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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Bottle Feeders!

39 replies

ChipsnDips · 23/07/2006 23:03

Am I the only one who gets narked wth all these comments about bottle feeding being totally wrong and that we are making our children obese and unhealthy. My little boy is 19 months and is very happy and healthy little chap... he has been exclusively bottlefed since birth.

Just fed up of people thinking they are better parents than me because they feed themselves. Wanted other peoples take on this.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 23/07/2006 23:04

What would you like people to say?

Have you had people make specific comments to you? Or is it just articles in the press?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/07/2006 23:07

No, you probably aren't. What comments have you heard?

Original poster
ChipsnDips · 23/07/2006 23:14

People can say what they think Hunker.

People make comments to me all the time, like; "You have a way to feed him yourself, why don't you do it"
"Oh, he looks fine now but give it another year and he'll be a right little fatty"
"If you didnt want to be a real mother (!) why did you have a baby?"

Things like this really get to me. I suspect it is because I am bitter that I failed so miserably at breatfeeding and I'm still sore about it. Just wish people would think before they speak/type sometimes.

Personally, I think there are more important things to look at than what he spent the first 6 months drinking ie, that he is happy, loved, playful, charming. But no, people seem to just want to make me feel crap because I dont BF.

OP posts:
tiktok · 23/07/2006 23:16

I can understand you feeling cross if you have been told other people are better parents than you for this reason, Chips....who has said this and where?

I don't think anyone on Mumsnet has said formula feeding is 'totally wrong', have they? Of course it is correct that it is a risk factor for obesity and ill health, but it's equally true that you can't say how far any one particular individual child will be affected.

hunkermunker · 23/07/2006 23:16

Some people are incredibly rude, C&D and if you had bfed, they would be finding another area of your parenting to criticise, I'm sure (if they're so rude as to say the things you've listed ).

expatinscotland · 23/07/2006 23:19

I bottlefed DD1 from birth and got no end of rude comments, which really sucked b/c I had HORRIBLE PND.

I agree 'breast is best' and did bf DD2 till 6 months, but I do feel there is now intense pressure on new mums to bf, and given that support for this can vary widely, it can lead to a lot of negativity.

Sorry you are having this happen, chips, but no, unfortunately, you're not alone.

aitch71 · 23/07/2006 23:20

i find it really upsetting actually. i tried and tried but i am just one of the few per cent of women who really doesn't make enough milk.
i mix fed for 17 weeks and the whole time i felt like a real failure. still do, kinda, and so much of that has been stirred up by weaning as all of the information assumes that you are breastfeeding. especially for baby led weaning, which i do understand as it's not an area where there has been any formula feeding research but it totally crushed me that there seemed to be an implication that if you weren't breastfeeding you wouldn't be interested in your child's welfare as he or she continues to grow. in the Karmel book she does talk about formula a bit, but online it's all about b'feeding...
i mean, i was on drugs to give me some milk, i expressed every two hours for 72 hours to try and get supplies up i did EVERYTHING that the specialist breastfeeding unit told me to but i have pcos and high blood pressure which was being treated with a beta-blocker and both have been associated with poor lactation.
so yes, i do feel gutted by it. i've not encountered any judgements personally, it's such a sensitive subject for me i'm not sure anyone would dare, but i do find the literature hugely oppressive. and the newspapers...

tiktok · 23/07/2006 23:21

X posted, Chips....

Are people still saying this to you, even though your 'baby' is now 19 months?

Totally agree with you about being happy and loved.

No one can 'make' you feel anything....it's understandable to feel sad and disappointed when breastfeeding didn't work out for you, and to feel angry if you feel judged. But your own feelings about yourself - that is, that's you are not crap - are for you to decide. You know you are not crap. Enough said

VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/07/2006 23:29

Agree with what tiktok said...

I think it's awful that people say such thoughtless things sometimes. I am a "breast is best" person, but I wouldnt dream of preaching to people about their choices....unless they asked me for my opinion .

Its hugely common for women to feel like failures because they dont feel they succeeded with b/feeding. To have people then make comments about bottle feeding like you have been on the receiving end of must be very hurtful.

Original poster
ChipsnDips · 23/07/2006 23:31

No, no comments anymore as he is on "Moo-Moo" milk (teehee) from a beaker. I am relatively new to MN and this is the first time I have clicked on this section and I felt a bit offended, unnecessarily so I should think, that there wasnt more than a pinch of threads re: bottlefeeding.

When he was born I breastfed him straight off and it was wonderful. He was 3 weeks early, I was 19 and a bit shell shocked. Later that day I couldnt get him to latch myself, despite reading all you could possibly read about it. When I asked the midwives for help they would literally grab my boob, grab his head and shove him on then walk off. It was so painful and no one would listen. Tried for a further 3 days when I got home, but then I just couldnt take anymore and he wasnt eating.

I know I am in a minority and I am happy that it is that way. I agree, breast is best. But I can't help thinking that when things don't go right that we are made to feel terrible about it.

We are all just trying to do the best by our babies and I am just a little upset by the elite-ist (sp? lol) attitude of it all.

I AM a good Mum... I dont want anyone to tell me I am because I KNOW I am, my Son proves this.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/07/2006 23:35

C&D - i'm sorry if you feel the balance isn't right here, but I think I speak for quite a few fervent b/feeding posters - myself included - who are at odds with the Formula Milk companies and their "marketing", rather than the parents that use formula for their babies.

Sorry you had a rough time with the early b/feeding - as i said before - its incredibly, and sadly, commonplace, to have a lack of support for b/feeding.

tiktok · 23/07/2006 23:38

People make loads of comments to breastfeeders, too. As a breastfeeding counsellor I hear from a lot of mothers who have been called selfish, disgusting, weird, perverted (yes), cow-like, obsessed....it can be extremely hard for someone to breastfeed if their family and friends have not done it, and they can be on the end of some nasty criticism as well as misleading 'help'.

And of course bottle feeders don't get told to feed their baby in a separate room (even in their own house!) or when away from home, in the toilet!!

I think on the whole it probably evens out. All parents can be sensitive about areas of their parenting, and there will always be people who are tactless and even cruel, and who pass comment without knowing the whole story.

I would love for more parents to be confident about what they have done, live with their disappointments, and to refrain from making personal comments to others which sound critical.

Dream on

Original poster
ChipsnDips · 23/07/2006 23:39

Marketing? Please explain?

Do you mean the whole "Sma nutrition, the best start in life" and all that BS?

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/07/2006 23:41

Yes....and follow on or "growing up milk" prebiotics blah blah blah

PLEASE - dont get me started

Original poster
ChipsnDips · 23/07/2006 23:43

I agree tiktok. I wasn't trying to be critical of anyone. I do live with my disappointment, but we all have weak moments I am sure?

Perverse? Breastfeeding? Ok, that beats all of the comments made to me! What a remarkably stupid and ignorant thing to say!

OP posts:
FairyMum · 23/07/2006 23:45

Who are these "people"? I breastfed all mine, but would often go out with a bottle with breast milk and never really got many comments or questions either way. I find people really aren't that interested in how other people feed their babies except from on MN

Original poster
ChipsnDips · 23/07/2006 23:46

I know what you mean VVV, It's aload of crap. Anything to make a product sell.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/07/2006 23:48

Quite commonplace C&D, particularly if you "extend b/feed" like I do (although not "extended" IMO). DS is 15 months and I'm "still" b/feeding.

That invites many many comments from people. Usually along the lines of "Why are you still doing that? Surely he can drink from a bottle by now?" "If you have to give b/milk, why dont you just express it?"

Original poster
ChipsnDips · 23/07/2006 23:56

Its like Hunker said, they'll always find something to be critical about.

My Mum breastfed both me and my brother (bottlefed her first two) he is 27 months older than me and when I had finished having my feed apparently he used to declare "My go" and off he went! I think that is really sweet, and a great way to avoid alienating the older child.

If I had had my way I would have like to have BF as long as myself and baby were both comfortable with it.

No pleasing some people.... myself included I guess.

OP posts:
2plus2plus1 · 24/07/2006 10:51

One of the reasons that there may be more BF threads may be because mothers need more (tailored) support, and although the support given often reaveals common themes appearing, the OPs are usually fairly unique & personal to the mother and baby posting. Having just changed to bottles I am finding the answers to a lot of my FF questions by searching the archives, avoiding the need to create a new post. I didn't think I needed to start a new thread on how to prepare & store bottles as there are already many answers out there.

For the record I had some really CRAP comments whilst I was BFing. Probably the 2 worst were "Don't you wish you had never started?" from a friend of DPs who never tried BF. And "God is she feeding again?" from DP. It is not unique to FFing - It is just the way some people are. As long as you know that you have made the right decision for the right reasons it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Pruni · 24/07/2006 11:09

Message withdrawn

Pruni · 24/07/2006 11:18

Message withdrawn

Xavielli · 24/07/2006 21:43

I agree with Pruni.

We know that breast feeding is better. but sometimes it isnt possible and we are made to feel like second rate parents as a result.

Sympathise with you c&d.

MrsJohnCusack · 24/07/2006 21:48

am v.interested in aitch71s comments about baby led weaning and how there's maybe an assumption that it goes together with breastfeeding only and not formula feeding - that's a real shame isn't it. Is it a common assumption that breastfeeding leads to a certain way of doing things thereafter and formula feeding leads to a different way, and never the twain shall meet

sorry you have had nasy comments ChipsnDips. It seems that motherhood is a free for all for some extremely rude people - it never ceases to amaze me what some people feel is OK to say to others!

LaDiDaDi · 24/07/2006 21:52

tbh xavielli i'm making myself feel like a second rate parent . Everyone else is being really nice to me about mixed feeding and probably ending up bottlefeeding totally much earlier than I intended, dd 11 weeks and had hoped to exclusively bf to 6 months. I know that it's not my fault etc but it's still hard. I just keep thinking to myself that feeding is only a very small part of being a mum.