Do you say anything before you start to bf if you are with other people?

[exhaustedandannoyed]

If for example at a friend's house with another couple, would you just start feeding or would you say something? I usually just do it without saying anything but sometimes feel a bit strange like maybe I should ask if they mind or something, especially if there is a man around.

It's a very personal thing though mrsmiggins. Just as some women feel confident going topless on holiday, discussing periods or farting in front of dh.

You should always, always do whatever makes you feel comfortable and confident. And what you feel comfortable with will be different to what someone else does. And insistibg that we should all be happy to whip out our baps in company no matter what will make some feel even more uncomfortable.

The recent breastfeeding in swimming pools sagas imo has made bfing in public even more of an issue. Bfing should and is about a mother providing for her baby. It's not a political statement. And anyone who told me to feed somewhere I didn't feel comfortable feeding would be invited to sit with their boobs out too. Behind a cushion or scarf or a doll.

But don't use my desire to feed my baby in the way I chose to make a statement one way or another.

When in cafés with friends I've said 'chow time!'
Sort of announcing rather than asking. It does feel easier around people with kids (bf or not) as they know that at times you have to stop what you're doing and focus on something else.
I've not been in a situation with people with older kids. I can imagine wanting to send out a warning if teenage boys were present.

froubylou, I agree- and as much as I support public breastfeeding I would also support those women whe prefer some privacy.
However some posters on this thread are suggesting that it's impolite not to let hosts know we are about to breastfeed.
I don't think that it's impolite at all.

And nothing like farting.

I agree. It shouldn't be a question, it should be a statement.

Sunflower- don't underestimate teenage boys. Some are very mature about such things.
My 16 year old is extremely easy around breastfeeding women, but he has grown up seeing it as commonplace.

I was at a friend of dd's house after we dropped her home from dd's party recently. I hadn't planned to be there long but was offered a drink so accepted. 11mo ds2 was arsey as it was 5.30. So I fed him. I didn't even think of mentioning it before I did it. It was only afterwards that I suddenly thought these people I barely knew may have been slightly uncomfortable with me feeding him in their living room. If they were bothered they hid it well though.

So no, I don't ask at all tbh. And DS is now 1yo and still feeds 4-5 times a day so I still do a fair amount of feeding in public. like today , in church at the big dcs carol concert

But it's very individual.

Its not impolite imo, but yes I do tend to sit now in a way that noone will see boob if he pops off because yes, it is just a boob/ nipple but I dont really want people seeing and ds hates clothes etc near his face so doea tend to pull my top right up.

I think another reason ive never really mentioned im about to feed is because ds makes it so obvious! His mouth is open and hes snuffling around and trying to get in my top and has been like that since about 3 months old

Not like farting at all no. But some people feel happy to do that in front of dh. Some don't. Neither right or wrong but I don't mean for a second that bfing is similar to farting in public or company.

If raising the point you are about to bf makes someone more comfortable then it is the right thing to do for that person. If they have to ask permission then that is different. And if I told someone I was about to bf and they asked me to leave the room I would. I'd feed my baby and leave their home and not go back until the baby was weaned. Their loss.

Teenage boys, I dont know. I might say something but all the teen boys ive come across havent battered an eyelid. My eldest ds is almost 19 and my friend, who is also bf her 4th has a son who is 16 and weve both bf in front of them and their friends with no embarrassment shown by them

My OH and I were recently picking up something a friend had bought from a total strangers house. DD was in the car crying, he asked why and I said 'she's hungry'. He invited us in to feed her and asked if we needed a bottle made up, when I said she was a breastfed baby he said 'that doesn't bother me at all'. I think that's when I got over my bf embarassment, so now I don't ask before doing it (or worse, leave dd hungry and rush home to feed her :( ).

I used to be a high school teacher before had dd, havnt got round to feeding dd in front of any former pupils yet- I think I'd have to give the teenage boys due warning. 'I am about to get my breasts out, you can look if you want- but you will never think the same way about boobs again :) '

Me too frouby, although I dont think id go back at all!

I did used to say when he was a lot smaller and easier to leave my top right down to his head that if anyone did see anything they were looking to hard and should perhaps stop staring

I used to bf wherever and whenever

Now I have to go somewhere dark and silent or dd just won't focus.

She often inspects my nipple halfway through , has a chat with it, sometimes a fountain of milk jets out two metres across the room. I prefer we keep those moments between us rarely an issue though as she doesn't feed much during the day anymore

I have a question for everyone who thinks it's polite to ask permission to feed your babies (ff or bf) - what on earth do you do if someone says "yes I do mind"?

Or is it perhaps such a redundant and pointless question no one has actually ever replied in the negative?

My 16 month old makes the announcement for me: 'titties!' several times in an insistent voice generally keeps everyone well informed...

Knew I should have taught her to call it something less embarrassing but have to admit I found it funny. Rod... Own back...etc

I think saying nothing before we breastfeed makes it easier for everyone around.
If we model a calm, relaxed, easy approach, latching a baby on during conversation then our hosts and other guests are more likely to respond in the same fashion. half of them won't even notice what we are doing anyway.
By making a public announcement or proclamation " I will be breastfeeding now" or asking for permission- I think we are more likely to make others feel uncomfortable or feel they need to take action- what are they supposed to do? Stand to attention? Avert their eyes? Move their seat? Offer us another room? Get a mop?

By simply feeding our babies without a word shows dignity and calm and suggests that it is a normal part of everyday human behaviour.
There are lots of attentive tasks we do for babies- put on socks that have been kicked off, wipe dribble off their chin take off a cardigan if they are too warm, all of this we do unthinkingly and without public anouncement- I don't see breastfeeding as any different.

Maybe if we stop making such an issue of it then others will too.

I agree with msmiggins.
I never asked, I was going to feed them anyway and didn't want a separate room so it was a bit pointless asking.

I'm ff Dd (6 mo) and always ask or say what I'm doing but it is generally a rhetorical question. It's kind of "I'm going to be sat here out of action for 20mins so does that fit in with your plans" kind of thing. I normally ask with time to get home so I could leave if they say they are busy..
It's a weird one, I have just moved here when 6 months pregnant so feel like I don't know anyone well enough to assume it's ok yet. With my old friends I would have just got on with it, generally as I would know their routine and expectations as to how long I would be staying!

We haven't had many visitors other than family this time as we've all been ill. However, my approach has been, and I think will continue to be, to just get on with feeding without any comment.

Shame Ds (3) doesn't realise that's my plan though. A close family friend came round and I quietly latched baby on while ds was showing him his toys, but ds decided to break off what he was doing and shout and point "look everyone....its mummies doobies " (he somehow thinks that's what they're called and I have found it too cute to correct). Luckily this friend took it all in his stride and just said 'yes I think the baby's hungry' or similar

Mutley- I don't know anything about ffing, but I do know that breastfeeding a 6 mo, especially in a social situation often won't take 20 minutes.
Of course maybe it will, but many breastfed 6 mo wouldn't settle to a feed for that length of time in case they missed some action.
If I was visiting with a 6 month old a feed would take anywhere from 30 seconds to four minutes! Not worth warning anyone about!

Well the general consensus seems to be that there is no need to say anything so I will just carry on as I was. It's interesting to hear different people's views on the subject though and I can understand anyone feeling like it's polite to say something. I guess it depends on who you are with and how relaxed you feel. With my first baby I always went in another room when at my in-laws, partly because I didn't know them that well and it felt strange to me and partly because I found them a bit much and just wanted a break with my baby to myself. This time because I also have my toddler with me, I just feed in front of them no worries.

I would never ask somebody else if I could bfeed my kids (1.5 & 3), simply because if they said "no" or "go somewhere else", I'd have to tell them to fuck off

It would be disingenuous to ask permission for something I had the intention of doing regardless of the answer. And anyway, I like to start off by taking for granted that the person opposite me is a reasonable human being. Maybe that gives some people more credit than they deserve, but not usually, and wouldn't anything else being offensive to them?

*be

I also usually say 'looks like he needs a feed', just so they don't look keenly at what I'm up to and get embarrassed when I accidentally flash them

When family or friends who are bfing come over, I often say that there's a room they can use for feeding, especially if they are new mums or it is a big party. It's certainly not because I expect them to use it, just because if they're not comfortable bfing in public I'd hate for them to feel awkward and end up feeding in the loo. Looks like I'll have to make sure I'm clear that it's totally their call!

I just say 'shes hungry' and then feed her