Concerned about toddler being forced to wean, please help?

[Midori1999]

Ive been in hospital for two nights and am 17 1/2 weeks pregnant. My DD is 23 months old and although I don't really have much milk now due to my pregnancy, she has continued to nurse, although down to a quick feed morning, maybe a few quick feeds in the day if we're at home or she's tired and she feeds to sleep each night. She seems happy to dry nurse.

DH hasn't really been able to bring DD in due to other children and visiting hours. They did say they may be able to arrange for DD to visit out of visiting hours, but until tomorrow when my Mum gets here that can't happen due to my other DC. I had expected to go home today, but it looks like I'll be in for another couple of days at least. She had a couple of very quick feeds last night, but that was it.

I'm quite worried that she'll just wean while I'm in here and I feel that that is something that will be forced, not her choice. Is it likely she'd just continue to nurse after 4-5 days apart? I'm assuming what milk supply I have (just drops) will still be there after that time, pumping seems a bit pointless.

Any advice or experiences appreciated. Thank you.

Hello mate, sorry to hear you are in hospital. Hope it's nothing serious.

Anecdotally, my DD1 was away from me for 2 days while I was in labour with DD2 and she went straight back to BF with no problems. If your DD does have a little strike then you can try all the normal tricks you would use with a newborn like skin-to-skin, offering the breast frequently etc. She shouldn't forget how to nurse in a few days.

I don't know how verbal she is, but does she know what's going on? Does she know that you will be home soon and everything will go back to normal? Maybe you can chat to her about your normal routine and reassure her that she can go back to nursing to sleep and whatever else you normally do when you get home in a couple of days.

It's good that the hospital are trying to support you- if they give you any trouble then ask about their BF policies, they ought to be facilitating BF no matter what the age of the child.

Good luck and I hope you're able to get home soon.

I was admitted to hospital for 5 days, then had three days at home then I was in hospital for 10 days & was still feeding DD1 at that point.

I didn't feed her while I was in hospital at all.

I would have needed to stop once I was out because I was due to start chemo, but my discharge corresponded with her having a tummy bug where all she wanted & would keep down was BM.

She was definitely still getting something after almost three weeks with no feeds, and I could also hand express for her too.

She was 16/17months at the time.

DS was 2y 4m when I spent three nights in hospital. He had no bf while I was there but went back to feeding when I got home (he was only doing one feed a day before bed). I didn't offer when I got home but he asked.

If I were you, I'd just leave it up to your DD when you get home - if she wants to continue I'm sure you'll be able to, but equally if she doesn't seem bothered then at this age I would let it go.

Should just add I am now encouraging DS to wean (he is 2y 5m), and have found that he needs the cuddle equivalent of bf, i.e. I lie in bed with him and hold him close while he goes to sleep. But he doesn't seem too bothered about the actual feeding. I don't actively refuse him, but I do distract him but talking about our day, etc. So bear in mind that even if your DD doesn't want to continue bf, she may still need the equivalent time in close physical contact.

Thanks for the replies. She's been in with DH this afternoon and wasn't remotely interested in nursing. I did tell her that when Mummy comes home I can nurse her to sleep in my bed like I always do, but not sure if she understood. DH did say she was asking for me and 'mummy mook' at bedtime last night though and she rarely feeds when out, so hopefully she'll resume feeding when I get back.

I won't need to express while I'm here, there really is hardly any milk now that I'm in the second trimester, even now I can only hand express a few drops.

If DD does wean then I don't suppose there's much I can do about it, but I would have liked her to be able to wean in her own time and I don't think this is doing that, which is why I'm finding it upsetting

Midori - I understand, I felt guilty about being in hospital because DS couldn't bf. Sorry to hear you are ill.

Yes, this might 'force' her to wean, but no one can help that - you are ill. Being a mother means always feeling guilty about something, but you have no reason whatsoever to feel that. You have breastfed for nearly two years, which is amazing. It is upsetting if it does mean the end of the breastfeeding era, but it may well not mean that anyway. If it does... well, if your daughter seems to have forgotten about it then just see it as a way of stopping without causing her too much distress. I think often by this age children will tolerate not being bf whilst their mothers are not around. Just see what happens.

Stopping breastfeeding is (or can be) upsetting, and more so when you are pregnant and ill. Just concentrate on getting better.

Hi Midori - my DS1 was away for a week when I had DS2 and he was absolutely fine. DS2 is now nearly ten weeks old and I'm having the opposite problem - tandem fatigue! dS1 has been poorly this week and is asking to nurse at least twenty times a day . I'm fecking knackered!

If your DD is anything like as committed as DS1, you will be absolutely fine :o.

I'm relieved to say that I've just got home after 5 nights in hospital and am nursing a very tired DD to sleep. She just latched on right away.

great news!

Fantastic news, glad you are home and that DD is feeding well :) Have a rest and get better!

I spent 2 nights in hospital after orthopaedic surgery when I was 34 weeks pregnant with ds2.

DS1 was 4, and he only had one quick feed during that time and he went on to nurse for another 3 years.

Glad to read that she went back to it.