Mixed feeding "the third way" new to all this. Help please

[malachismum]

Hello,My baby isnt due for 10 weeks but am really getting stressed about the feeding issue. I desperately tried to bf my ds but my nipples were mangled (still have the scars 22 months on) and he was regurgatating blood etc, anyway turns out that his jaw was dissalined by the venteus and could suck properly!
I really want to bf this baby but am terrified again. I have heard of "the third way" of feeding which is bf but with a bottle at night say 10pm which dp could do so I could get some sleep also it means that baby will be used to taking a bottle etc.
What do you all think of this? Im terrified that exclusively bf means Ill never get baby on to a bottle (selfish perhaps but some independance would be nice). After feeding ds bottles which anyone could give him meant I was free to have a little time to myself and if this baby was used to a bottle early on then wouldnt it be the best of both worlds?
Could really do with some advice, if I sound selfish Im sorry, I just want to be able to cope.

Hi MM - my DS was also born by ventouse and had some misalignment and compression which meant that latching on the left side was hellish for the poor lo - saw a cranial osteopath who sorted him out and he took to bf like a wild one, but I do understand as the first few weeks were absolutely horrendous - me sobbing and lo hysterical! - not fun. So do consider some ostepathy for your new lo if there is an assisted deilvery.
With regards to "the third way" - my DS had a bottle at his 2 am feed from the get go and it never interferred at all - he happily switched from breast to bottle and back again and there was never any nipple confusion at all - was wonderful for me, because I could put EBM in a bottle and then DH could feed too. Breastfed successfully until DS was 7 months old. Don't apologise for being worried about coping and don't think you are being selfish - I had to admit that getting some decent sleep every now and then made me a much more relaxed mummy - also had a happy DH because I wasn't completely pole-axed with tiredness.

It's certainly useful if a baby can take a bottle, but there's no evidence you need to get this sorted immediately....in fact, introducing a bottle before breastfeeding is well-established can interfere with your supply. Coolmama got away with it - many mothers don't, because a long gap between breastfeeds undermines your supply if it happens regularly, and causes severe discomfort from engorged breasts even if it only happens once.

That applies whether it's formula or expressed breastmilk.

You're not selfish at all in thinking of your options. You need to feel able to cope in order to care for two children, anyway....but the 'third way' has drawbacks, quite apart from diluting the health benefits of exclusive breastfeeding (though if the milk is ebm, this would not apply).

If bf hurts this time round, get some decent help before it gets unbearable.

You might want to think about bottles after the first few weeks, rather than straight away. You can call any of the helplines and talk this through before the baby comes and having a proper conversation about it could really help you. Good luck :)

Thank you for your advice. I will definately try an osteopath next time and Tiktok what would you say is a good time to try ebm from a bottle?

I would say don't give a bottle for the night feeds, as they are important for maintaining your supply.

I had massive pph with my first ds & my milk supply was crap. At 6 wks he was still way under birth weight & I was feeding for hours with only small gaps, neither of us were happy! I ended up feeding for 30 mins & then if he didn't settle giving small top up. He piled on weight, was happy & content & we carried on like that until 9 mths. Sometimes he wouldn't need the bottle & settle straight away. It was a good compromise & I felt it worked for us.
With my two younger sons I just went with the flow & started bf but topped up when necessary with formula. I combined feeding with all three til 9-10 mths.

I was v. anaemic & had big pph with all three & was told that this had effected the quality but not quantity of the milk, not sure how true that is, but either way, they all needed more than I was able to give them & we just worked out something that suited us. Do what makes you & babs happy

PPH can affect breastfeeding - and yes, sometimes with a difficult start like this, babies need formula. But it's really not a good idea to give formula unless (like this) you have to.\

malachismum, you ask 'when'. There's no firm and definite answer to this, sorry. If you have a milk supply you are confident in, then the occasional bottle of ebm is fine from the very start. Regularly giving a bottle to have a gap of several hours between feeds is likely to have an impact on your supply whenever you start giving it. For some mothers, this won't matter - their milk supply is so generous there's no problem. For others, it creates problems. You could try it after a few weeks and then see what effect it has, and then decide how far to take it.

Although tiktok is absolutely right in what she is saying, all four of mine have been fed both from bottle (ebm or formula) and breast right from the start. I found this easier, as it meant that I didn't have problems introducing a bottle later on or weaning them off the breast. I did make sure I expressed lots when giving them bottles tho, so that my supply didn't go down. Don't feel pressurized into anything, especially if you are worrying about coping. Hopefully you will find it easier this time. My first chewed the life out of me, but my second was a dream to feed, babies are all different.

i gave a yop up bottle to dd2 at 3 days

totally messed up supply would not recommend

OK...I know this goes against all the advice but I did top-up feed. If you can avoid using a bottle for the first few weeks it's a good thing.

I suffered from the baby blues so badly and trying to feed a 10lb 4oz baby and not getting any sleep was threatening to turn it unto something more serious. I did what my HV's said and gave a few ounces late at night and it did seem to help - more importantly it made me feel more in control. It didn't seem to affect my milks supply as DS#1 continued to feed for 18 months and he didn't get nipple confusion - mind you he was so hungry I think he's have fed off a shovel.

If you have to, try it, but not too early would be my advise.

I have cared for mum's who have at days 10-14 have introduced a bottle of ebm for night feeds with mum waking to express when needed, supply was no affected and they felt more rested for the busy day ahead.

Um - what's the point of a baby getting a bottle in the night given by someone else, if the mother is waking in order to express?

Thank you again. I think waiting a few weeks for my milk supply to become established is probably a very good idea and hopefully by that time I should be feeling more confident and wont be tempted to just carry on with a bottle.
One thing is for sure and thats that I definately want baby to be used to a bottle in case of emergancys (might have to have an operation when baby is a couple of months). I also have thought about expressing whilst dp feeds baby a bottle of formular at night but then thought I may as well just feed the baby myself!!!!!Doh.
Thanks again for your help.

Malachismum if you do worry about introducing baby to a bottle, here's what worked for us (dh's bright idea). Ds was b/f but I was desperate to introduce one bottle a day so dh and I could split the night feeds (ie one bm, one bottle). And I couldn't get the hang of expressing.

Dh's bright idea was to wrap the bottle in a bra I had worn (obviously while I wasn't in the room so ds had no alternative). Ds got the idea straightaway and didn't have any problems switching between the two after that. Carried on like this - one bottle a day - for more than six months. However, we didn't introduce this until six weeks, by which time I think supply was established.

For some people, introducing a bottle is a slippery slope, though, but I think by waiting until supply is established, that's less likely to happen.

HTH