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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

How to stop extended breastfeeding

18 replies

lookout · 13/07/2013 20:33

Ds is 21 months and feeds once a day, just before bedtime. I'm on two minds about stopping: I love the bond it gives us, as well as the obvious health benefits to him and me, but it is starting to be a slog knowing that every end of the day I have to stop whatever I'm doing to go feed him. Also dh and I had our ten year wedding anniversary last year and reaaalllly need some time away together which we can't do until I've stopped.

So my question really is, if I decide it's time to stop before he does, what's the best/gentlest/easiest way to wean him?

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 13/07/2013 20:37

To stop the bedtime feed, my DH took over bedtime. I used to feed him before he went to sleep, then I fed him before DH read him his story, then before he went upstairs, then it was dropped.

sugarandspite · 13/07/2013 20:46

We did similar to noble, switched the bedtime routine to bath, feed in our room, into his room for story and into cot and then a few weeks later after a busy day when he was tired, just missed out the feed.

I did the same routine (minus the bath!) at naptime and the day we dropped his evening feed, I dropped his naptime feed as well and just kept his first thing in the morning feed for another few months until he was waking a bit later.

I thought it would be hellish but DS (then 23months) adjusted amazingly, didn't cry for feeds and just went with it all. Good luck!

sugarandspite · 13/07/2013 20:48

Oh and it's sooooo nice to get back to wearing normal bras!

I did notice DS needed extra physical contact with me initially after weaning - I think he missed the long cuddle from the feeds. So we would often in the mornings have a long cuddle in bed watching cbeebies for a bit which seemed to help.

gamerchick · 13/07/2013 20:52

I stopped at 3 1/2.. There was no way I could have done it if I was around so waited till I was going on holiday for a week without him. Then just didn't start again when I got back and he didn't really ask for it much and it was easy to say no.

Josieannathe2nd · 13/07/2013 20:55

I'm guessing you cut down other feeds gradually, so why not the bedtime one too? By which I mean get your LO used to going to bed without a bf with your OH and then if you are putting them to bed they do get a bf. I thought this would be confusing for our LO but we made sure I was out of the house for a couple of bedtimes and it was surprisingly fine. Now it means that I can go out in the evening but if I'm around our LO gets a bf. It also made me happier to carry on bf as it wasn't so much of a burden- he was about 18 months when we cut down and still happily bf at 26 months. Even if you do decide to wean completely you could go down to every other day then stop. Thats what works for us- you may find it's easier to be more consistent but I thought I'd just suggest it!

ChunkyPickle · 13/07/2013 21:00

Get pregnant.... although that's a bit extreme - my milk dried up and DS eventually gave in trying.

However, he's still obsessed with my boobs, so preventing him from re-starting could be a bit of a battle.

Original poster

lookout · 13/07/2013 21:01

Thanks for all the replies. Atm we do bath, breastfeed then dh does story and puts him to bed. So I may try breastfeed downstairs before bath, then story and bed with dh and cut it out after that. I feel guilty about it though so not even sure I'm gonna be able to do it at all!

OP posts:

jennimoo · 13/07/2013 21:10

I thought we'd never stop but DD easily adjusted to not having a bedtime feed (I just shifted other parts of bedtime routine slightly at the same time) although she still fed lots of other times of the day! When she was 2.3 and I was just pg she cut down to 2 quick feeds a day so over a couple of days I just stopped offering and all was fine!

I thought I'd feel bad, she'd be upset, etc but it was all fine.

I also don't think continuing should get in the way of you going away for a few days. Either you can continue when you get home or not depending how you both feel.

Original poster

lookout · 14/07/2013 11:43

jennimoo I was worried if I went away that 1. he wouldn't settle for my parents without the feed 2. the interruption would stop the milk. I have a vague desire to keep going til he wants to stop but not sure if I can wait that long. It's all a bit of a muddle in my head, but in any case I would be worried that a few days interruption would force the issue iyswim

OP posts:

NoComet · 14/07/2013 11:46

Don't ask me , suffice to say I thought DD2 would give up herself and she had other ideas.

YoniBottsBumgina · 14/07/2013 11:51

You should be able to go away without a problem. Milk takes 40 days to dry up fully after you've been feeding for a longer time. He may decide not to start again after an interruption but that would, at least, be sort of his decision?

In my experience if they know you are definitely not there and not coming later they will go to sleep quite happily a different way. It's bizarre and slightly infuriating! You could try just going for a weekend or one night so that if he really doesn't sleep it isn't too long.

jennimoo · 14/07/2013 14:24

I went for a hen weekend when DD was 19 months and feeding tonnes and managed to only express twice the whole time (once each side...) so I don't think your supply would suffer if you only do one bf a day.

jennimoo · 14/07/2013 14:26

And if he decides to give up after a couple of missed feeds he was probably not far off anyway. It feels strange when they stop after so long but just another milestone along with tantrums, potty training, saying they love you etc.

domesticslattern · 14/07/2013 14:31

My 18 month old is perfectly happy to settle at night without a bf if I am not around. And to have one if I am around! I have also been in normal bras for months.
You could just try going out, it doesn't necessarily need to spell the end of bf unless you want it to.

Original poster

lookout · 14/07/2013 19:36

It's not a concept I had entertained at all, going and re-starting bf on coming home! It hadn't even crossed my mind that that would be possible. He is such a creature of habit though, that after his shower/bath with dh he shouts at me for a feed! I would feel awfully guilty not being here to give it! I guess I won't know if I don't try, though we don't very often go away and I would be gutted if this one time we go meant he wouldn't carry on bf afterward!

OP posts:

YoniBottsBumgina · 14/07/2013 22:41

In all likelihood, he would see you are home, demand a huge bf, and then carry on much like before having been perfectly happy and settled without you. Honestly. It's actually pretty rare for them to self wean as a result of a short break, especially before 2 (it's rare for them to selfwean before 2 at all)

YoniBottsBumgina · 14/07/2013 22:44

Why dont you try something not too drastic as a trial run? Go to a gig or comedy show or something just thatfar away that taxis are too expensive, book a cheap hotel and stay for one night. If he settles fine, you're free to book a weekend or a few days away, if not, it's one night, he won't be scarred for life :)

Original poster

lookout · 15/07/2013 13:58

I like the idea of a trial run but we're broke so going away for our anniversary will be our only going away unfortunately! Plus both our parents live in france so are only available to have the kids for very short spaces of time (mine are over in September for 2 weeks for example), so we'd have to squeeze it in when they are around.

Think we should just go for it and hope for the best. Whatever the best is, I'm still not sure ! Thanks for the advice.

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