Positive stories about bottle feeding

[nearlythree]

Think we need a thread like this.

I couldn't bfeed dd1 and it nearly sent me mad. But we'd had a lousy time, I was ill and looking back I can see that stopping bf and all that surrounded it helped us to bond. She's happy, healthy and very bright.

I managed to bfeed dd2 for two yrs. Ironically she's the sickly one, but I loved bf.

Now I have baby ds. He has a tongue tie and I got so sore. Maybe I could have carried on but with two very sick dds I concluded that they needed me, too - dd2 is still a baby herself-, and gave up. And you know what? I've found that there are more important things than bfeeding.

Dh is bonding with ds. We all get more time together. And dh and I get time to ourselves, which benefits our kids as our relationship is better.

Anyone else?

I so much agree with you Mogwai, I think that creating a positive relationship with food even if it's not exactly innocent food is much better than obsesing about it.

I think I felt so guilty because there was people who even questioned me about why DS was being given bottles, for people who said I was just lazy or not bothered, or even that I didn't love DS enough (guess I ended up in a mother Earth & baby group rather than a normal one) and, mostly because he started to develop an allergy after another.

However, I don't feel guilty anymore, I know now it was not my fault, there is no way he could have ended up so severely allergic out of not being BF for more than 4-6 weeks. I don't think continuing would have made a significant difference, DS was born like that.

I breast fed and bottle fed my 4 children. MY ds1 (who is 15 now) I was determined to totaly feed him myself I struggled for 5 days trying to feed him with good help on the ward. Everyone tried to help me but I felt he didnt want to do it. Eventually just so i could take him home i gave him a bottle. I did persevere with breast feeding when home because I thought it was the best for my child but we went through hell, after about 4 weeks I bottle fed. I thought I had failed him some how and I was worried about what my health visitor would say, but my husband said That I hadnt failed him I had tried my best and stuff what the HV thinks she doesnt livehere.For the other 3 children, I have breastfed untill I decided when to bottle feed. I loved doing both. Happy mum means happychild!

there's far too much pressure on women to breastfeed against all the odds imo. I tried to breastfeed for three days even with great support. But ds just wouldn't latch on properly and in the end I decided that the line had to be drawn between breastfeeding because it's "best for the baby" and giving him a bottle because he was screaming. So I switched to bottles and never looked back. But I was very confident about what I was doing - and when mw came the next day I just said that "breastfeeding wasn't working, and I've switched to bottles and I don't feel guilty about it". I said it so confidently that she couldn't say anything. My sister on the other hand had horrendous problems trying to breastfeed, including bleeding nipples where the baby was throwing up the blood and still her mw put a huge amount of pressure on her to continue. She didn't stop trying for a week and once she did both she and her ds were much happier.

I think people should be happy with the choice they make, and no-one has the right to criticise someone for bottlefeeding a baby just because they think that breast is best. Ultimately it's none of anyone else's business how you feed your child.

And for the record my ds was extremely healthy and didn't see a doctor until he was 2.

BF DD3 for 11 wks. Didn't have any pain or discomfort - but she was a SLOOOOOOOOOOOW feeder & I have to divide my time with 5yr old DTDs too. After giving up she was more settled (slept between feeds, not during feeds!), DTDs were happier, DP was happier so I am happier.

DD3 is only one member of the family & FF means we can be a family & not just 2 half families (me & dd3 - dp & dtds)

Before I had DD I just presumed that I would breast feed her. When the time came, it was very traumatic. Even after extensive ante-natal breast feeding lessons and post natal intervention from an 'expert' DD wouldn't latch, it was incredibly painful and I have never been so stressed in my life. To be honest, I absolutely hated the experience and the day (two weeks later) that I decided to change to bottles it was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. She took instantly to the bottle and I never looked back. It was only then that I started to bond with her and enjoy her. Now at 17 months she is a gorgeous, healthy child.
I acknowledge that breast milk as a food is better than formula, but if it's not working for you, why put yourself through the trauma and guilt? It's just food. A child can get just as much of a bonding experience being fed from a bottle in my opinion and it also allows the father to get early one on one time with the child.

I bottlefed DS1 & bf DS2. Although I did love bf DS2, I agree that DH didn't bond as well with him than with DS1. Also, I was tired for a long time as I was the only one to get up during the night.
Another downside is that because DH didn't know DS2 as well, we ended up arguing much more on how to handle him when he was waking up during the night.
I really do think you need to do what is best for you and your family. My drive with DS2 was that DS1 was allergic to cows milk and I wanted to protect him & not to take the risk of having another grumpy baby because of that. Wise choice, DS2 was also allergic.
I did try to bf DS1, didn't manage and found out at that time that was something actually important for me. However, I don't think that bf or FF is THE reason why you have a great relation with your child. It hasn't been the case for me. The important is to feed your child the way you want to.

I started off b'feeding dd1, found it awful, painful, distressing. I contacted the NCT helpline, the first words from the counsellors mouth were 'I know at the moment you are feeling like an absolute failure'...actually, up to that point, no I hadn't!! I did after her 'pep' talk though! I struggled on mixed feeding for 10 weeks, which was 10 weeks of absolute misery during which I was diagnosed with PND and had medication accordingly. With dd2 I thought I'd try b'feeding again, almost exactly the same happened, awful experience and dd2 would projectile vomit after every b'feed (she had to have barium swallows, all sorts of x rays etc). Also eperienced crippling PND, and was put on medicatio that took me 3 years to wean myself off. With dd3 I b'feed her about twice, then got my Mum to go and buy a tub of formula. Guess what? No vomitting baby, no PND, no weeks of misery. Happy mum=happy baby. When they hit their 1st birthday and are stuffing down fistfuls of cake, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

anniediv - that is a terrible thing for the NCT bfc to say. You can give feedback on the helpline, and if you have the date and time of your call, the counsellor can be traced and she can be offered supervision on the way she handles calls....the way she responded to you is absolutely not what bfcs are trained to do.

The NCT breastfeeding line and NCT breastfeeding counsellors speak to many, many thousands of women every year, and I suppose it is inevitable that some of these encounters are not good. But the system is in place to follow them up and ensure the same errors are not repeated.

This can't be done if no one says anything though.

I wish more people would complain when they have received poor support. I can understand when they don't - but the effort to do so is no more than the effort involved in writing about it on a talk board, surely

I had no idea you could leave feedback, tiktok, and at the time (just about to spiral down into PND) it would have been the last thing on my mind to be honest, and it was in 2000, so a little late to do anything now. Rightly or wrongly, that one statement has coloured my feelings about b'feeding, I will never forget her saying it to me.

In 2000, the helpline had only just launched, annie div, and the option (on the menu you hear when you ring in) to leave feedback had not been put in, so it's not surprising you didn't know! I mean, it's always been possible to comment/complain about bfcs, but it was never very easy until then.

I am really sorry The fact it is still on your mind 6 years later shows how important it is not to leap in with 'labelling' people's feelings and how essential it is to be sensitive and aware of how acutely 'bruisable' mothers can be in a feeding crisis.

Yes you are right, even after 6 years it still nags at me. Which is why, I think, so many objected to the inflammatory nature of another thread title. These things do stay with you, and do continue to have an effect.

With dd1 my mw told me I lacked courage. I believed her until very recently when I decided to stop was actually a brave decision. This time a different mw has told me what a good mum I am in making the right decision for my family.

Yep, it stays with you, I remember an NCT BF counselor crashing a thread demanding to a mum, who posted about having received disgusting treatment from the NCT, to make a public retraction from her comments.

I have to say that since then, my picture of the NCT has never been the same.

I bottlefed ds.He has the constitution of an ox.I didn't and don't feel guilty about it.Attempted breast feeding but stopped after 3 days for various reasons.Dp was able to give ds a bottle and if i have another i will bottle feed it too.

Chandra, you mean me. Your recollection of what really happened on that thread some 2 years ago is at odds with mine. Please leave it there.

nearlythree - thank you so much for starting this thread. I breastfed at first, but found it very hard, not least because every midwife in hospital who "helped" me had a different suggestion and I got very confused! Also, perhaps stupidly, I had not realised that DD would need to learn what to do. I knew I would need to learn the right position/technique or whatever, but assumed it would be automatic for a baby to know how to breastfeed, and was really shocked to discover that is not so.

Anyway, I managed 6 days before I decided to move exclusively to bottle feeding. It was the 12 hours of crying on the 6th day that did it - and that was me crying by the way! It was the best decision for me and my family at the time and under those circumstances. DD had problems latching on and was clearly not getting enough milk, I was in pain, and DP was also very distressed by all this. as soon as I made the decision I felt tons better. DP rushed down to Tescos to get the supplies and we never looked back.

DD is now 5 months old. I have to admit a couple of times I have wished I had persevered, but we have a beautiful , healthy happy daughter - what more could we ask for?

Kaz Cooke says it all in her book "Kidwrangling" - the baby's relationship with you is far more inportant than the baby's relationship with your boobs!

i weaned dd2 onto formula completely this past month.

she's 7 months.

it's been a positive experience all around.

dd1 even 'feeds' her.

some nice stories on here

nice thread

agree tis a nice thread.

I breast fed my first three, mix fed DS1 and DS2 had to go onto bottles for health issues from 2 mths (well.....still gave him two breast feeds a day till 6mths for my guilt issues, and cos I liked it too to be honest).....but I would never ever berate anyone for the choices they make for their own kiddies, and feel for any of you here that have been.

motherhood it hard enough and guilt making enough with out guilt from day one about how you feed your baby. many here have said that a happy mummy makes for a happy baby, and surley that should be true of both breat feeders and bottle feededs. if you can and enjoy, fab, if you aren't wanting or able to, then that too should be fab as then you can at least have some freedom.

In my experiences tho, I am the only one out of my group of friends who actually chose to breast feed. I was the one made to feel bad from my 'friends'.....when mine got poorly and theirs didn't, my breast milk was to blame.....when my DD2 and DD3 and DS2 were diagnosed with severe reflux and then immune deficiancies and in DS2 case a bowel disorder....again, me breast feeding was blamed.

for me....i got the other side of it. the 'ardent bottle feeders' picked on ME!.

here tho, and I hope I am right, is a thread which surely is congratulatory of both types of infant feeding, especially if it results in a happy healthy baby and mummy who can look back on their baby's early years with fondness and not regret.

well done

Psychomum, I think your addition to the thread highlights perfectly that how we choose to feed our babies is no-one else's business. No-one should have to justify their decision regardless of whether they breast or bottlefeed. In my experience, confident and happy mums do not feel the need to comment on anyone else's choices. However, perhaps that insecurity is self-perpetuating in that it can be easy to compare ourselves with others. If we aim to assume that we all try our best to do what is right for our children and show some support instead of trying to vindicate our own decisions, perhaps we would all be happier. The fact that we use MN would indicate that we care about our kids and try to arm ourselves with enough information to make informed decisions.

Group hugs all round!

NT - I breastfed DS1 for 14 months - but despite my best efforts (and calls to the NCT helplines etc etc) ended up putting DS2 onto the bottle at 5 days old. My milk simply wasn't letting down! Even though I used to express bucket loads of milk for DS1 (which he never drank - what a waste!), despite all my best efforts there was only a trickle coming out when I tried to express for DS2 (tried everything and wasn't getting more than a dribble).

I cried loads when I first put DS2 on the bottle, but it worked out so well for my family at that time it was unbelievable. Regretted it for about 1 month (until I went back to playing the organ/taking the choir) at church and then released that for us as a family it was the best thing I could have done.

Like you I had the misfortune of having a 'sickly' Breastfed baby and a really healthy bottlefed one.

oh and my poor DS2 down almost 5oz of formula when he got his first bottle at 5 days old - then suddenly turned into a very happy little boy (guess he was hungry)........mind you the trend then continued with up to 9 or 10 bottles a day, usually of at least 5oz!

I breastfed DS in agony with bleeding nipples for 5 days with both of us in tears before I switched to bottle feeding. I remember that awful last feed before the bottles we had just got had finished the cycle in the sterilizer and the utter relief when it was over for the last time. Once I switched to bottles both me and DS where much happier and he is now a healthy 2 year old.
I am now 26 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child and will try breastfeeding again as I do think it is nutritionally the ideal option but I will not beat myself up if it dosn't work out. A happy, relaxed mother makes for a happy, relaxed baby.

I agree with a lot of what has been said on these threads. It is important not to get too hung about feeding and just do what you feel is best for both you and your baby.

I had an awful time trying to establish breastfeeding which was caused partly by a bitch of a midwife on my maternity ward who told me that I was rubbish at feeding and did not have a hope of succeeding and partly by me assuming that because it is natural it would be easy and I could just not get ds to take my nipple no matter what.

Once I made the decision to bottlefeed I felt that I could just get on with being a mum and although it took months of guilt and feeling a failure I now know that I made the right decision.

If I have another baby I intend to breastfeed as I do believe it is best but if it does not work out I won't beat myself up about it.

was it you then?