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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

how do I get my mother to stop hassling me to stop bf?

26 replies

BlueFrenchHorn · 10/02/2014 13:06

Dc2 is almost 5.5 months and ebf. My mother will not stop going on about formula and asking me when I'm going to stop bf. How can I tell her to stop? It's pissing me off! She did this with dc1 as well.

OP posts:
longtallsally2 · 10/02/2014 13:09

Oh mum, let's find something else to talk about. You know that we are going to stop bfing when it suits dd - and she hasn't told me yet, when that will be! It must be strange for you that things have changed since I was small. It doesn't mean that you did it wrong. You fed me the way that you thought best. I'm going to do the same for dd. Now, cup of tea?

And repeat, ad infinitum

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 10/02/2014 13:10

"I'm not for the foreseeable future so you might as well stop asking"
Change the subject

tiktok · 10/02/2014 13:23

How can you stop her asking, you say?

Just tell her to stop asking.

Why can't you do that?

She would have to be very rude and dismissive of your feelings to continue to go on about formula and stopping breastfeeding after you have specifically told her to cease and desist.

More of a general issue, is why you have gone through this twice, without being able to express yourself assertively enough....you are a grown up and can make your own decisions now :)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/02/2014 14:24

"Mum, if you can't respect my choice to breastfeeding, and stop nagging me about formula, then you aren't going to be welcome to visit."

dinkystinky · 10/02/2014 14:25

Just say you'll stop when you and DC are good and ready and change the subject.

Original poster
BlueFrenchHorn · 10/02/2014 14:30

Thank you everyone. I've told her a million times to stop going on about it and she still brings it up!

OP posts:
tiktok · 10/02/2014 14:35

You need to be fiercer and more assertive.

It's just not acceptable for her to make these remarks, especially when you have asked her so many times not to.

It's prob now time for the 'not welcome to visit' threat....how can she be 'welcome' when she is liable to undermine you in this way?

It's not on, and you need to be braver in fully challenging her :)

ScarlettMantleplume · 10/02/2014 14:39

Buy a copy of The Politics of Breastfeeding and give it her to read. If she refuses, it's big enough that you can hit her with it instead. Grin

WorthMoreThanThat · 10/02/2014 14:42

Hitting her with the book really just made my day, it's not often I actually laugh out loud at my phone!! :-)

beginnings · 11/02/2014 19:23

Get fiercer. My mum does this and eventually stops when I shout. It's still cat's bum mouth a go-go but I can turn away from that!

Superworm · 11/02/2014 21:51

My mum did this too.

I told her I would stop when DS goes to school, possibly uni if she kept going in about it...

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 12/02/2014 06:43

Why do you think she does it? It was really important to my MIL to know when I was going to stop and it was clear she hoped it would be soon! She wasn't really pushy but she asked every time! Eventually I said that if I stopped before a year I'd have to buy formula and I didn't see the point paying for something I could make for free. She couldn't really argue with that logic. So then she kept asking how many feeds he was on per day and saying it was too many. Not sure why it is of so much interest to grannies - it's not like it inconveniences them. It grated on me that she was hoping I would start spending money on formula and wasting my time sterilizing bottles etc when there was no need and I have never been able to work out what was in that for her!

Original poster
BlueFrenchHorn · 12/02/2014 09:06

jelly exactly the same with me. She asks all the time. She thinks bm is for newborns only, watery and not "proper" milk.

She hassles me all the time and tbh I gave up bf earlier than I hoped to with dc1 because of it.

am sick of using the money argument. Its nit just because it's free and convenient, but imo it's better than formula. I'm not slating ff in any way at all, but if bf comes easy to us why give baby formula when I don't want to.

OP posts:
ShitOnAStick · 12/02/2014 19:25

My mother is the same! It's odd though as I gave up bf ds1 when he was two weeks old for very good reasons and she lectured me loads about how "breast is best", "your grandma breastfed, your sister did, I did , no reason why you can't" loads of shitty stuff like that while ds1 was seriously ill in hospital and I'd done my absolute best Sad , she then made snide remarks about it being "odd" that dh gave him bottles because "nature intended women to feed babies", then I had ds2 and the second he hit six months it was all "he's too old for that, when are you going to stop?" I rarely see her these days and hardly ever speak to her. She has decided that ds2 must be "odd" because he still wants to breastfeed at the grand old age of 23months and I'm weird too apparently. I really really don't get how some people are really pro breastfeeding for six months and them become anti breastfeeding after that.

Original poster
BlueFrenchHorn · 12/02/2014 21:29

It's like they just want to be inflammatory on purpose!.

OP posts:
AGoodPirate · 12/02/2014 21:32

I think gutting her with the book is a great idea. No I meant hitting. Gutting would be overkill. Silly autocorrect.

RandomMess · 12/02/2014 21:32

"You've had your turn to be parent, now it's mine"?

"If you don't like it you know where the door is"?

Rhododendron · 13/02/2014 17:38

I firmly tell people who ask that the World Health Organisation recommends a minimum of two years bf. (I don't actually say whether I'm going to follow that advice.)

Original poster
BlueFrenchHorn · 13/02/2014 21:51

She would faint in shock if I implied I would fb til 2(!)

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueFrenchHorn · 13/02/2014 21:51

Sorry bf

OP posts:
CuteLittleToes · 13/02/2014 21:57

Just tell her you'll add a month of bfing each time she brings it up. I would actually keep the count just for the fun of it...

Solasum · 15/02/2014 21:00

My mum is exactly the same. In fact just rushed back from the shops (she was babysitting) to find she had decided he needed one of my emergency formula bottles :s .

HeeHiles · 15/02/2014 21:05

If you ask me that question once more you will be shown the door and won't be allowed back until you learn to shut the fuck up!

TamerB · 15/02/2014 21:12

I should just smile brightly and say 'I haven't a clue'!

KippyVonKipperson · 15/02/2014 21:17

That attitude would make me want to continue for as long as possible!