How can I realistically breast feed? Help!

[streetgirl77]

Hi, I'm new and looking for advice because so far the hospital and midwifes have been pretty rubbish.

I have a 5 day old baby. He is month early but he is not too small (6lb 8). It has never occured to me to do anything other than breast feed. It didn't occur to me to prepare any alternative but now I'm at a cross roads.

Ok this might seem like tmi but I need to give you a picture as it might be relevant. I have a very small frame (in case someone tells me I should lose weight) but have got a very big bust which, sadly through my pregnancy is not firm at all. In fact, when I try to feed my baby I can only describe it as putting a bean bag over a tennis ball (sorry)

The midwife asked me if I was going to breast feed after I delivered and I said yes so she bought my son up to my chest and without asking, grabbed handfuls of my boob and tried to 'manipulate' it into my babies mouth. The poor boy looked like he was going to suffocate and wriggled away. She said, 'oh they are not born hungry' and not to worry.

The first night in hospital my baby just screamed and screamed. He sounded absolutley desperate for food but he kind of sucked a bit but nothing came so he pulled away and carried on screaming until he was so distressed I couldn't get him anything like close enough to suck.

The midwives came along and literally grabbed my boob and tried to push milk along toward my nipple. Nothing. Then they put me on a pump for over an hour. Nothing. My baby started looking ill so after 24 hours they finally gave him a tiny cup of formula (not in a bottle) so he would get used to the correct mouth movements or something. The following three days they kept coming up, grabbing, squeezing, pumping etc (all without asking!) and kept promising some breast feeding counseller would come and see me (never happened. It was always, 'tomorrow'). So day 4, no milk, nothing coming out through a pump or any other method. Baby looking ill, losing weight and being fed tiny amounts in a tiny cup.

Yesterday I had enough after being told yet again a counseller was coming but being told I had to wait for formula as they were very busy and there are "women in labour don't you know!" So I just had to sit there with my poor, clearly very distressed baby and I thought, "right I've had enough I'm going to try this at home"

So, I got home last night, got a Boots breast pump and lo and behold, I have a little bit of expressed milk this morning woo hoo!!

BUT, now here's the thing. I have had a wonderful health visitor come today who was sent especially by a friend to help and advise me and she is a BF counseller too. She came armed with nipple shields and a lovely V pillow. She positioned my baby and my boob. BUT, (bit hard to explain sorry) In order to BF baby I need to have the whole thing out and kind of hold the nipple in this flat, pressed down shape on top of the pillow in order for him to be able to latch!

How in gods name am I supposed to continue? I am absolutely not comfortable in front of family, friends etc to show myself in this way. It will mean I can't leave the house for several months. I cannot just sit in the corner of my sofa pushing my boob into a painful shaped sausage for the next 4-5 months surely? I know breast feeding him is nutritionally better but is this really the best option socially, emotionally, physically, mentally? I feel very tearful. I'm fed up of being pushed and prodded and my baby is miserable. He has lost a lot of weight he is not chubby like other babies he looks scrawny and ill now. I have got him latched once this morning but have no idea how much he is getting (it took me 45 mins to express 20 mls) But even if I produce more do I just give up seeing daylight and getting him fresh air or socialising for the first few months?

I am so sorry this is long. I feel so desperate right now. I can't imagine bottle feeding I am going to feel so guilty if I do. If someone can offer me a shred of hope I'd be very very grateful Thanks for taking the time to read x

Wow, what a bunch of insensitive so and sos. It's already such a stressful thing to learn without being treated like a milk machine. Milk doesn't come in for quite a few days anyway, so not sure what they were expecting to pump out. The colostrum is first in small quantity.

Do you think you would feel comfortable at a breast feeding group - everyone has their boobs out and are facing the same difficulties.

This really isn't easy, shame on them for stressing you out.

No because my boobs are so huge and floppy and I have to 'shape' it. Everyone else looks so delicate and discrete with the lovely apron things covering them (I bought one but can't use it) as I (apparently) need both hands! Why didn't any any colostrum come out when I pumped? I don't understand (sorry I feel very naive)

You'll get lots of good support and ideas here, but it would really help to see a lactation consultant - do you have a babycafe or la leche league nearby?

Milk takes a while to come in - I hope it works out for you!

congratulations on your baby!

There are some very knowledgeable people on this board who will probably all have cross-posted by the time I write this, but just in case, I'd like to help.

Well done on bringing your baby into the world and making such a strong start with the breastfeeding. It's not the be-all and end-all if the breastfeeding doesn't work out, but it is a lovely thing and you do sound like it's important to you, so I hope you do get it figured out. A few things.

Milk doesn't come in right away so that sounds fine that yours didn't till you got home. Probably a bit more relaxed at home, too?

It's totally natural to be feeling overwhelmed, teary, and generally a bit down at this stage. If it carries on, talk to someone/ everyone. Talk to them anyway! But is totally natural and will go away.

Just cos breastfeeding is a big difficult hassle just now doesn't mean it's going to stay that way. You will not be having to strip down and manhandle your boobs in 4 months time, I promise! or even, probably, in 4 weeks time. You might have to do it for the next few days though... it just takes a little while for you and baby to get used to it. He is having to learn a new skill too!

Can you get this book www.amazon.co.uk/Food-Love-The-Successful-Breastfeeding/dp/0954930959/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376824226&sr=8-1&keywords=food+of+love thoroughly recommend it, is a good humorous read with cartoons and pictures. and very good for real women and the different shapes we come in.

good luck and give that baby a snuggle for me :)

I tried to pump colostrum in hospital. I got about two tiny drops. I went on to feed dd for 3.5 years though, don't panic.
You won't have to expose yourself like that for long. Your baby will grow, their mouth will quickly get bigger, the bigger they get the easier latching on will become.
Persevere, write off the next 6-10 weeks, and you'll find it gets easier and easier.

Oh you poor thing, the 'breastfeeding support' at hospital sounds appalling. NHS care is sometimes very lacking but La Leche or if you have a breastfeeding cafe (it's not a cafe, someone will just bring you a and talk through what is happening to you, often at childrens centres) are usually very good and helpful.

You should make this decision yourself. I found the begining awful as I had to hold ds in a certain position, support his neck and ended up with aching arms and back. But once they get head and neck control and get a little bigger it gets so much easier (and quicker).

Look here - scroll down- for advice for those with large breasts.

on the silly apron things - forget them, extra faff and hassle, baby will probably hate them too. you will be able to feed discretely, if that is what you want, in no time at all.

right now though, chuck everyone you aren't comfy with out of the room every time and just snuggle with baby and as many pillows as you need. Staying in bed is good, nobody expects you to be fully dressed there and you can chuck a nice light scarf across you when someone does come in.

I never had much luck with pumping but plenty of milk when baby was doing the work. I think so much of it is emotional, and i just wasn't getting the let down for a bit of plastic. so don't let the lack of milk/colostrum worry you on that ground.

you'll be able to tell if he's getting enough milk by watching how he feeds and checking he has wet and dirty nappies. real life people or a youtube vid better for that but look for swallowing motions (his ears might wiggle!) and you might be able to see milk in the corner of his mouth as he's feeding.

have you got some lansinoh cream for your nipples? send someone out for it if not and start using even if they aren't sore yet!

My boobs are massive and floppy and I still (at 16months) have to hold my boob to feed dc. It just doesn't work otherwise. However, we have been feeding in public for more than a year and it's pretty discreet (two tops method).
Can you spend a couple of days in bed doing plenty of skin to skin so baby gets as much milk as possible and your milk comes in?
Get into whatever position you need to at home, you can try other positions when feedings more established. If this means no visitors for a while, be strong and tell them so.
Congratulations on your baby and don't forget there's always someone on here if you need to talk.

btw, my boobs are tiny and i still had to use both hands for feeding in the early days!

Thank you so much for that book! I can't see how this situation is going to change unless the boobs get smaller or the baby gets bigger (which will be months) I feel really disgusted when I look at myself feeding (sorry that sounds awful and I don't mean my beautiful baby) but I can't feed in front of my husband I feel really humiliated. I'm definitely getting a reduction after this! The lady that came today is a lactation consultant and was the first person to get him latched but just said he will need to get much bigger before I can stop this 'shaping'.

Just to give you the picture, I didn't feel any milk coming in. They have so much 'space' in them they feel like empty bags after this pregnancy. They remind me of cow udders. I'm sorry if this is making anyone ill I am trying to explain in case anyone can advise. If I were a cow and could kind of hang them down and babies sucked like that I'd have no problem. It's like a cow trying to lay on it's side and feed a calf the size of a cat. Is this actually going to get easier?

I don't think I can face going on that pump much longer. I feel like I have to hide away and do this in private but I can only do it for so long.

Oh I wrote that post without reading the other posts. They are very helpful indeed thank you! You have given me the ray of light I needed and I am very glad to read there is someone on here who has been in the same position and found a discreet way. The 'two tops'method? Ok I'll discover that I'm sure. Ok I'm going to hide away and keep at it and if nothing has changed in four weeks I will know I've given it a damn good go! Thank you. I've stopped blubbing now. :)

It may help to try feeding lying down on your side with your boob flopped out on the bed? (don't do this on the sofa). I had to do this for several days (due to c/sections) and found it much easier than sitting up.

Agree with others that in these very early days just feed in whatever position you can! Stay in bed all day if you like .

If you persevere, breastfeeding will become established and it will become 10,000 times easier and you will be able to feed discreetly without having to get your whole breast out, no matter how gigantic they are. I promise.

I have a full chest too and need to shape my breast to get it into DS mouth, especially at first. I spent the first two/three weeks wondering how I was ever going to be able to do this in public, but as DS got bigger and more used to it, I found it much easier. I also could ony feed him on a pillow at first so despaired of ever being able to hold him myself and feed. It just happened naturally. I do still have to shape my breast to get it into his mouth (he's nearly 10 weeks now) but can manage it relatively discreetly.

If you do have a local breastfeeding group I would recommend going. Someone should be able to give you advice but aside from that its a great place to practise 'public' feeding while bit really being in public and it not mattering if your breast totally pops out. Also the other mums will all be ale to tell you that they were where you are once and that's very reassuring.

Aww, sounds like you had an awful time. I have big boobs too and am still breastfeeding at 6 months. The first few weeks were tricky and positioning was hard but it got much easier for me after about 6 weeks and I stopped needing cushions etc. I only went out after I fed for the first few weeks. I went to the baby cafe at my local children's centre and met with friends from my ante natal class at their homes and practised feeding' in public' there until I got more confident.

So please hang in there, if you want to BF it will get much easier.

Thank you. I have received the first bit of really good advice all week. Seriously bad service at hospital. They got really shirty when I discharged myself but it was never gonna happen for baby and me there. I felt like cattle on a pump!

aww, love, you sound really down about yourself. giving birth is an awfully exposing experience and your experiences in the hospital with manhandling your boobs sound really unpleasant. There's some strong feelings you are having with feeling disgusted, or humiliated. Maybe you're not feeling very in control right now, and that's coming out as not feeling good about yourself.

try and channel a bit of that mother tiger stuff. you are a strong, powerful animal doing a very natural, very human thing. these breasts were designed to feed a baby with and here is your little baby ready for them. You've just done an amazing thing with giving birth to a baby, you're probably exhausted, your body feels weird and different, and yes, your boobs and belly probably feel weird.

incidentally, nothing wrong with lying baby on the bed and hanging over him! if that is coming into your head, might be that's a way it'll work! put your arm under baby so he is slightly nestled into the crook of it, boob into mouth, latch on, freedom of movement to try different ways. once you get him latched see if you can roll over a bit onto your side, lifting baby up a wee bit if needed.

don't let your husband into the room if you don't want him seeing you this way. just ask him to give you a little space while you figure out the latch, maybe say you'll give him a shout to come in (bearing fluids and cake) when you have given the baby a feed. the main thing right now is you and baby.

It sounds a bit hippy, but I actually found repeating a little mantra to myself helped (ok you are now going to totally discount everything I say!). I kept saying 'giving life, giving love'. that helped when i couldn't get the latch, was totally frustrated, and nips were sore.

It sounds like you are being quite hard on yourself OP. Breastfeeding is difficult, and you are trying your absolute best. Your gorgeous new baby doesn't care about the size or shape of your breasts.

You say you are humiliated if you have to try and feed in front of your husband, have you spoken to him about your feelings?

He's probably looking at you and thinking how incredible you are for carrying and giving birth to your DS and doing everything you can to feed him in the best way possible.

Be a bit kinder to yourself, and we are all here if you need to chat/vent

If you can get your DS latched on any which way just do it and feed him as much as possible.

Don't worry about doing it in public for a few weeks.

Babies have to learn to feed too. What is ungainly and impossible to do discreetly now, won't be when you've both had more practice.

Feeding a baby with some head control is a world away from feeding a newborn.

cross posting! You sound much brighter. Go girl!

two tops method is brill for out and about feeding. i liked cos i felt really self-conscious about my big soft belly, and felt better having it under a vest. Basically have a long vest top which you can pull down to sit under your boobs (if needed, cut straps and tuck them into bra to hold it up). Then put on a loose comfy top whcih you can pull up to get at boobs.

At home, at your stage, i'd either just have an open shirt so I could have lots of skin to skin with baby, or the shirt with a vest underneath if that meant i felt too exposed. that might be something that works for you.

you don't want to have the 'top top' hanging down getting in the way right now.

I effectively discharged myself with DD1 too.

I lied that I'd fed her when I hadn't as they were utterly useless.

I've got giant boobs too- I remember feeling like that crazy Italian porn actress that was on eurotrash when my milk came in with ds! And with him in the early days it took me AND Dh plus cushions to get him latched on...he turned into a boob monster (and once his tongue tie was snipped it got easier). I'd also bought a scarf thing but never got on with it. I went on to feed in cafes, parks, crowded commuter trains, weddings etc. What I realised is that people generally only see the baby. And you will both get faster at doing the latch. With DD she got the latch much faster but I was much less worried about anyone 'seeing' but if you are then treat it as an opportunity to have some you and baby time. But if bf turns out not to be for you then you've not failed.

Oh and don't buy the breast feeding tops with the holes, the ones I had were definitely meant for people with smaller, perkier boobs and I found I was drawing much more attention to myself poking around to poke my nipple through! Two tops is good as is using your baby to cover yourself. Also try rugby ball hold, I found that much better.

And write to the hospital about your experience-no midwife should manhandle you without permission.

ah street I just want to give you a hug and say feeding your gorgeous baby will get easier (with some proper help and practice). I had gg boobs with ds and had to use both hands. I remember how awful I felt when I couldn't get it right.
bf is a skill that unfortunately isn't taught much nowdays. like all skills it gets better with practice and the right people around you to offer helpful advice. You are doing a great job
from a practical point if view I think you deserve a babymoon. just the two of you snuggled up somewhere comfy with no interruptions until you feel comfortable. I would second the feeding the baby lying on your side.

You poor thing, I have to say I can relate to a lot of what you said. My ds was born at 36+2 weeks, I squeezed out a drop or two (if lucky) of colostrum for about 5 days, pumped lots with no output but apparently stimulates things to encourage milk to come in, I also had to squidge my nipples to get them in ds mouth, his mouth was tiny my nipples not so much!!
At day five my milk came in, loads and loads of it! I can promise that the sitting and feeding with your entire boobs out for all to see will be very short term, you will soon have it all under control and your lovely baby will be happily latching on whilst you feed him discretely in the corner of a coffee shop, perhaps don't worry about getting out too much in early days, take to your bed with baby, feed lots and enjoy the newborn bubble.

It is difficult when they are little, their mouths are so small and their latch is not deep and strong. I used to have to pinch up my nipple and stick it in my dd's mouths in the first weeks. It will get easier, I breastfed dd1 to 2 years and dd2 is still feeding at 18 months.

I know you are using both hands at the moment, but once you are both more confident it might be possible to cup your breast at the nipple in one hand and flatten the nipple between your index and middle finger whilst using the rest of the fingers to hold the breast tissue back from around the nipple.

Have a look at laid back positions like those in biological nuturing, that way the body of the breast tissue will be less likely to fall towards your son and the nipple will be more prominent.

I employ the vest top under loose top technique, pull vest top down and over top up, much less faff than breastfeeding covers and you can always tuck a muslin into your bra strap and pull across if more privacy is needed. You can get nursing tops that have that same design too.