down 150ml in 30 minutes, she's 6 weeks today she was born 6 weeks early (due date today) really thinking about giving up. It's emotionally draining. X