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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Positive stories about bottle feeding

92 replies

nearlythree · 28/07/2006 23:11

Think we need a thread like this.

I couldn't bfeed dd1 and it nearly sent me mad. But we'd had a lousy time, I was ill and looking back I can see that stopping bf and all that surrounded it helped us to bond. She's happy, healthy and very bright.

I managed to bfeed dd2 for two yrs. Ironically she's the sickly one, but I loved bf.

Now I have baby ds. He has a tongue tie and I got so sore. Maybe I could have carried on but with two very sick dds I concluded that they needed me, too - dd2 is still a baby herself-, and gave up. And you know what? I've found that there are more important things than bfeeding.

Dh is bonding with ds. We all get more time together. And dh and I get time to ourselves, which benefits our kids as our relationship is better.

Anyone else?

OP posts:

Original poster

nearlythree · 06/08/2006 19:26

Hi, tiktok, I know you weren't getting at anyone. You may remember me as ionesmum, and if you do then you'll know that I was every bit as sad as Koshka about not bfeeding dd1. I know that reading yet more info about how 'superior' bfeeding is will not have helped one bit - Koshka (and I am sure most other mums who read this ) already know what the statistics are. But that is all they are - statistics, which don't always relate to real life. Time (and two more babies) have taught me that bfeeding really isn't as important as I once thought and I now bitterly regret the amount of dd1's babyhood I wasted beating myself up about it. I have one ffed dd that's as strong as a horse and one sickly bfed one. I even wonder if dd2 would have been better of being ffed like her sister, and not just for health reasons. I appreciate that you wanted to correct what you see as bad info but I really do feel it would have been better on a separate thread. But I also know it is not up to me to say who posts where about what. And I do not wish for this to end up in a row.

OP posts:

tiktok · 06/08/2006 20:12

Not rowing at all, nearly three, honest....I agree, this is not the thread to read about the superiority of breastfeeding, and this isn't what I wrote about. I was explaining the robustness of the research, and I intro'd my point by saying that research cannot predict what happens to inviduals....more or less what you are saying, that statistics don't always relate to real life.

So I did nuffink wrong, really

koshka1984 · 07/08/2006 12:11

dont worry tiktok im sure my baby will become stressed, obese, stupid everything anyway. i dont understand how BFing can make someone more clever, but that is what it said in my antenatal clinic. never mind.
Mrsbadcrumble- my milk has all gone so i cant do that.
ah well. im sure there will be plenty of time i f-up so its just the beginning really!

tiktok · 07/08/2006 12:27

koshka, I am really sorry you feel so bad. It's horrible for you. I hope you have help and support, and maybe a good health visitor you can really talk to.

It's awful, but sometimes feeling really bad about something to do with our children is the downside of loving them. Love isn't all joy and delight. It's painful, too.

If breastfeeding is very important for you then it is possible to get the milk back....this is not to suggest this as something you 'ought' to do, because acceptance and moving on and seeing the positives of formula may be more helpful to you at this stage . I don't know - only you can decide that.

I hope you start to feel less sad soon.

Original poster

nearlythree · 07/08/2006 13:27

Koshka, I promise your baby will be fine. I've just spoken to a friend of mine who is a paediatric nurse. She has worked nursing neonates, children and in public health nursing. She says that in her opinion, there is no difference between bfeeding and ffeeding. The main benefits as far as she can see are to the mothers who enjoy bf or feel (as you and I have) that they fail when they can't. She specialised in nursing infected eczema in babies and most were bfed. As a trained medical person, she says she can see the flaws in all research (and she is very widely read) and is sceptical about its reliability. She intends to bfeed her own children if possible as she thinks it will be enjoyable but if she can't she does not think there are any implications for her children at all.

I was warned by my GP that dd2 would become anaemic if I carried on bfeeding her beyond 6 mo. I did and she is anaemic just as I was told. I now wish I'd at least mix fed her - I think I benefitted far more from bf than she did.

Please, cat me if it will help. You sound so sad and I'm happy to talk if you'd like - I really know how you feel and I also know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

OP posts:

Original poster

nearlythree · 07/08/2006 13:29

Btw, koshka, you said that bfeeding is a test. I don't believe that, but if any aspect of parenting is a test, then so long as the answer is, 'I did the best that I could' then you pass. And you have done your best, honey. Go give your ds a big hug and remind yourself he's lucky to have a mummy who cares so much.

OP posts:

koshka1984 · 07/08/2006 16:05

thank you x

Joanne5375 · 10/08/2006 19:28

I had my first baby, a little girl on 21st April four weeks pre-mature. All through pregnancy I had my heart set on breastfeeding. After she was born by emergency c-section (little love was breech) she was taken to the neonatal unit and they asked my permission to give her some formula which I did. I wouldn't get chance to see her until the next day and I couldn't have her going hungry.

Next day I started trying to express and it was such an uphill struggle. I got such tiny amounts about half an hour of chasing drops around my nipple with a 1mm syringe would only yeild about half a mm.

My little girl spent 5 weeks in the special care baby unit. As she got stronger I would try her at the breast but it would tire her out. I would express up to eight times a day for her tube feeds but my supply never managed to keep pace with her needs and she was topped up with formula. With all the breast is best propoganda out there this made me feel like such a failure.

As she started to recover it became obvious that the only thing preventing her from coming home was her feeding. They would only let her home when she could take her feed directly (no tube) for a full 48 hours. One of the nurses admitted that hardly any babies leave special care breastfeeding.

As I told the nurse I wanted to try her on a bottle i cried I felt like I was letting my little girl down but I just needed her home.

She took to the bottle so easily and of course she could practice bottle feeds with anyone as opposed to breastfeeding where she needed me.

With hindsight putting her on a bottle was the best thing I could have done and I don't feel guilty about it anymore. Breastfeeding and not knowing how much milk she was actually getting would have turned me into a nervous wreck after everything we went through between her birth and bringing her home. Also her daddy loves feeding her and it is lovely watching him do it.

If I have another baby I would try to breastfeed but if it didn't work out I certainly wouldn't stress myself about it. My little girl is thriving on the bottle, the only bad thing is that the whole sterilizing thing puts me off going away on holiday. Oh well just wait until she is a bit older.

Blessed Be
Joanne

LaDiDaDi · 10/08/2006 22:39

Oh Joanne, I really appreciated reading your post. My lo was 7+ weeks prem. She came home after 4weeks in SCBU with a tube in for me to top her up with formula. After a week at home I tried to exclusively breastfeed her but she didn't grow at all and was still tiny. The nurse from the hospital said that most prems don't grow on breastmilk alone. I felt a bit conned as I'd made such an effort to try because it was what I though was best for her and what I was encouraged to do in hospital. Now she is mix fed and I'm starting to accept it, esp ewhen I see her thriving and happy. Sometimes though I still feel bad about it but reading your post made me see that others are on my situation too. Thanks so much for posting .

CurrantBun · 11/08/2006 12:23

I will probably try to breastfeed my baby but I certainly won't beat myself up about it if I can't. In fact, if I'm being honest, I'm not that keen on the idea and have only considered giving it a go because I feel that I "ought" to for the sake of my baby.

I was a formula-fed baby, as was my brother. My mum tried breastfeeding us but gave up as it was too painful. I was a tiny baby and one night, I cried and cried inconsolably. Mum didn't know what to do and was so distressed; it was Dad who suggested that I was probably starving. All they had in the house was a can of Carnation milk, so Dad watered it down, warmed it and I gulped it down like it was going out of fashion, and slept soundly for the first time since I was born. After that I was exclusively bottle-fed and never looked back.

I was an extremely healthy child, never fussy with food, with a good appetite. I'm now a fit, healthy adult with no food or weight issues.

I'm not trying to advocate one type of feeding over another, but the pro-breastfeeding lobby gets me down a bit sometimes. It should be up to each mother to decide what's best for her and her child, without fear of criticism.

koshka1984 · 11/08/2006 23:07

hello!
feeling a lot better jake is sleeping quite well during the night now so i can catch up with cleaning instead of doing it onehanded.

one question though - my baby is 6 weeks on monday and is having a full 6oz each feed and during the day is hungry every 3 hours, before he was only having 4-5ish every 4hours,
is this ok??

1Baby1Bump · 11/08/2006 23:10

positive things about bottle feeding?
it saved ds1 from a blood transfusion and poss. brain damage.
positive enough for me!

koshka1984 · 12/08/2006 00:01

wow 1baby1bump. how??

koshka1984 · 12/08/2006 00:02

sounds like a good positive i wasnt trying to be clever. any positive about it i love x

aitch71ababe · 12/08/2006 01:11

it's all a bit of a blur but if memory serves they have a little growth spurt at six weeks so that would be about right, koshka.

1Baby1Bump · 12/08/2006 09:37

i wasnt being funny koshka!
he was severely jaundiced and needed to be drinking loads all the time.
the jaundice made it difficult for him to latch on, it was too hard for him to get the milk going on the breast so in the end the hosp said as sad as it is, he will need a bottle of formula. that wat they could see what he was getting. once he'd had a bottle he wouldnt even try the breast again! the bottle was so much easier for him.
also, with a bottle, he didnt need to come out from under the uv lamp.
if the jaundice goes on too long at a certain level, they do a blood transfusion rather than letting the babe clear it themself as there is a risk of braindamage.
sorry, long post! i dont know how much u know about jaundice!

1Baby1Bump · 12/08/2006 09:39

the body is working so hard to clear the jaundice they get really sleepy, hence the boob was too much like hard work for him!
hes a lazy git now by the way!

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