I strongly feel that it's unhealthy to get hung up on feeding, whether that's breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Many people have issues with food and I wonder where they begin. I deal with feeding difficulties as part of my job and sometimes the difficulty is that the child has an issue about food which has stemmed from the parents' behaviour or from the parents' feelings about food.
I have issues with food. I came from a family where some foods were used as treats/rewards. There was a real emotional element attached to food and I've always struggled to keep my weight under control as a result.
We have two very good friends who have breast fed their children and have become evangelical about it. I have seen them keeping detailed notes about their breastfeeding, fretting about weight gain, struggling to express and struggling to wean off the breast.
I admire their perseverence, I really, honestly do, and in breast feeding their children, I think they have given them a better start than I gave my daughter by bottle feeding, but I don't feel remotely guilty about it.
However
Both their children (who are now aged three and four) have issues with food. One has been thought to be intolerant to many different types of food, has been seen by various holistic therapists, prescibed dietary restrictions and handed an expensive bill. These restrictions have done nothing to help the child's difficulties and food has become an even bigger issue. She now eats no fish, few vegetables and mainly survives on mashed potato.
In the case of the other child, his mum was extraordinarily proud of having breastfed him and this was the beginnning of a real obsession with feeding which has led to him having all sorts of behavioural issues around food and mealtimes.
My point is, whatever you choose, it's the being evangelical and obsessive about it that worries me. I'd say I'm pretty balanced with my daughter - she's never had anything other than home cooked food and I'm very careful about nutrition, but I'm not going to have a cow if someone feeds her chocolate buttons or of she doesn't want to finish her meal because feeding just isn't going to be a big issue in this house. She may have been formula fed for six months longer than the two other children I mentioned, but she now eats a far more balanced diet, which I presume is the more preferable end result.
I see a lot of support for breastfeeding on MN and I think that's absolutely brilliant. From reading these posts, I see that people don't always get the right support when they need it and give up on breastfeeding when they might otherwise have continued. There are some really excellent posters (eg tiktok) who offer balanced views and encouragement.
On the other hand I also see a lot of "evangelists" who seem hell bent on arguing their POV or making bottle feeders feel bad about their choice, which presumably gives them some sort of superiority kick. I do wish bottle feeders could feel more confident about their choice, or, when it wasn't actually their choice, could feel less guilty.
It's so sad to see grown women, mothers, justifying themseves to other mothers because they feel bad. It's tough being a mum and we are all doing a good job and need reminding of that more often!