How can I realistically breast feed? Help!

[streetgirl77]

Hi, I'm new and looking for advice because so far the hospital and midwifes have been pretty rubbish.

I have a 5 day old baby. He is month early but he is not too small (6lb 8). It has never occured to me to do anything other than breast feed. It didn't occur to me to prepare any alternative but now I'm at a cross roads.

Ok this might seem like tmi but I need to give you a picture as it might be relevant. I have a very small frame (in case someone tells me I should lose weight) but have got a very big bust which, sadly through my pregnancy is not firm at all. In fact, when I try to feed my baby I can only describe it as putting a bean bag over a tennis ball (sorry)

The midwife asked me if I was going to breast feed after I delivered and I said yes so she bought my son up to my chest and without asking, grabbed handfuls of my boob and tried to 'manipulate' it into my babies mouth. The poor boy looked like he was going to suffocate and wriggled away. She said, 'oh they are not born hungry' and not to worry.

The first night in hospital my baby just screamed and screamed. He sounded absolutley desperate for food but he kind of sucked a bit but nothing came so he pulled away and carried on screaming until he was so distressed I couldn't get him anything like close enough to suck.

The midwives came along and literally grabbed my boob and tried to push milk along toward my nipple. Nothing. Then they put me on a pump for over an hour. Nothing. My baby started looking ill so after 24 hours they finally gave him a tiny cup of formula (not in a bottle) so he would get used to the correct mouth movements or something. The following three days they kept coming up, grabbing, squeezing, pumping etc (all without asking!) and kept promising some breast feeding counseller would come and see me (never happened. It was always, 'tomorrow'). So day 4, no milk, nothing coming out through a pump or any other method. Baby looking ill, losing weight and being fed tiny amounts in a tiny cup.

Yesterday I had enough after being told yet again a counseller was coming but being told I had to wait for formula as they were very busy and there are "women in labour don't you know!" So I just had to sit there with my poor, clearly very distressed baby and I thought, "right I've had enough I'm going to try this at home"

So, I got home last night, got a Boots breast pump and lo and behold, I have a little bit of expressed milk this morning woo hoo!!

BUT, now here's the thing. I have had a wonderful health visitor come today who was sent especially by a friend to help and advise me and she is a BF counseller too. She came armed with nipple shields and a lovely V pillow. She positioned my baby and my boob. BUT, (bit hard to explain sorry) In order to BF baby I need to have the whole thing out and kind of hold the nipple in this flat, pressed down shape on top of the pillow in order for him to be able to latch!

How in gods name am I supposed to continue? I am absolutely not comfortable in front of family, friends etc to show myself in this way. It will mean I can't leave the house for several months. I cannot just sit in the corner of my sofa pushing my boob into a painful shaped sausage for the next 4-5 months surely? I know breast feeding him is nutritionally better but is this really the best option socially, emotionally, physically, mentally? I feel very tearful. I'm fed up of being pushed and prodded and my baby is miserable. He has lost a lot of weight he is not chubby like other babies he looks scrawny and ill now. I have got him latched once this morning but have no idea how much he is getting (it took me 45 mins to express 20 mls) But even if I produce more do I just give up seeing daylight and getting him fresh air or socialising for the first few months?

I am so sorry this is long. I feel so desperate right now. I can't imagine bottle feeding I am going to feel so guilty if I do. If someone can offer me a shred of hope I'd be very very grateful Thanks for taking the time to read x

Hi eagleray!

Yes, my hospital was very pro bf and the message was a) no such thing as inadequate supply b) baby can go a long time without feeding. Neither was true in my case - the imbalance in the blood was serious and just above a level that could have caused permanent damage. The difference on attitude to bf on the childrens ward was very telling. When your baby is screaming having a cannula fitted refusing formula seems insane. I just wish that somewhere in all the educational material there had been some reference to inadequate supply and when to seek help. I had totally bought in to the message that ebf would be hard for the first few weeks but persistence would pay dividends. God knows how long I'd have left it if the midwife hadnt referred me back in. I know it's a minority who experience this and all will hopefully be well for the OP but I just wish in all the pro BF material this was acknowledged somewhere as ignoring it does not help women of their babies.

Another big boobed person here. It does get easier I promise! another thing to remember about boobs, they are just another body part, like legs and bums, some are big some are small, some are shapely, some are not, some women have melons, others have sparrow knee caps, but whatever size or shape, if you keep putting baby to the breast and get the right help, most women will be able to feed their baby from the breast. It's just a case of finding what works for you, and right now you are in trial and error finding your way.
You may find one of the nursing bras with the slit for the nipple rather than the drop cup is helpful as it will support your breast in place of a hand leaving you a hand free when feeding (to eat cake and change channel etc)

Streetgirl, you've received lots of advice, so I'm just going to pop in here and tell you that I'm a 28H cup, and I fed both mine well past a year - I felt the same with my first, at first, but we found our way (I can't even remember how, now) and I don't think I ever flashed anyone more than I was comfortable with!

Wow - congratulations on your new baby and on finding a way to get milk out. You are doing brilliantly.

I had similar problems at first - I am overweight though. It won't always be like this and you won't have to wait for your baby to get massively bigger. Once you and your baby have the hang of feeding in this inconvenient position and your boobs get into the flow of producing the right volume of milk, you will find it easier to establish a latch in other positions.

Don't try to experiment with this now, but I got hold of some firm upholstery foam and, with the help of a BF counsellor, used a carving knife to carve it into the right shape to allow this - but I was then able to use the shaped foam (held into place with the moby wrap I wore) to support my boob in the right kind of shape while sitting up, and was then able to breastfeed when out and about. Don't rush into this yet though.

Good for you for persevering. I hated that bloody groping they did at my boobs in the hospital! My milk didn't come in until I got home. What I didn't know is that baby only needs a very small amount at the start. They all lose weight for a few days.
I don't like to feed in front of anyone, either with first son (2, breast fed for 6 months) or baby 2 (1 month, feeding again) - apart from my husband, and even that took a while to get relaxed about.
I excuse myself when people are visiting and say that I am sorry, but I need to go upstairs to feed baby. I have always just been matter-of-fact about it. Some are a bit funny that I won't stay and feed in front of them but I don't care. Baby and I are comfortable and feed better - my flow is very fast and unless I get half my clothes off and cloths tucked in, then we are both soaked. Despite the flow, I can't get much with a pump.
Once your milk comes in, you and baby will get into the way of feeding and you'll find you can get out. I gradually found decent places to feed when I was out (Mothercare, local shopping centre with excellent facilities, etc). And if it turns out not to be for you, you have tried your best and there are lots of perfectly normal people who have never been breasted! Don't feel bad - you and baby are learning a new and very tricky skill, whilst feeling wrecked and wonky. Good luck and you're not alone.

I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to read all of the replies you've had, so will probably repeat things. But I just wanted to say I had a really similar experience to you - baby rejecting the boob, couldn't latch on, milk didn't come in for days, boobs really hard to handle and "anatomically difficult"(!), rubbish support in hospital and ended up discharging myself etc etc. Within a week of getting home she was latching on and we've never looked back - I just finished breastfeeding at 14 months and have absolutely loved it. Once I got the hang of it I breastfed anywhere and everywhere and got over the self-conscious thing pretty quickly.

It will get better - it really will, and surprisingly quickly. He's learning a completely new skill and will take some time to get the hang of it. Can you try to get to a community-based breastfeeding clinic/cafe or something, or give one of the breastfeeding helplines a ring? The Breastfeeding Network, Association of Breastfeeding Mothers and La Leche League all have helplines. The NCT might have a Breastfeeding counsellor in your area you could see? Getting someone to look at you feed and suggest some different positions sounds like a good plan. For me, it was using nipple shields and a breastfeeding pillow for the first couple of weeks to get the right position and latch and once she'd got the right idea we dropped those very quickly. Feeding lying down and tge "rugby ball" hold areworth a try too? It also sounds like maybe your milk hasn't come in fully yet and when it does your boobs might firm up and be easier to manage.

If you want to breastfeed, please do stick with it, because it will get so much better and is so worth it

Congrats on your baby OP.
big boobs should not stop you. No one leaves the house & bf out in public for months anyway so don't worry about that.... One day at a time heh?
Once you & baby have the hang of it you won't have to make the pancake shape so often..... At least I didn't. & tbh it took us until after week 8 to get the hang of it anyway.
We went to bf cafes & the LLL groups as I didn't feel quite so self conscious there.
You can do it! & remember many cultures have a 40 day staying in policy for new mums. For a reason too. I have a lot if sympathy for that route.....
Best of luck. You can do it. One day at a time.

Hi, this is repeating what others have said but may help to here is again. My boobs are big and I have to hold baby with one arm and then squish breast with other hand. I have to hold breast in squished shape for the first few sucks. It was hard at first to bf anywhere but my sofa, with an array of cushions and naked from waist up. It did get easier - practice for both you and the baby. Baby gets bigger and stronger. Milk supply increases. Your confidence grows. Take each day as it comes. Only have people to visit who you feel comfortable with. Try and do naked feeds (you and baby) as much as you can. The skin skin helps. Once you have mastered the home feeding you can experiment with how to be discreet. I sometimes cover my whole head and baby with scarf. Latch on in private and the emerge. ( only if I feel awkward or she is struggling to latch and lots of boob being waved around! )

Good luck!

Hi OP hope you've had a better few days and that you and baby are getting a bit more of the hang of things!

Enjoy this precious time and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.