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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Would breast feeding have guarranteed a cuddly baby and toddler?-(feeling sad)

70 replies

YoniCollette · 03/07/2013 19:47

I've posted on here before about how I feel at failing to breast feed now 14m old ds. Sad, regretful, tearful and most if all I feel cheated. Anyway most if the time I'm ok. I try and avoid BF topics as it sets me off crying again.

Ds is happy, thriving and healthy. He is not however remotely cuddly. Before he was born I had planned to feed for about 2 years. I imagined having lovely snuggly cuddly feeds, even at the age he is now. He isn't at all interested in sitting on my knee and cuddling or reading books. The most he can manage is about 10 seconds even when he's tired. He would much rather be off exploring.

Anyway I met up with a friend today for the first time in ages. I guess I am jealous as she had a lovely perfect birth experience and is still happily feeding her 14 m old ds. He is quiet and sat on her knee having a long feed while my ds wriggled and squirmed and kicked. She commented that it was probably because he was bottle fed which really upset me all over again. I desperately feel I'm missing out on that closeness.

So I guess my question is are all breast fed toddlers like hers? I suppose I'm hoping one if you will come along and tell me your BF toddler is like mine!

OP posts:

AvonCallingBarksdale · 03/07/2013 20:31

Both mine were BF. DD is very cuddly and always has been, DS isn't really unless he's feeling poorly or sad about something. Think your friend was v insensitive whether she knew how you felt or not!

CreatureRetorts · 03/07/2013 20:33

My dd BFs like a toddler possessed. Legs flying around, arms, hands in my face etc. not cuddle at all

She only got into books in the last few months (she's 19 months).

Zoomania · 03/07/2013 20:38

I have a clingy cuddly 16m old but she treats bf like a gymnastic sport. She swaps side every 1 minute, holds on with her mouth and pushes up with legs to stick bottom in the air, swivels round and round and ...my favourite hold on with her teeth whilst pulling back as far as she can. Oh and did I mention she spends the whole time twiddling my other nipple AAAAAGH! And my nipples have become her comforter so puts her hand down my top revealing me to the world whenever she is feeling insecure or tired. Not sure if this helps but just wanted to say that not all babies are quietly breast feeding!

Anyway I would see your little boy's energy as enthusiasm for the world... He is busy exploring and learning and is obviously secure and happy in your love for him or he wouldn't have the confidence to do this.

JakeBullet · 03/07/2013 20:39

Oh goodness, its nothing to do woth feefing and everything to do with hin being a happy and busy toddler. My DS was a nightmare wriggler at that stage and my friend had a DD who was just THE most contented chikd in the world. You coukd give her a cardboard box and it would be like you had given her the world.

Your friend is being insensitive and it's honestky nothing you are doung wrong or have done wrong. Certainly nothing to do with feecing....just personality and ge sounds like a busy boy!

Ragwort · 03/07/2013 20:43

No !

I breast fed my baby for eight months but my DS has never, ever been the 'cuddly' type .

Don't let someone's comments get to you - cuddly can mean passive and dull .

diddlediddledumpling · 03/07/2013 20:45

Ds1 was ff, ds2 and ds3 bf. they are all equally cuddly.
I also might say that the special lovely cuddles you feel you missed out on we're non existent for me. Bf was convenient, cheap and I think did mean fewer colds, but I didn't find it a miraculous way of bonding, I didn't actively enjoy it (although it was fine, as long as I didn't have mastitis/thrush/milk blisters...). Maybe that's because of ff ds1, and developing a close bond regardless. I probably found ds2, my first bf one, slowest to bond with, but I know now that's just how he is, he's just not a people person, the way the other two are.

I'm just trying to illustrate to you that ff/bf, in my experience, has no impact on the kind of thing you're talking about and I really think you're looking at it through rose-tinted spectacles. It's not all that. Please d

diddlediddledumpling · 03/07/2013 20:45

Sorry , please don't beat yourself up about it.

louisianablue2000 · 03/07/2013 20:51

Your friend is being a smug mother of one. Just wait until she has a wriggler. Mine have all been BF and all have been terrible wrigglers. It's personality.

cerealqueen · 03/07/2013 20:59

Two breastfed babies, one till over two, one currently 20 months old, not cuddy, or if they did / do want a cuddle its a five second one. Your 'friend' and I use the term loosely, is an arse.

I was bottle fed and love cuddles!

Dd1 now 4.5 is more cuddly now, so hang on in there.

KnittedWaffle · 03/07/2013 21:01

What an insensitive thing to say!

My DD was breastfed until she self weaned and isn't very cuddly at all.

She's been independent since she could walk and prefers the company of anyone else other children and adult friends.

She's always been like this and is very sociable now, at 4. (She's just starting to get a bit more cuddly with me)
DS1 is the opposite - very cuddly, always prefers me and will come up and say 'I want a cuddle' which his sister rarely does. He was BFed until he self weaned too.
DS2 is only 6 months old so I have yet to see which one he will be like. (Hoping he'll be somewhere between the two!)

Please don't feel bad about bottle feeding. You will still have had the bonding with your DC - the actual milk is really only a small part, you've still held them and looked after them.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards · 03/07/2013 21:04

Bf both mine and DS2 is cuddly but DS1 barely tolerates it unless he's ill, tired or sees his baby brother snuggling. Your friend 's speculation is horseshit.

TwelveLeggedWalk · 03/07/2013 21:07

Crikey, my memories of attempting to tandem feed my twins are like trying to Morris Dance with two ferrets, they were SO wriggly. On-off, on-off, kick each other in the head, and start again...

Pretty much the same now. Buddha babies might be easy an'all, but human wrecking balls are SO much more fun!*

noblegiraffe · 03/07/2013 21:08

I've just breastfed my 5 month old. Far from being a 'cuddle' she batted me with her arms the whole way through, got her fingers caught in my hair (ow) and gripped my nipple with her gums and jerked her head back (double ow).

It's not necessarily the special bonding experience you imagine.

Original poster

YoniCollette · 03/07/2013 21:28

Well all the images above have certainly made me smile.I really do appreciate all your comments and will keep re reading this thread if I get down again.

Soul I do hope my experience mirrors yours. I feel more sad for me than ds now. I think I'm missing out more than he is.

Tonight I tried to read him some books but he thought batting them round my head and then posting them down the back if the radiator was much more fun!

I'm guessing even those of you with nipple tweakers and gymnastic feeders do enjoy feeding though? Oh well I doubt I will be worrying about it when he's 18....

OP posts:

duchesse · 03/07/2013 21:33

I breastfed mine for a very long time. They were all wriggly and very much on the go all the time by 14 months and not that inclined to sit anywhere for any length of time, including knees/laps. In fact I wanted to stop breastfeeding them by 18 mo because they would not bloody sit still even when feeding and I got sore nipples all the time from them whipping their bloody heads round to see the next interesting thing and biting me in the process.

So, no, to answer your question! They're just all different.

piratecat · 03/07/2013 21:36

no it's not. my dd was breastfed, for 6 months, and pretty much put up with it anyway!

she's not a snuggler, but is full of love. xx

PavlovtheCat · 03/07/2013 21:42

I am so sad that you feel this way. It's not breastfeeding related, it just the nature of your inquisitive and adventurous boy. I breastfed both my children, DD does not sit still; she digits, fusses, is constantly waiting to be let go when I try to get her to cuddle me, she is too busy doing this or that. She has always been that way. She is loving, lovely, she gives me a kiss, quick hug, off again. Now she is 6, she is more snuggly, as long as I can deal with her boney backside on my lap wiggling around but seriously, she has never kept still long enough for good snuggles as she is too nosey off exploring, not through effort on my part though. DS, is the opposite - he is a snuggler, and loves his cuddles, sometimes stiflingly so!

I know a friend who bottle fed both her children, and she has similar; a child who has no time to sit still and be hugged, and another who loves to snuggle in for cuddles.

Your friend made an unthinking flippant remark which she has no basis for. Other than to be a bit smug.

All our children are unique, different, special in their own ways, including your DS, because he is HIM.

PavlovtheCat · 03/07/2013 21:44

My DD is 7 she turned 7 on monday. Anyway, she is now more snuggly, but that's a conscious thing, not in her nature, that is still to run and seek out things.

NapaCab · 03/07/2013 21:48

Your friend is a cow for saying that to you with nothing but her own prejudice to back it up. How does she think you fed your DS? At arm's length with a garden hose while he was strapped in a chair???

Last time I checked, you also have to pick up and hold bottle-fed babies and they actually recommend you hold them close too just as BF-ing mothers do so they feel the same closeness. Some babies are natural wrigglers by the way. One of the reasons (not the main one) that I had problems with BF was that my DS hated being constrained and held too close for too long. He hated swaddling or having his movement restricted in any way. He's still like that now as a 20 month old, full of energy, hates being constrained in any way. When he wants to though, on his terms, he comes up and gives me the loveliest, warmest cuddles that melt my heart.

Some babies just are less passive than others and bottle-feeding has eff all to do with it and don't let anyone tell you different!

cjel · 03/07/2013 22:06

I breast fed for ages (over a year for both) and one cuddly, one not. pity your friend if she thinks she has that much power over her baby, she's in for a shock!! You probably cuddle your little one very close when having the bottle and he would have got the same feeling as if it was breast, I think it sounds like its you that is missing, grieving and sad not ds.
you may find it helpful to talk it through with someone or you may find yourself blaming all ds shortcomings on your lack of being able to bf.

duchesse · 03/07/2013 22:14

OP, your friend is just being a smug mare. It's one of those remarks she'll remember as she wrestles with her wriggly DC2 and blush about later. Or definitely ought to!

redwellybluewelly · 03/07/2013 22:15

Your 'friend' could do with a gentle shove nudge in the direction of some tact

I BF my dd1, she was a nosy inquisitive baby and liked to snuggle for a cuddle BUT she didn't stay still. Ever. My BF neice is not at all cuddly. My BF dd2 likes feeds (she is still tiny) but doesn't comfort feed at all.

Ny best friend FF both hers, one isn't at all cuddly, never has been as a baby but has become a little more so as she has got older, the younger one is the original cuddle monster and only recently become slightly less so.

Why not book a session of therapy to truly talk through how you feel? I'd always ignored this American type approach but having had low key counselling for a while I am a huge advocate of it to really sort through feelings in a proactive way, I am.a stronger happier and more confident person for doing this.

LaTrucha · 03/07/2013 22:22

A friend has told me that my children bicker, fight and run me ragged so much because they were both breastfed. You can't win.

lovelyredwine · 03/07/2013 22:23

I bf my dd until she was 2. She loves hugs and kisses, but will only really stay still on my knee now if there's something in it for her (food, books etc)!

Sounds like your ds is a typical toddler- loves exploring this interesting new world he's in. Please don't beat yourself up about the bf. Your friend is out of order to suggest that bf v ff is anything to do with how cuddly your ds is with you. Sitting still is not fun according to toddlers.

mrsyattering · 03/07/2013 22:32

mine are both cuddly and were bf, dn bf hates sitting on anyone's knee for cuddle including his mother. friend bottle fed and has the cuddliest child ive ever met....so imo nothing to do with bf

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