to ask about breastfeeding?

[Thisismyfirsttime]

So, I am currently 20wks pregnant with my first baby and have been doing my research into breastfeeding. I'm asking this leaving aside whether bf is best for baby (which is difficult I know). All the information I can find from personal experiences of bf is making me feel it's really not for me. A lot of what I'm seeing is making me think it's far more difficult to get into a routine whilst bf and that it seems to take up a LOT of the day. Is this true?
Really, I would ask if some of you share the absolute basics with a complete novice please? I.e does it hurt at first, how long does it hurt for, how long does each feed take (different for different babies I know but from personal experiences), did anyone BF one and FF another- which was easier to get into routine, is it really difficult to get anything else done in the first few weeks of bf etc etc? I would value opinions from mums who bf and ff please!
I was intending to bf for at least the first 6 weeks but AIBU to consider not breastfeeding at all?

"Does it hurt at first?" "How long does it hurt for?"

First baby -after not hurting for the first week, I developed cracked nipples and it was very painful for the next week or so. Once I'd got through a difficult period it got a lot easier and once both of you know what you're doing it's much easier and pain free

Second baby- breastfeeding didn't hurt at all but my letdown was rather strong at first. I love the feeling of the let down though.

"How long does each feed take?"-Most feeds were about ten-20 minutes. The occasional one was a couple of hours if DD dozed in and out of sleep.

"Did anyone BF one and FF another- which was easier to get into routine?"

Breastfed both- still breastfeeding- 5 years without a break- it can't be all bad!

"Is it really difficult to get anything else done in the first few weeks of bf etc etc?"

It's difficult to get anything done full stop with a new baby (unless they are asleep). Nowt to do with breastfeeding.

I've got 3 dc, first I bf for about 6 weeks, never found it painful, mix fed after about 4 weeks, had pnd so stopped to take meds. Second dc I fed for 5 months, tried giving a bottle as I was going back to work, she refused for weeks, I finally persuaded her to take it, she then decided the next day she preferred the bottle and refused the breast. Third dc is 7mo I'm still feeding, she has a bottle happily if I want to go out. We are currently winding down bf as i need to start my arthritis meds again.
Bf is hard work in the early days but it pays off in spades after a few weeks. Seeing the hassle my sister has trying to warm bottles etc and having to go home at a set time because she hasn't another bottle in her bag, I can just make it up as I go along which suits me perfectly.
The problem with routines is they are written in books by adults. . I had one baby who read the rule book, threw up all over it and cried, another who refused to read it ripped it up and threw it at me, and my current dd who read it and was happy to oblige. Babies are all different, they do like routine, but the easiest way to get them into one is to let them find their own and go with that than make both of you miserable trying to follow one you have made. 4 hourly feelings for newborns is never a good idea, when they are hungry they are hungry, they won't shut up till you feed them, so trying to do a 4 hour thing you are on a hiding to nothin.
One thing I will recommend is the easy routine, that's eat, activity, sleep, you time (you sleep if you have any sense)
Doesn't matter what times you do it, or how long each cycle is, but it does work in most babies.

Thank you everyone for your replies, I am glad I asked as I am now feeling a lot more reassured. I had no idea you could bf baby in a sling whilst wandering around, what a revelation! I was mainly worried about how long it takes in terms of my own impatience and need to fidget and move about constantly rather than having anything better to do! It's definitely good to hear mums' own stories without it being on a feeding thread as as someone else said, people will mostly post when there is a problem or difficulty rather than to say it is lovely and easy!
Thanks again ladies x

oh, I have a very low boredom threashold.
don't worry, in the first weeks you'll find you have a lot of thjngs to juggle, so you won't feelbored!

but once you get used to it, you can use the sitting time for reading, internet, all sorts of stuff :)

I really don't get how people can think Breastfeeding doesn't matter. There is nothing like breastmilk for a baby and I think not to try and give your baby the best milk you possibly can is quite strange. Formula cannot and doesn't compare at all. Sorry but it doesn't. Breastmilk is full of nutrients and antibodies designed for a baby and changes and adapts according to a baby's needs. I really don't get why so many people choose to ignore breastmilk.

Trust me, your patience levels will be tested regardless of how you feed...!

Just wanted to add that before I saw this thread I was feeding DS and thought to myself, feeding you is the best part of my day. I absolutely love it.

I suppose you could say I've had a tough time breastfeeding.
DD tongue tie and unusually high palate undiagnosed! So pretty painful but not too bad. A couple of paracetamol when it got bad.
The sitting for hours feeding just didn't seem like it. I rested after the birth while feeding. She normally feed for only twenty minutes at a time from the start.
I went to and still go to an amazing support group who obviously want you to breast feed but I've seen ladies come in and be told do whats best for you and if thats ffthen thats fine too.
No one should pressure you as to how you feed your child but I personally wouldn't change a thing with how I fed and still feed.
Its convenient and a very bonding experience. I have no experience with ff so I can't really speak about that but do whats best for both of you.
Good luck!

Fwiw I have never managed successfully to bf wearing a sling! I still have no idea how that is accomplished.

YABU to put aside whether it is best for the baby or not.

That is how you get through the difficulty at first.

I struggled with bfing to begin with, but got there in the end. In the first few weeks there is no routine anyway, but DD kind of fell into a routine at about 3 months which I liked as I'm not very good with not knowing what I'm doing or where I'm at. FF or BF I don't think you'd get a routine going much before then anyway.

For me the thing that enabled me to bf successfully was the total support of DH. He did everything in those early weeks, and I mean everything, even once he was back at work.

Also, it's worth finding out where your nearest breastfeeding cafe is, the midwives who run them are experts (more so than the midwives in hospital, I found). If you can do an NHS or NCT breastfeeding class as well, that would help.

It's very convenient if you can do it, costs nothing and all you need when you are out and about are your boobs and somewhere to sit!

Best of luck OP.

For me it doesnt hurt. I just stick them in sling, whack my boob out and carry on life as normal. I bfed for nearly a year for no 2 and ffed 1. I would now only bf with my future kids as its easier and Im lazy.

I agree with what minifingers said earlier, the first month is harder and is really an investment in the future - so you may have more difficulty at the start than your ff friends, but later on you will head out with a nappy and a packet of wipes (and your boobs) but with no sterilised bottles, powder, flask of water etc. That's my experience anyway.

For me, yes it was time consuming and a huge shock to me with my first child, I was basically stuck on the couch for a lot of the time and found it hard watching the housework pile up and not being able to take a shower whenever I wanted, for example.
With my second child - I realised just how quickly those first weeks pass and was really looking forward to being stuck on the couch having lovely baby cuddles and sleepy feeds again. I felt more at ease with letting the house go to hell for a couple of months as I knew the time would fly by and the baby would reduce feeds eventually.

For me it did hurt quite a lot in the beginning, (first few days,) it took a while for my first baby to get a good latch so although most feeds were fine, sometimes the beginning of feeds hurt a bit, this actually lasted a couple of months (I don't think this is the norm, don't want to scare you but being honest! But to be honest I got used to it. My second baby who was pretty big seemed pretty unhappy with the amount she was getting before my milk finally came in on day 5, so the first few days were very intense and quite painful but after that she was a great feeder and I had/have no discomfort at all.

In the beginning the feeds seemed to be pretty constant, to be honest, but then I was happy to have a sleeping/feeding baby on me for a lot of the day. Probably in reality they'd take 10-30 minutes, but in the space of a couple of months they'd be down to 5 mins per feed or less.

I was determined to breastfeed and I deemed it well worth the initial discomfort to reap the benefits to come. I won't go on about the health benefits to baby and mum but personally I think the idea of FF would be so much more hassle. Cleaning/sterilising bottles, making sure you always have a clean bottle to hand, making up formula, having to take it with you wherever you go, getting up in the middle of the night; going downstairs, making formula, feeding baby, getting everyone back to sleep? Aarghh!
Both my babies woke a daft number of times in the night, maybe pumping them full of formula might have knocked them out a bit but having the milk right there all the time, I expect, makes night feeds sooo much easier. I co-sleep with DD and despite her waking more in the night than DD1 ever did, I am so much more rested as the milk is right there and so I have to wake up very little to settle her in the night. (I breastfed DD1 too but she was much further away from my bed)
The same for getting out and about; the milk is right there so I don't have to worry about packing bottles and whatever else is involved in bottle feeding.

I think lots of people say that breastfeeding is harder in the beginning, but after a while it becomes much easier and much more convenient than bottle feeding.

Definitely try it. Even if your baby only gets the first colostrum, every drop counts. There's so much support out there that if you do encounter difficulties, you should easily be able to find sources of help.

Having said that, if it doesn't work (for whatever reason), don't beat yourself up and don't let anyone else make you feel guilty.

I think the phrase 'suck it and see' springs to mind. BF is for some, not for others, it's just how you get along with it really. I always get quite annoyed at militant camps on either, until you've tried you won't know what suits you and DC, but please don't feel bullied or pushed into either, I found my hormones were quite a mess and got a bit emotional when people forced their opinions on me. There are good and bad points for both. Good luck.

I am bfing DD at 2.4yo and it has been a completely different experience from what I expected. In the beginning it was very painful due to a poor latch but this was resolved at 9 weeks. Since then I have had mastitis x3 and a milk blister, she has bfed for hours on end and very frequently...but I still enjoy the experience.

I don't think you can tell what it will feel like until you try it, so don't stress too much about it. You can give it a go and if it's not for you there is a really good alternative so it's not as if you'll be stuck!

I also suspect that each baby is different, my friend's baby bfed very quickly and very few sessions every day/night. She was in the 5th centile and DD was over the top curve for weight so that might have had a role to play as well!

It's painful for lots of mums, tiring because you can't share the load and do every feed and it takes a tonne of energy.

I quit after 6 weeks because it was getting harder not easier and I wanted a night off.

He became predictable and settled between feeds, less gassy and I relaxed. A by the clock routine wasn't established until a year old but using awake times and how long since the last feed was a gauge at least.

Ff worked for our family. Washing 6 bottles a day and popping them in the steriliser isn't labour intensive.

You may well find that bt works for your family but don't beat yourself up if not. Irl ffing is normal too and effective for feeding your baby.

"When I hear all this faff about bottle feeding I wonder what on earth people are doing that takes them so long?! I mean it's no more time consuming than making tea. Putting bottles in a steriliser is not hard or that time consuming."

It depends whether you are making up feeds fresh (as advised with a newborn) or making them up in batches.

If you are

• boiling the kettle
• waiting for it to cool to 70 degrees
• making up the feed
• cooling it under the tap

and doing all this at 3am with a crying baby, it definitely IS more faff.

Of course you can always use liquid formula, but this is a financial burden on less well off families.

Or you can ignore the guidelines, but a lot of people with newborns aren't happy to do that.

Should add, that my immediate response to 'formula feeding is more convenient' is to feel a bit sad that convenience for adults trumps health benefits for very tiny babies with immature immune systems. It's different when we're talking about emotional issues - that some women genuinely find breastfeeding emotionally unsupportable. But because it's easierin a practical sense? 'Works for our family' in this context tends to mean 'easier for the adults'.

My experience in the early days was middling. Not pain free, not bad enough for the thought of sterilising bottles and mixing formula for every feed from then on to seem that tempting. DS2 was a little harder as with the heatwave this summer, and mild recurring thrush meant the getting started phase was lasting longer.

We've recently had a disruptive growth spurt and he went from sleeping through to 3 feeds per night. My reponse was to snuggle him up in bed and allow self service, so my sleep wasn't too badly disturbed.

I was worried about balancing DS1 (2.9) with a BF baby, but a FF baby would still have to be fed. On holiday a few weeks back I was walking around a castle with DS 2 feeding in the wrap. I couldn't have done that with a bottle.

I get to go out, and leave expressed milk for DH. TBH I wouldn't want him doing night feeds when he has work to be fresh for, and he's not there in the day so it makes little difference to the amount of feeds I do. DS 1 was a CS birth with complications and I liked that feeding was the one job I could do for him myself. With DS2 I had a very painful tear, and my SPD worsened for a while, so again, it was nice that that was my job in the recovery weeks.

I love the freedom of BFing. I can feed anywhere, be spontaneous and travel light. For popping around with a baby and toddler, I have 3 nappies, wipes and a mat in a smallish bag.

I love looking at my 5m baby and thinking I have fuelled every cell of his body and growth. (Especially the effect on my decreasing waistline) I love trusting him to take what he needs to grow and not stressing over the last oz or two in a bottle.

There are circumstances where it is better to FF (thinking of medications, overwhelming personal experiences, medical conditions...) but otherwise, it's well worth giving a try for as many feeds as you can. I managed 13m of them with DS1, still going strong with DS2.

No faff at all to FF, fitted in perfectly for me and got good routine going with both my boys (didn't try to BF at all as totally not for me, so can't comment on that).

I'm sad at the moment as I am thinking of ending my breastfeeding relationship with DS2. He is just over a year.
I can't tell you how wonderful the feeling of providing nourishment for your children is. I love the fact that we have some special time together.
It wasn't particularly easy at the beginning, but neither is having a new born baby.

I gave myself two weeks with both to see how it went, both times we were flying at the end of those two weeks. No bottles to carry, no sterilising, even now at 1 I know I have a handy snack for him, or something to console him if he wakes etc.

DS1 never slept through the night until I stopped breastfeeding, but I still really miss that special time you have.
DS2 slept through the night from really early, so I think its not really how you feed, but what your babies like.

Good luck with everything.

I bf DS for 16 months in the end, and for me it was a doddle. He was prem so it took a little work in the beginning to take every feed from me instead of the tube, but he took to it so well he was allowed home 3 weeks before he was expected to be.

I used lansinoh from day 1 and never had cracked nipples or any sort of pain. It was great for me being able to leave the house with a pack of wipes and some nappies in my bag, and stay out as long as I wanted - I hear a lot from my SIL how they have to be home by such and such a time as her DD is due a feed. No such worries here. When DS wanted feeding, I would get a coffee and cake and feed him while I fed myself!

It was a great comfort for him when he was ill (hospitalised twice, and it used to calm him down really well after prodding and poking by the doctors). Yes, it means you do all the feeds, but if you learn to feed lying down, then you don't even have to get up. I would feed him, hand him to DH for winding (he was always better than me at it) and nappy changes in the early days.

I would say that it's not always a positive experience for everyone for a whole variety of reasons, and it won't be possible for everyone either. However, as someone has already said, you can choose to try it then ff if it's not working for you, but you can't ff then switch to bf weeks down the line if you change your mind.

Regardless of whether you bf or ff, don't expect to get much of anything done in the early weeks, and don't try to because you'll put way too much pressure on what should be time to spend with the baby. Sod the housework for a bit! I think many of us wondered what the hospital thought they were doing letting us home in charge of a wee baby at first - thats normal!

Not sure it's been mentioned, and maybe it's meant to be a secret but bfeeding can at times give you the most amazing feeling - hormone rush and also the sheer relief of having the pressure in your boobs released. And it can make you sleepy again in the middle of the night. (Sleepy as opposed to just tired, which you may feel all the time at first!)

OP I remember feeling EXACTLY like you all the way through my pregnancy. I was also surrounded by the 'Breastapo', including my Dsis who had no trouble telling me I was hugely selfish even considering bottle feeding and how I would be endangering my child by doing so - my DSis doesn't have any kids

So I was all set to give it a go but fully expected to be ff'ing within weeks.

Three years on and DS is still on the boob, but thankfully not the marathon 24/7 he managed in his early weeks.

Be open minded. Nothing prepares you for how you will feel physically and emotionally when you hold your child for the first time. Sticking my baby on the boob felt like the only thing to do, and all my fears of what it would or wouldn't be like were unfounded.

I should add I'm a very lazy bugger and being able to breastfeed while co-sleep meant I was actually getting pretty decent sleep early on.

Don't stress it - do what feels natural for you and you'll be fine.